Why do people not allow the "under 1200" friend requests

jofjltncb6

i have my goal at 800 cals, but i don't count calories, i count carbs.

it's just that at 800 cals, it puts my carbs exactly at 20 grams, and that's perfect for me.

I had to have someone explain to me what you are doing and how it works. I get it now. At first I was all....huh. Now I see the steps involved and all. It's not bad like I thought. Oh look at me, I decided to look into something before being judgmental. lol.

Hey now...knock that off.

That kind of diligence has *no* place on MFP. Please resume making knee-jerk judgmental responses to things you don't initially understand.

(And here's a smiley so everyone will know this is sarcasm stuff: )

RainHoward

It seems one thing this website does not lack is judgmental people. And misinformation. You put the two together and end up with a lot of haters who think they know what is best for everyone. The way some of these people answer posts you would expect them to have a doctorite in nutritional medicine or something, not just access to google.

skonly

i have my goal at 800 cals, but i don't count calories, i count carbs.

it's just that at 800 cals, it puts my carbs exactly at 20 grams, and that's perfect for me.

I had to have someone explain to me what you are doing and how it works. I get it now. At first I was all....huh. Now I see the steps involved and all. It's not bad like I thought. Oh look at me, I decided to look into something before being judgmental. lol.

Hey now...knock that off.

That kind of diligence has *no* place on MFP. Please resume making knee-jerk judgmental responses to things you don't initially understand.

(And here's a smiley so everyone will know this is sarcasm stuff: )

I'm old fashioned and believe you can't be for or against anything you don't understand.

amnsetie

The "recruiters" don't actually say "hey I wanna recruit you to anorexia! come join the party"
It's more subtle.
They just talk about how little they need to eat, and that can make some people feel they are eating too much.
They dis the "eat more to weigh less" people outright - even though those people are basically promoting exercise. This is an attempt to recruit to the "eat less no matter what" philosophy

I am not comfortable around people who have shakes instead of food, who eat fast food from large chains, or who eat processed sauces and pre-made foods from supermarkets.

I don't have the rider about 1200 but I have one friend who eats this way. She has underestimated the cals in her food so I didn't want to tell her to eat more. Sort of not sure about that one.

I am here for encouragement and support as well as counting cals but we all can only really have so many active friends before it becomes a job, not an activity.

So I will friend those in a range, and prefer to have Australians as we understand the food choices available to us.

The rider on my page is to stop the "housework is not exercise" people from even trying to friend me.
If you are under 5 foot and want friends who understand I am sure there are lots of people onsite who will be better for you than reading how I just ate 1800 today and feel great.

arcticfox04

I'm only friends with those that do the same thing I do. The values MFP recommends not a set value they want. I lost weight doing what MFP told me.

MouseTmom

I don't think less than 1200 is a healthy way to lose weight but I don't really pay that close attention to how many calories they are eating. I pay more attention to how much a person needs to lose. I am a big girl and need to lose 100+. I don't usually send friend requests to someone who just needs to lose 25 pounds or less. #1 - That weight will come off relatively fast (compared to 100+ pounds) and I want long term friends. #2 - If you weigh 150 and want to get down to 125 or less, I really can't relate cause if I was 150 I would be exstatic!! I relate to those who are very overweight and will be here for a while. I do wish you all well though and good luck with your journey - no matter how long or big it is going to be.

Halleeon

I don't currently subscribe to actively avoiding those who eat under 1200 calories, but I do avoid people who aren't actively seeking out information and/or complain like little beeches about really lame stuff. Just my opinion here, perhaps not the most eloquently put.

At any rate, I do what I can to share my experience with those who show some interest and I hope for the same, but do not expect it. If I friend someone and they get on my nerves for *any* reason, whether its complaining about how hungry they are and only eating 1200 calories, saying a bunch of things I can't relate too, promoting patriarchy, etc etc, I reserve the right to delete them without the need to defend myself. It's the internet and I am digging the anonymity.

CoderGal

Out of curiosity, do people who won't friend 'under 1200' people also include people who do intermittent fasting in this category? For instance, people who deliberately have a couple of days a week where they eat 600 calories, but eat as many calories as they like the rest of the week.

I have a couple IF people on my list...they don't eat 600 cals the ones I have eat closer to 2000? Are you sure your talking about IF and not some other kind?

