Putting your KID on a leash

HelloSweetie4

I did not attack you. Not once. I just pointed out exactly what you said. That you are not a mom.

You said you have a problem with my reply because I am not a mom. The OP did not specifically request that mom's only answer this thread, so it was silly for you to tell me that you have a problem with my answer. It was MY answer and MY opinion. You have your own opinion and I did not find it necessary for you to single me out because of mine. Especially because it seems the general concensus of this thread is similar to my opinion. You may not think you attacked me, but you did, and I do not sit aside sliently when someone does that to me. I'm not looking for a fight, I was just trying to figure out why you decided to go after me. I specifically said I'm not a mom, for the main reason that a mother's opinion would be worth more than mine because they expereince these issues first hand.

KaidaKantri

So... I have two children. The oldest I put on a leash when we were out in public for a year or two from 18 months to about three years of age. I used it as a backup for holding hands, as she had nursemaid's elbow. Nursemaid's elbow is where the lower arm dislocates from the elbow. The younger the child is when it first happens, the more frequently it tends to happen and the easier it is for the arm to pop out of joint. As it happend to her when she was young, it happend to us alot over the next 4 years, from her doing a pushup, rolling over in bed at night, playing on the playground, to doing a cartwheel in gymnastics class. Most frequently, however, was that it happened when she tugged while holding our hands. POP! Dislocated. And it was either a trip to to the doctor's office ($25) or a trip to the ER ($2,000) to set it. We used a leash as a backup for when she tugged. We had to drop her hand immediately, or risk a dislocation. So, for me the leash was used as a backup so she a) wouldn't run away, and b) wouldn't dislocate her arm, but c) still be safely in our control.

It had nothing to do with whether or not she was "trained" but the fact that I couldn't hold her arm while she tugged to go see something, pulled, or temper tantrumed, or went limp. Try parenting a two, three, or four year old who does none of the above ever.

So, before you judge a child on a leash, know that it isn't always for the "lazy parents" but also can be used as a tool for those who wish to leave their house but still need to keep their children uninjured and safe.

I agree that there is a rare occasion, like this, where it is useful. Most people I see who have their kids on the leash though, are not paying attention to their kid at all.

emily356

I've not read the replies, but I used to think they were awful. Now, I have a one year old (almost 2) who does exactly what he wants no matter how much discipline I give him!! And believe me, I do!! I don't have a leash, but I could see if I was alone somewhere like an airport or Disney, how it could be helpful, cause I have 3 really young children. I think he would prefer it to being strapped in strollers for hours on end. At least they would get to walk and be active!!!

LiviLou2011

I can see why people use them i mean if ur in a crowded place like a fair or a celebration then ur kid cant just wonder off and nobody can just snatch them, its not all about how the kid acts maybe its because they dont want their kid running off.

personally i havent used one because i cant stop freaking laughing at the fact that a kids on a lease..it just seems kinda funny to me, but if i saw someone using one in a proper manor then i wouldnt think anything besides they dont want their kid running off and getting lost.

TimedEventSystem

You know, that whole "you are not a mom" thing really irks me. It's not like being able to push something out of your vagina makes you a decent parent. It's the heart, soul and mind behind it. Adoptive mothers are mothers just like any other. People who care-give and volunteer show characteristics of maternity. There is so much more to motherhood than "but you're not a mom."

It's nice to know that since I'm going through menopause already at such an early age, I never get to have an opinion on child care.

JanSmelly

Woah, nobody said adoptive parents are not parents - those are your words.

Angel_Eyes1975

Working at a daycare, being a nanny, being an early childhood teacher, having younger siblings, or having multiple nieces and nephews is not and never will be the same thing as being a parent.

I never claimed it was the same, but I did want to make the point that I do have experience with children. As i said, it was my personal opinion and it does not deserve to be met with hostility and anger.

And I am pointing out that while you may have the experience of being around young children, it is not the same as having your own.

This post is about opinions and havng your own kids does not make a person an expert with how to deal with kids.. Every child is different and every situation is different..

babyshme

I did not attack you. Not once. I just pointed out exactly what you said. That you are not a mom.

You said you have a problem with my reply because I am not a mom. The OP did not specifically request that mom's only answer this thread, so it was silly for you to tell me that you have a problem with my answer. It was MY answer and MY opinion. You have your own opinion and I did not find it necessary for you to single me out because of mine. Especially because it seems the general concensus of this thread is similar to my opinion. You may not think you attacked me, but you did, and I do not sit aside sliently when someone does that to me. I'm not looking for a fight, I was just trying to figure out why you decided to go after me. I specifically said I'm not a mom, for the main reason that a mother's opinion would be worth more than mine because they expereince these issues first hand.

"for the main reason that a mother's opinion would be worth more than mine because they expereince these issues first hand."

is exactly why. Sorry.

TimedEventSystem

Woah, nobody said adoptive parents are not parents - those are your words.

I know that. I also brought forth caregivers. I'm saying that motherhood and child-rearing are much deeper subjects than if a female can give birth.

JanSmelly

Working at a daycare, being a nanny, being an early childhood teacher, having younger siblings, or having multiple nieces and nephews is not and never will be the same thing as being a parent.

I never claimed it was the same, but I did want to make the point that I do have experience with children. As i said, it was my personal opinion and it does not deserve to be met with hostility and anger.

And I am pointing out that while you may have the experience of being around young children, it is not the same as having your own.

This post is about opinions and havng your own kids does not make a person an expert with how to deal with kids.. Every child is different and every situation is different..

Then you must have failed to read my other posts because I clearly stated that a good parent meets the needs of the child. That may mean a stroller, a babycarrier, a cart, or a leash.

KaidaKantri

Just because a parent may use a Harness on occassion does NOT mean they do not pay attention. Our youngest boy is VERY hard headed and does not listen at times. We are very consistant in our pnishment, yet he still is a child who does disobey on occassion. I think its ridiculous to ASSUME parents who use them are LAZY. You can not compare Babysitting to what you would do as a parent. Children listen different to Parents vs Sitters, Not in all cases but most!

I always want to go up to the parents of kids who do this and go "Awe, how cute, what breed is he/she?" Leashes belong on dogs, not kids. I don't have kids myself, but I've babysat a LOT. I've never once had a problem losing any, IMO parents put their kids on a leash because they are too lazy to enforce rules, and think it's okay. It's really not that difficult to hold onto their hand or put them in a cart. I've also had to deal with some very bratty kids too. Again, I've never lost a kid this way, and I won't when I have my kids either. Of course, I plan on paying attention to my kids and teaching them how to behave in a good manor.

Not ALL parents who use a leash are like that, I'll agree. But every single parent that I see use a leash that I've watched, they never once paid attention to their kid. I've even seen quite a few drag their kid with the leash. I strongly believe leash's belong on pets. A child is not a pet, therefore they should not have a leash. HOWEVER I will begrudgingly admit that in some instances, it would be necessary to have one for the child's safety. I figure, if my kids wont listen and behave in a store and dart off, they won't go anywhere, they will learn.

feydruss

I have 21 month old twin boys who are VERY active, one of whom is incredibly stubborn. The other one will hold my hand when we walk somewhere, but the goat-child will not. Believe me, we constantly work on discipline and safety, but some kids at that age just don't think rationally. Their impulse control is not that great! The amount of bizarre things they put in their mouths is proof of that!

That said, I tried to use the cute animal harnesses (monkey hugging their back, holding onto the tail as the "leash", etc.) a few times in places like airports or malls, but not very successfully. Same with the "hold on handles". This isn't me in the picture, but a good example of how it goes:

http://i.imgur.com/c85rx.jpg

I do think that putting a 4 year old on a safety harness should not be necessary unless they have developmental issues or have been poorly trained/parented. And I WISH I could get my guys to sit in the stroller, but they've been a lot less interested in that since they discovered walking/running.

I wish there was a solution that didn't involve accusations of "lazy parenting". I've held them kicking and screaming under my arms like footballs, but as they're 25lbs each that gets awkward. They won't let me check a cute wagon on the jetway when we fly (which we do, often). Even if you can get them both to hold your hand, if one pulls away and runs, what do you do with the other one? Say "stay there" and run after the other one? No, you have to pick that one up and chase the other, then try to pick them up, etc. So unless you've been in that situation, please don't judge what I or anyone else might feel they have to do to keep their kids safe.

Bottom line: don't judge unless you've had two or more small children at the same time and have been in the position of trying to restrain them so they don't run into traffic because they see a backhoe loader across the street.

dhakiyya

I'm not a mom, but I don't think leashing your children is a good idea at all. Your parent's did not have to put you on leash when you were a child because you knew your limits and you knew when you got too far away from them that you were in trouble! I know a family with 5 children (4 of which are grade school age an under) and I have never seen their kids on a leash. I also have a sister who has three kids (2 under the age of 5) and her oldest is autisitic, and he can be outo f control at times, and she never used a leash. Both are complicated situations and I feel if they can avoid leashing their children, then just about anyone can. Obviously if you have a child with an extreme mental illness that doesn't understand the concept of personal safety then it may be needed. But I really don't see the point in having an average child attached to a leash, it just shows that the parent is not doing an adequate job of limit setting with their children.

As you said.... you are NOT a mom!

She may not be a mom but she has some VALID points... " Obviously if you have a child with an EXTREME MENTAL ILLNESS that doesn't understand the concept of personal safety then it may be needed. But I really don't see the point in having an average child attached to a leash, it just shows that the parent is not doing an adequate job of limit setting with their children."

Average child at what age though? The average child is very different at 3 than at 2, at 4 than at 3, at 5 than at 4, etc etc you get the picture. No 2 yr olds understand the concept of personal safety, they don't have the cognitive development for it.

Most parents have their 2 yr old in a stroller getting no exercise and no opportunity to explore and learn their limits. Then those parents are saying that parents who let their 2 yr olds walk but keep them on reins are lazy? Sorry but there's some weird double standards here, especially when they come from people who don't seem to understand the concept that kids have different levels of neurological development at different ages.

catcrazy

Yes. I used wrist restraints on all 4 of my kids (now aged 24-15) The oldest was just for a wee while as she was the only one and single kids are easier to watch than multiple kids but the others used them for longer...until they started nursery aged 31/2.

In the UK thepavement/ footpath is usually around a meter from the road, kids came out of strollers around 2 years old back then and there is no reasoning with a 2 year old, no matter how good a parent you are. They still held my hand and the restraint hardly ever actually got used despite being on.

My kids were 9, 6, 3 & 0. My 9 year old would hold the 6 year olds hand and I would be pushing the pram one handed while holding the toddlers hand...the restraint was there as a safety back up, it wasn't lazy parenting, it was precautionary. I didnt use them in stores as they would stay by my side and if they did bolt(rare) I could chase after them and get them back pretty quickly...might not be so lucky if it was on a road!

Parenting topics always end up so judgmental...each to their own as long as no one is getting hurt/abused.

samf36

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No kids, but I agree..If your child is well trained he/she wont misbehave, and if you watch him/her closely and keep him/her near and incheck, they wont be snatched by anyone.
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Thank you I have not laughed so hard in years... What a funny , funny statement.

mathjulz

I notice this a lot, parents with their toddler on a leash. Personally I think a leash is for a furry animal, not a child. I can't be the only one who feels this way.

You are not the only one.. leashes are for animals not children.. and if you need to place your child on a leash then maybe they
need some more home training.. sorry just my .02

Every had your 2 year old dash out into a busy parking lot? Turn your back for 1 second, and even well behaved kids can do something scary. Now imagine debating between chasing said 2 year old or pulling newborn out of car first (you can't leave a baby alone after all).

Can you see why some kids survive better on a leash? It's not bad or lazy parenting. It's knowing that kids will be kids and prevention is better than finding yourself in the ER with a broken little one.

And, guess what … 10 + years later they are VERY well behaved teens and pre-teens.

shoesalwaysfit

I have twins, and when they were little one would go in one direction and one would go in another - so yes, I tried this. Unfortunately, they were just too active and it did not work at all.

M_lifts

Hehe, i love how people make comments about kids not being animals and than say if your child was' trained' to behave. isnt that likening it to an animal. When i didnt have kids i agreed with the OP.

However, now that i do, safety first. Kids are unpredictable- especially 2-3 year olds with 20-30 second attention spans and no common sense. Most of us need to protect them from causing harm to themselves. I use reigns occassionally as it helps.

Its easy to judge, however until, you have your own kids you dont know what its like.

MissFit0101

I completely agree. And yes, I have a 2 year old, a very difficult 2 year old at that... but no, I still would not put him on a leash. He is NOT an animal. He is a human being. How humiliating to a child, even if they aren't old enough to understand it.

benich3043

The Ergos are what we use as well. And I agree about no matter what you are doing, you can be on an electronic device. I am talking about those parents that are not only ignoring their child, but everything else around them because they are buried in it as they walk around town or the store or whatever it is they are doing.