How to tell her she's gaining weight...
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Warning: My SO said this to me once when we started dating, and I didn't speak to him for two weeks.
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Chances are, she knows.
That being typed, and I wish my SO did this, tell her that you were thinking about getting more active and healthy. Ask if she wants to join you because it will be fun to work as a team. Go on walks together; play Zumba; take up a dance class. With the latter, you can get a workout, bond, have fun, and learn a new skill along the way.
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I admit, I'm tired and didn't go through all 9 pages of this thread so this most likely is a repeat.
I vote don't tell her. She knows. She sees it in the mirror, she feels it in her clothes. Hearing it from you will hurt. Try planning activities where you are moving more - go for more walks, go hiking, tour some museums, or heck, walk around the mall. When you go out for dinner, choose places that have healthier options and order them yourself. She'll get the hint and may even open up the discussion before you do. If she says "do you think I'm getting heavy/fat/chubby/whatever?" Answer with "I haven't really noticed, I think you are beautiful no matter what. But how do YOU feel?"
Good luck.0 -
I wish my husband would have told me I looked like a michelin man instead of using suttle insults about how much I was eating or glared at me whenever i ate more than him. It's best to comeout and say it "so and so" your fat and we are going to battle this bulge together. then show "so and so" a recent picture. Hopefully "so and so" is aware of the fat creeping on and will thank you once 20lbs shrinks away! Lots of good luck to you!!!0
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I wish my husband would have told me I looked like a michelin man instead of using suttle insults about how much I was eating or glared at me whenever i ate more than him. It's best to comeout and say it "so and so" your fat and we are going to battle this bulge together. then show "so and so" a recent picture. Hopefully "so and so" is aware of the fat creeping on and will thank you once 20lbs shrinks away! Lots of good luck to you!!!
Hm, you know, getting a camera and taking some unflattering pics while pretending to just be goofing off might not be a bad idea. Just don't rub her nose in it if she says she looks fat when she sees them. But don't disagree, either. Tell her she's still beautiful to you, but you'd love it if she would workout with you.0 -
My husband and I are very open we can tell each other anything so everyone is different in our case I was at my biggest when he married me .and he loved me anyway and know I'm losing the weight for me our six kids and him but first and for most myself so it wouldn't bother me not one bit to me you need to lighting up if it upsets you if you know he loves you what is that to be upset about0
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Wow. You're brave for even considering it. I hope you can run faster than she can throw.0
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Personally, it'd be a nice kick in the *kitten*. We all know when we are gaining weight, but I feel we secretly pretend people don't notice.. Let me know you're noticing, and I'll try harder to lose it. But that's just me. Some women (or men) can be overly sensitive. :P0
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DO. NOT. TELL. HER!
Invite her to workout with you, encourage her when she talks about wanting to lose, share your weight loss journey with her...but don't straight up tell her she's fat!0 -
DO. NOT. TELL. HER!
Invite her to workout with you, encourage her when she talks about wanting to lose, share your weight loss journey with her...but don't straight up tell her she's fat!
This.....do this0 -
IMO if Im puttin in work to look good for you, I expect the same in return. I'm not saying you have to be all gung ho in the gym 5x a week, and super anal about your diet. But a little effort to maintain your figure is appreciated. Keeping yourself in physical shape is like keeping your relationship in shape. It takes work and maintenance. And in many ways keeps the spark alive. Letting yourself go is unattractive.
Completely 100 % agree with this!!!0 -
Trust me, she already knows. Telling her that *you* know isn't helping anyone.
How is it NOT helping anyone? Most people are in denial about it.
I appreciate my husband for telling me the truth, even if I don't like it at the time.
Women STOP being so damn sensitive, buck up and appreciate that you have a man that will be honest with YOU.0 -
If you tell a woman "Baby, you need to lose some weight." It wouldn't matter what you said to me afterwards, no matter if you were concerned for my health.... if you were going to reward me with a million dollars for my weight loss. You wouldn't be able to speak because i'd have broken your jaw by then.
NOW. That being typed.... there's a way to go about it. And the best way is to offer to do it with her. Offering support is the best thing ever.
WOW, overly sensitive much???
This is why men are not honest with women. SMDH0 -
Trust me, she already knows. Telling her that *you* know isn't helping anyone.
How is it NOT helping anyone? Most people are in denial about it.
I appreciate my husband for telling me the truth, even if I don't like it at the time.
Women STOP being so damn sensitive, buck up and appreciate that you have a man that will be honest with YOU.
Seriously, "honest"? It isn't "honest" to give an opinion that wasn't asked for. It's just rude. Now, if the OP's lady was asking "Have I gained weight? Do I look fat in this?" Saying something would be honest. If you don't mind your man being a rude jerk, that's fine. But don't put down my man for having a little tact.0 -
While I disagree with the previous poster saying you only date stupid women, if this has happened multiple times (your gf blaming you for her weight gain) you do seem to be dating a lot of women who don't hold themselves accountable. I would say you should focus on dating women with stronger backbones.
