How to tell her she's gaining weight...
Replies
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I agree, she knows. Keep loving her and supporting her and DON'T be a nag. Maybe though,maybe, find a way very gently to say you have noticed. Get her to log her food on here if she hasn't started yet. Ask her to go on after dinner walks with you.0
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She may notice, but not think she's gaining THAT much weight. I started to pack on a cpl pounds, so I started avoiding the scale. I would have LOVED for my significant other, or anyone for that matter, to have said something, TACTFULLY, to help me avoid the 25 pounds I am now fighting to get off. It's easier to put it on then take it off, and if someone you love will help divert a catastrophe, ESPECIALLY because it affects your health, SAY something. Perspective - if they picked up smoking, and it bothered you, would you say something about that???? Just curious
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A woman only wants to hear how beautiful she is. Then and only then will she be happy enough to lose it on her own.
Yup Yup so true!0 -
You know, there's knowing, and then there's *knowing*.
Self image is a tricky thing.
Then there's also knowing, but not really giving the knowledge adequate importance in one's mind.
The truth is, that barring better information, we don't know how aware she is, how truthful she is with herself about the extent, or whether she deems it important enough to do something to fix it.
(Speaking from experience.)0 -
You just announce you are going on a diet get fit plan. She will want to diet/ work out with you. *I hope* Working out together can be fun!Won't go into the backstory...but i'll spark the discussion. Ladies, would you get upset at a husband/boyfriend/boo if he told you maybe you put on some lbs. Fellas have you ever said the dreaded words? would you?0 -
Oh this is such a touchy subject... Let's just say this, if you love her and I mean truely in love with her, you would NOT say anything at all!!! It would be very smart of you to not say anything.....
My ex-husband called me fat almost everyday, guess what I got fatter, I didn't lose the weight...
My fiance: tells me everyday I'm not fat (although I am!!) and tells me I'm beautiful more than once a day and guess what I'm becoming more healthier and losing the weight...
JUST DON'T DO IT!
there's a big difference between calling someone fat all the time which is just being a jerk and telling someone "I love you, you're sexy, it would probably be good for you to lose some weight."
Agreed... my ex-husband was a jerk, hence the ex.... But somebody telling me I need to do something or should do something makes me want to do the opposite.0 -
Won't go into the backstory...but i'll spark the discussion. Ladies, would you get upset at a husband/boyfriend/boo if he told you maybe you put on some lbs. Fellas have you ever said the dreaded words? would you?
My advice...DON'T SAY A WORD! More than likely she already knows. The best thing you can do for yourself and for her is figure out why you love her in the first place and focus on those points until she decides to do something about it, at which point you give her the support she needs. You can't force someone to lose weight, so it's best to just wait for the moment when she makes that decision FOR HERSELF. Now, you could maybe invite her to come workout with you sometime just to spend time together....or maybe go for a walk in the evening. Maybe the healthy activity will inspire her.0 -
Oh this is such a touchy subject... Let's just say this, if you love her and I mean truely in love with her, you would NOT say anything at all!!! It would be very smart of you to not say anything.....
My ex-husband called me fat almost everyday, guess what I got fatter, I didn't lose the weight...
My fiance: tells me everyday I'm not fat (although I am!!) and tells me I'm beautiful more than once a day and guess what I'm becoming more healthier and losing the weight...
JUST DON'T DO IT!
there's a big difference between calling someone fat all the time which is just being a jerk and telling someone "I love you, you're sexy, it would probably be good for you to lose some weight."
Agreed... my ex-husband was a jerk, hence the ex.... But somebody telling me I need to do something or should do something makes me want to do the opposite.
Your jerk ex-husband aside, it's completely your right to react to information as you see fit. And to not be surprised at the reaction which *that* can induce.0 -
I am sure she knows. Telling her will ultimately piss her off and you will get a major attitude. Maybe try encouraging her to do activities with you or go for walks.
This is the best way to approach it...she probably already knows and is probably already unhappy about it. Encourage the physical activities like this and then see if she starts conversation about things during/after these walks and go from there.
