Why do people not allow the "under 1200" friend requests

EvgeniZyntx

I've seen many people in their profile state that "if you eat under 1200 cals/day I won't accept your friend request".
Yes, I understand that there are people with eating disorders that might want to promote their lifestyle. But how is that so very different from someone with a weight problem on the other extreme.

Are we not all trying for better health? Or do those with eating disorders somehow deserve less support?
Or is this because the place is over-run with pro-ana grouppies and I've missed that?

I'm trying to understand, thanks in advance for your input and thoughts.

cmriverside

I don't know why people do it, but there are an awful lot of pro-ana people here...so caution isn't a bad thing.

CoderGal

I'm one of those people. I just don't like seeing people trying to convince the innocent to eat less and less. I have no problem and have people on my list who eat in that range but most of them know its not healthy or sustainable. There is a large portion of people on this site that try to convince others to eat as little as possible. I've seen people post topics about being hungry on 1200 cals and they weren't sure why they 'have to eat so little to lose weight'. And you don't. But I see people reply with oh eat lots of celery lettuce and veg and argue that you don't need fats and you shouldn't eat more. I like to avoid those people and that comment made the comments on the news feed a whole lot more pleasent. I also don't think it's healthy for overweight or even regular weight people to watch someone consistently eat so little. It can make them feel like the still less then regular amount of food they eat is allot. Many people have no clue how much food is recommended in a nutritional diet. I find it hard to support someone whose feeding people with such bad advice. Especially since a lot of the low cal people do very little research on what they are doing to themselves.

I was also on a low cal diet before and there are many reasons that it slowed my weight loss and made me flabby. Lots of evidence supporting durastic cuts in calorie intake have negative effects. Google is your friend. Also reading the chemistry that happens made me change my mind.

With that said there are exceptions to the rule. And people sometimes have their reasons that are important to them. And I still can't say yay good job for staying under 1200 calories and hardly getting any nutrition at all. My sister did it and her hair started falling out despite the amount of veg she ate.

mstifb

Not sure myself, because some doctors put people on diets that's below 1200 calories so to flat out deny someone's request because of the amount of calories to me is crazy. However, someone who is pushing their agenda, whether it be some starvation diet or new shake you can only buy online or only eating "clean" and chastising you if you don't, etc - that's what I don't like. But I tend to give people a chance first. How do you know what they are really like unless you do that? This is my personal opinion, but I"m with you. Some people could really use that support. :flowerforyou:

jofjltncb6

Mostly because I'm on a 3000 calorie diet, so the "struggles" I would have in common with someone eating less than 1200 calories would be...

...uh...

...well, not many.


And also, because I believe it is potentially dangerous and almost certainly sub-optimal...

(Not that I have this restriction for FR on my profile...)

ironanimal

Taking 1200 calories as a gospel figure for weightloss is not "trying to be healthy".

EvgeniZyntx

CoderGal: Thank you, that is very clear -- I understand avoiding those that promote unhealthy eating. I was thinking more about supporting those that need support to eat better.
You've given me another perspective. Appreciated.

sarahrbraun

Why would I want to friend someone who is eating 700 calories a day and complaining about how they can't lose the last 3lbs they need to lose because they are a total whale at 115lbs? I haven't seen 115lbs in probably 25 years, and I had almost that to lose when I found this site!

If someone is eating small amounts, in a balanced diet, under doctor supervision ( such as post bypass) I might consider it.

CoderGal

Not sure myself, because some doctors put people on diets that's below 1200 calories so to flat out deny someone's request because of the amount of calories to me is crazy. However, someone who is pushing their agenda, whether it be some starvation diet or new shake you can only buy online or only eating "clean" and chastising you if you don't, etc - that's what I don't like. But I tend to give people a chance first. How do you know what they are really like unless you do that? This is my personal opinion, but I"m with you. Some people could really use that support. :flowerforyou:

I find a lot of people with these messages will add someone if they are an intelegent person or want to learn...but yes the crazy people who get all arggghh everyone should starve themselves temporarily and it well all work out even though I've barely looked up the effects drive me batty. And many doctors prescribe bad ideas...sometimes it seems one evil trumps the other. Which are you going to suffer first, a heart attack or nutritional deffiency? If one looks a lot more plausable then the other and they cant supervise you and know your eating healthy varied foods and getting a bit of everything and exercising...its a easier solution. I have 2 friends who were morbidly obese who were recommended low cal diets. One said F that and now runs triathalons, the other went low call and is extremely weak and still complains if he has to walk any length. They are both a healthy weight now but one is ripped.

HopefulLeigh

Are we not all trying for better health? Or do those with eating disorders somehow deserve less support?
Or is this because the place is over-run with pro-ana grouppies and I've missed that?

Sadly, no we are not all trying for better health. It isn't that people with eating disorders are less deserving of support. There are many reasons why someone would not want someone consistently eating under 1,200 calories on their friend's list.

One of the reasons is not wanting to surround yourself with people who have an unhealthy mindset. Another is recovering from an eating disorder of your own. Another is not wanting to bother worrying about someone who has deluded themselves into believing that what they're doing is healthy and having no desire to change. That sounds cold, I know, but it happens.

I know that I, personally, have a desire to surround myself with people who have similar goals for health and weight loss. People who intentionally under eat just don't fall into that category.

CoderGal

CoderGal: Thank you, that is very clear -- I understand avoiding those that promote unhealthy eating. I was thinking more about supporting those that need support to eat better.
You've given me another perspective. Appreciated.

I have many people with those quotes on their profile with recovering ED people on their list. If they want help its a wholeee different story.

