How to tell her she's gaining weight...

kirbij12

If someone gains weight, they already know it. It could just make her upset and feel worse about herself if people start mentioning that to her (as it does in my case).

caraiselite

some people really don't notice they are gaining, especially if they were small for a long time.

i knew i gained some, but not as much as i did. i was pretty shocked.

just be up front, and ask her if she noticed.

if she gets mad, so what? tell her you care about her health. take her to a doctor.

Crystal_Pistol

I knew I gained weight and my husband told me anyway. I APPRECIATE it. It shows that you are honest with me, and the truth can hurt. If he gained, weight, I'd tell him too.

How to do it:

"Listen, I love you and I'm not saying this for any other reason than I want to be honest with you. You have gained a noticable amount of weight, and it's not cool."

If she just had your baby, don't be an *kitten* and do this, but if she is lazy and/or overeating, KEEP IT REAL.

I think a grown assed woman should be able to handle it.

You could tell me, "You need to back up from that table and jump on a bike," and I'd be cool with it. It's the truth.

Add: My hubs told me "Crystal, I'm not attracted to big women. I didn't marry a big woman. You have a foot over in big girl world." He asked me, "If I gained 50lbs, how would you like it?" Nuff said. I've dabbled here and there with efforts since the convo, but I haven't given up and I'm working on it.

dollbabygirl

If no one tell her, her mirror tells her everytime she looks in it. So Please don't let the words come out of your mouth because be-leave me she already knows and it is always on her mind. So don't hurt her feelings. I know you want to do it out of love for her but it may make her feel you no longer look at her the same way again. She will dwell on it and sometime it will make her over eat and say oh well, what does it matter any way, they already think I am so fat so why not continue.

Posting this with Love.:flowerforyou:

starracer23

I would want to be told.
Would I like hearing the words?....NO! It would suck, but a reality check is needed some times.

TylerJ76

If no one tell her, her mirror tells her everytime she looks in it. So Please don't let the words come out of your mouth because be-leave me she already knows and it is always on her mind. So don't hurt her feelings. I know you want to do it out of love for her but it may make her feel you no longer look at her the same way again. She will dwell on it and sometime it will make her over eat and say oh well, what does it matter any way, they already think I am so fat so why not continue.

Posting this with Love.:flowerforyou:

So what if she just ignores it and then it gets out of control? Isn't it better for him to HELP her, then just ignore it??

kalawhon

oh lol. This is going to be good. It's all about the approach. I never get on my husband about his weight. I started working out myself, and he began making comments about my losing weight and he should start working out again like I was. I told him that I love him the way he is and if he wanted to join me, we could work out together. So far he has not done it, but I am feeling better about myself and my weight now, which is a big plus, and he is getting more motivated the better I look because he keeps saying one day he will have to protect his territory better from other guys. Lol.

In my experience, weight is a very touchy subject and leads to fights.

haha this sounds so much like me and my hubby.. I have slimmed down quit a lot, and I've tried so many times to get him to try it with me or eath healthier.. it's a no go so far but I'm still exercising and hoping he will do the same soon!
Love that last thing you said about him protecting his territory!:)

Emancipated_Tai

This is very hard news to hear, especially coming from a loved one. However, depending how the topic is present, it doesn’t have to be a kill-joy discussion. I would suggest offering to help with losing or to discuss if they feel there is a reason for a recent gain that you may not be aware of. She could be pregnant, stressed, over-worked.. a lot of different things. Also, if you two live together, find way to improve the food in your home & exercise together. Some people just don’t have the motivation on their own, but you could help spark the flame to a healthier lifestyle.

Disclaimer: Wear a cup in case she doesn’t take the conversation positively and wants to punch you in the nuts!!

formerlynobel

I've had this said to me. I gained 8-10 lbs (which shows a lot on me because I'm short and relatively small-framed) to reach the highest weight of my life. At the time, I was working two jobs and didn't have a lot of time to work out but I did when I could. I was also tired and stressed as a full time grad student writing my thesis, so I did visit Starbucks one too many times and ate one too many muffins. So without going into too much detail, the bf said that I have put on a few pounds but he thinks it's sexy. I didn't know how to respond to that -- I was mostly embarrassed and although I knew I wasn't at my best (I already started to wear baggier clothing to hide in), I had no idea it was noticeable to others. So although not the best to hear it, I think it needed to be said, somehow, and I think he did it in the least mean way he could think of.

Immediately, I started becoming more aware of my body and lost the weight slowly in about a year. I told my now-fiance that if that happens again, just start cooking healthy food for me and dragging me out to do more active stuff.

Added: If in the reverse situation, I would do what I suggested above... or I will randomly ask him how he feels about his fitness progress lately.

BinaryPulsar

I tell my husband to tell me if he thinks I have gained weight or if he thinks I am getting too skinny (or to comment on my muscles). It's just nice to have someone that sees me more than I see myself being an advocate for me to make sure I am still going in the right direction with my food and exercise. As long as he is nice about it (and I know he would be). Same with my clothing. I want his honest opinion. I like that he is honest with me, it helps me to know that I can trust him when he compliments me. But, he is very kind. He would not be hurtful to me.