Mm, I can't agree with this. We're not idiots, encouraging her to go for a walk, to order a salad - that just hurts. My boyfriend does that because that's what he thinks is supportive. He knows I'm trying to lose weight, and his helping is telling me to order a salad when he orders a burger with extra fries, tells me I should go to the gym when he's sitting in front of a computer screen. I think leading by example is the best way, to try and encourage her through your actions. You come home from the gym and say "god I feel great!" or go "what are you cooking tomorrow night, I'm really keen to try this [insert healthy recipe]". Doing it together, regardless of the differences in your weightloss goals/the amount you have to lose, is probably your best shot. In my opinion, of course, everyone's different and reacts differently to things.0 -
Is love letting someone eat themselves to death? At some point I think there is a moral obligation to step in and let them know that what they are doing is affecting their quality of life.Oh this is such a touchy subject... Let's just say this, if you love her and I mean truely in love with her, you would NOT say anything at all!!! It would be very smart of you to not say anything.....
My ex-husband called me fat almost everyday, guess what I got fatter, I didn't lose the weight...
My fiance: tells me everyday I'm not fat (although I am!!) and tells me I'm beautiful more than once a day and guess what I'm becoming more healthier and losing the weight...
JUST DON'T DO IT!
How do you feel about your partner lying to you every day?0 -
I'm a pretty logical and realistic person. If my husband told me I was gaining weight, I would be upset at myself for gaining and not him. Now if he teased me about it or made me feel ashamed of myself on purpose, that might be different. But if he sat me down and told me he was concerned for my health and he noticed I was gaining weight, and perhaps proposed a change in our diets or exercise programs to help me, I'd probably agree with him.
I like to think I could be open and honest with him if the roles were reversed, and I'd like to be able to be straight forward with him without hurting his feelings, so I afford him the same. He rarely hurts my feelings.... I know he always means well.0 -
I personally would appreciate the honesty and hear it from someone who cares for me. Rather than hearing it from someone who I haven't seen in a while. I always say you can say anything you want but it's how you say it. Not everyone notices they are gaining weight as we don't see what we don't want to. I didn't notice I was gaining weight although I was buying bigger clothes, when I looked in the mirror, I saw what I wanted to see until I saw a pic of me while on vacation and almost didn't recognize myself. If my man would've told me I was gaining weight you best believe I would've put myself in check real fast as I would always want to look my best for him as well as for myself.0
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I am curious how to tell her this too. Hmmm... can you also help me tell her she smells funny and her sister is hotter than her?0
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My husband and I are very open about our thoughts on each others' bodies. There is nothing wrong with saying, "I've noticed you've gained a little weight.. is there something I can do to help with your fitness? I want us both to live long, happy lives together." ... it's true, it's thoughtful, and it shows a team effort.
If you say, "Baby, put down the oreos. I know your muffin top is getting Costco-big." you are likely to get served.
This is the Best answer and one I agree with wholeheartedly. It's what my husband and I do and though it stings at first, we always have the other's best interest in mind when we talk about it. Don't you want your partner to live a long, healthy, life with you?0 -
If you tell a woman "Baby, you need to lose some weight." It wouldn't matter what you said to me afterwards, no matter if you were concerned for my health.... if you were going to reward me with a million dollars for my weight loss. You wouldn't be able to speak because i'd have broken your jaw by then.
NOW. That being typed.... there's a way to go about it. And the best way is to offer to do it with her. Offering support is the best thing ever.
^^^^ Oh i love this ^^^^^ Agree 100%%%0 -
Is love letting someone eat themselves to death? At some point I think there is a moral obligation to step in and let them know that what they are doing is affecting their quality of life.Oh this is such a touchy subject... Let's just say this, if you love her and I mean truely in love with her, you would NOT say anything at all!!! It would be very smart of you to not say anything.....
My ex-husband called me fat almost everyday, guess what I got fatter, I didn't lose the weight...
My fiance: tells me everyday I'm not fat (although I am!!) and tells me I'm beautiful more than once a day and guess what I'm becoming more healthier and losing the weight...
JUST DON'T DO IT!
How do you feel about your partner lying to you every day?
+1
And not necessarily "eating themselves to death."
(Proverbial "you" follows, of course.)
People who say that if you really love her you don't care what she looks like etc are living a pipe dream. A complete and healthy relationship involves that sort of love yes, but it also includes physical attraction. If you allow that attraction to die, you are allowing the relationship to faulter. Don't you owe it to your mate to preserve your mutual relationship as best you can? And perhaps your relationship can survive the loss of the physical. Perhaps not.0 -
I am curious how to tell her this too. Hmmm... can you also help me tell her she smells funny and her sister is hotter than her?
You can't tell her that her sister is hotter than her that you tell your guy friends lol...
