How to tell her she's gaining weight...

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  • theartichoke
    theartichoke Posts: 816 Member
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    The only way you could pull it off and avoid getting shot is to lie. Tell her you're struggling, you're losing your motivation and will to do this. Say that you were hoping if she'd join MFP and do this with you that you could make it. You need her as a support system. If that won't work, say nothing at all.
  • missprincessgina
    missprincessgina Posts: 446 Member
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    Definitely tell her. Be supportive, not critical. The response "she already knows" really isn't helping because you're worried about her health, and with me, I really didn't know.

    I agree. I'd tell my husband if he was gaining weight and I'd expect him to tell me.
  • Abrowe313
    Abrowe313 Posts: 189 Member
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    this is bullspit! if you are in a relationship with someone you love, and you are concerned for them you should be able to tell them about your concerns without being a jerk about it. im going through the same situation and ive tried everything to help her, and motivate her, but ive also been very worried about hurting her feelings, at this point i dont care. she knows she has to lose weight, i know she has to lose it. but she refuses to even try. this isnt about not being attracted to her, i am. its about her health, and our son. its very painfull to me to watch her get upset and depressed when trying on clothes etc. i want to help her but, end up being the *kitten* for saying anything. so im supposed to just sit back and watch her get more and more un healthy and not mention it because shes a woman and it might hurt her feelings? thats a week excuse
  • portalm
    portalm Posts: 201 Member
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    Just tell her that she looks festive

    Like a jolly ol santa! LOL AWESOME^^
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    A woman only wants to hear how beautiful she is. Then and only then will she be happy enough to lose it on her own.

    Wrong.

    This is zero motivation to lose weight because you just let her know that even though it bothers you she's gaining, it's really ok because she's beautiful.
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
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    Just tell her that she looks festive

    :laugh:
  • runnerjenn0708
    runnerjenn0708 Posts: 400 Member
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    I don't see anything wrong with telling her. If you guys have a good honest relationship, there's nothing that shouldn't be said. The key is, how you tell her, and don't be surprised when she fires back with your negatives. We all have them :) Talk it out! Communication is KEY!!!!
  • michelleindeed
    michelleindeed Posts: 117 Member
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    My husband can tell me things like this, and I do the same to him. I know he loves me, and if he told me something like that it wouldn't be because he's not attracted to me or thinks something's wrong with me. He's just looking out for me.
    He also lets me know when he's noticed I'm losing weight, which is just awesome. :D
  • heartsoulshannon
    heartsoulshannon Posts: 59 Member
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    My husband and I are very open about our thoughts on each others' bodies. There is nothing wrong with saying, "I've noticed you've gained a little weight.. is there something I can do to help with your fitness? I want us both to live long, happy lives together." ... it's true, it's thoughtful, and it shows a team effort.


    If you say, "Baby, put down the oreos. I know your muffin top is getting Costco-big." you are likely to get served.

    this :)
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
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    I just have to say.. if my boyfriend did come to me and tell me he noticed, and he was concerned for my health, my first reaction would NOT be to break his jaw! O.O Honestly, it would be a reality check! You know when you've gained weight! BUT hearing it from someone that loves you and is honestly concerned might get her going.. she might join you. OF COURSE, it will hurt her feelings.. but I'd rather him come to me and tell me how he feels instead of him just holding it back.. I like for him to be honest with me.. whether it hurts my feelings or not.
  • GretchenReine
    GretchenReine Posts: 1,427 Member
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    Obviously,she knows.

    Don't tell her. There is such thing as justifiable homicide, you know.

    She's going to be tried by a jury of her peers...she'll get away with it too!!!
  • RedHotHunter
    RedHotHunter Posts: 560 Member
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    Bumping so I can respond later (after work). This happened to me.
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
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    Nope. I have toldy husband to tell me if he thinks I am getting chunky and he did. Sometimes people need a wake up call and if you are going to get upset because the person you married is telling you you are not the same person they fell in love with because you've put on some pounds then you have issues. There is no need to get upset when honesty is involved. My husband did. It marry a fat woman therefore I would expect him to be upset and tell me when I am putting on weight.

    Whether or not she "already knows it" if she is not doing anything about it and it clearly bothers her SO why should t something be said?

    I agree with this. I prefer honesty from my spouse. If I ask him a question about my weight, I want and expect an honest answer.

