How to tell her she's gaining weight...

Darkskinned88
Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
in Chit-Chat
Won't go into the backstory...but i'll spark the discussion. Ladies, would you get upset at a husband/boyfriend/boo if he told you maybe you put on some lbs. Fellas have you ever said the dreaded words? would you?
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Replies

  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    She knows she is gaining weight.
  • angeldaae
    angeldaae Posts: 348 Member
    Trust me, she already knows. Telling her that *you* know isn't helping anyone.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Why would you tell her? She already knows.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    If you tell a woman "Baby, you need to lose some weight." It wouldn't matter what you said to me afterwards, no matter if you were concerned for my health.... if you were going to reward me with a million dollars for my weight loss. You wouldn't be able to speak because i'd have broken your jaw by then.


    NOW. That being typed.... there's a way to go about it. And the best way is to offer to do it with her. Offering support is the best thing ever.
  • PeachyPlum
    PeachyPlum Posts: 1,243 Member
    Obviously,she knows.

    Don't tell her. There is such thing as justifiable homicide, you know.
  • xxnellie146xx
    xxnellie146xx Posts: 996 Member
    I am sure she knows. Telling her will ultimately piss her off and you will get a major attitude. Maybe try encouraging her to do activities with you or go for walks.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    Nope. I have toldy husband to tell me if he thinks I am getting chunky and he did. Sometimes people need a wake up call and if you are going to get upset because the person you married is telling you you are not the same person they fell in love with because you've put on some pounds then you have issues. There is no need to get upset when honesty is involved. My husband did. It marry a fat woman therefore I would expect him to be upset and tell me when I am putting on weight.

    Whether or not she "already knows it" if she is not doing anything about it and it clearly bothers her SO why should t something be said?
  • phynyxfyre
    phynyxfyre Posts: 145 Member
    oh lol. This is going to be good. It's all about the approach. I never get on my husband about his weight. I started working out myself, and he began making comments about my losing weight and he should start working out again like I was. I told him that I love him the way he is and if he wanted to join me, we could work out together. So far he has not done it, but I am feeling better about myself and my weight now, which is a big plus, and he is getting more motivated the better I look because he keeps saying one day he will have to protect his territory better from other guys. Lol.

    In my experience, weight is a very touchy subject and leads to fights.
  • oOMusicBabii
    oOMusicBabii Posts: 494
    I am sure she knows. Telling her will ultimately piss her off and you will get a major attitude. Maybe try encouraging her to do activities with you or go for walks.

    This is the best way to approach it...she probably already knows and is probably already unhappy about it. Encourage the physical activities like this and then see if she starts conversation about things during/after these walks and go from there.
  • PhotogNerd
    PhotogNerd Posts: 420 Member
    Yeah.....you don't need to tell her.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    She knows she is gaining weight.
  • jsherrill92
    jsherrill92 Posts: 775 Member
    21215806.jpg
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    You could tell her how much you like MFP and suggest that she join you by getting her own account. I wouldn't go much further than that unless you know she is the kind of person to take it well.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,454 Member
    never. never. Never. Utter those words. It won't end well.
  • SuperAmie
    SuperAmie Posts: 307 Member
    If I got obese I would want him to whip me into shape... But if its a couple pounds (like what happened in the winter.. almost 30lbs+) He kept his mouth shut lol...
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    My husband and I are very open about our thoughts on each others' bodies. There is nothing wrong with saying, "I've noticed you've gained a little weight.. is there something I can do to help with your fitness? I want us both to live long, happy lives together." ... it's true, it's thoughtful, and it shows a team effort.


    If you say, "Baby, put down the oreos. I know your muffin top is getting Costco-big." you are likely to get served.
  • Uxorial
    Uxorial Posts: 38
    This came up on another weight loss board I am on.

    I personally didn't notice I was gaining weight until I had gained *a lot* of weight. I do believe there is a small percentage of people who are like me. I was actually annoyed that no one told me when I started to gain weight, everyone mentioned it when I had gained a lot and then it was hard to do anything about.

    My husband has now gained a lot of weight. From my experience with that I find that the easiest thing to do is to actually help with meals, activity choices, etc., rather than focusing on the weight issue or discussing it.

    Talking about health is good too, like going and getting your blood pressure, cholesterol checked and encouraging her to do that too. Not sure if there are kids in the picture, but talking about having a health house for kids, having activity and good food choices can also be helpful for everyone in the household.

