How to tell her she's gaining weight...

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  • pen_thief
    pen_thief Posts: 78 Member
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    She knows she is gaining weight.

    This.

    If she doesn't talk about it and doesn't try to cover up her problem areas in clothes, then you might have a case of "BBW and proud of it." I've never been that kind of girl. I always discuss my health goals with friends, boyfriends, family members. I don't want people thinking I'm just okay with being unhealthy/unfit.
  • Superbritt2drescu
    Superbritt2drescu Posts: 273 Member
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    I guess I'm a tell it like it is person. I wish my husband would've said something. I packed on some weight and didn't really hit me till it had added up. He had too so maybe that was the problem. We both worked to get some of it off.
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
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    How to tell her?

    Step 1, get a really sharp knife. Step 2, cut out your tongue.

    It will be less painful in the end!
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    I notice all the replies from ladies she knows. Ive been in this situation several times. Each time I got the blame for letting them put on the weight and not telling, stopping and helping.
    Maybe you should stop going out who are too stupid to know they've put on weight, and too irresponsible to take charge of their own bodies. Then again, the common factor here is that you dated all of them, so...

    The women were all intelligent women. One was a legal PA, soon to be paralegal, one is a teacher who who got a masters and one was a qualified nurse. With them all for 5 years.

    As for the common factor being me, why would you imply it is my fault? Why the *****y remark?
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    I notice all the replies from ladies she knows. Ive been in this situation several times. Each time I got the blame for letting them put on the weight and not telling, stopping and helping.

    Simple fact OP you can't win, you'll never be able to do anything right. You say anything and you are a pig. You don't and you were gutless and should have told her.

    Either way, you'll lose. Ultimately her self confidence crashes and everything follows. Sex, happiness, love etc become much harder. Horrible situation.

    I call BS. My DH never had to mention to me when I was gaining weight. I knew. I knew when I was ready to lose it too. I would never blame anyone else for my weight. However, if someone decided to mention it to me, I shouldn't be held responsible for what happens to them.

    You won't lose--you aren't destined to lose. Don't tell her "you're getting chunky". Just ask, do you want to go on a hike with me? Want to go for a walk? I'm making chicken breast and steamed veggies tonight, want to share that? That gives her a way to start working on herself without feeling judged.


    Why AGAIN is the implication here it is MY fault and was my level of tact? Talk about insecurity without knowing the full story - once again the ladies here pass the buck and push the conclusion towards me being the idiot?! :laugh:

    Do you really think I would tell anyone they are getting chunky? That is just plain rude.
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
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    Basically, you should know your woman...you have seen the 2 very different answers here.

    Do you have a sensitive woman that is going to take offense and make your life miserable?

    Or

    Do you have a woman that will appreciate you being concerned for her physical well being and will appreciate what you are saying regarding her health?


    (that second scenario is only providing you don't say "hey baby you are getting fat" and actually go about it tactfully and respectfully.) :drinker:
  • Stardiva37
    Stardiva37 Posts: 169 Member
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    she already knows
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,738 Member
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    I notice all the replies from ladies she knows. Ive been in this situation several times. Each time I got the blame for letting them put on the weight and not telling, stopping and helping.

    Simple fact OP you can't win, you'll never be able to do anything right. You say anything and you are a pig. You don't and you were gutless and should have told her.

    Either way, you'll lose. Ultimately her self confidence crashes and everything follows. Sex, happiness, love etc become much harder. Horrible situation.

    I call BS. My DH never had to mention to me when I was gaining weight. I knew. I knew when I was ready to lose it too. I would never blame anyone else for my weight. However, if someone decided to mention it to me, I shouldn't be held responsible for what happens to them.

    You won't lose--you aren't destined to lose. Don't tell her "you're getting chunky". Just ask, do you want to go on a hike with me? Want to go for a walk? I'm making chicken breast and steamed veggies tonight, want to share that? That gives her a way to start working on herself without feeling judged.


    Why AGAIN is the implication here it is MY fault and was my level of tact? Talk about insecurity without knowing the full story - once again the ladies here pass the buck and push the conclusion towards me being the idiot?! :laugh:

    Do you really think I would tell anyone they are getting chunky? That is just plain rude.

    Lets see, you refuse to take the blame for the breakup of your relationships and you're talking about someone passing the buck??
  • megmay2591
    megmay2591 Posts: 621 Member
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    I see a lot women saying that she knows and that they would be pissed, but I disagree. I honestly didn't realize the weight I had gained until it came around to summer again. Not that I gained a bunch of weight, but it was 25lbs on my short body.

