How to tell her she's gaining weight...

dinosnopro

MustBeTheRows

You just say "get on the treadmill fatty."

reneelee

My husband can tell me things like this, and I do the same to him. I know he loves me, and if he told me something like that it wouldn't be because he's not attracted to me or thinks something's wrong with me. He's just looking out for me.
He also lets me know when he's noticed I'm losing weight, which is just awesome.

I dont see a problem with addressing weight gain. I have lived in deneil (sp) a long time, when putting on weight I think my pants have been in the dryer to much. When lossing weight I think my clothes are getting old and thread bare that is why they are baggy. Some people need direction and if it comes for someone who loves and supports me it may sting a little, but I would get over it quickly.

amersmanders

Expect that no matter what you say, you're probably going to hurt her feelings, but if you really care about her, then you know how to say it to her in the way that will best reach her. Direct and truthful, but kind is the best approach.

If there are areas of your eating habits, fitness or overall health that you need to work on (I'm guessing that's why you're on MFP), then be very open about those things that you are doing, and include her as much as possible. She may have different needs than you, but sharing in what you're doing may motivate her to focus on her own goals.

If you are at all responsible for buying groceries and/or cooking, or ordering out, or choosing restaurants (I don't know what your eating habits are, especially within the context of your relationship), then consider finding healthier options to share with her.

Diary_Queen

Ive had someone tell me that before, and of course, i knew i was gaining weight.... but he wasn't a douche about it or anything. He just said that he noticed i wasnt as active (like i ever was back then LOL... i guess walking out to get the mail from the mailbox had slacked off) and he did make mention of my excess drinking in the same conversation. nothing he said made any difference to me at the time and i was polite about acknowledging how he felt and letting it go in one ear and out the other. i didnt care about myself and it showed. thats the only relationship ive ever truly wanted to go back and make amends on. things were much clearer after i got clean/sober about how disrespectful i was of his feelings.

AABru

My husband told me...and I cried. But he did such a good job telling me "You have been sucessful at everything else you have done since we met, what makes you think you can't do this?" and has been as supportive as our lives allow him to be. If it is a health issue, she should be told. I was not able to keep up with my kids and work. My knees and ankles hurt ALL the time. I needed to lose the weight...still have about 17 pounds to go.

She knows she is gaining, but maybe needs help finding the time to address the issue...

DangerSass

I would have woken up sooner if he had said something, he never did, he just told me he loved me and wanted me to be happy. I think he did see how miserable I was in my own skin. It did affect our marriage but only because of how I felt not how he felt.

Now I'm a smokin' trophy wife and we are both thrilled

TylerJ76

Now I'm a smokin' trophy wife and we are both thrilled

& smoking hot you are..

mushroomcup

Buy a tuba, and play a note every time she takes a step. She'll get the point.

Can't stop laughing! :P Awesome.

MizCJ84

Can I reverse this question, and ask you how you would feel if your lady told you about your weight problem? I'm honestly wondering if this question would affect men and women the same way.

My ex-fiance told me when I was 100lbs lighter that I was starting to gain wait.
I was a know it all and thought I knew better..

That being said, I wish that I would of listened to her before I put all this damn weight on...Sometimes I wonder how different my life may of been...

Wow thanks for your response. I really was curious because my bf has put on quite a bit of weight in the 5 years we've been together. I put on weight with him though, so I'm not innocent. The difference is I know I gained weight, and I'm trying hard to lose it because I want to look and feel good for myself and for him. However, he doesn't seem to care about his weight. I really want to say something to him, but I do not want to hurt his feelings. I love him no matter what, but I think he really needs to lose weight before it gets too out of hand.

_the_feniks_

Anytime you are behind her say, "wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah".

kms1104

I have other health issues that make weight a struggle... I will FOREVER need to be with someone who I KNOW will love me shall I gain some weight... No one needed to tell me when the scale was getting up there. I agree with everyone who says "SHE KNOWS"... there'd be NO way to word that wouldn't have a very negative effect on me. My mom's tried... and I was SO upset, I began eating MORE. AND who cares more about you than your mom? I was still hurt/offended. I KNOW I got chunky!

I also agree with working together. My boyfriend does NOT have a weight problem because he works in landscaping and is CONSTANTLY working out all day. However, he eats a ton of fast food (when we first started dating I fell into that, too)... I've suggested to him that we plan out some meals so nights we're together we don't have to eat fast food... It helps me budget AND eat better.

You gain weight because you're not eating well... chances are you are probably eating similar foods, but because you exercise or what not, are not gaining. Simply saying "I feel like we've been eating like crap lately, lets plan our dinners better"... would be a good start. Suggest an after dinner walk. You guys get bonding time by planning meals and the walk...which could lead to a little something more, burning more calories for you both

If her weight REALLY has an effect on your attraction to her, then I'd take a second look at your relationship.

If her weight is TRULY a health concern (as in, she was already heavy and is getting dangerously heaviER), then you can still approach it in a way that doesn't make it sound like YOU need her to lose weight.

lmeasterling

She knows she is gaining weight.

^^This.^^

TavistockToad

I have just made my husband promise to tell me if I get fat & he stops finding me attractive....!!

jsteinberg87

After reading through these comments there are things I agree and disagree with. I'll try and shorten my story, and explain my opinion.

