Does anyone else NOT want kids?

lilRicki

I don't want kids...I've let it be known to everyone in my life that kids are not my thing. I'll love your kids, but I don't want my own. I hear "you'll change your mind" or "what happens if you have a whoopsie"...but even with all the babies in my life, I still don't have baby fever

Excellentia

Somedays I say NO, but then one of them calls or comes by the house. :laugh:

On the real, tell your MIL it's a personal decision between you and your husband. Maybe one day you may change your mind. And maybe one day you won't. WHATEVER you DO decide though, is between you and your husband and really NONE of her business. If she's disappointed, life will go on and so will she. It may sound mean, but there's some REAL in that REALITY.

2FattyXFatty4

So I just turned 28 and I am married. I have always said "kids aren't my thing". My husband is on the fence and might like one but knows how I feel. I suppose many Mother in Laws & mothers are this way where they will constantly talk about babies or ask about when I plan on having kids, since I am getting to the age where I would need to decide soon. How do you say that you don't want them? My MIL keeps talking about my husband holding our new niece as "good practice", but I don't have the heart to tell her how I feel! Any advice?

I broke up with my former fiance over this. I don't want kids .. .he knew this and claimed to be okay with it. Then it became a problem because he wanted one after all. I don't want kids. At all. It was tough because I loved him, but there was no compromising on that. Now he's married to a woman who'll give him what he wants. Good.

daffodilsoup

You're not alone in this one. In my entire life, I've never had a desire to have children. All through my 20's people kept saying I would change my mind, but I'm 37 and I never have. When I met the man who eventually became my husband, we had a serious discussion about it. Turns out, he felt the same way as I did. We've been married 7 years now, and so far, no regrets for our decision. I do like children too, but I just don't really have the desire to have any myself.

I feel like this is such an important point that it needs to be emphasized. When people find out that I don't plan on having children, they always ask "but don't you LIKE kids?"

I mean, yeah, I like kids I guess, sometimes they do cute things. I also like llamas, but that doesn't mean I want one of my own.

LindaCWy

I LOVE kids, love them. I also LOVE returning them to their parents when they cry, poop, whine, *****, hurt themselves, etc. That isn't to say I wouldn't take a bullet for my nephew because I would, I just don't see myself donating my entire life to a tiny person. If it was something my husband really really wanted I might re-consider but he doesn't so we all good. It's nice to see I'm not alone, people make me feel like I'm a horrible person because I don't want a baby.

chicago_dad

Don't have kids.

secretlobster

I kind of want kids, but not yet. I'm 29 and before this year i really couldn't have cared less. But this is one thing that you and your husband can't not agree upon... He is fortunate that he doesn't have a "biological clock" really but I think that if his mother is talking about you two having kids, he needs to be the one to tell her that her comments are out of line. But even so, I think you should both try to ignore her comments until you've decided as a couple that you're going to be a family of two, or if perhaps having kids MIGHT be in your future (at 28, you do have time to change your mind IF that's what you want to do... I would just hold off on telling his mother "no way no how" unless that's something you've agreed upon as a couple)

alikrorp225

It's up to your husband to talk to his mother about the whole "no grandkids" thing. When I had my first child, at 23, my MIL was holding her and trying to make her lay her head on MIL's shoulder. My daughter was 6 mos. old and was all about looking around and cried when my MIL tried to force her head down. When my daughter cried, my MIL called her a "spoiled brat." Now, every fiber of my being wanted to come down on my MIL, but I simply pulled my husband aside and told him he better handle it. He did and then we left.

If your husband is on the fence, aka maybe thinking he wants a child now, you both need to go to counseling and sort through these feelings with an unbiased mediator. Like you said, he knew how you felt before you married, but it's not really fair to you to have to rehash it again and again with him AND deal with the constant barrage from your MIL. That's why I suggest counseling. It gives you a fair playing field to deal once and for all with the issue. Then, HE needs to talk to his mother about your joint decision to not have children.

I agree that NO one should get pregnant if they're not willing to either a)love the child unconditionally or b)give the child up for adoption. I applaud you for recognizing your feelings now.

Jem_Girl

How do you say that you don't want them?

