How to tell her she's gaining weight...
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I don't need him to tell me. Instead encourage me once I decide to put my weight in action mode.0
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Maybe you should stop going out who are too stupid to know they've put on weight, and too irresponsible to take charge of their own bodies. Then again, the common factor here is that you dated all of them, so...I notice all the replies from ladies she knows. Ive been in this situation several times. Each time I got the blame for letting them put on the weight and not telling, stopping and helping.
The women were all intelligent women. One was a legal PA, soon to be paralegal, one is a teacher who who got a masters and one was a qualified nurse. With them all for 5 years.
As for the common factor being me, why would you imply it is my fault? Why the *****y remark?
Good answer! I don't see why someone feels they can determine someone's intelligence with so little information.0 -
man.. i gained 130 pounds in a YEAR durring my most resent relationship .. and he didnt say anything about it even ONCE .. he told me i was beautiful almost every day ...
i WISH he would have said “you’re beautiful, now put the nachos down” but mehh what you gonna do lol0 -
Maybe you should stop going out who are too stupid to know they've put on weight, and too irresponsible to take charge of their own bodies. Then again, the common factor here is that you dated all of them, so...I notice all the replies from ladies she knows. Ive been in this situation several times. Each time I got the blame for letting them put on the weight and not telling, stopping and helping.
The women were all intelligent women. One was a legal PA, soon to be paralegal, one is a teacher who who got a masters and one was a qualified nurse. With them all for 5 years.
As for the common factor being me, why would you imply it is my fault? Why the *****y remark?
While I disagree with the previous poster saying you only date stupid women, if this has happened multiple times (your gf blaming you for her weight gain) you do seem to be dating a lot of women who don't hold themselves accountable. I would say you should focus on dating women with stronger backbones.0 -
It would hurt but its not like we both dont know it HAHA sometimes its nicer not to have people tell you though.0
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I may the lone voice of dissent but....it was the words from my husband that prompted me to adopt a healthy lifestyle and lose (so far) 139lb. He said that he was scared that I would die or become disabled from my weight and he would lose me. I was already on multiple blood pressure tablets and suffering with really bad knees.
So you can tell a woman but you need to do it with love.0 -
While I disagree with the previous poster saying you only date stupid women, if this has happened multiple times (your gf blaming you for her weight gain) you do seem to be dating a lot of women who don't hold themselves accountable. I would say you should focus on dating women with stronger backbones.
I'm a little confused her ladies. I'm commenting on thread about experiences about weight gain yet we keep drifting back to the blame in someway being mine, this time the implication is due to my choices of women? Can't we keep it on the subject of weight gain rather than those who I date and what I should do?!0 -
I gained more weight than I'm happy with in the past year or so. My husband didn't bring the subject up, I did. I knew I had to change something and I was concerned. He was happy to support me though.0
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I would say some healthy encouragement like "you seem stressed, working out helps with that" or "here let me cook dinner" and then make something healthy. I'd get the hint
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^ This. Ask about medical issues first and then if everything is fine, ask her to get healthy with you. KINDLY. In a supportive nature.I like how everyone keeps saying "she knows, she knows"....Of course she knows, but the point is she isn't doing anything about it. So it's his job as her significant other to motivate her into getting in shape. That being said, there is definitely a right and wrong approach to this. I certainly agree that it can be a very touchy subject, but I don't agree that it shouldn't be brought up.
Maybe she is trying to do something about it, but actually has a health issue. Like low thyroid levels or high insulin levels. Neither of which would be her fault. I had both and dropped 25 pounds as soon as I found out and got put on medicine for it.
Also, is she on hormonal birth control? Because women can gain weight on that0 -
I don't know, honestly.
I guess it depends how he said it.0 -
we always know!!!!0
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Obviously only you know your girl, but there are some general rules of thumb regarding this.
If it's just a few pounds, then I would keep my mouth shut. Sometimes certain monthly issues affect women's weight & the last thing you want to do is make us angry if that is the case! LOL Also, alot of people put on a protective layer in the winter and shed it in the spring, so there is no reason to comment on it if that is the case.