As far as telling her that she smells and that she's gaining weight you tell her, hun I know this is a touchy subject but I know you want me to be honest with you and although I don't really want sound like a jerk I want us to have a relationship that we can talk about anything so I'm going to tell you and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. I'm not sure if you're using a new soap or perfume but it smells a little funny to me (you can always just buy her nice smelling shower gels and perfumes for bath and body works or victoria secret or even walmart sells stuff like it if you want to avoid the smell convo) and also it seems like you've put on a few lbs and before anyone else brings it to your attention I rather you hear it from me that cares about you rather than not bring it to your attention and then when someone else tells you you get upset with me for not telling you.
With most women you can't win. If you tell her, your fudged and if you don't tell her, you still fudged. So you might as well tell her since you're most likely fudged anyways. lol0 -
Is love letting someone eat themselves to death? At some point I think there is a moral obligation to step in and let them know that what they are doing is affecting their quality of life.Oh this is such a touchy subject... Let's just say this, if you love her and I mean truely in love with her, you would NOT say anything at all!!! It would be very smart of you to not say anything.....
My ex-husband called me fat almost everyday, guess what I got fatter, I didn't lose the weight...
My fiance: tells me everyday I'm not fat (although I am!!) and tells me I'm beautiful more than once a day and guess what I'm becoming more healthier and losing the weight...
JUST DON'T DO IT!
How do you feel about your partner lying to you every day?
And just why do you think he is LYING to her everyday? What a ***** *kitten* reply. You dont know her or him or **** for that matter. There is not f*cking moral **** for anybody to "step" into. You either love your partner for who they are or you dont. Period the end. Pretty fn sure that you would know if you married somebody who is so concerned abt your looks they would leave you for it. Those type of people dont hide that *kitten*.0 -
I am curious how to tell her this too. Hmmm... can you also help me tell her she smells funny and her sister is hotter than her?
While holding your nose: "You know, the fat is literally coming out of your pores. Your sister doesn't have this problem."0 -
As the other posters have said, she already knows. Whether she is willing/able to face up to it is a different story. The best way to help someone you are concerned for is make it seem like it is your crusade and ask for her support/help/company.
For example, "Sweetie, I have been thinking about cleaning up my eating habits and hitting the gym. I am gonna have to start slow, like making sure I eat fruits/veggies every day and taking walks after dinner. Would you be willing to do this with me? It would really help me stay motivated if I had a buddy."0 -
As the other posters have said, she already knows. Whether she is willing/able to face up to it is a different story. The best way to help someone you are concerned for is make it seem like it is your crusade and ask for her support/help/company.
For example, "Sweetie, I have been thinking about cleaning up my eating habits and hitting the gym. I am gonna have to start slow, like making sure I eat fruits/veggies every day and taking walks after dinner. Would you be willing to do this with me? It would really help me stay motivated if I had a buddy."
This is a good way too!0 -
I am curious how to tell her this too. Hmmm... can you also help me tell her she smells funny and her sister is hotter than her?
While holding your nose: "You know, the fat is literally coming out of your pores. Your sister doesn't have this problem."
That's what he should only do while day dreaming lol0 -
Don't say it. Just don't.
Start doing some physical activities with her, and trying to eat healtheir and see if she gets the hint.0 -
Someone's butthurt.
Is love letting someone eat themselves to death? At some point I think there is a moral obligation to step in and let them know that what they are doing is affecting their quality of life.Oh this is such a touchy subject... Let's just say this, if you love her and I mean truely in love with her, you would NOT say anything at all!!! It would be very smart of you to not say anything.....
My ex-husband called me fat almost everyday, guess what I got fatter, I didn't lose the weight...
My fiance: tells me everyday I'm not fat (although I am!!) and tells me I'm beautiful more than once a day and guess what I'm becoming more healthier and losing the weight...
JUST DON'T DO IT!
How do you feel about your partner lying to you every day?
And just why do you think he is LYING to her everyday? What a ***** *kitten* reply. You dont know her or him or **** for that matter. There is not f*cking moral **** for anybody to "step" into. You either love your partner for who they are or you dont. Period the end. Pretty fn sure that you would know if you married somebody who is so concerned abt your looks they would leave you for it. Those type of people dont hide that *kitten*.0 -
^^^This^^^I am curious how to tell her this too. Hmmm... can you also help me tell her she smells funny and her sister is hotter than her?
You can't tell her that her sister is hotter than her that you tell your guy friends lol...