MizzTweezy

People with weight loss surgeries are often advised to eat as little as 800 calories a day look it up, and if someone don't want to be my friend because I don't have the stomach they have anymore well... That's there own personal issue, I could care a less. I don't want judgmental arrogant friends anyways

carpetbagger12000

"love4fitnesslove4food" is also 23 years old. Of course she can eat 1600 calories a day. When I was 23, I could eat that much, too. As you get older, your metabolism becomes less efficient. If I ate 1600 calories a day, I would become overweight in no time. Everyone is different. Everyone's caloric needs are different. We are not built the same, nor are we the same at age 55 as we were at 23. Stop judging people based on unsimilar cases. I can't believe this thread even exists.

Mistila

I just felt the need to reply to this because there seems to be so much negativity about low calorie diets on here. I think what many people seem to forget is that different people need different amounts of food to achieve the same amount of weight loss. I am a small framed girl with a height of 5'1 and I sometimes get sick of extremely tall people telling me that I will lose weight on, say, 1400 calories. For me personally, to lose weight, I need to eat a maximum of 1200 calories, and even that's pushing it most of the time. I eat healthy clean foods most of the time and if I don't exercise I can actually GAIN weight on 1200 calories. I do not have an eating disorder and never have, but I now have my diary hidden from my friends because I know many of them would comment on what is a perfectly healthy amount of food for me personally.

I totally agree!!!! In my cace I'm 5' 3" and have PCOD and the DR ordered a 900 calorie diet! Do you think we like NOT being able to eat more? NO WE DO NOT!!!! PLEASE STOP JUDGING IF YOUR NOT A DR!

CoderGal

I just felt the need to reply to this because there seems to be so much negativity about low calorie diets on here. I think what many people seem to forget is that different people need different amounts of food to achieve the same amount of weight loss. I am a small framed girl with a height of 5'1 and I sometimes get sick of extremely tall people telling me that I will lose weight on, say, 1400 calories. For me personally, to lose weight, I need to eat a maximum of 1200 calories, and even that's pushing it most of the time. I eat healthy clean foods most of the time and if I don't exercise I can actually GAIN weight on 1200 calories. I do not have an eating disorder and never have, but I now have my diary hidden from my friends because I know many of them would comment on what is a perfectly healthy amount of food for me personally.

Yes!! This is why I get so fed up with the "eat more to weigh less" people who stalk these forums. It's great if the obese people on here can lose weight eating 1500-2000 calories, but that's just not gonna fly when you're short and not overly large. I personally could never lose weight eating anything over 1000 because I'm 5'3 and have always been in the healthy weight range, so it's harder for me to lose weight than some people.

As a borderline underweight who's never been obese and lately been eating 3000 calories and maintaining, I'm pretty sure it well 'fly' for people who are not 'overly large' especially since you're over half my height... And you're incorrect about that last part. You cannot say you can't lose weight eating over 1000 because you are 5'3 because there are many many many 5'3 girls who are eating much more then that and losing weight, some of which are on this thread.

The big one for me is that on this site it is looked VERY down upon to EAT less than 1200 cals but when it comes to netting 1200 cals after exercise not a lot of people do that...So it seems as if its okay to eat 1600 cals and exercise 500 but not vice versa???

The key thing that's missing there is you can get a lot more nutrients in 500 calories verses 0 calories

I am under the care of a board certified bariatric physician and she has instructed me to stay in the 1000 to 1200 range and not to replace the calories I burn by exercise.

So I would say that not accepting friend requests from anyone who eats less than 1200 calories a day without taking any other factors into account is pretty close minded.

There might be a reason someone is eating that few calories. Like in my instance, I am only 4'11". My little self doesn't need as many calories as someone of more normal height.

The recommendations on this site and others are only guidelines. Your doctor may prescribe a completely different regime and that's ok, whether others on the site agree with it or not.

~missy

That's one of the excuses I didn't like hearing, because it doesn't make sense (as you can tell with the rest of the thin shorter girls replying that they eat far more and lose). I've also met several 4 foot somethings on this site who eat more then that and are losing on it.