    I've since told my boyfriend that if I ever get really fat to please please tell me. I would do the same for him. It's not like it has to be said in the meanest way possible in front of all of your friends. It can be brought up without making them hate you.
  • fueledbychange
    fueledbychange Posts: 132 Member
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    Obviously,she knows.

    Don't tell her. There is such thing as justifiable homicide, you know.


    Hahaha. I agree.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    I learned 2 things from this thread:

    1. Women can be too sensitive
    2. Men can be way to scared of women


    If someone says something to you who is concerned about your general health, what is the hurt in that?
  • Superbritt2drescu
    Superbritt2drescu Posts: 273 Member
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    Honestly speaking...if she doesn't realize she's gaining weight...she's fooling you! We know when we are bloated...gassy or just ate too much at the last meal!! :))

    Some have real medical problems that end up with surgery and gaining some weight. So I disagree with this.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    Lets see, you refuse to take the blame for the breakup of your relationships and you're talking about someone passing the buck??

    Sorry, at what point did I say I was to blame? Why would it be me, incidentally?
  • small_ninja
    small_ninja Posts: 365 Member
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    I knew I'd gained weight but I didn't know my boyfriend noticed or cared much about it until I told him I was going to try lose some and he was very encouraging. I almost felt kind of put out about how encouraging he was about it, but having said that, I don't know how I would have reacted if he'd said something before I decided I'd gained too much weight myself; probably devastated. I hadn't even gained that much weight; only a few kilos. But I guess it made a difference to my short frame :ohwell:
  • mushroomcup
    mushroomcup Posts: 145 Member
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    I notice all the replies from ladies she knows. Ive been in this situation several times. Each time I got the blame for letting them put on the weight and not telling, stopping and helping.
    Maybe you should stop going out who are too stupid to know they've put on weight, and too irresponsible to take charge of their own bodies. Then again, the common factor here is that you dated all of them, so...

    Not noticing that you're putting on a little weight is a common thing. I've put on some pounds without realizing it before. It's easy to get into a denial schtick and that doesn't make someone "too stupid to know they've put on weight". Also, why are you being so crabby about his comment? He was lamenting that men are often put in a tricky situation: either being a jerk for mentioning the weight or a jerk for not mentioning it. It IS an awful situation to be put into and it says nothing about his character that he's had problems with this. Of course he's the "common factor" since he's speaking to HIS experiences. Why make it personal?
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    mushroomcup - thank you.
  • scb18
    scb18 Posts: 20
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    DO NOT TELL HER. Weight is one of the most sensitive subjects to a woman. By telling her, you're making her feel like you aren't as attracted to her because of it. Instead, maybe you should make a healthy dinner together or tell her you want to join a gym and have her be a work out buddy. You don't have to be so blunt about it because it's hurtful hearing that from someone you love.
  • bladesofkaos
    bladesofkaos Posts: 1 Member
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    I like how everyone keeps saying "she knows, she knows"....Of course she knows, but the point is she isn't doing anything about it. So it's his job as her significant other to motivate her into getting in shape. That being said, there is definitely a right and wrong approach to this. I certainly agree that it can be a very touchy subject, but I don't agree that it shouldn't be brought up.

    As far as the right approach, only you will know how to approach her. You have known her for years, and are better voiced at how to tell her certain things. Figure out the best possible approach and go from there.
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    I like how everyone keeps saying "she knows, she knows"....Of course she knows, but the point is she isn't doing anything about it. So it's his job as her significant other to motivate her into getting in shape. That being said, there is definitely a right and wrong approach to this. I certainly agree that it can be a very touchy subject, but I don't agree that it shouldn't be brought up.

    Maybe she is trying to do something about it, but actually has a health issue. Like low thyroid levels or high insulin levels. Neither of which would be her fault. I had both and dropped 25 pounds as soon as I found out and got put on medicine for it.

    Also, is she on hormonal birth control? Because women can gain weight on that
  • CarleyLovesPets
    CarleyLovesPets Posts: 410 Member
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    Don't say anything.

    Just ask her to go for a walk with you, or work out with you.
    Make healthier meals together.

    If you honestly don't think she knows...
    I know my mom jumped on the scale when I mentioned that the scale says different things in the kitchen then in the bathroom. (I didn't say it so she'd try it mind you, but she tried it and then found out her weight).

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