    As for "she knows it", honestly you don't know that. Some women can be in serious denial. I was. I wish my husband had told me I was putting weight on a few months ago. I could have nipped this in the bud before it got worse.

    THIS Exactly. =)
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Nope. I have toldy husband to tell me if he thinks I am getting chunky and he did. Sometimes people need a wake up call and if you are going to get upset because the person you married is telling you you are not the same person they fell in love with because you've put on some pounds then you have issues. There is no need to get upset when honesty is involved. My husband did. It marry a fat woman therefore I would expect him to be upset and tell me when I am putting on weight.

    Whether or not she "already knows it" if she is not doing anything about it and it clearly bothers her SO why should t something be said?

    I tend to agree with this to b honest!

    I didn't fall in love with a fat man, and my husband didn't fall in love with a fat woman... I know there is more to it than just looks but you gotta fancy your other half!!
  • TrailRunner61
    TrailRunner61 Posts: 2,505 Member
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    I'd kill him. It's not like anyone DOESN'T know themselves that they have gained weight! Mentioning it is nothing but rude.

    How about being constructive and trying to get her to do something active with you, suggest healthier meals WITHOUT being obvious, tell her how GOOD she looks, etc. etc.?
  • paulaviki
    paulaviki Posts: 678 Member
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    Definitely tell her. Be supportive, not critical. The response "she already knows" really isn't helping because you're worried about her health, and with me, I really didn't know.

    I agree. I'd tell my husband if he was gaining weight and I'd expect him to tell me.

    Exactly. My husband does tell me when I've put weight on, but he also tells me that he'd love me whatever size I am. I'd hate for him to be thinking I was getting overweight and not say anything!
  • missikay1970
    missikay1970 Posts: 588 Member
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    last year my husband said those words, although it was put a little differently, he said, "i joined a gym today on my lunch break, go up to the location near our house and you join, too." i was hurt of course, but knew he was right. i'm now down 43 pounds and feel amazing- best shape of my life at age 41. i am thankful he said something. i would still be sitting on my fat@$$ if he had kept quiet. (added: we have been together for 22 years and married for 20, so i think that does have something to do with it. if we were newly dating, not sure i would react the same way.)
  • jaeone
    jaeone Posts: 649 Member
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    By not saying anything, you may be giving her a message that you like her with the extra weight.

    You can Say, honey you know I love you and I would never say anything to hurt you, but you have put on some extra weight and I am afraid it may cause you some health problems in the future, and I want you around a long long time. I said these exact words to my DH. He has lost 30lbs in 3 months He is looking and feeling amazing. He thanks me at least once a week for telling him.

    Tell her.
  • HornsUT32
    HornsUT32 Posts: 163 Member
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    Won't go into the backstory...but i'll spark the discussion. Ladies, would you get upset at a husband/boyfriend/boo if he told you maybe you put on some lbs. Fellas have you ever said the dreaded words? would you?

    I may be the only one that thinks this, but there is a way to put it out there without offending her. First of all, DO NOT SAY "You are gaining weight." She already knows...she has to be able to tell by the fit of her clothes and the way she feels. Now, if you were to try and get healthy with her, that would be totally different. Perhaps join a gym together, or try new and healthy recipes. This could be tricky though, because the moment she thinks you are no longer attracted to her, there is a bit of confidence she will never get back when she is with you.

    Example: I have a friend that I was interested in a while ago, and he basically told me in so many words that he was not attracted to bigger girls (even though he is a bigger guy, but that is another story lol.) Anyhow, now that I am smaller, he really wants to date..but I can't. What is this guy going to do when he has kids, and his wife gets pregnant? She is going to gain weight....get my drift? I don't want to have to stay small for anyone but myself, and I dont want to have to worry that my man will leave me if I gain 20 pounds.

    On the other hand, if my bf (or future bf lol) wants to go to the gym with me, and wants to try new and healthy foods..that is kind of sexy!!! Do it together, don't put yourself in a position of you verses her.
  • BSchoberg
    BSchoberg Posts: 712 Member
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    Here's what you say:

    "Hi, honey - I had a little extra time today, so I've made us an awesome little (healthy) dinner. Don't worry - I'll get the dishes. The laundry is all done - folded and put away. Yeah, I know - surprised me, too! HEY! Why don't we take a walk around the neighborhood and then when we get back, I'll rub your feet for you?"

    OR

    "Baby, I have gotten SO fat - I need you to ride my *kitten* and make sure I stop slackin'..."

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