Very bluntly. My family doesn't even bother suggesting it since I've been saying No Kids since I decided in first grade that I didn't want to be a teacher anymore (when I discovered at the tender age of 7 that kids are brats). When someone asks if my husband and I have any or plan to, I'll say "No, and we don't plan on it. Kids aren't for me and he already has one who lives with her mother." If they ask why not or start to gush about the wonder of procreation, I'll reply that I'm self-aware enough to realize that I love my free time and don't want to take care of something else and that a pet is probably the extent of what I could feed and water. When they try to tell me that being a mother changes you, I'll point out that it obviously doesn't change for everyone or there wouldn't be abandoned babies, and I don't think I want to risk the rest of my early life's free time on the chance that I might suddenly prefer wiping snot off someone's face to playing video games.

Of course, my MIL isn't the most nurturing mother figure anyway and she already has the one grand-daughter, so I never really had to say anything past "I don't want kids" to her. It's more dentists, new doctors, etc. who feel the need to make small talk. Some day I'll perfect the art of saying "none of your business".

Edit: I decided to add in that you should never cave on your "no children" stance unless that's truly what you want for yourself. The other person in the relationship should not be part of your decision as they may not always be part of the picture. My husband's ex-girlfriend wanted a child when they were dating and while he didn't really care one way or the other, he wanted to give her what she wanted. He assumed they'd be a happy little family together. While he loves his daughter, he knows now that he was young and made a stupid decision at the time... particularly after she ditched him 3 years later and hasn't found a stable relationship since.

Oh funny story... after a 4 week vacation with my husband's daughter last summer (2 weeks away from home, 2 weeks at home), I went to my gyno and asked about having my tubes tied. Apparently she won't do it because I haven't had any kids yet... :grumble: Maybe I just need to point out to her that if I ever decided to have kids, I'd adopt.

niclagi

Nope.
I'm allergic

This is what my husband says!! Sometimes he'll use "it's a medical condition". People judge less. Neither of us wanted children which is one of the many reasons we are perfectly suited for each other. I had one lady try to convince me weekly with religion that I had to have children. It was brutal especially since she would complain about her adult daughter on a daily basis. Way to convince me. LOL.

lunatikchik

Flat out tell them you DO NOT want children, I had to do that to my mom, years ago, My husband and I have been married 18 years, and still no KIDS and do not want them. That was a decision we made before we even got engaged and has not changed. For us that was the right decision.
To me either you want children or you don't.

jesusHchris

I made a decision not to have children when I was much younger. I'm fairly convinced that my bloodline is cursed with a bit of crazy that I just don't feel comfortable passing down the chain. I'm still on board with that decision and don't see myself ever changing my mind. I even went as far as having a doctor guarantee this for me in my early 20s.

I also really like life without children. I can uproot whenever I want, own cool things, and travel as much as I'd like. I'm still pretty young, though, so maybe that is just a temporary mindset.

I've thought about it a lot, lately, and I'm not completely against raising a child - whether that be adoption or if I happen to fall for a chick who has already popped one out. I'd like to think I could be a much better father than mine was to me. Also, I really feel like there are a lot of unwanted children out there who could use a loving parent, if that was something I decided to do.

And here ends the most boring forum posting I have ever typed.

lika50

I'm 34. I don't want kids, have never wanted kids and, more than likely, will never change my mind about the matter. No offense to those with children, it's just a personal decision that my husband and I have made together.

What I find a lot is that people become offended when I tell them we don't want children. Like, they get MAD. Even after I stress to them that I don't necessarily hate children, it's just that we'd prefer to be on our own. With our dog. (When I bring the dog into the convo their lids usually really flip.) Also, when people hear our decision, they call us selfish. Eh, so be it.

To each their own.

christinehetz80

I mean, yeah, I like kids I guess, sometimes they do cute things. I also like llamas, but that doesn't mean I want one of my own.

now llamas I may sign up for.

My husband and I are childfree by choice. We didn't want children when we got married, we waited through our 20s to see if we would change our mind. Everyone does say that. We are now in our 30s. I'm 32, he is 39 and still no desire for them. The problem we had wasn't our family pressuring us. They have respected our decision. Its been socializing with other couples. We ended up joining meetup a few years ago and then 2 years ago started a childfree couples meetup (swear we are not swingers) and its been AWESOME! We have met so many other childfree couples that have more time to devote to socializing than you do when you have children. I think more couples are choosing to not have children.

