How to tell her she's gaining weight...

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  • bobbie228
    bobbie228 Posts: 53
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    She knows she is gaining weight.

    This being said I would love and expect him to give me a little shout! He knows i makes me unhappy and miserable and sad so I woudl appreciate it in a nice manner if he flat out states "Babe seriously what are you doing? You know you don't want to eat that anymore or not be working out hard."

    He knows how I am happiest and reminding in a kind manner is appreciated on my end! There is a way to say it without being hurtful.
  • lucyster92
    lucyster92 Posts: 51 Member
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    my boyfriend and mother have told me eventhough i knew.
  • tvanhooser
    tvanhooser Posts: 326 Member
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    Personally it ticks me off no end when anyone mentions it. Sure I already knew I weighed more than I should, perhaps not exactly HOW much but I knew and no I wasn't very motivated to do much about it because I HATE sweat. But maybe I get peeved because the particular people who like to bring it up NEVER do it out of any kind of health concern or compassion nor with any offer to workout together (and my husband's doctor tells him his diabetes would disappear if he would lose about 60 pounds but he still won't do it). It's always with an arrogant, "skinny people are better than fat people" or "I will like you more and judge you as more worthwhile as a human being if you are skinny" attitude. And I am SO not defined by my body image. I don't think much about it and never have so if someone even hints that I should do it for popularity or to be more liked, have more friends, be more "sexy" or that I don't count for much in this world unless I weigh a certain amount, I have absolutely NO PATIENCE for that!! I am who I am no matter what size my body is. My character and integrity does not change with the scale nor body measurements. And if someone cannot see beyond my body fluctuations to care about who I really am, that is not someone I care about pleasing, having as a friend or spending time with at all! I don't need that kind of superficiality in the relationships in my life. If I were you, since you're on here and caring about your weight and/or fitness, I think the best approach would to be to present it as a way she can help YOU! Say something like, "Honey, I really want to (insert goal here) and I would really appreciate your support. It would really help me if you would (insert exercise or meal plan here) with me. It will be so much easier for me if we do it together and keep me motivated to have you supporting me like this. What do you think? Could you do this just for me, pretty please?" :o) Putting it terms of yourself and your goals avoids hinting around her weight gain and treading dangerous ground. But if she really cares about you, I would think that she would agree to help you out and then she will get the benefits too which is the main point. If you throw it at her as something SHE needs to fix about herself but you don't want to get involved and imply that your attraction to her is physical alone -- I'd suggest you take up running--in a serpentine fashion!! It'd be like dumping a gasoline tanker truck on a forest fire!!
  • Halleeon
    Halleeon Posts: 309 Member
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    My boyfriend/husband/boo has only continued to tell me he loves me no matter what I look like, size, shape, injury, no injury, purple or green. He gives me praise regardless.

    He does positively reinforce me by trying to lead a health lifestyle to the best of his ability and showing a genuine interest when I put in an effort. He looks at the articles I read, the MFP posts, all of it - when I ask him to do so.

    He hugs be and kisses my sweaty forehead after a workout and tells me how proud he is of me. What a freakin awesome reward that is, and it makes me want to do more!

    If he told me that I was gaining weight, even in a nice way, I would be offended...irrational or not. My boyfriend is my safe haven from the harsh world - not a part of it. And if he is thinking that and wanting to tell me - I'd be concerned about whether his heart was in the place of loving me unconditionally or just for what I look like.

    Offer to listen to her and be there when she is talking about her day and things she frets about. Most women gain weight along with dealing with stressors. What can YOU do to help her alleviate some stress? And not just give her some **** either >.>
  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
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    After I put on about 15 lbs, my boyfriend told me "You're looking kinda fat." I threw a hissy fit and he didn't get laid that night, but the next day I went to the gym and dragged him with me. Best thing he could have done for me.
  • AlichiaMJohnson73
    AlichiaMJohnson73 Posts: 186 Member
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    Honestly speaking...if she doesn't realize she's gaining weight...she's fooling you! We know when we are bloated...gassy or just ate too much at the last meal!! :))
  • LizHowerton
    LizHowerton Posts: 329 Member
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    Only if you would like to completely give up sex and never see her naked again.

    This
  • bchgrl8
    bchgrl8 Posts: 55 Member
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    PLEASE tell me your joking!!!! ....she REALLY already notices her weight gain surely, if you do. I would definitely take a different approach and maybe start introducing healthier meals and inviting her to do different activities with you...Good Luck on this one!
  • Xstitcher74
    Xstitcher74 Posts: 124 Member
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    A lot of good thoughts out here.
  • Trauma_mama
    Trauma_mama Posts: 42
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    A better option would be to ask her to go for a nightly walk, join a gym with her, tell her you are going to try to eat better and ask her if she would like to try a healthier lifestyle with you. There are ways to get her to do better for herself without hurting her feelings.
  • Danette73
    Danette73 Posts: 76
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    I agree with Trama_mama.... instead of gut punching her by just out right telling her, take her on walks, when you go out, make sure its not all fried crap and that there are healthy options.

