How to tell her she's gaining weight...
Replies
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Maybe, just maybe, she is gaining weight because she is happy with you and eating with you! Maybe, just maybe, you should not remind her that she is gaining weight, i'm positive she knows that when she looks in the mirror every day. That is what happens with people are happy with eachother!0
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Y'know, it's a shame you can't be honest with your wife. I think you should just tell her. *runs for cover*
PS Record the event and post it on YouTube.0 -
I like how everyone keeps saying "she knows, she knows"....Of course she knows, but the point is she isn't doing anything about it. So it's his job as her significant other to motivate her into getting in shape. That being said, there is definitely a right and wrong approach to this. I certainly agree that it can be a very touchy subject, but I don't agree that it shouldn't be brought up.
As far as the right approach, only you will know how to approach her. You have known her for years, and are better voiced at how to tell her certain things. Figure out the best possible approach and go from there.
I think this is an excellent point. Lots of women know, but they have other things going on and they might not care at the moment to do anything about it. I gained 60 lbs during my 6 years at college. There is no way everyone around me didn't notice or that I didn't notice. I noticed every 10 lbs. Sure it bugged me, but not enough to do anything about it. And with each gain I just got used to it, it was normal, what did I care.
There are lots of ways to tell someone they are putting on weight, specially if it is unhealthy. My husband (boyfriend at the time) started to make little hints that I didn't even really recognize about halfway through my weight gain like, "I feel like we don't get out and do stuff as much as we used to". (Play frisbee, disc golf, walk, etc.) I knew that as well, and again I didn't really care enough to do anything about it. Every time I mentioned my weight, he'd chime in that he noticed a little extra weight in some areas, but just a little, everything else looked nice. XD Which was such an understatement. (Granted he knew I was okay with these kind of comments before saying them.)
Finally I ended up finding the motivation for myself. And now he is really supportive. Telling someone doesn't always equal motivating them. I think the lack of motivation is what causes most of the bad reactions since they know they aren't going to do anything about it and that just reinforces to them how there is a problem and it wont' get better.0 -
Sweetheart - you're getting fat.
See...it's that easy!
If my husband said that to me I'd probably say "yeah, I can fix that but you'll always be a stupid *kitten*." And there'd be no sex for a very. long. time . . . it's difficult to feel even remotely sexy around someone who insults your appearance.
I fail to understand how being HONEST is insulting??????
No wonder the divorce rate is so high. Spouses (mostly husbands) can't even be honest with their mate because they are going to feel insulted and withold sex.
Jesus, no wonder there is such a high incidence of cheating going on.0 -
Question
How do yu tell her she's gaining weight ?
Answer's
Over the phone
From afar
From a moving vechile
In the form of a card
As you are leaving forever0 -
Question
How do yu tell her she's gaining weight ?
Answer's
Over the phone
From afar
From a moving vechile
In the form of a card
As you are leaving forever
I find it sad how scared you are to be honest with you SO.0 -
My husband told me he was worried about my health and lack of exercise - he's always been very fit. But he never said fat, or mentioned weight at all. Just that he wanted us to be together a long time living long healthy lives.
He never stopped telling me I was beautiful and our sex didn't suffer but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......0 -
but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......
Weird.0 -
Question
How do yu tell her she's gaining weight ?
Answer's
Over the phone
From afar
From a moving vechile
In the form of a card
As you are leaving forever
I find it sad how scared you are to be honest with you SO.
Ah, don;t be sad, don;t cry big guy. You want a hug?0 -
She DEFINITELY already knows. A more helpful approach might be to just invite her on a hike or a bike ride, make some healthy food together in the kitchen, send her yummy low-calorie recipes in an email, tell her about some new exercise you learned about. I dunno, being direct is fine, but when someone is already self-conscious about something, it almost always feels like a criticism, whether it's meant to be or not, whether the person knows it's not, sometimes our internal talking won't allow us to think rationally, so a softer approach might help, at least at first...0
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but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......
Weird.
Any reason why that's weird? I know from his general behaviour/staring/compliments that he is more attracted to me now. I am smaller now than I was when we first met with 1lb to go.
I'm pleased he tried to tell me tactfully and did not make me feel ugly and giant at the time though.0 -
If my boyfriend told me that I would be very hurt. So you better don't say anything about it.0
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but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......
Weird.
Any reason why that's weird? I know from his general behaviour/staring/compliments that he is more attracted to me now. I am smaller now than I was when we first met with 1lb to go.
It's not actually weird, it was more of a sarcastic weird. Like, hmm you lost weight, got healthy and now your husband finds you even more attractive...ya don't say??
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I might feel hurt but I want to know!!!!! So yes you better tell me!!!! So all this ladies are saying don't tell her because she already knows....?????? Then how come they ain't doin anything to fix it??0
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You don't say a word. I never said a word when my Hubby gained a weight while he was doing an office job. He eventually lost the weight. He never said a word when I gained weight over a year of sickness. I am almost done losing the weight. Just be supportive. It is an entirely touchy subject.0
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but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......
Weird.
Any reason why that's weird? I know from his general behaviour/staring/compliments that he is more attracted to me now. I am smaller now than I was when we first met with 1lb to go.
It's not actually weird, it was more of a sarcastic weird. Like, hmm you lost weight, got healthy and now your husband finds you even more attractive...ya don't say??
Fair enough! I was a little confused.... :drinker:0 -
So she knows she's getting fat but she's not doing anything about it? Shame on her! Put her in the stocks and throw rotten eggs at her! Seriously - what's with the fat naziism here? Did I black out and miss the bit where it became obligatory to "do something about it" if you gained weight?