I vary rarely eat 1200 calories, it is not because of an eating disorder or because I don't want to, it is extremely hard for me to get that many calories. I usually eat atleast 4 times a day, I try and get as close to 1200 as possible, but there are days where I barely net 800 and I just can't help it

^Another one of those excuses I don't like. And very rarely is the reason of "I can't help it" health related. It's usually just people becoming accustom to undereating.

I just felt the need to reply to this because there seems to be so much negativity about low calorie diets on here. I think what many people seem to forget is that different people need different amounts of food to achieve the same amount of weight loss. I am a small framed girl with a height of 5'1 and I sometimes get sick of extremely tall people telling me that I will lose weight on, say, 1400 calories. For me personally, to lose weight, I need to eat a maximum of 1200 calories, and even that's pushing it most of the time. I eat healthy clean foods most of the time and if I don't exercise I can actually GAIN weight on 1200 calories. I do not have an eating disorder and never have, but I now have my diary hidden from my friends because I know many of them would comment on what is a perfectly healthy amount of food for me personally.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/709111-what-weightloss-does-to-people

I just felt the need to reply to this because there seems to be so much negativity about low calorie diets on here. I think what many people seem to forget is that different people need different amounts of food to achieve the same amount of weight loss. I am a small framed girl with a height of 5'1 and I sometimes get sick of extremely tall people telling me that I will lose weight on, say, 1400 calories. For me personally, to lose weight, I need to eat a maximum of 1200 calories, and even that's pushing it most of the time. I eat healthy clean foods most of the time and if I don't exercise I can actually GAIN weight on 1200 calories. I do not have an eating disorder and never have, but I now have my diary hidden from my friends because I know many of them would comment on what is a perfectly healthy amount of food for me personally.

Weird how that works.
I am 5ft2 and eat 2,000 just to lose weight xD

^bump lol

At 5'0", 1200 calories without exercise is maintenance for me once I reach my goal of 110 lbs. So, in order to shed pounds, of course I have to eat less than that. On those days when I do get exercise in, and lighter people have to exercise a lot more to burn calories, I can eat the full 1200. Otherwise, I try to eat between 1000 and 1200. If anyone doesn't want to be my friend because of that, they can jump in a lake. I don't need those kinds of friends anyway.

That's weird, 'cause it's still over 1200 calories by my math...And as a person trying to stay that thin when you're that short you should try to at least stay a little healthy by moving around.

I'm 4'11'' and my BMR is about 1260.. But I always eat more than that. Or at least try to. I also have hypothyroidism. Personally, if I eat around my BMR, I simply don't lose weight.

I find people who can eat/exercise properly far more inspiration (as it shows you don't have to starve yourself!). Do you really want to live the rest of your life not being able to eat. And yes, as few people have noted, I'm sure there are exceptions.

I would add someone who ate below 1200.. Unless you're trying to push for an unhealthy lifestyle either way, I'll be friends with anyone.

I don't doubt you but my friend also has hypothyroidism and told me the same thing so I just convinced her to eat above her estimated BMR about a month ago and she's consistently losing weight. You may want to try consistently trying it out for a few months before throwing it out the window. Since you do have a thyroid problem though your TDEE and BMR is going to be lower then estimated. You can get your RMR tested by your doctor to give you a far better idea of how much you burn doing nothing and multiply that by 1.2 to get about your sedentary energy expenditure and take a cut from there. But you are one of those exceptions to the rule where it's understandable that a person thinks they need a lower calorie diet though, because calorie restriction doesn't really work well for people with thyroid problems. But as you'll find with time you'll have to lose less and less a lot less then other people to maintain your weight which is eventually going to bite you in the bum. There are other ways to lose weight that involve eating more even with thyroid problems, but they usually consist of extreme diet changes, surgery, or drugs.

I don't currently subscribe to actively avoiding those who eat under 1200 calories, but I do avoid people who aren't actively seeking out information and/or complain like little beeches about really lame stuff. Just my opinion here, perhaps not the most eloquently put.

Couldn't have put it better myself :P

geekyjock76

I did an assessment with a very petite 17 yr old girl today who was 5'2" and weighed 94 lbs - she brought in her food journal and she was maintaining at 1800 calories despite having an estimated TDEE range between 1410 and 1665 . She currently wants to add 20 lbs of muscle to pick up her weight and will likely be eating at a 20% or greater surplus since she is a very small ectomorph.

