Unsupportive....wwyd?

GTOgirl1969

Honey, he's not just unsupportive, he's emotionally abusive. Saying stuff like that is his way of keeping you down or "in your place".

leslielrd12

You should probably set him on fire and make it look like an accident. He sounds like a selfish man-child and should running screaming the opposite direction. Besides I'm always the most motivated to get hot after a break-up, so keep up the good work lady!!

NoAdditives

My husband would not dare talk to me this way. Not because I'm crazy or anything (I'm not.), but because he knows I won't tolerate it. If he turned into an outrageous a-hole, he'd be gone. He knows he gets one chance. If he messes up big enough, he'd better pray he never make a mistake again. His mom left his dad because he was an alcoholic. He admires the strength it took for her to leave him to be a single mom with two kids. He knows I'm just as strong.

If I were you, I'd think long and hard about whether or not this is the kind of person you want to be with. If he's like this now, chances are good it's only going to get worse. Is that what you want to deal with forever? Is that the kind of example you want to set for your kids?

Afterblue

Okay, I just saw your example.

What is happening is a classic pattern. You may think this is the best you can do. Or perhaps you think if you did something, he would change. He says horrible things. You feel hurt, but endeavor to do better next time. Thus, you inadvertently become an enabler for his behavior. You are unwittingly reinforcing it.

You may leave, but he may act all sweet, and tell you he has changed, and since this is all you know, you may be tempted to give him another chance. He will go back to his old ways. And everything will repeat itself.

I want to ask you this. Even if you are scared, and believe you can't find better, think about what your kids learn when they see their father demean you like this. I am not going to guarantee you you will find find a better man like many of the others have because IT IS NOT ABOUT FINDING ANOTHER MAN! It is about respecting yourself enough not to need another man to make you feel better about yourself. Then, the relationship that you have is much likely to be healthy.

I will however tell you that it is vastly better for your kids grow up in an environment where their mother is not just improving her physical health but her emotional sense of well-being.

rpantusa

i would ditch him and get somebody who would treat me right because he is trying to make you feel like nobody else would ever want you which is not true, it just means he has a low self esteem, but he should not take it out on you, ditch the jerk and get someone that will treat you right!

likemeinvisible

Crying over his chicken and shouting insults, what a baby. Get rid of him, you look fine, you'll find someone else.

JeanneGreenie

You feel like you won't find anyone else because he has made you feel that way. You don't deserve that type of abuse and should kick him to the curb for mistreating you that way.

ehennmbl

A man doesn't treat people like that.

Leave him.

You don't *need* anyone but yourself. Period.

kiminikimkim

I would take the kids and leave.

Tell him you'd consider him back if he went for some therapy.

brainfreeze72

Leave. Quickly and completely.

sharonfincher1

I would Leave....

pinksparklevapor1965

I tell Him to back off.. I love myself doesnt He

revgosik

Uhm, if I was only engaged wedding plans would be off! 5 years is nothing compared to the life of verbal abuse (maybe escalating to physical) you will endure after papers are signed and he really thinks he owns you.

Libb3C

You do not want to marry this person so that he can treat you this way for life. He won't change. RUN!

We aren't married.. Engaged.




And I think I might have to go find myself a wife :-P

12skipafew99100

I tell my fiance," im a housewife. That means i have ready, unsusupicious access to both lysol AND your meals."

lol

phynyxfyre

Been there. My ex was incredibly abusive to me, and not so much the kids. Too much yelling, always criticizing, etc. in addition to all that. Not saying your guy is just like mine, just giving a back story so you can see I have an idea of what you are going through. I made excuses for him. The harder I tried, the worse he was to me. I stayed for seven years because of our three children.

Bottom line: Never put up with someone you wouldn't want your kids to marry. Be your own Mamma Bear. Protect yourself like you would a child. Would you want your child to be spoken to this way? Act accordingly. Studies (don't remember which off hand) have shown that girls grow up to marry men that were like their father or male role model, and boys grow up to marry women like their mother or female role model. How you two interact sets the pace for all of their relationships.

If you can't sit down together without kids and have a productive conversation about the issue, then that tells you all you need to know. In my experience, when someone asks a question like yours, they already know the answer but are not confident enough in themselves to take action.

