Unsupportive....wwyd?

xo_Sarah_xo

Been with him for 5 yrs already? I have a hard time believing this is the first time his extreme assholeness was showing.

I agree with the above! And why on earth did you accept an engagement to this piece of work?
As for you worrying that you won't find anyone else.......................why does that even matter one iota??? That thought wouldn't even cross my mind. First of all, the world is HUGE and there are TONS of great men. Secondly, why do you seem to feel that you MUST be in a relationship? Single parents do it all the time.

I suggest counseling....however, this guy sounds like he is beyond seeing the error of his ways at this point.

For you and your child(ren) I sincerely hope you find the strength to leave this guy.

I know I am coming off harsh, it is because my opinion is strongly based in personal experience.

SherryTeach

We aren't married.. Engaged.




And I think I might have to go find myself a wife :-P

And you are seriously considering committing the rest of your life to a person who doesn't support your goals? Get out and get in therapy. I'm not being flip about that. Too many women get into bad relationships with men and then think they can change them. Take some time to learn about yourself and how your history affects your relationship choices and then find a partner who will love you and support you.

zeebruhgirl

That's just wrong. You are trying to better yourself for the sake of your health and to improve the lives of yourself and your children.
I would attempt to talk to him about the health reasons, but if he doesn't understand then he's insecure.

Maybe try to get him to diet or work out with you so he improves as well?

Or honestly, leave him.

Don't let anyone tell you your health isn't worth it.

gabeej

DUMP!

sarahball386

Oh yuck :-(


I'm just afraid that I won't find anyone else... I don't feel attractive, at all.



He is always home or at work.. Never more than 30 mins late... :-(


The thought hurts so bad..

Dirt bag #1: I was engaged to a guy, we were both very young, and I just KNEW he wasn't cheating. I didn't believe all the hype I heard. I thought, “We spend all the time together we can when he’s not at work.” I forgot; cheaters will always find time to cheat. Later he confessed to not only having sex with multiple people but doing it in front of a huge group of people at a friend’s house. I forgave him, like an idiot! He went into the Navy and it only gave him a bigger playground. Later, I got a call from a girl he slept with saying she had HPV and that I may want to get checked. Luckily, I only got a yeast infection but It took ALL of that to finally wake me up.
Dirt bag #2: I guy I thought I knew. We had known each other for 7 years and I thought I hit the jack pot. He was emotionally abusive and isolated me from all of my friends and family. Made me stop wearing make-up, I couldn’t be in a room alone with guys…. Etc…. When he drank it only got worse and boy did he like to drink.
Dirt Bag #3: He was just completely lazy and neglectful. I worked three jobs and went to school full-time. He couldn’t even make it to class on time. He couldn’t even manage to remember to pick me up from the night shift at a hotel across town, so I would walk. He also raped me…. Twice.
I’m only sharing ALL of this to tell you I know how it feels to be put down and then kicked while you’re there. I had a pretty bad run of it until I stopped taking crap… from ANYONE. I was lucky that I didn’t have children with any of them (although dirt bag #2 tried by flushing my birth control down the toilet). I know that it’s hard and scary to leave, especially with a little one in the mix but consider the alternatives:
#1: You continue the way you are, it proves too much and you give up, gain the weight back, that branches off by you having major health issues (heart attack, stroke or death) OR by him cheating on you (if he isn’t already) and leaving you. So you’re either dead or alone.
#2: Like others have mentioned: you allow that *kitten* control over you and your kid thinks this is “normal” and winds up with a string of dirt bags like I did.
My father abused my mother and it wasn’t until I was leaving of the aforementioned dirt bags that she told me, “Life is way too short to be unhappy.” It may be simple but it sure is true. Now, I am with a man that is doing MFP with me because he wants our relationship to last as long and humanly possible. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and treats me like a queen. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to have a MAN instead of a boy? I know this is a lot to take in but if he won’t change for you before you get married; he damn sure won’t do it afterwards.

sunrize_sc

I have been there. Whether you realize it or not, you are in an abusive relationship. Believe me when I tell you that it will only get worse. It's not a matter of if, but rather when. It really has nothing to do with you. They have issues that were there long before you and most likely will be there long after you. You are just there. You need to very carefully plan your escape and get your kids out of there as fast as you can!! If abusive things are said to you then you can bet that they will be said to the children too. I am praying for you and your kids. If you need anything please feel free to contact me.

Love does NOT equal pain. If they truly loved you or even cared a little bit then they would not say anything so hurtful to you. Is this what you want your children to think a relationship is? Kids learn how to love from their parents. It is not helping you at all!!!!! This is what they do. They make you believe you will never find someone else. That is BS!!! Get out NOW!!

TinaBaily

Did you marry my ex husband, by chance? Boy, does that sound familiar!

Seriously though, you are a beautiful, vivacious, intelligent young woman who doesn't deserve to be spoken to in this manner at all. It sounds like he is very insecure about himself in your relationship, and a heart-to-heart talk would be a very good thing to do with him about why he might be feeling threatened by your interest in losing weight and becoming fit. Is he worried that by becoming even more beautiful than you already are, he'll lose you to some other guy? Does he have some excess weight that perhaps he isn't willing to face, so he's taking it out on you?

