How to tell her she's gaining weight...

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Replies

  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    It is a shame that being fat is seen as a negative thing. If someone said to you that your hair is looking longer these days or that you seem to be wearing more red clothes than usual... actually, scratch that, I can see people being offended at that kind of statement, too.

    As you were.
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member

    Because nothing gets a woman in the mood more than being told she's getting fat?

    ^^This. "Hey, you're getting fat"...then he wants to have sex later on? As if!
  • graceylou222
    graceylou222 Posts: 198 Member
    Yeah, she def. already knows. And if you said anything like that it would just make her self concious around you.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,902 Member
    What's ironic is that women will admit it to their friends, but not their SO's. Funny.

    I used the old rope a dope: wife came to sit on my lap and after a minute I told her that my thighs hurt. She got it without me saying it directly and went on to lose 10lbs.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • sabolfitwife
    sabolfitwife Posts: 423 Member
    9 out of 10 women are going to despise your very being for pointing out the obvious. The fact that you even have to ask this is kind of sad. Don't say anything because she's probably already struggling inside herself because of it.
  • Judas_Queen
    Judas_Queen Posts: 251 Member
    My fella hasn't said it in so many words, but he doesn't have a problem telling me off if I say I need to lose weight and then don't bother going to the gym on gym day! He will tell me off, and rightly so! He wont say "you're getting a little chunky there love!" but he will say "stop moaning and do something about it!" and will encourage me to go to the gym, come up with eating and workout plans and get me doing more active things..

    that being said.. he knows that I would punch him square in the nose if he told me i was a chubber (even if i am!)

    You just have to be tactful like a lot of people have said, if you already workout at a gym see if she wants to go and try a couple of sessions and make it a thing that you do together as a couple. :)
  • RonnieBigGunz
    RonnieBigGunz Posts: 52
    I can tell my wife when she's looking bloated (ex: after a couple of weeks on vacation), and she can do the same for me. It's nice to have another honest perspective. When my wife says that I'm looking fluffy, I know it wasn't just my imagination that my lower abdomen fat seems to be poking out a bit. Time to get back on track and more motivated! We're not insecure about our bodies, and we can have honest conversation about it. We're both striving to acheive the same goal, anyways.
  • leopard_barbie
    leopard_barbie Posts: 279 Member
    I wish somebody had told me how big I was. My dad made comments occassionally but nobody sat me down and had a proper chat about it. I gained a little bit back (like a couple of lbs) and asked my mum if I looked fatter, she said "you've put on a bit of weight but you were doing that stupid 1000 calorie a day diet and looked gaunt before". It made me determined to lose it again but to do it the healthy way this time. With my fiance we are supportive of each other's health and fitness so we talk about it a lot.
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
    Sure I'd prolly get upset, but not at the person, at myself... I WISH ppl would have told me how fat I had gotten... perhaps I would have done something about it sooner... The only person who did was my dad, but since he was the only one i didn't think anything of it.....
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
    Oh, point out the her top lip is getting a touch hairy as well, if you want to be subtle and come right out straight and say it, just start calling her Tom Selleck, and provided she isn't a PI she should get the hint.
  • jujulamb
    jujulamb Posts: 195
    Maybe, just maybe, she is gaining weight because she is happy with you and eating with you! Maybe, just maybe, you should not remind her that she is gaining weight, i'm positive she knows that when she looks in the mirror every day. That is what happens with people are happy with eachother!
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    Y'know, it's a shame you can't be honest with your wife. I think you should just tell her. *runs for cover*

    PS Record the event and post it on YouTube.
  • wbandel
    wbandel Posts: 530 Member
    I like how everyone keeps saying "she knows, she knows"....Of course she knows, but the point is she isn't doing anything about it. So it's his job as her significant other to motivate her into getting in shape. That being said, there is definitely a right and wrong approach to this. I certainly agree that it can be a very touchy subject, but I don't agree that it shouldn't be brought up.

    As far as the right approach, only you will know how to approach her. You have known her for years, and are better voiced at how to tell her certain things. Figure out the best possible approach and go from there.

    I think this is an excellent point. Lots of women know, but they have other things going on and they might not care at the moment to do anything about it. I gained 60 lbs during my 6 years at college. There is no way everyone around me didn't notice or that I didn't notice. I noticed every 10 lbs. Sure it bugged me, but not enough to do anything about it. And with each gain I just got used to it, it was normal, what did I care.

    There are lots of ways to tell someone they are putting on weight, specially if it is unhealthy. My husband (boyfriend at the time) started to make little hints that I didn't even really recognize about halfway through my weight gain like, "I feel like we don't get out and do stuff as much as we used to". (Play frisbee, disc golf, walk, etc.) I knew that as well, and again I didn't really care enough to do anything about it. Every time I mentioned my weight, he'd chime in that he noticed a little extra weight in some areas, but just a little, everything else looked nice. XD Which was such an understatement. (Granted he knew I was okay with these kind of comments before saying them.)

    Finally I ended up finding the motivation for myself. And now he is really supportive. Telling someone doesn't always equal motivating them. I think the lack of motivation is what causes most of the bad reactions since they know they aren't going to do anything about it and that just reinforces to them how there is a problem and it wont' get better.
  • PaleoPath4Lyfe
    PaleoPath4Lyfe Posts: 3,161 Member
    Sweetheart - you're getting fat.

    See...it's that easy!

    If my husband said that to me I'd probably say "yeah, I can fix that but you'll always be a stupid *kitten*." And there'd be no sex for a very. long. time . . . it's difficult to feel even remotely sexy around someone who insults your appearance.

    I fail to understand how being HONEST is insulting??????

    No wonder the divorce rate is so high. Spouses (mostly husbands) can't even be honest with their mate because they are going to feel insulted and withold sex.

    Jesus, no wonder there is such a high incidence of cheating going on.
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
    Question

    How do yu tell her she's gaining weight ?

    Answer's
    Over the phone
    From afar
    From a moving vechile
    In the form of a card
    As you are leaving forever
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    Question

    How do yu tell her she's gaining weight ?

    Answer's
    Over the phone
    From afar
    From a moving vechile
    In the form of a card
    As you are leaving forever

    I find it sad how scared you are to be honest with you SO.
  • MrsT99
    MrsT99 Posts: 148 Member
    My husband told me he was worried about my health and lack of exercise - he's always been very fit. But he never said fat, or mentioned weight at all. Just that he wanted us to be together a long time living long healthy lives.

    He never stopped telling me I was beautiful and our sex didn't suffer but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......

    Weird.
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
    Question

    How do yu tell her she's gaining weight ?

    Answer's
    Over the phone
    From afar
    From a moving vechile
    In the form of a card
    As you are leaving forever

    I find it sad how scared you are to be honest with you SO.

    Ah, don;t be sad, don;t cry big guy. You want a hug?
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
    She DEFINITELY already knows. A more helpful approach might be to just invite her on a hike or a bike ride, make some healthy food together in the kitchen, send her yummy low-calorie recipes in an email, tell her about some new exercise you learned about. I dunno, being direct is fine, but when someone is already self-conscious about something, it almost always feels like a criticism, whether it's meant to be or not, whether the person knows it's not, sometimes our internal talking won't allow us to think rationally, so a softer approach might help, at least at first...

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