Repeat after me: I am beautiful and strong. I love myself. I deserve respect. I am worthy of love and happiness. Do what you need to do for you and your kids, whatever that may be. You have all the answers you need already. Only you can decide what is best for you. I hope for the happiest of endings. Friend me if you like, I would be happy to support you on MFP!

12skipafew99100

Would you approve of your children taking that kind of treatment from someone when they grow up?? If you stay and he dosn't change, that is exactly what you are teaching your children to expect is normal. It is NOT normal. Did you grow up this way? It is not normal.

Nixenne

That is how my ex husband was and he would constantly put me down and was very verbally abusive towards me. Now that we are divorced, I can see how much happier I am not constantly having to apologize for every little thing I do. I can just be ME!!! We had a daughter together, but you should never feel like you have to stay in a bad relationship just because you have children. They will be much better off not seeing all the drama. I do not want my daughter to think it is okay for men to treat a woman that way. This is why I am setting a good example for her about how strong her mommy can be!!

This, in every way. I took four years of my ex's controlling, belittling, insecure, manipulative, ABUSIVE behavior before I got the courage to finally get out for good.

There's a huge difference between just being unsupportive and being abusive. You and your children deserve better...whether that means spending some time apart and making it clear to him that you're NOT going to tolerate that kind of behavior, or leaving him altogether, that's up to you. You know your situation better than we do, obviously. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

RoanneRed

Ummmm that goes way beyond being unsupportive and enters the realm of verbal/emotional abuse! You should seriously consider looking for a way out of that relationship or at least some sort of marriage couseling.

This was my immediate first reaction.

cmeade20

If my significant other EVER called me such hurtful things his *kitten* would be out the door so fast he wouldn't know what hit him.

Abuse isn't just physical and no one should ever tolerate that crap from their partner.

oregonzoo

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/onegonzogarbanzo/view/you-can-leave-406144

I feel totally weird for pimping this, but here it is. Please read it, OP.

weighlossforbaby

If my husband said that to me I would leave him...seriously!!!! That is verbal/emotional abuse right there!!!!!! Some day he will talk to your kids that way, do you want your kids to ever go through that? I definitely wouldn't. Don't ever think you have to stay with him because you have kids with him. Praying for you in whatever you decide.

tmauck4472

Not sure I'd leave...yet...but I'd sure let him know that if you did cheat it would be because he's pushed you to it with his comments and the fact that he's not being very supportive. Remind him if he loves you then he has the strangest way of showing it. Ask him to support you on life's journey or what ever happens happens.

VanessaHeartsMasr

I'll Bet ya 5 bucks he is cheating on you and is afraid you will do the same.
He wants to keep you fat and insecure so he can continue.

Dump the idiot right now.

I agree. I had an ex treat me like this. Sure enough, he was cheating.

cmeade20

Oh yuck :-(


I'm just afraid that I won't find anyone else... I don't feel attractive, at all.



He is always home or at work.. Never more than 30 mins late... :-(


The thought hurts so bad..

I was with a verbally/emotionally abusive guy for far too long. And I was chunky and felt like a gross slob when the relationship ended. He cheated on me if you're wondering


It took me less than a year to find a much much better guy. He never talks badly to me. He supports me in my health, fitness,education and all my other goals. He was there for me when my Dad died. He doesn't get jealous or pissy that my very close family and bus school/work schedule consumes a lot of my time.

In those ten months I was single I lost a good amount of that chunkiness. Since dating this new guy I have lost more and put on muscle.

I am happier,healthier, slimmer, fitter and most important stronger and more confident.

and NONE of it would have happened if I didn't get out.

You need to give yourself a chance. You deserve it.

realme56

He is majorly insecure, counseling but don't let him derail you. Making yourself healthier will help your kids to be healthy too.

Jenloma

Emotional abuse and you need to leave!

JAGgirl47

He sounds jealous and he's emotionally abusive. You are in danger...sounds like time for some counseling or get the heck out of there.

DestroyTheOpposition

Sounds to me like he has self esteem issues and thinks verbal abuse is normal.

Soltari675

It's a mind game. If he keeps you heavy, and keeps you thinking you are nothing without him, you'll always stay with him. It's control because he is afraid you will realize you have more option. You need to leave him.