I wish you all the best of luck and willpower continuing on your weight loss and health gaining journey! I hope that you get to have a good, calm talk with your husband and help him see how important this is to you, and that you are doing it for not just you, but for all of you.

_Sara_A_

My bf has only once said to me that he didn't want me to lose weight. As soon as he said that, he immediately apologized to me and said The only reason I wouldn't want you to lose weight is because you might find someone else, BUT I want the hot girlfriend so I want you to lose weight, plus I care about your health. There's gotta be some insecurities for him to be acting that way. I'm not justifying it, but I'm sorry you don't have the fiancee that I have, as he recognizes his own out of line behaviour.

BBeccaJean

Yeah, that's definitely not healthy! Tell him he needs to "f" off with that negative talk and that you will be appreciated or it's not going to work! Your fiancé shouldn't be saying that...if he's saying this now, what will he say when you're married?!

Heather060801

Hon, been there done that, for 13 years! Seriously if leaving isnt an option, make your weight loss YOUR priority besides your children of course. Let him cook his own food, do what you and your kids need. He is insecure, probably wants you to stay the way you are. He doesnt want you to realise that you deserve better, which you do. Btw, I got out of my hell marriage, and am now with a wonderfull man who loves and respects me.

cgarand

If that is his usual behavior then he is asking you to leave him, and you should! Your partner should be your biggest fan. They should be your sanctuary. My ex talked to me like that too and now he's....my ex. And, my life has been so much better since! I didn't want my son to learn to treat me and others like him, and kids do learn their behavior and how to interact with others from their parents. So, unless this was an isolated incident brought on by temporary insanity I would show him the door!

whierd

Oh yuck :-(


I'm just afraid that I won't find anyone else... I don't feel attractive, at all.



He is always home or at work.. Never more than 30 mins late... :-(


The thought hurts so bad..

You are absolutely attractive. And you could easily find someone else, and it wouldn't take much for that person to treat you better.

sushiforbrains

My ex used to tell me all the same crap. When I caught him cheating and left he told me that "I would never have what we had with another man." I said good! I can do better than your ****. And I did. I am almost 1 year into a marriage with a man who loves me no matter what. Haven't seen or talked to the other one since and don't care to.

What I am trying to say is that you CAN do better. The first step is to get yourself and those kids away from him, because he is clearly not worthy of being around them, or you. Tune out his bull**** and pack your bags, cause the rest of your life is out there waiting for you.

TheMOC

DTMFA

YouAreTheShit

I agree with the consensus here... dump his *kitten*. There are a lot of great guys in the world that, not only aren't anything like that, they're actually pretty amazing creatures to be around and spend time with.

Take me, for example... :glasses:

wdwghettogirl

Hunny, you are WAY too cute, and WAY too young to think you won't find someone else, and someone BETTER!! Break that engagement NOW! Get yourself, and your impressionable children, out of that situation. You deserve better. Period. Plus, you don't want your sweet babies learning that behavior.

littlewitch1973

I have been in your situation before. My EX Husband was verbally and emotionally abusive.

I kicked him out 4 years ago. We have 2 boys together, one of which is so emotionally scarred from the abuse, he refuses to see his father (he is 8 now). The other idolizes him, and is verbally and emotionally abusive to everyone around him.

My only advice to you is to leave while you can. Get your children away from the abuse - I used to think he was only abusing me, but it turns out, he was verbally, emotionally, and finally physically abusing my kids. I got them out as soon as I found out what he was doing... it was hard, and we are still dealing with the emotional fallout, but it is MUCH better than it ever was!!

keem88

girl, you sit him down and tell him to shut the **** up and make his own dinner.
and he better not even think about talking in front of kids like that to you. or even to you like that at all.
it is easier said than done, but you deserve better and need to get the HELL out of there. you don't need anyone to love you, you just need to love yourself right now. and i bet there are tons of people out there who would LOVE to be with you.
and hey who knows, maybe you do need to find yourself a nice wife

likearadiowave

If you told your spouse that you wanted to lose weight, get into better shape and they immediately got on the defensive.. Saying you are doing it to cheat/move on/ect.. And totally have zero support for you, try to do things to make you go off track.


Start blowing up at you for the tiniest things.

Example.
You forget to take chicken out for supper, immediately they start yelling saying things like you're a fat,lazy tub of lard... Stretched out and better treat him better cause no one else will ever love you.. You're ugly and everyone else can see it, why even bother..



You have been with this person for well over 5 years and have kids together... WWYD?

He's panicking because he's a scared, insecure tool that thinks dragging you down will quell his fears.

Unfortunately, it won't.

keem88

and to add on, it is much harder to get out of an abusive relationship the longer you stay. how long has this been going on? like other ladies here, i was in an abusive relationship too and for the longest time i was blinded by that ****. i finally had enough of it and packed my *kitten* and moved. make sure you and your babies are safe and loved, you deserve it!