I'm a little confused her ladies. I'm commenting on thread about experiences about weight gain yet we keep drifting back to the blame in someway being mine, this time the implication is due to my choices of women? Can't we keep it on the subject of weight gain rather than those who I date and what I should do?!
I am not saying the blame is yours. Quite the opposite. I'm saying the blame is on the ladies here, but you can't "fix" your lady, you can only date a different type. If you want this to stop happening, date women who take responsibility for themselves. Because if you think that the type of woman who would blame someone else for her weight gain would appreciate her partner pointing it out, you're going to get your *kitten* chewed out whether you deserve it or not.0 -
A few things
1) 99% of the time nobody is telling you that you are getting fat because of their concern for your "health" so dont pretend that you are.
2) This will go one of two ways
A) You tell her she is getting fat and she gets super depressed and it will have the opposite effect.
b) You tell her and she gets really fn pissed at YOU
3) Being fit and in shape has to come from within ONE person. Its not as easy as saying "hey babe, lets exercise" - it just doesn't work that way. The drive has to come within. That drive will not appear by you telling her either.
The best way to go about this is by leading by example. I dont agree with telling your lady she is fat or has gained. She does already know. Shes prob already depressed about it. Change your lifestyle and 9/10 she will follow.0 -
Trust me, she already knows. Telling her that *you* know isn't helping anyone.
How is it NOT helping anyone? Most people are in denial about it.
I appreciate my husband for telling me the truth, even if I don't like it at the time.
Women STOP being so damn sensitive, buck up and appreciate that you have a man that will be honest with YOU.
Seriously, "honest"? It isn't "honest" to give an opinion that wasn't asked for. It's just rude. Now, if the OP's lady was asking "Have I gained weight? Do I look fat in this?" Saying something would be honest. If you don't mind your man being a rude jerk, that's fine. But don't put down my man for having a little tact.
A man shouldn't have to be asked to state a FACT, it is NOT an opinion. How is that rude if that is your significant other?
It's not tact. I would never be with a man that is a wimp and won't speak his mind. And my husband isn't rude.
I find it hilarious that you find honesty as rudeness.
Women want everything to be sugar coated for them. Reality should sometimes smack you in the face.
You and your mate should be able to have OPEN and HONEST dialog with one another and that means being able to tell the other one that they have gained weight, don't like something particular, etc.
Grow up and stop being a sensitive baby.
I wanted to add this quote I just saw on my face book page.............it applies here with this topic.When you lose the ability to communicate, there is no understanding. When there is no understanding, there is no appreciation for how others feel. And when that happens, start packing because the relationship is over! ~ Michael Baisden0 -
My husband and I are very open about our thoughts on each others' bodies. There is nothing wrong with saying, "I've noticed you've gained a little weight.. is there something I can do to help with your fitness? I want us both to live long, happy lives together." ... it's true, it's thoughtful, and it shows a team effort.
If you say, "Baby, put down the oreos. I know your muffin top is getting Costco-big." you are likely to get served.
I totally agree. I ask my husband his opinion since he can see me better than I can in the mirror, if I get mad, I get mad at myself. It's not like he forced me to gain weight. I think it really depends on the woman's personality though. Some may like a wake up call, some may like an offer to go do an activity outside, and sometimes it's best to wait until she brings it up. And if you can't read what type she is, then don't bring it up unless spoken to. And if the time comes, use tact. I had a friend who was "helping" me when I was trying to lose weight a couple years ago by telling me to stop eating every time I'd eat in front of him. It drove me crazy. I don't want to be bossed around. I'd say helping to set goals is better than policing.0 -
women and their double standards, get over yourselves. I'll tell my SO if it needs to be done, this is why we are in a relationship and intimate so we can share and be honest. I feel I would be failing in my responsibilities if I didn't mention she was letting herself go, I highly doubt she would rather me go out and start checking out chicks who are more visually appealing. Of course I wouldn't tell her she was fat, there are more tactful ways to go about talking to the ones we love. the one exception of course is when she was preg and while breastfeeding but that's a pretty obvious reason. She would not hesitate to tell me if I was slipping, you can put money on that0
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A few things
1) 99% of the time nobody is telling you that you are getting fat because of their concern for your "health" so dont pretend that you are.
& 87% of stats said on the internet are made up...0 -
Let me be CLEAR!!!!! We are not morons, we own mirrors, and we feel the struggle to close our pants. You telling us, is only going to make us feel worse then we already do. You want to see a change, START COOKING SOME HEALTHY MEALS, SUGGEST MORE ACTIVE OUTINGS - BUT don't be a jerk, and make her feel like you think she is disgusting. THAT is ALL SHE WILL HEAR if you tell her.0
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