It does not matter to me if anyone else finds me attractive or not. It only matters if my husband does.

littlelaura

My daughter needs to drop 20-30 lbs, nothing drastic, shes still very nice looking, has a cute shape just, 4 yrs of campus food and booze does turn a body a bit flabby, easy fix if addressed at her young age having a still decent metabolism, her boyfriend always plans active fun dates like snowboarding in the winter, swimming and rough housing in the pool in summer, , long romantic walks or bicycle rides in scenic parks or around the lake, he hints at her to join his gym as he wants to spend more time with her because he enjoys her company and wishes he could see her while he was working out. I know he is trying to get her to drop a few lbs without her being any the wiser, but he isnt saying that straight out or would be a deadman lol, so I give him credit for being creative about it. So far she hasnt joined the gym but does do all the other stuff. Try that, plan fun active dates then maybe that would inspire her to choose to do things on her own.

LivvyLinde

She definitely knows already.

My bf did this to me, thinking he was being "helpful and loving." All it did was confirm what I already knew about myself, and made me sad/afraid that he loved me less and was trying to tell me why. I know he cares about me, but seriously, it's not something to say unless you're trying to break up with her.

That said, you can do a lot to take pressure off of her by thinking of active date ideas, getting off the couch together and having fun. You can also make an effort to make habits of not indulging in food as a couple- going out to eat, or getting her chocolates, etc.

Be her best ally... silently.

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

I'd want my BF to tell me if he found me less attractive--it impacts your intimate life and overall attraction which is not good. I'd want to know but I'd want it to be polite.

Maybe he could do a sneak move--like say "let's go shopping" and grab my old size--when I say it doesn't fit then he could subtly suggest a solution. say--hmmm..."maybe we oughta hit the gym. those love pounds sneak up on us. we can workout together."

TxAngel79

My husband told me I was fat and needed to lose weight about 4 months after having my daughter! I lost 60 pounds in 4 months and he has regreted it ever since!

starracer23

My husband is my best friend...seriously.
If my best friend can't be honest with me...something is messed up...

RainHoward

If you want to guarantee you'll never get to tap that again, sure, go for it.

iwantniceabs

I'm with everyone one else in this - She knows. However, if it was me, I WOULD want you to say something...but not "Hey, I've noticed you've gained some weight, why don't we start losing weight together". Most women don't gain weight because they feel so good about themselves and their life that they just don't care if they gain - if we gain weight, usually it's because something else is going on, emotionally (I know that's a scary word for you men to read Instead of saying you want to help fix the symptom, acknowledge that there may be something else going on..."I've noticed you've put on a little weight, are you feeling okay? how are things going at work? Is there something stressing you out that I can help with?" At least that's what would be kindest to me. Some women might give you a black eye, but at least this way she knows that you are considering what's going on with HER life, and not just thinking that YOU want to be with someone who is physically attractive all the time.

cici1028

This is basically a no-win situation for anybody, male or female.

As a woman, I would have been humiliated if my husband had said anything about my weight but at the EXACT SAME TIME I was mortified that he never said anything. That's the kind of duality you're working with here. :embarassed:

We do have a very open and honest relationship, and in retrospect, I would have preferred my husband to mention that he found me less attractive/etc... but I would have been horribly hurt and wounded and likely would not have accepted the critiscism as constructive and would have juste lashed out (and probably pigged out too). Then again, I might have gotten my *kitten* in gear sooner and with a bit more gusto I would take a long hard look at your relationship, evaluate what kind of woman you have, and go from there.

I agree that the support I've received from my husband is fantastic... but I see how he looks at me now and how excited he is about how my body looks NOW rather than THEN. And I'm sad that I could have been making him smile like that ten years ago. However, he loves me no matter what I look like and he has certainly proved it.

kalawhon

Maybe she is gaining weight, and she does realize it everytime she looks in the mirror, and maybe she feels comfortable where she's at bc she's happy with who she's with husband/boyfriend/ etc.. the point is he's not happy with the person he's been with and maybe he's afraid to tell her the truth... but I think you should at least let your partner know in a nice way that maybe she should start eating healthier and suggest going for a walk bc you are afraid of her health issues in the near future. yOu could be honest and say I'm worried about your health when you get older and where this may lead down to if you don't try making a change.

Did that help, sometimes being honest is the best thing to do but in a nice way.

TourThePast

Wow there are a lot of really fragile women out there. Grow a set!

If I get fat, I want someone to tell me, not in a nasty way, but if your partner can't make you think twice about your lifestyle choices when you're just a bit overweight, you're going to end up massively obese and not only will the subject, but also YOU will become the elephant in the room!

My partner put on weight and while I loved him as much as ever, he was no longer physically attractive to me. Sorry but squish doesn't do it for me. I dug out some old photos and said "Wow, I remember you looking like that, you were SO hot, do you remember how I couldn't keep my hands off you"

That really got him thinking about his food intake, right now he's looking incredible, but more importantly he's fit and healthy and has massively increased his chances of being in great shape - physically and mentally - well into his retirement.