As far as telling her that she smells and that she's gaining weight you tell her, hun I know this is a touchy subject but I know you want me to be honest with you and although I don't really want sound like a jerk I want us to have a relationship that we can talk about anything so I'm going to tell you and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. I'm not sure if you're using a new soap or perfume but it smells a little funny to me (you can always just buy her nice smelling shower gels and perfumes for bath and body works or victoria secret or even walmart sells stuff like it if you want to avoid the smell convo) and also it seems like you've put on a few lbs and before anyone else brings it to your attention I rather you hear it from me that cares about you rather than not bring it to your attention and then when someone else tells you you get upset with me for not telling you.
With most women you can't win. If you tell her, your fudged and if you don't tell her, you still fudged. So you might as well tell her since you're most likely fudged anyways. lol0 -
People who say that if you really love her you don't care what she looks like etc are living a pipe dream. A complete and healthy relationship involves that sort of love yes, but it also includes physical attraction. If you allow that attraction to die, you are allowing the relationship to faulter. Don't you owe it to your mate to preserve your mutual relationship as best you can? And perhaps your relationship can survive the loss of the physical. Perhaps not.
Physical attraction dying a permanent death is one thing. Your need to be physically attracted to your partner at all times regardless of what is going on in your lives is not doing such a great job of preserving that mutual relationship either. I can promise that I would be miserable in a relationship where either myself or my spouse felt we had better keep that attraction going at all times or it would be over. I won't accept those unreasonable expectations for myself and I don't expect them of him, either.
I wonder how men would feel if a woman said, "You went bald. I didn't sign up for that. Get hair plugs or I won't be attracted to you and it's over." My guess is that a lot of men posting in this thread would judge her as controlling, manipulative, shallow, or as a *****. But he's not the exact same person she fell in love with! What else is she to do?0 -
People who say that if you really love her you don't care what she looks like etc are living a pipe dream. A complete and healthy relationship involves that sort of love yes, but it also includes physical attraction. If you allow that attraction to die, you are allowing the relationship to faulter. Don't you owe it to your mate to preserve your mutual relationship as best you can? And perhaps your relationship can survive the loss of the physical. Perhaps not.
Physical attraction dying a permanent death is one thing. Your need to be physically attracted to your partner at all times regardless of what is going on in your lives is not doing such a great job of preserving that mutual relationship either. I can promise that I would be miserable in a relationship where either myself or my spouse felt we had better keep that attraction going at all times or it would be over. I won't accept those unreasonable expectations for myself and I don't expect them of him, either.
You're certainly right in that loss of interest due to weight gain doesn't need to be permanent. That's rather the point of telling her how you feel.
I didn't actually state that it had to be constant. That's unrealistic. But there has to be hope, I think.I wonder how men would feel if a woman said, "You went bald. I didn't sign up for that. Get hair plugs or I won't be attracted to you and it's over." My guess is that a lot of men posting in this thread would judge her as controlling, manipulative, shallow, or as a *****. But he's not the exact same person she fell in love with! What else is she to do?
Perhaps they would. Wouldn't be the first time someone was guilty of a double standard. Regardless, if it's a serious issue for her, then she should say something. IMHO, of course.
I'm quite fine with the idea that the shoe could be on the other foot.0 -
You're certainly right in that loss of interest due to weight gain doesn't need to be permanent. That's rather the point of telling her how you feel.
I didn't actually state that it had to be constant. That's unrealistic. But there has to be hope, I think.
Perhaps they would. Wouldn't be the first time someone was guilty of a double standard. Regardless, if it's a serious issue for her, then she should say something. IMHO, of course.
I'm quite fine with the idea that the shoe could be on the other foot.
It would rather be the point of telling her if it was as easy for most people to lose weight as their partner telling them to. It's not, and that's one reason sites like MFP exist. (No, it's not just for weight loss, but a lot of people are here for that.) Even more important to me than the way my partner feels about my appearance is the way I feel about my appearance. Much as I'd like it to be, that's not always enough motivation for me either.
You may be fine with the shoe being on the other foot. But if that shoe was on my foot, I'd be wondering what would be coming the next time I didn't measure up.0 -
Also, I totally don't need my partner to clue me in to the fact that I'm more attractive when I'm in shape. I worked that one all out on my own.0
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You may be fine with the shoe being on the other foot. But if that shoe was on my foot, I'd be wondering what would be coming the next time I didn't measure up.
You're probably right. It's better to not know what's going through her head. Surprises are fun!0
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