As to what to say to the family or friends or strangers even. I personally always say "no children for us in foreseeable future" I don't feel I need to explain anything more than that.

cakeums

I really thought I was alone in feeling this way. I'm glad to see there are more SANE people out there!

It seems like all the girls I graduated HS with have kids now! I'm only 22! They are all nuts! I'm sorry, but I want to do something with my life and be more than just a "mom". But they might think it's so important and impressive, but at this age it's just trashy!

I never want kids.

I'm sorry, but first off, wanting kids does not make a person insane any more than not wanting them makes a person insane. Both are valid choices. Secondly, there is a lot a woman can do with life after kids than just be a mom. I know some women who have had kids who have also done some pretty incredible, amazing things in life that have nothing to do with their children. Third, I had my first not long after I turned 23 and there was nothing trashy about it whatsoever. My husband I tried for a year and a half before I was pregnant with her, and I suffered four miscarriages in the process. Our daughter was long-waited and very loved, even with having relatively young parents.

It's a good thing you didn't follow your friends' example, because it sounds like you're far too immature to be a parent anyway.

Oliviamarie05

I really thought I was alone in feeling this way. I'm glad to see there are more SANE people out there!

It seems like all the girls I graduated HS with have kids now! I'm only 22! They are all nuts! I'm sorry, but I want to do something with my life and be more than just a "mom". But they might think it's so important and impressive, but at this age it's just trashy!

I never want kids.

I'm sorry, but first off, wanting kids does not make a person insane any more than not wanting them makes a person insane. Both are valid choices. Secondly, there is a lot a woman can do with life after kids than just be a mom. I know some women who have had kids who have also done some pretty incredible, amazing things in life that have nothing to do with their children. Third, I had my first not long after I turned 23 and there was nothing trashy about it whatsoever. My husband I tried for a year and a half before I was pregnant with her, and I suffered four miscarriages in the process. Our daughter was long-waited and very loved, even with having relatively young parents.

It's a good thing you didn't follow your friends' example, because it sounds like you're far too immature to be a parent anyway.

I agree with cakeums on this sentiment. I'm 22 and my fiance is 23. Yes, we are waiting for me to finish my diploma first before we start trying, but we would love to have kids right now. We travel, go camping, own our own house, have all our quads/trailer, are planning on our trip to Italy (as I've been there and want to take him to see it), I have my first certificate in medical transcription and health administration. I'm expaning my schooling and my fiance is a fully certified heavy duty technician.

Should we have kids right now, it would be in a loving home. I don't think our choice to have kids at such a young age makes us trashy. I want more in my life than just being a 'mom', that's why you incorporate your children in to your life. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you have to stop living.

mmarcy7

I have kids, but my sister and most of my friends don't. Some ended up having kids in their late 30s. Don't let people making you feel bad for your decision. I was married 5 yrs before we decided to have kids and I heard it a lot too. Just give them a vague "We'll see" when they ask about when you are having kids. It's really no ones business but you and your husband. And I wouldn't count on the it's different when they are your own thing. I love my kids of course, but some days... And I have never really cared for children in general, still don't. As they get older and we can do more stuff together and have conversations I enjoy parenting more. But I wouldn't fall for that "Once you have your own baby, everything will be different" bs. I personally think people with kids who get mad at those who don't want kids are just jealous they didn't get roped into it too, lol. And just so no one jumps all over me I am an awesome mom, just honest about not "loving" parenting. I can see myself being just as happy without kids. Cats and dogs are good too, and easier.

leahartmann

I´m going on 39 and have no children. No particular reason, just never felt like it. My husband like children a lot and wanted some- but knew that it was not going to be with me! I had a choice, dogs or children. Now we have two wonderfull siberian husky.... If I had a "whoops" I would probably be a tiger for them, loving them. But I didn´t. And I have no biological klock ticking. None! Maybe you chance your mind, maybe you don´t. That´s up to you. It´s your choise!

zombilishious

So ... I decided I don't want kids. Who's taking them off my hands?

christine24t

There is a good series of articles on Slate.com about why people chose not to have children. Very interesting!