I completely agree that she knows she's put on weight. Women are very critical of themselves as well as other women, and societal standards doesn't make it any easier. With that being said, there are some things to consider when it comes to delivery. Some people are emotional eaters, while others tend to stop eating altogether when they are upset. Some people have had terrible experiences in the past, sometimes with family members, or people close to them that are very hurtful when it comes to weight. Everyone reacts differently.

My dad has always been very harsh and critical, which never helped me because I am the hardest on myself. I grew up always thinking I was never good enough for him, and thought for many years I would never be good enough for someone else. My emotional eating started with my father's criticisms.

I dated a guy who would always tell me that I was beautiful, no matter what. It was sweet and honest, but I became complacent in the relationship, and both of us gained weight. I was happy while we were together, regardless of my size. When it ended, I was mortified. I looked at myself and couldn't believe how terrible I looked, and it spiraled into emotional eating.

My mom on the other hand was an expert at delivery. She knew I knew that I had gained weight, and was supportive and offered to help lose the weight together, as opposed to my dad who would literally scream in my face and tell me to turn around and look in the mirror and ask myself, "if that looks good". Things like what my dad did and said made it very hard for me, especially when he would tell me I'm in denial of how I look. Women look at themselves every day. They know when they're gaining, and even when they're losing, its often not enough. We are very harsh on ourselves.

Another boyfriend I dated also assured me that I was beautiful no matter what, but this was years after I realized my self worth and came to an epiphany that I really wanted to focus on getting healthy. I ended up losing a lot of weight, and I didn't even know it. I felt better about myself until that relationship ended. I spiraled into emotional eating again, and gained a bunch of weight back.

Currently, I'm not in a great place where I feel good about the way I look, but it's been 8 months of pure emotional eating after my last relationship ended.

I guess what it comes down to is a few things. 1. She most likely knows she's gained weight. 2. It is all about delivery, but you have to emphasize health, not weight nor her appearance. 3. She needs your support. Offering to eat healthier and doing it together as a team effort shows that you really do care about her health, and that it isn't just about her looks. 3. Before doing anything, be sure to understand if she is an emotional eater/ the opposite, or if there are underlying issues that may have caused a weight gain. Complacency in a relationship, does she work a lot and not have much time to work out or make better on the go food choices?, Is she depressed about something? - often times what we put in our mouth directly reflects our feelings of self worth. If she feels like her self worth it crap, we tend to eat crap. If she does have an underlying issue of depression or low self worth, try to fix the inside first. She will realize she is worth it, and therefore want it for herself instead of anyone else.

Again this is just my opinion. But I find it to be true for many people. Hope it helps.

raeraeti

I thought I just gained like 5, MAYBE 10 pounds.. My idea of myself and the reality are obviously skewed. It was my fiance that said something one day and after a big fight about it, I bought a scale. OMFG. Then I really looked in the mirror. OMFG again.

THIS ^^^

same thing happened to me.

ItsCasey

I don't think it's a matter of whether or not she knows already. Most women do, especially women who have had weight issues before. The thing is, it's easy to pretend you don't notice and just live in denial if no one ever brings it up. Ignoring a problem never causes it to go away.

Making her a healthy dinner and asking her to go for a walk with you or hit the gym with you may help motivate her to get back on track. If you've gained some weight, too (even just a pound or two), then say "I think you and I have both gotten off track. Let's fix it together."

The most important thing is to not make her feel like you are attacking her, and, depending on the type of woman she is, that may be a very fine line to walk. Honestly, it absolutely would bother me if my boyfriend said "You are gaining weight, and I think it's time to try harder," BUT I would not be mad at HIM. I would be mad at myself for letting it happen, and I would use that anger as motivation. Some women would be deeply wounded and refuse to work out or eat better just to spite their boyfriends/husbands for even bringing it up. We all process these things differently.

TylerJ76

Can I reverse this question, and ask you how you would feel if your lady told you about your weight problem? I'm honestly wondering if this question would affect men and women the same way.

My ex-fiance told me when I was 100lbs lighter that I was starting to gain wait.
I was a know it all and thought I knew better..

That being said, I wish that I would of listened to her before I put all this damn weight on...Sometimes I wonder how different my life may of been...

Wow thanks for your response. I really was curious because my bf has put on quite a bit of weight in the 5 years we've been together. I put on weight with him though, so I'm not innocent. The difference is I know I gained weight, and I'm trying hard to lose it because I want to look and feel good for myself and for him. However, he doesn't seem to care about his weight. I really want to say something to him, but I do not want to hurt his feelings. I love him no matter what, but I think he really needs to lose weight before it gets too out of hand.

Honestly I believe that you're only hurting him if you DON'T tell him. He may be upset with you at first, but it may also be the wake up call that he needs..Sometimes that is what it takes, I wish that I would of taken advantage of mine....

Secrets do not work with the person you love, no matter what it is..

postrockandcats

As others have said, she knows and doesn't need her man reminding her. Now, if she brings it up and starts complaining, then be there for her. But telling her won't do anything except make her feel worse and possibly get defensive.

thelovelyLIZ

I think my feelings would be hurt, even though I know he probably meant well. My partner would never be like "Hey baby, you're getting fat, better get on that". I know for him it would come from a place of genuine concern. But I think my feelings would still be hurt, just from the doubt and negative self image that would come from it.