Chuck Norris...

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  • johnpangan
    johnpangan Posts: 47 Member
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    From the Expendables 2 movie line:

    Stallone ask Chuck Norris: I heard you were bitten by a King Cobra.

    Chuck Norris replied: After 5 days of agony, the King Cobra died.
  • MikeyD1280
    MikeyD1280 Posts: 5,257
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    Chuck Norris let Bruce Lee kick his *kitten*, just so he can feel pain. then sometime later, Bruce Lee died of a "mysterious health problem"
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
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    Whats your favorite Chuck Norris line?


    I never heard about the "Chuck Norris-isms" until about 3 months ago. HEY, Why would I, I'm NOT a Nerd!

    xljtzp.jpg

    Thank you for this.
  • iWaffle
    iWaffle Posts: 2,208 Member
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  • Fockertots
    Fockertots Posts: 221
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    This is just what I needed today.

    keep them coming!!!
  • FTClown
    FTClown Posts: 181
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    Chuck Norris does not swim, water just likes to be around him
  • mminor77
    mminor77 Posts: 313
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    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  • mminor77
    mminor77 Posts: 313
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    Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
  • mminor77
    mminor77 Posts: 313
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    Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
  • mminor77
    mminor77 Posts: 313
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    Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
  • dandaninc
    dandaninc Posts: 392
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    "Here is a Chuck Norris fact, I kicked his *kitten*" -Bruce Lee

    BOOM!
  • mminor77
    mminor77 Posts: 313
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    "Here is a Chuck Norris fact, I kicked his *kitten*" -Bruce Lee

    BOOM!

    If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *kitten* kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  • Feisty_Red
    Feisty_Red Posts: 982 Member
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  • mminor77
    mminor77 Posts: 313
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    Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  • JPod279
    JPod279 Posts: 722 Member
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    Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

    Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
  • MikeyD1280
    MikeyD1280 Posts: 5,257
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    Chuck Norris can find the G-spot, everytime, even when he isn't around.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
  • JPod279
    JPod279 Posts: 722 Member
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    A friend of mine actually knows Chuck and was in several episodes of Walker, Texas Rabger as one of the goons he would always beat up.

    Ok, now back to the Chuck Norris ism's aslk;dgjv;l Damn! He got me!
  • starcatcher1975
    starcatcher1975 Posts: 292 Member
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    Entertaining read while finishing up a long day at work :)
  • MikeyD1280
    MikeyD1280 Posts: 5,257
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    Chuck Norris Autographs don't exist because when he grabs the pen, his grip squeezes the ink out of it

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