Can husband motivate wife to lose lbs w/o being a jerk?

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  • kluvit
    kluvit Posts: 435 Member
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    No, my "ex-husband" asked me if I "really needed" the small cup of ice cream I was eating (when I was 25 years old, 5'7" tall and about 127 pounds), and I've never forgotten it -- scarred for life (me and the relationship)!
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
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    Do it with her. Don't ask her to do anything you wouldn't be willing to do yourself. Work out with her, eat right with her, support her.

    Make it so that this is about ensuring the two of you enjoy a full, healthy life together for the rest of your lives, not just about her getting a fat *kitten*.

    Also, promise her some expensive new jeans/sexy undies if she goes down a size, then you get an awesome visual bonus for all your hard work, and she gets to show off hers.
  • TeeNTee72
    TeeNTee72 Posts: 4 Member
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    After I started working out and eating right on a regular basis, my husband decided to join me. We keep each other motivated and we have so much fun together. Now, other family members are joining in.
  • itgeekwoman
    itgeekwoman Posts: 804 Member
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    You lead by example. You join the gym and then start getting buff. If you already do that, then .. NO. You will have to wait for her to come to her own conclusions.

    Life is too short to be stressing over your wife's 30 lbs. She'll figure it out. You still love her.. then you are good. The worst thing you can do is point it out. At least it would be for me.
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
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    My husband said to me the other day: "I noticed you are making a great effort to make good choices. I think I will too."

    That said a lot to me without him saying a lot. It made me want to continue and I felt supported.
  • bluechip777
    bluechip777 Posts: 160 Member
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    I will seriously LMAO if she's working out all week trying to get him motivated.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    This should be done very carefully. My husband bought me Prevention Magazine's Flat Belly Diet Family cookbook for Christmas in 2010. I had already been considering what we needed to do do start eating healthier, I was trading an elliptical that I hated for a treadmill from my friend so this was his "in" to give me something to help the process along. Had he just gotten me that cookbook with no prior discussion from me about my weight, I might have cried! So you've got to wait until she has either talked specifically about being unhappy with the way she looks or find a way to throw it into conversation like, "Oh the kids are going on a bike ride, why don't we go for a walk?"
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    If you can make it work for you, more power....

    Personally, the risk that she'd always have in the back of her mind that I saw her as this person I'd like to improve upon, rather than someone I love and accept as she is, is just too great.

    Amen, love this!!!! ^
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    tell her she has something on her chin.... no, her other chin.
  • awkwardsoul
    awkwardsoul Posts: 222 Member
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    Go do stuff together - join martial arts, fencing, whatever class. Find something active you'll both like - it'll be easier for her if you did the same activities together.

    I dunno, my husband said something about my weight and I didn't give a crap. I already knew and was hard to do without help, changing our routine, changing groceries / meals we have. I'm rational enough to know my husband is a great guy and isn't saying this to me mean.

    He was willing to help and go on the ride too. We do jiu jitsu together, we only buy healthy food. He needs more calories than me to bulk up, so he just eats more and drinks lots of milk. Any junk food he eats is at work so it's not in the house.
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
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    This seems to be YOUR problem, not your wife's. I'm going to go kiss my husband now. :grumble:
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
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    What I don't understand is you said she works out 4-5 times a week in various ways.

    What more are you expecting her to do?
  • emmie0622
    emmie0622 Posts: 167 Member
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    As a woman who has been married for 26 years, let me give you a bit of advice: don't tell her anything except that you love her and find her sexy as he!!. But feel free to suggest things nicely like "I'd love to not only do this marathon, but do it with you. How about we train together?" or "let's go for a walk after dinner".

    Been married 25 years and agree - she knows if she is heavier. I would try to incorporate more activity in your relationship, it may be the incentive and push that she needs
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    This seems to be YOUR problem, not your wife's. I'm going to go kiss my husband now. :grumble:

    Me too!

    Well, when he gets home from work :love:
  • cottonwoodlindy
    cottonwoodlindy Posts: 2
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    How about taking a more personal interest in her with activities that don't necessarily mean a trip to the bedroom? Ask her to take a short walk after supper with you at HER speed. Does she like to garden or like flowers? How about building her a planter box and help her plant flowers or herbs that she likes? Ask her if she is interested & would take a dance class with you, walk a local museum, try geocaching etc etc. The point is; involve yourself with HER as front and center with activites that gets you both up and moving without implying or expecting a demand on her sexually. Pay her attention with active togetherness that she enjoys without having to feel pressured, etc. Stop looking (however covert your actions) at other women and comparing. Your inner thoughts of discontent DO transfer to subtle outward actions toward your wife whether you know it or believe it yourself.....
  • raystark
    raystark Posts: 403 Member
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    You could probably say it without being a jerk, but you are better off not saying it. Accept her and love her as is.
  • glamouritz64
    glamouritz64 Posts: 85 Member
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    Why don't you book a trip to a Carribean Island, or some such. Buy her a bikini you'd like to see her in. Wrap up the tickets and bikini and present it to her as a present. Then, tell her you'd like her help and support in getting in shape for the trip, and ask her to work out with you.
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
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    Just enough that, when I see a woman with a more toned stomach, rear end, and/or legs, I think, "It would be cool if my wife had that figure."

    Do you think she doesn't look at other men and admire some part of their body and think the same thing? Would it bother you if she hinted that you needed bigger abs, more of a 6 pack, tighter *kitten*, bigger...... (well, you get my point)?

    You say she works out so she's health conscious and I'd bet my left arm that she knows her hips/*kitten* are bigger than they were 20 years ago. Trust me, she is aware and I bet she's thinking how lucky she is to have a wonderful supporting husband who loves her despite time adding cushioning to her.

    Don't burst her bubble. She's accepted you for who you aged into, she deserves the same.
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
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    Normally I would suggest just a "we" approach, suggesting fun activities to do together, trying some new (healthy) recipes. You don't have to say it's because you're unhappy with her figure, but there's nothing wrong with saying something like, "hey, want to start going hiking once a week? I think it would be fun and it's good for us too!"

    However, it sounds like you're saying she IS in pretty good shape, active, and has a great figure above-waist. I don't know how old your wife is but the uneven weight distribution might be partially genetic. I'm not saying weight can't be lost and those trouble areas can't be improved. However, fat loss occurs all over the body and can't be targeted- different parts of the body can be toned but that won't make fat in certain areas disappear unless fat is lost all-over. It's possible (not saying inevitable) but possible that even if weight is lost, and toning is worked on, that the uneven weight distribution could continue. My mom lost 40 lbs. She's now 115 lbs at 5'4" (a weight I would LOVE to be!!!!) and she's skinny but she still has quite a belly- that's just how her body is.

    I guess what I'm saying is- I would still try the "we" approach but I wouldn't expect her to end up with a model-perfect body.
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,858 Member
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    Step one: Hand her a large, very sharp knife

    Step two: Tell her what you told us, you know that part about her giant *kitten*

    Step three: Run!


    I am guessing she will burn about 800 calories runing you down and stabbing you. Admittedly, your survival is not guaranteed, but every plan has flaws.

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