How to tell her she's gaining weight...

Silverkittycat

send her a message - http://www.pillsbury.com/Doughboy/Dancing

or do what kenzie said.

Newmammaluv

We just had this discussion at my house... I told my husband to stop darn sugar coating shtuff and talk about it like a big boy. If I'm too fat for his taste then by all means tell me!!! There's nothing worse than a stumbling fumbling guy trying to find the right words to be appropriately passive aggressive in trying to explain unpleasantness... just my opinion. A colse second is the whole "lets do it together" thing...l can't stand it.

I say start out by hiding all her stretchy, baggy clothes and when she goes on the whole "I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!" rant you can say that you have noticed. Offer a shopping trip, she wont want to go because everything she has to buy is in a bigger size and then you'll know she gets it. When she starts crying that shes fat THEN offer to do something with her or better yet just give her the time, pay for the membership etc for her to fix it herself.

Contrarian

Buy a tuba, and play a note every time she takes a step. She'll get the point.

missikay1970

A woman only wants to hear how beautiful she is. Then and only then will she be happy enough to lose it on her own.

i don't agree. i dont' want to be told how beautiful i am unless my husband really believes it to be true. i don't want to hear all the fluffy stuff all the time. maybe some women do, but i prefer honesty, even if it hurts a bit. in the end, i WILL BE more beautiful (inside and out) if i get support and not have sunshine blown-up my @$$ all the time.

cheerforsteelers

Buy a tuba, and play a note every time she takes a step. She'll get the point.

Bahahaha I about spit my water all over the keyboard. Oh my...

marketdimlylit

''I agree with this. I prefer honesty from my spouse. If I ask him a question about my weight, I want and expect an honest answer.

As for "she knows it", honestly you don't know that. Some women can be in serious denial. I was. I wish my husband had told me
I was putting weight on a few months ago. I could have nipped this in the bud before it got worse. ''


THIS - I've told my partner to tell me if he thinks i'm losing or putting on weight.
If you're a caring partner, and you have a close relationship, why not tell her? It doesn't need to come across harshly.
Honesty is the way, and women can definitely ignore or be in denial with their weight.
Or maybe she does know and doesn't mind, and if you love her, you will accept that.

Sidesteal

Buy a tuba, and play a note every time she takes a step. She'll get the point.

^ I love you.

ItsCasey

I have told my boyfriend that I want him to tell me I've gained weight if I don't seem to be aware of the situation. He and I are both what I like to call "survivors of extreme weight loss," so we both are very conscious of our diets and our physical activity level. So it would be different coming from him than it would be someone who is overweight and doesn't care or someone who has never successfully battled a weight problem.

I did tell him that I would want him to actually sit me down and discuss it because if he just makes a passing comment about it or tries to turn it into a joke, I won't take him seriously and may very well think he's teasing me.

sunshine_gem

Personally I would always want my partner to be honest with me. I'm the kind of girl who if I ask 'does my butt look big in this?' I would want someone to tell me the truth. If he thought I was gaining weight I would want him to tell me but not cos HE thinks I should lose weight but because he would know that I don't want to gain weight. The others are right. It's about the approach. If she is happy about her size and weight gain then leave her to it. If it's getting into unhealthy territory then that's a different story. It's a delicate issue and it all depends on how you think she would take it. A some others have suggested ask her if she wants to do things with you. Maybe start with a walk on an evening and then work up. If there's something she used to do (like cycling or dancing or something) maybe ask her why she doesn't do it anymore and encourage her to take it up again. It's the little things that make the difference.

beansprouts

Say something like..."Honey...did that dress shrink? cause it just is not hanging right or something."...and then drop the subject. Too many women delude themselves into believing that their spouses/so's don't notice certain things. If her weight gain bothers you...then drop her a hint.

vvanm

Put the focus back on your progress. What result do you expect from being her critic? She will become aware that you are looking at her with a critical eye and may feel like stress eating more. Just love her, volunteer to grocery shop, fix healthful meals for both of you, keep the stress levels down, and just make it difficult for her to keep bad eating habits by helping her thrive.

mdtolen

My husband bought me some new workout clothes, new shoes and a gym bag. I wasn't offended, it was a good start to my workout!

mushroomcup

The idea of gaining weight freaks me out a little, so I'd definitely want him to tell me if he noticed me putting on the pounds as long as 1. he tells me in a kind and loving way 2. he is supportive about my losing weight and 3. I'm not pregnant or under some other circumstances out of my control :P. Honestly, no matter how he'd say it, it would hurt me and I'd probably be a little mad at him for a few days, but I'd want him to tell me anyway. Better for both of us in the long run since it would keep me healthy and keep him attracted to me. Plus, I've told him when he's getting a little too big that he needs to focus on his weight, and though it probably stings a bit, I know he appreciates the wake up call.

Related: I gained 15lbs over the first 3 years of our relationship, and when I realized it (I never use scales and I kept ignoring my clothes feeling tight on me), I was grumpy with him for not noticing/mentioning it to me, and his response was, "It's alright, baby, it all goes to your boobs anyway. How could I complain about that?" Hehehe - a great diversion tactic, I think. You could always turn the weight gain into a positive like that, "I've noticed you've gained a little weight recently; you know I love your curves, but you need to balance that with your health. Let's get fit together." Something like that.

takingnameskickingbutt

I think it's better to tell her (gently) than harbor resentment or eventually break up with her over it.