SPNLuver83

Maybe it's because they don't want to succumb to eating under 1200 themselves.... kinda like the notion of not buying something at the store so you don't eat it, you don't have those type of friends so you don't become one yourself..

etherealdoll

I know a lot of people on here (mostly the ones who are active on these forums, actually) who feel superior to the *total idiots* who take a different weight loss approach than them, and/or don't understand/support/want anything to do with people who have EDs. Although, I'm friends with a ton of people with EDs and I have never ever seen anyone "pushing the anorexic agenda" or telling people to eat less or whatever. I have NO idea where that idea came from.

EvgeniZyntx

Why would I want to friend someone who is eating 700 calories a day and complaining about how they can't lose the last 3lbs they need to lose because they are a total whale at 115lbs? I haven't seen 115lbs in probably 25 years, and I had almost that to lose when I found this site!

If someone is eating small amounts, in a balanced diet, under doctor supervision ( such as post bypass) I might consider it.

Because they need the same support and help that you do? Sometimes more, sometimes less?
I'm sure many here have never had 115lbs to lose, but without being in your shoes, it is still possible to support you.

skonly

I average around 1200 only because I cut out coffee creamer and ketchup. No one said a word to me before. My foods are almost all healthy and I get plenty of everything.

What if I said I didn't want any requests from women who ate 2500 calories a day because I've never eaten that much before and I see it as a disorder? What if I said don't request me if you eat fast food because I think you make unhealthy choices?


I have unfriended people before for reasons relating to how they eat. I prefer people who want to eat healthy foods and I don't care about calories being consumed. I don't want friend who starve themselves trying to lose weight and I don't want friends who stuff themselves and whine.

There are so many foods I can't eat I will always have low calories but my nutrition is better than most. I would rather eat 1200 calories of protein and veggies and fruit than have 2800 calories of fat and sugar. It all depends on what a person wants to achieve, health or pant size.

Everyone should do what is best for them and stop with the name calling and harassment.

Stephanie_Autry

I've seen many people in their profile state that "if you eat under 1200 cals/day I won't accept your friend request".
Yes, I understand that there are people with eating disorders that might want to promote their lifestyle. But how is that so very different from someone with a weight problem on the other extreme.

Are we not all trying for better health? Or do those with eating disorders somehow deserve less support?
Or is this because the place is over-run with pro-ana grouppies and I've missed that?

I'm trying to understand, thanks in advance for your input and thoughts.

I feel the same way about the situation. As to I think everyone has an eating disorder on this site and we're looking for help to fix ours. It's just as unhealthy to eat to much and be obese then it is to be underweight and not eat as much. I don't like that I was once a bulimic, but I'm finally recovering from it after 4 long years. I add everyone on this site, and try to help those with eating disorders get into recovery. No human being is perfect, and I want to be supportive to everyone. If they post something to down themselves I simply comment or reply what they should do to make the situation better.

CoderGal

Are we not all trying for better health? Or do those with eating disorders somehow deserve less support?
Or is this because the place is over-run with pro-ana grouppies and I've missed that?

Sadly, no we are not all trying for better health. It isn't that people with eating disorders are less deserving of support. There are many reasons why someone would not want someone consistently eating under 1,200 calories on their friend's list.

One of the reasons is not wanting to surround yourself with people who have an unhealthy mindset. Another is recovering from an eating disorder of your own. Another is not wanting to bother worrying about someone who has deluded themselves into believing that what they're doing is healthy and having no desire to change. That sounds cold, I know, but it happens.

I know that I, personally, have a desire to surround myself with people who have similar goals for health and weight loss. People who intentionally under eat just don't fall into that category.

And thats what drew the last straw for me. Its stress inducing. Especially when they argue but complain how hungry they are or even how full they are so they never intend to incrase on such low cals *keep thinking unhealthy thoughts*.

tmauck4472

I eat under 1200 but have defriended those who want to be 80lbs. I personally don't care what you eat, your grown and you know the risks, but you are 96 and want to be 86 I will NOT be there to support that.

People don't want to support me because I'm a low cal eater and that's fine with me cause I really don't want to hear the bs every day. I'm good with what I do and I'm good with where I am. I am slowly moving them up but I will not move them up to 1200, 1000 is as high as I'll go until I reach my gw or at least close to it.

Stephanie_Autry

Taking 1200 calories as a gospel figure for weightloss is not "trying to be healthy".

Neither is stuffing your face with 3,000 calories worth of fast foods & everything processed. Yet, there are people on here who still say they want to lose weight & are binging and eating excessive amounts of bad foods. You add those people, don't you? What's the difference they are both unhealthy! This site is to track calories for weight loss or gain, am I right? People ban posts or deactivated accounts, get reported because they eat to less. What about those who eat to much- that can also cause heart attacks and become fatal. Isn't that why most people are here, to lose weight? It's almost as if people are hypocrites!

ToughTulip

I used to add everyone. I would accept friend requests from girls with EDs because I wanted to help.

After reading posts like these:
Ugh I ate way too much (300 cals) I fell like i should throw up
I cannot believe i ate so much today! I am a fat cow (like 800 calories)
Calorie goals around 200 a day with mostly cigs and diet soda
Seeing posts about them getting out of the hospital
much worse


So much self hate and self harm. It made me get too worried. They didn't want my help. Too far in. They wanted support for their eating

insearchofpeace

I am under the care of a board certified bariatric physician and she has instructed me to stay in the 1000 to 1200 range and not to replace the calories I burn by exercise.

So I would say that not accepting friend requests from anyone who eats less than 1200 calories a day without taking any other factors into account is pretty close minded.

There might be a reason someone is eating that few calories. Like in my instance, I am only 4'11". My little self doesn't need as many calories as someone of more normal height.

The recommendations on this site and others are only guidelines. Your doctor may prescribe a completely different regime and that's ok, whether others on the site agree with it or not.

~missy