    And also, that is not just for ladies. There are also some MEN who gain weight after datingsomeone a while and I would imagine that they would not like it if their woman came off on them like that either. There is a polite way of doing everyting.
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,738 Member
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    I notice all the replies from ladies she knows. Ive been in this situation several times. Each time I got the blame for letting them put on the weight and not telling, stopping and helping.

    Simple fact OP you can't win, you'll never be able to do anything right. You say anything and you are a pig. You don't and you were gutless and should have told her.

    Either way, you'll lose. Ultimately her self confidence crashes and everything follows. Sex, happiness, love etc become much harder. Horrible situation.

    I call BS. My DH never had to mention to me when I was gaining weight. I knew. I knew when I was ready to lose it too. I would never blame anyone else for my weight. However, if someone decided to mention it to me, I shouldn't be held responsible for what happens to them.

    You won't lose--you aren't destined to lose. Don't tell her "you're getting chunky". Just ask, do you want to go on a hike with me? Want to go for a walk? I'm making chicken breast and steamed veggies tonight, want to share that? That gives her a way to start working on herself without feeling judged.
  • vacherin
    vacherin Posts: 192
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    She already knows, and the fact that you're mentioning it out of "concern for her health" won't matter one bit - she will still hate you forever for mentioning it at all, even if she doesn't tell you this. My husband cunningly got around this by saying, "You've not been running much lately - have you stopped enjoying it?" or "I've been feeling really lazy and sluggish lately - fancy going for a walk?" We both know that he basically meant, "Get off your butt, chubs" but it's so much kinder put this way ...
  • vacherin
    vacherin Posts: 192
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    By the way, an ex-boyfriend once said to me of my weight loss, "Well done! Just a few more lbs and you'll look good." I lost 170lbs the very next day - by dumping him.
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,738 Member
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    By the way, an ex-boyfriend once said to me of my weight loss, "Well done! Just a few more lbs and you'll look good." I lost 170lbs the very next day - by dumping him.

    :drinker:
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    I notice all the replies from ladies she knows. Ive been in this situation several times. Each time I got the blame for letting them put on the weight and not telling, stopping and helping.
    Maybe you should stop going out who are too stupid to know they've put on weight, and too irresponsible to take charge of their own bodies. Then again, the common factor here is that you dated all of them, so...
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
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    Don't do it. It's a trap! Danger danger! Besides, chances are that the woman KNOWS she's gaining weight and doesn't like it much herself.
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
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    It definitely has to be done with tact. I have actually asked my husband to tell me if he notices me gaining again. After I had my daughter I blew up and gained so much weight. I hate how long it is taking for it to come off. I was so healthy before. Even though I knew I was gaining I didn't realize how bad it had gotten.

    He has never said I was "fat" and is very tactful about it but I made him promise to tell me if I start creeping that way again.

    On the other side he asked me if he could tell me if I was getting too skinny, turns out he was a closet chubby chaser and says he is going to miss my belly. We have to compromise, I told him i won't get "too skinny" but the belly is still going.

    So bottom line, be supportive, be tactful. Maybe suggest getting healthier and more "fit" not necessarily "lose weight" That might get ya hurt. :drinker:
  • freckledrats
    freckledrats Posts: 251 Member
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    Won't go into the backstory...but i'll spark the discussion. Ladies, would you get upset at a husband/boyfriend/boo if he told you maybe you put on some lbs. Fellas have you ever said the dreaded words? would you?

    My boyfriend is *amazing*. When we met, I was 10 pounds lighter than I am today, and 30 pounds lighter than I was in January. He never said a single word to me about my weight. It crept up and crept up and the only things he'd ever call me was beautiful.

    The only thing that ever crossed his lips was when I'd pick up a pack of cheese puffs or doritos. "Maybe we could eat healthier foods..."

    That's it. Ever. Fellas, women have enough body issues. Focus on the food instead of the fat. Don't fall for "am I fat" questions. Your woman, because you love her, is beautiful. You worry about her health, not her waistline. They are pretty closely related, so this is a much better approach that won't potentially give her an insecurity complex.
  • Iceman1800
    Iceman1800 Posts: 476
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    Lol, you start by saying "honey, I don't want sex anymore so"

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