    You can also ask her for help with your weight loss or training if that is possible (i.e. ask her to go to the gym with you to help motivate you/keep you from being bored).

    I have found people respond much better to that sort of thing than they do to a weight loss conversation.
  • SuperAmie
    SuperAmie Posts: 307 Member
    21215806.jpg

    ^^It's true.
  • BlisterLamb
    BlisterLamb Posts: 396 Member
    Only if you would like to completely give up sex and never see her naked again.
  • carmellaparker
    carmellaparker Posts: 15
    Definitely tell her. Be supportive, not critical. The response "she already knows" really isn't helping because you're worried about her health, and with me, I really didn't know.
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    Oh boy - living life dangerously if you do that! Let us know which ER you end up in. She knows if she's been putting on the pounds.
  • samblanken
    samblanken Posts: 369 Member
    If you tell a woman "Baby, you need to lose some weight." It wouldn't matter what you said to me afterwards, no matter if you were concerned for my health.... if you were going to reward me with a million dollars for my weight loss. You wouldn't be able to speak because i'd have broken your jaw by then.


    NOW. That being typed.... there's a way to go about it. And the best way is to offer to do it with her. Offering support is the best thing ever.

    Awesome!:drinker:
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
    Like others have said - she already knows. It's about how you approach her on the topic. I pesonally would accept if my guy suggested we work out together or plan better meals together. If you just say hey, you're gettin' chunky then that doesn't work. Volunteer yourself to join her on the journey for motivation. Or support her in some way instead of coming at her and telling her she's gettin' big.
  • SuperAmie
    SuperAmie Posts: 307 Member
    :laugh: :drinker:
    If you say, "Baby, put down the oreos. I know your muffin top is getting Costco-big." you are likely to get served.
  • Zsanese
    Zsanese Posts: 6 Member
    Take it from a great-grandma, she already knows she is gaining weight. Perhaps you could could (in as nice a way as possible) try and encourage her to work out with you. Most woman are (over) sensitive about their weight and can tell right away if you are being insensitive about it. So be very careful in your approach.
  • KodAkuraMacKyen
    KodAkuraMacKyen Posts: 737 Member
    I have to agree with almost every comment above that she already knows. Telling her what she already knows won't do any good if she's not in a place where she's ready to do something about it either.
  • IntoTheSky
    IntoTheSky Posts: 390 Member
    It TRULY depends on delivery. My BF told me once that "we should both get in better shape". (Not that he had much to work on, lucky *kitten*) He joined in for a bit, then stopped. But, he never fusses about the healthy meals, makes sure to tell me things that he sees moving around and tightening up, tells me my *kitten* is looking good. He came at it in a "we" way, and even though he chose to drop out, has been very supportive and uplifting.
  • kittyd7015
    kittyd7015 Posts: 4,546 Member
    Won't go into the backstory...but i'll spark the discussion. Ladies, would you get upset at a husband/boyfriend/boo if he told you maybe you put on some lbs. Fellas have you ever said the dreaded words? would you?
    it would be so much better to suggest exercising together rather than mentioning the lbs directly :-) xx
  • LadyIvysMom
    LadyIvysMom Posts: 391 Member
    Nope. I have toldy husband to tell me if he thinks I am getting chunky and he did. Sometimes people need a wake up call and if you are going to get upset because the person you married is telling you you are not the same person they fell in love with because you've put on some pounds then you have issues. There is no need to get upset when honesty is involved. My husband did. It marry a fat woman therefore I would expect him to be upset and tell me when I am putting on weight.

    Whether or not she "already knows it" if she is not doing anything about it and it clearly bothers her SO why should t something be said?

    I agree with this. I prefer honesty from my spouse. If I ask him a question about my weight, I want and expect an honest answer.

    As for "she knows it", honestly you don't know that. Some women can be in serious denial. I was. I wish my husband had told me I was putting weight on a few months ago. I could have nipped this in the bud before it got worse.
  • capriciousmoon
    capriciousmoon Posts: 1,263 Member
    I wouldn't be offended and would even like to be told. I often get to the point that my pants don't fit before I notice that I've gained. If I could avoid that I would be happy!

    It does very by person though, so you may want to tread lightly. You could also make plans to do active things and eat healthy meals together.

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