Stephanie_Autry

I'm only friends with those that do the same thing I do. The values MFP recommends not a set value they want. I lost weight doing what MFP told me.

That's awesome.

amnsetie

Is that why you only have like 20 friends on your friend list... ? :huh:

Are you getting personal?

Maybe 20 friends is enough if you are providing and getting good support??

Sarauk2sf

I have the disclaimer because I like to keep my FL manageable. I try to interact with everyone as much as possible and also look and comment on people’s diaries. I just do not see what someone eating at less than 1200 calories can benefit from being my 'friend' and vice versa - I usually eat about 1900 - 2000 calories (a bit lower this week as I am expecting a monster dessert tomorrow!). Now, I understand that 1200 is somewhat of an arbitrary number because there are a lot of factors that come into play like the nutritional value of what they are eating, thyroid etc issues but imo, you have to draw the line somewhere.

Some people have asked the question as to why no upper limit - this is pretty impossible to do as peoples activity levels are very different as well as some people on my FL are actually bulking and so are eating a lot on purpose.

I have people on my FL that IF but only one that does the more ESE style of very low calories some days and higher the others. They balance out in the week so its all good as far as I am concerned and I can continue to encourage.

To be perfectly honest, it is much easier (and probably nicer) not to accept FRs in the first place than to end up having to delete them after you find out they are on, what you consider, to be an unhealthy diet. I have done it in the past and do not enjoy it at all.

We are pretty much all strangers until we start interacting with each other, so I am not sure why having disclaimers is such a sensitive or divisive topic.

jayliospecky

I used to add everyone. I would accept friend requests from girls with EDs because I wanted to help.

After reading posts like these:
Ugh I ate way too much (300 cals) I fell like i should throw up
I cannot believe i ate so much today! I am a fat cow (like 800 calories)
Calorie goals around 200 a day with mostly cigs and diet soda
Seeing posts about them getting out of the hospital
much worse


So much self hate and self harm. It made me get too worried. They didn't want my help. Too far in. They wanted support for their eating

Also, if an individual has personally struggled with an ED and is in recovery, they may find those kinds of comments to be triggering. Wouldn't it be like a recovering alcoholic hanging around with active alcoholics?

CuteAndCurvy83

I dunno about everyone else or every "under 1200" person, but the last time (and only time) I had someone like that they were nothing but drama (about EVERYTHING not just weight)

essjay76

I'm short too (5'0"), and quite light (122lb). I try not to net under 1,200 and I still lose, even with days netting at 1,600+. Although, I am losing pretty slowly. I'm firmly trying not to get into that mentality of having to net under 1,200 to lose because of my height. I want this to be a lifestyle change, and I don't want to be eating only 1,200 calories a day for the rest of my life...

I won't refuse friend requests, but I'm a little bit put off by the number of people on my friends list with ED tendencies ("OMG I'm such a failure coz I ate a square of chocolate, even though I've still only eaten a grand total of 800 calories today").

Ahhh, this is exactly why I friended you!

I am a fellow small, petite person as well. Didn't have much to lose and didn't want to get into the same mentality of eating less than 1200 to lose weight. I've already lost the weight I've wanted to, slooooowly, without starving myself. Yes, I exercise a lot, but even without exercise I just can't see myself living off of less than 1000 calories a day for the rest of my life. For those of you who are doing it, can you? Are you just not going to live life?

And for those of you who have 30 + pounds to lose and are eating 800 calories a day, can you do that the rest of your life? What happens when you reach goal weight and all of a sudden gain tons of weight back when you start eating like a normal person? Starve yourself again?

People who eat 2000-3000 cals a day and are LOSING are usually the ones who are sensibly eating the right foods and exercising. It doesn't mean that person is stuffing their faces with pizza and ice cream all day.

I don't put that disclaimer on my profile, and I don't knock people who do. Nothing wrong with being upfront about what you will and will not support. I kinda wish I did that though, because I've friended a pro-ana person before that I didn't know had an ED til I friended her. I can't support someone calling herself a fat cow because she's consumed 400 calories that day. I see nothing wrong with people telling others that they can't support them.

essjay76

I dunno about everyone else or every "under 1200" person, but the last time (and only time) I had someone like that they were nothing but drama (about EVERYTHING not just weight)

They were probably cranky from not eating enough. :laugh: