Unsupportive....wwyd?

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  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    Very sorry for you. They sound very very insecure and to be honest I don't know if this will ever change. Spme people in my family went through similar and it never really got better
    Sorry I can't be more positive..
  • apedeb09
    apedeb09 Posts: 805 Member
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    KICK HIS *kitten* TO THE CURB.. Seriously. You can do so much better!! There are real men out there that will respect you. if my husband said stuff like that to me, i'd be making arrangements to live somewhere else..
  • KrisThomas1964
    KrisThomas1964 Posts: 150
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    He sounds insecure dump him.
  • Rebzan
    Rebzan Posts: 24
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    Yes, one of the surest signs of a cheater is they accuse their partner of cheating because of their own guilt.

    So true. I dated a guy for 5 years and I could never talk to another guy without him thinking I liked him or something. To find out later he had been cheating on me the entire time. I am so glad I never walked down the aisle with him!!

    To Shayzeepoo: get out now. That is verbal abuse and no one deserves that. You deserve better and your kids deserve better. Don't worry about being by yourself. I have been single all my life and I am 38 and I am the happiest I have ever been. You don't need a guy to make you happy.
  • tabulator32
    tabulator32 Posts: 701 Member
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    We aren't married.. Engaged.

    Oh, well, that makes it a hell of a lot easier.

    Tell him you'll send a postcard...and then don't!
  • jennkain97
    jennkain97 Posts: 290 Member
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    I'll Bet ya 5 bucks he is cheating on you and is afraid you will do the same.
    He wants to keep you fat and insecure so he can continue.

    Dump the idiot right now.

    This. When people start making outrageous, unfounded accusations, it is generally because they feel guilty about something they did/ are doing. As for the rest of it? What he's doing is ABUSE. Would you stay with him if he were abusing your children? Of course not. As another poster said, you don't want your children (male or female) to grow up believing it is ok for a man to treat a woman like this. If you saw your daughter being treated this way, what advice would you give her? What if your son grows up to treat his girlfriends this way? You are not doing them any favors by staying with someone who would abuse their mother-- and will likely abuse them too!
  • ncqueenbee
    ncqueenbee Posts: 147 Member
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    Oh yuck :-(


    I'm just afraid that I won't find anyone else... I don't feel attractive, at all.



    He is always home or at work.. Never more than 30 mins late... :-(


    The thought hurts so bad..

    Whether or not you'll find someone else should be the very least of your worries. You have bigger issues to deal with right now....
  • livestar
    livestar Posts: 140 Member
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    Run for your life!
  • Amber82479
    Amber82479 Posts: 629 Member
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    Personally, I'd tell him to *kitten* off. If he can't support you and doesn't want the best for you, he doesn't deserve you. Plain and simple.
  • Gidzmo
    Gidzmo Posts: 904 Member
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    If you told your spouse that you wanted to lose weight, get into better shape and they immediately got on the defensive.. Saying you are doing it to cheat/move on/ect.. And totally have zero support for you, try to do things to make you go off track.

    Start blowing up at you for the tiniest things. Example: You forget to take chicken out for supper, immediately they start yelling saying things like you're a fat, lazy tub of lard... Stretched out and better treat him better cause no one else will ever love you.. You're ugly and everyone else can see it, why even bother..

    You have been with this person for well over 5 years and have kids together... WWYD?

    Five years/two children, and this guy can't be the least bit supportive?

    Ignoring him is not exactly an option here, as there are children involved. They might pick up on what he's saying and think that's a perfectly acceptable way to talk to anyone.

    Not all men are such bullies.
  • Jeliwood
    Jeliwood Posts: 61
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    Well, honestly it doesn't matter why you're losing weight. It doesn't matter if he's cheating or not and that's why he's on the defensive. What matters is that if that's how he's talking to you, that's verbal and emotional abuse. If this is something that is constant and obviously not a joking around sort of thing. (I call my husband and myself lazy all the time but that's only because I know neither one of us actually believe it's anywhere close to true.)

    If this is how he's talking to you, imagine how he's going to talk to your children. Imagine what lesson he's teaching your kids by talking to you that way and the fact that you're allowing it. Do you want them to think it's EVER right to speak to another human being that way?

    My adopted father mentally, emotionally and verbally abused me as a child. Called me stupid, ugly, and a *****. He talked to my mother that way, but he didn't speak that way to me around her because SHE wouldn't have allowed me to be treated that way. Would you allow it? Think about it.

    Though, I would agree with the cheating thing as well. My adopted father did the same thing and the abuse got worse.

    If you're not married, leave now when it's less of a fight. When courts don't have to get involved. If he loved you at all he would never speak to you like that. Ever. That is not love.
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
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    Let me be clear:

    I'm a Christian, I'm a pastor's wife. We are very much of the mindset of "one spouse for life."

    That being said, move out and only move back in when there has been a lot of counselling and progress made in his behavior. Your children do not deserve to hear such horrible things about their mother from their father's lips. I think there is a lot more going on here than you have said, and you need to decide what you are going to permit yourself and your children to hear. Most of the time, there are problems on both sides, so take some time to assess what you can do to improve your marriage on your end. Even if it is a much less significant problem or bad habit. It shows your husband that you are working in good faith. And even if it doesn't work out, you will know you did all that you could to restore your relationship. And try not to speak badly about your husband in front of your children. They identify with their parents and personalize what they hear, which is why witnessing his outbursts is so harmful to them. Don't let them hear it from your side, too. Dazzle them with your assertiveness and graciousness. Whatever the outcome, they will remember you handled it in a way that made them feel secure.

    If you need counselling for yourself or together with your husband, pm me, and I can help you look for a counsellor in your area.

    (Just saw on your profile, I don't live that far away. Want me to send my husband over? He's a big muscly Viking type who can put the fear of God in him. Lol)
  • helenecg
    helenecg Posts: 43 Member
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    I have been with my husband for 15 years and in our worst fight, he never spoke to me like that. It is NOT okay. Please remember that your children are watching and learning. If you have a son, he is learning to treat women like that and if you have a daughter, she is learning that you let people treat you like that. I insist that my husband and I treat each other with respect (it is not always easy), because I want my children to respect others and demand that others treat them with respect. I don't know you or your situation, but as a parent, your first job is to do what is right for your kids. You need to figure out how to do that, and you are so young that you have loads of time to make great changes and change your life for the better. Good Luck!
  • JosieRawr
    JosieRawr Posts: 788 Member
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    DIVORCE, you don't need to be with someone like that, no matter how long u've been together and it isnt a healthy environment for kids to grow up in anyway. A person cannot say those things to a person that they are supposed to love and care about

    This^^ no one's going to talk to me like that with out consequence. My s.o. may have difficulties with supporting me at times, but it's more in the way of tempting me not being verbally abusive. Each and every person deserves better than that. Home is suppose to be at very least a safe Harbor. I wish you luck, and keep doing what you're doing, he feels threatened, like he's going to lose control of you and if that is true, he should imo but regardless, don't let him win and prove to yourself and your children that you're better than that.
  • SueMizZou
    SueMizZou Posts: 146 Member
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    As a person with significant life experience (I'm 64), I can tell you that 5 years is a blink of the eye. It may feel like forever but it isn't. Are you willin to spend the next 60 years listening to this idiot? He needs a swift hit in the *kitten* --- with a door. Get out. It isn't worth the pain.

    As far as never finding anyone else -- is a lifetime of abuse better than being alone? You are a beautiful person who doesn't need to support this immature person. There are wonderful men out there who would appreciate a loving and kind woman. You aren't living with one. Give yourself and your children a break. You don't want to raise kids like him.
  • matthej28
    matthej28 Posts: 40 Member
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    Oh yuck :-(


    I'm just afraid that I won't find anyone else... I don't feel attractive, at all.



    He is always home or at work.. Never more than 30 mins late... :-(


    The thought hurts so bad..


    Nonsense!!!! As my grandmother would say, "There's a lid for every pot". You WILL find someone who loves you the way you are now and is happy to see you achieve your goals!! Maybe you guys should try couples counseling, but honestly if things continue the way they are, then you should get out of the relationship!!!!
  • Anastasia0511
    Anastasia0511 Posts: 372 Member
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    If you told your spouse that you wanted to lose weight, get into better shape and they immediately got on the defensive.. Saying you are doing it to cheat/move on/ect.. And totally have zero support for you, try to do things to make you go off track.


    Start blowing up at you for the tiniest things.

    Example.
    You forget to take chicken out for supper, immediately they start yelling saying things like you're a fat,lazy tub of lard... Stretched out and better treat him better cause no one else will ever love you.. You're ugly and everyone else can see it, why even bother..



    You have been with this person for well over 5 years and have kids together... WWYD?
    Why are you having a hard time answering this question yourself? You leave his *kitten* that's what you do. Is your "example" a real life story of you and the guy you're with? Who cares that you have kids. You want your kids to be around that? I feel sorry for them if they grow up around a father like that. Most people asks for opinions though and do nothing about it. So you're going to have to WANT to leave him and be READY to do it.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,248 Member
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    I agree with everyone who said you deserve better. This behavior isn't unsupportive, it's abuse. Plain and simple.
  • MFPBrandy
    MFPBrandy Posts: 564 Member
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    Random note--my parents divorced, and for a few years, my father spoke disparagingly of my mother, but my mom always stayed classy. I respected that as a kid, and I respect it more now as an adult. Also, I had a very happy childhood with her as a single parent--living with one happy parent is WAY better than living in a tense, unhappy home.
  • Anastasia0511
    Anastasia0511 Posts: 372 Member
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    In a way it's helping me I guess.. The more he says this crap to me, the fact that I will fail.. Makes me want to work even harder to show him that I can and will do this.
    I hate to say it like this but your failing period staying with a guy like this. Why would you want to please this guy? 5 years is long enough.

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