Now, I am going to speak from personal experience. Others may have said the same sort of things, but to be perfectly honest there are just too many comments for me to read them all.
I gained about 60 lbs over the course of 10 yrs, and never really paid any attention. I was having my children, living with their father & life was wonderful. Then we split up. And all of a sudden I was furious with myself & everyone else for not saying anything to me about the weight gain. Between the depression over my "new body image" and depression over my single status (while fat) I went from chunky to obese and now weigh close to 200 lbs more than I did pre-baby (20 years ago).
I finally took control 5 months ago. But, I say all that to say that those first 60 lbs during those baby days were the slippery slope that landed me here. IMO. I gave up, true, but had I not 'ignored' those first 60 things might be different. I really wish I would have heard a couple of comments about my changing shape so that I would have stayed in control of it better. No one said anything, and where I come from everyone gets heavier when they get married and settle down, so I thought nothing of it.
If you can say it lovingly, then I would say somethng. Let her know you love her regardless but you kinda miss the old booty(etc). Its like telling your girl you love it when she wears her hair down. When we can give our partner things that we know turn them on, we do. It's all in how you approach it. But, whatever you do, DO NOT tell her that you like the way another girl is shaped, etc. Or if you do, prepare to move out cause your gonna have a major battle on your hands.0 -
About 1 year ago, my husband and I were in a fight.. I had actually gained quite a bit of weight... obviously I knew it but he said it didn't bother him and all that.. he said he loved me anyway.. but when we were arguing he said I had gotten fat and do I think that it is attractive to him? Of course he said it meanly.. it did hurt my feelings but I looked at myself and I was like, DANG, I used to look good.. what have I let happen.. LOL!!! anyway it sparked me to change my eating, exercise and all that.. I think you should mention it before it goes to far.. in a nice and loving way but tell the truth.. that is always best...0
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I just say "remember when you looked like this?" Then show her a pic of her in college.0
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The best thing is to lead by example. DO NOT I MEAN I REPEAT DO NOT EVER EVER EVER comment on a woman's weight gain.
It's like the Bermuda triangle, no coming back from that !!!0 -
I just say "remember when you looked like this?" Then show her a pic of her in college.
I think I found them all and burned them. Who wants cake?0 -
IMO if Im puttin in work to look good for you, I expect the same in return. I'm not saying you have to be all gung ho in the gym 5x a week, and super anal about your diet. But a little effort to maintain your figure is appreciated. Keeping yourself in physical shape is like keeping your relationship in shape. It takes work and maintenance. And in many ways keeps the spark alive. Letting yourself go is unattractive.0
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If you are genuinely concerned for someone's health, it's ok, as long as you say it respectfully.
If someone gains a bit of weight over a stressful period in their lives, but you aren't worried about their weight, just your sexual attraction to her, don't be selfish. Support her in getting through her stress without also having to worry that you aren't attracted to her for a minute. If you truly care for your partner, the relationship will survive without sex for a while. For those who say, "He didn't marry a fat woman," be careful of what standard you set up. He also didn't marry an old woman/unemployed woman/depressed woman, you get the point. If your partner gains weight and it is prolonged and truly affecting your attraction for the long haul, proceed with caution. A lot of it. Know your partner, know what would help and what wouldn't, what would hurt too much.
For me, hearing from my partner that he doesn't find me attractive wouldn't help in the slightest. If I'm struggling with my weight, it has nothing to do with him or what he thinks of me. I also don't blame him for my health or inability to notice that I have to wear bigger clothing.
I once mentioned to him years ago my concern for his health. I wasn't mean and focused only on health. He was stressed, I knew it, and his weight wasn't about me or my attraction to him. My feelings about his looks weren't a factor--it would have been selfish with what was going on in his life. I found out last night when he put on a pair of shorts and realized they were tight that it hurt him. I told him I didn't notice that he had gained weight so maybe the shorts had shrunk. He was worried and needed reassurance and brought up the one and only time in his life where he ever had to monitor his weight, from several years ago, and the fact that I had noticed. (I would too struggle with insecurity if I was so unattractive to my husband that he felt the need to point it out to me. What about when I get wrinkles? Stretch marks? Birth marks? Gray hair?)