If being at a healthy weight is a deal breaker for you, I would suggest you kindly let her know and make the change together.

_VoV

I'm with those who have said 'she already knows.'

But, you might want to suggest the TWO of you start some new health habits. There's no need to mention weight loss, per se. Go grocery shopping together and buy foods that you both see as 'healthy.' This is a great way to actually support her, rather than criticize her.

BigRedgw2010

Bro,
If you're not happy with her gaining the extra pounds then I would let her know. Then I would help her to get rid of the extra weight, by going on walks, playing sports and anything for the two of you to be more active.

MizCJ84

It wouldn't hurt me if you told me I was gaining weight...if you were gentle in the way you brought up the matter. Like if you said, "Baby I think you're so beautiful, but you've put on some weight lately. Is everything okay with you? I'm really concerned about your wellbeing and happiness." I'd be okay with that. But if you said, "Hey baby I can't be with you anymore because of your fat butt!" Then we'd have some problems.

Can I reverse this question, and ask you how you would feel if your lady told you about your weight problem? I'm honestly wondering if this question would affect men and women the same way.

TylerJ76

Bro,
If you're not happy with her gaining the extra pounds then I would let her know. Then I would help her to get rid of the extra weight, by going on walks, playing sports and anything for the two of you to be more active.

This.
Tell her, but be sensitive as you can about it.

TylerJ76

Can I reverse this question, and ask you how you would feel if your lady told you about your weight problem? I'm honestly wondering if this question would affect men and women the same way.

My ex-fiance told me when I was 100lbs lighter that I was starting to gain wait.
I was a know it all and thought I knew better..

That being said, I wish that I would of listened to her before I put all this damn weight on...Sometimes I wonder how different my life may of been...

2012asv

I got mad at my husband for NOT telling me. Doesn't have to be mean but shoot we gotta look out for eachother right?

dinosnopro

MustBeTheRows

You just say "get on the treadmill fatty."

reneelee

My husband can tell me things like this, and I do the same to him. I know he loves me, and if he told me something like that it wouldn't be because he's not attracted to me or thinks something's wrong with me. He's just looking out for me.
He also lets me know when he's noticed I'm losing weight, which is just awesome.

I dont see a problem with addressing weight gain. I have lived in deneil (sp) a long time, when putting on weight I think my pants have been in the dryer to much. When lossing weight I think my clothes are getting old and thread bare that is why they are baggy. Some people need direction and if it comes for someone who loves and supports me it may sting a little, but I would get over it quickly.

amersmanders

Expect that no matter what you say, you're probably going to hurt her feelings, but if you really care about her, then you know how to say it to her in the way that will best reach her. Direct and truthful, but kind is the best approach.

If there are areas of your eating habits, fitness or overall health that you need to work on (I'm guessing that's why you're on MFP), then be very open about those things that you are doing, and include her as much as possible. She may have different needs than you, but sharing in what you're doing may motivate her to focus on her own goals.

If you are at all responsible for buying groceries and/or cooking, or ordering out, or choosing restaurants (I don't know what your eating habits are, especially within the context of your relationship), then consider finding healthier options to share with her.

Diary_Queen

Ive had someone tell me that before, and of course, i knew i was gaining weight.... but he wasn't a douche about it or anything. He just said that he noticed i wasnt as active (like i ever was back then LOL... i guess walking out to get the mail from the mailbox had slacked off) and he did make mention of my excess drinking in the same conversation. nothing he said made any difference to me at the time and i was polite about acknowledging how he felt and letting it go in one ear and out the other. i didnt care about myself and it showed. thats the only relationship ive ever truly wanted to go back and make amends on. things were much clearer after i got clean/sober about how disrespectful i was of his feelings.

AABru

My husband told me...and I cried. But he did such a good job telling me "You have been sucessful at everything else you have done since we met, what makes you think you can't do this?" and has been as supportive as our lives allow him to be. If it is a health issue, she should be told. I was not able to keep up with my kids and work. My knees and ankles hurt ALL the time. I needed to lose the weight...still have about 17 pounds to go.

She knows she is gaining, but maybe needs help finding the time to address the issue...

DangerSass

I would have woken up sooner if he had said something, he never did, he just told me he loved me and wanted me to be happy. I think he did see how miserable I was in my own skin. It did affect our marriage but only because of how I felt not how he felt.

Now I'm a smokin' trophy wife and we are both thrilled

TylerJ76

Now I'm a smokin' trophy wife and we are both thrilled

& smoking hot you are..

mushroomcup

Buy a tuba, and play a note every time she takes a step. She'll get the point.

Can't stop laughing! :P Awesome.

MizCJ84

Can I reverse this question, and ask you how you would feel if your lady told you about your weight problem? I'm honestly wondering if this question would affect men and women the same way.

My ex-fiance told me when I was 100lbs lighter that I was starting to gain wait.
I was a know it all and thought I knew better..

That being said, I wish that I would of listened to her before I put all this damn weight on...Sometimes I wonder how different my life may of been...

Wow thanks for your response. I really was curious because my bf has put on quite a bit of weight in the 5 years we've been together. I put on weight with him though, so I'm not innocent. The difference is I know I gained weight, and I'm trying hard to lose it because I want to look and feel good for myself and for him. However, he doesn't seem to care about his weight. I really want to say something to him, but I do not want to hurt his feelings. I love him no matter what, but I think he really needs to lose weight before it gets too out of hand.