This could be because:
- She is exhausted after work / looking after the kids / whatever it is that she does
- She has a medical issue
- She doesn't think it's the big deal that you think it is (either because she was too skinny to start with, or because she can live with being a few lbs overweight)
- She DOES think it's a big deal, but feels overwhelmed by the seemingly unsurmountable task of losing the weight and doesn't know where to start
- She doesn't like the thought of being the fat one in a gym surrounded by toned, hard bodies
- She doesn't want losers shouting at her from passing cars as she goes running (have read many of those posts here)
Or she could just be lazy (which wasn't a crime the last time I checked).
Give her a break. If you MUST say something, check your motivation ("her health"? really?) and pick your words with extreme care. It is possible to be honest without being hurtful or rude.0 -
Because nothing gets a woman in the mood more than being told she's getting fat?
^^This. "Hey, you're getting fat"...then he wants to have sex later on? As if!
Word. It's not withholding out of spite; it's that the sentiments "My partner hates my body" and "Hey, let's get naked so you can look at and touch every part of me! I have no inhibitions!" don't run concurrently in most women.0 -
My husband told me he was worried about my health and lack of exercise - he's always been very fit. But he never said fat, or mentioned weight at all. Just that he wanted us to be together a long time living long healthy lives.
He never stopped telling me I was beautiful and our sex didn't suffer but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......
^^^^THIS is a great way to communicate with your SO.0 -
No one likes to be told that they're fat. I'll give you that much. However, the defensiveness and outright hostility in this thread boggle the mind. How can any of you, in good conscience, just expect your partner to be okay with you gaining weight and becoming overweight/obese/fatter in general? What makes you think that just because you're in a relationship, you can stop taking care of yourself and s/he'll still be sexually attracted to you? I'm not saying you're unlovable because you've gained weight, but physical attraction isn't guaranteed if you pack on 50 lbs.
Yes, she probably knows she has gained weight. That is beside the point. The issue at hand is that she's 1.) gained enough that it's noticeable, and 2.) the weight gain bothers her partner. Should he say something? If she shows no signs of caring about her current weight, is exhibiting self-destructive behaviors that will keep her gaining, refuses to exercise, or just stops taking care of her health with regards to weight and physical activity, then absolutely he should say something!
It's not fair to come into the relationship as one person and morph into another without so much as a care for your partner's feelings. I absolutely disagree that he should shut up and take it. Those of you who think he's out of line for wanting to even broach the topic with his SO really need to evaluate your own relationships a little more closely.0 -
I fail to understand how being HONEST is insulting??????
No wonder the divorce rate is so high. Spouses (mostly husbands) can't even be honest with their mate because they are going to feel insulted and withold sex.
Jesus, no wonder there is such a high incidence of cheating going on.
So, you're saying that it's perfectly justifiable to cheat after your spouse turns you down because you were an insensitive jerk and basically called them a fatass? :noway: :explode:0 -
I fail to understand how being HONEST is insulting??????
No wonder the divorce rate is so high. Spouses (mostly husbands) can't even be honest with their mate because they are going to feel insulted and withold sex.
Jesus, no wonder there is such a high incidence of cheating going on.
So, you're saying that it's perfectly justifiable to cheat after your spouse turns you down because you were an insensitive jerk and basically called them a fatass? :noway: :explode:
Talking to your spouse about weight does not make you "an insensitive jerk" or mean you are calling them a "fatass". My wife and I have open discussion about our weight. We are a team. We are both working together to achieve our goals, and honest feedback is welcomed. I always lol when women talk about witholding sex. Good luck with that.
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Those of you who think he's out of line for wanting to even broach the topic with his SO really need to evaluate your own relationships a little more closely.
Why? Maybe they are ok in their relationships. And physical attraction and fidelity is never guaranteed. *If* you have enough foundation built with the right person, fading physical attraction will not automatically translate to infidelity. (Also, people have different priorities. I'm a lot more concerned about the mortgage and my job and my own body than whether or not my hubby has gained a few. I did get worried the one time I noticed he seemed to be gaining in an unhealthy way--but for his health.)
No one will look the same as the people their partners married over time. I'm curious about how the people who expect (and are expected) to maintain a certain standard of attractiveness will handle this in their relationships. (I'm not judging or implying they will break up when one is less hot--I'm really curious.) (People can still have sexual attraction when their physiques change.)0 -
I hope we don't see OP in the crime section of the paper O.o0
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Oh, point out the her top lip is getting a touch hairy as well, if you want to be subtle and come right out straight and say it, just start calling her Tom Selleck, and provided she isn't a PI she should get the hint.
BWAHAHA! LOVE this comment!0 -
I always lol when women talk about witholding sex. Good luck with that.
And this is why I'm not in a relationship...and don't need one.0 -
Maybe have her pose for a picture with you? Pictures do not lie. Problem solved.0
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My fiance and I are losing weight together. Its hard work! If I got to a healthy weight and started gaining again, I would EXPECT him to say something! I don't want to fall back into a lazy pattern that puts me right back where I started!
But, our relationship is a very candid one and this may not work for everyone! It depends on the girl and the relationship, and more importantly, the approach taken.0 -
I always lol when women talk about witholding sex. Good luck with that.
And this is why I'm not in a relationship...and don't need one.
I wonder if its acceptable for a man to withhold cuddles and kisses if he doesn't like what happens in a relationship?0 -
I always lol when women talk about witholding sex. Good luck with that.
And this is why I'm not in a relationship...and don't need one.
I wonder if its acceptable for a man to withhold cuddles and kisses if he doesn't like what happens in a relationship?
I assume they do when they are mad or hurt with something their partners said. Because people don't feel like cuddling the people they are mad at in the moment usually.0
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