All that said, but what's with all the black eyes and jaw breaking talk? It's a bummer double standard. A man saying "If she told me that, I'd break her jaw" would get all sorts of flak.0 -
just be like GIRLLL YOU GETTING CHUNNKKAYYYY!! jk
just do some active activities together go for a jog go to a fitness class together, bonding and achieving what you want at the same time
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While I disagree with the previous poster saying you only date stupid women, if this has happened multiple times (your gf blaming you for her weight gain) you do seem to be dating a lot of women who don't hold themselves accountable. I would say you should focus on dating women with stronger backbones.
I'm a little confused her ladies. I'm commenting on thread about experiences about weight gain yet we keep drifting back to the blame in someway being mine, this time the implication is due to my choices of women? Can't we keep it on the subject of weight gain rather than those who I date and what I should do?!
Matt, I really don't understand why people are on your *kitten*. What you said in your original post is valid. I have never blamed anyone else (e.g. my husband saying something or failing to do so) for my weight gain or the weight staying on, but there is certainly a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" quality to this topic in a relationship. What you said about the deadly cascade of the heavier partner losing self-confidence, then it affecting sex and the general quality of the relationship is spot on, in my opinion. You can never un-know that your partner is less attracted to you, and that's tough to take. I admire women who can take that information with equanimity, use it to inspire change, and then happily share their hard new body with the man who told them they had gotten so fat it affected how he felt about her, but for me, that information is always going to leave a scar, regardless of whether it's couched in more acceptable "I'm worried about your health" language.0 -
IMO if Im puttin in work to look good for you, I expect the same in return. I'm not saying you have to all gung ho in the gym 5x a week, and super anal about your diet. But a little effort to maintain your figure is appreciated. Keeping yourself in physical shape is like keeping your relationship in shape. It takes work and maintenance. And in many ways keeps the spark alive. Letting yourself go is unattractive.
Agreed. I would be upset if my SO waited until he found me unattractive before saying anything about it. I want him to think I look good and I expect a similar effort in return.0 -
tell her she has something on her chin... no, the other chin.0
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Instead of outwardly saying it - why not just ask her to join you for your daily exercise? 0
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I think if she's too stupid to know already, you need a new lady.
If you're too stupid to know she knows, she needs a new man.0 -
I am sure this has been said before but take the initiative and make time for both of you to do active things, cook her healthy meals, start her on the path and I bet she follows.0
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Quote:
"oh lol. This is going to be good. It's all about the approach. I never get on my husband about his weight. I started working out myself, and he began making comments about my losing weight and he should start working out again like I was. I told him that I love him the way he is and if he wanted to join me, we could work out together. So far he has not done it, but I am feeling better about myself and my weight now, which is a big plus, and he is getting more motivated the better I look because he keeps saying one day he will have to protect his territory better from other guys. Lol.
In my experience, weight is a very touchy subject and leads to fights"
Unquote
I TOTALLY agree with this, my boyfriend is a lot more overweight than me and struggles with health issues becuase of it. I started doing things for my own health/weightloss and he started saying "I've got to do something about my weight/health" all the time, I only said that he is a responisble man and I trust he will do something. Two days after I found MFP he stared using it and is more faithful than I am. I didn't need to do anything but let him see that I could make better choices 0 -
Only if you would like to completely give up sex and never see her naked again.
For real!0 -
tell her she has something on her chin... no, the other chin.
LMAO!0 -
My gynecologist who was a man mentioned my weight in April and advised I should lose weight for my future child and make him/her my motivation. If it was my husband I dunno if it would help me to improve my life if he comes out and says I need to lose weight. Maybe invite her along when you workout and encourage her to get on MFP. Just approach her lightly about it.0
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