Fiancés family....

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  • taylor5877
    taylor5877 Posts: 1,792 Member
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    OH SNAP...I just realized I forgot to put back on my wedding ring after going to the gym last night...
  • sicilysclover
    sicilysclover Posts: 173 Member
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    I have never even ASKED a bride or groom what religion (if any) their wedding ceremony would be in, much less used it as a basis for attending or not attending the wedding. Isn't the whole point that you are celebrating their wedding? Not that you are expecting to convert to their religion? Who does that? Do people really do that? Am I totally out of the wedding loop here?

    My Aunt converted to being a muslim and she declined her neice's wedding because there would be alcohol and she doesnt believe she should be around alcohol. Her neice respected her beliefs to the extend that she was OK with her not attending, and they moved on. Sometimes it does matter to people of different faiths.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

    I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

    Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 

    Forget the wedding decor. You both need to sit down and figure out the MAJOR stuff (holiday celebrations, etc) before you even get to decorating for the wedding day. How did this stuff not come up while you were dating?

    And this. This * 100.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    Getting pissed off is a choice you make, but the only one who suffers is you. You're not going to compete with another person's religion. It's just not a battle you can win, so don't make it a battle. If they don't show up to your house because you have a candy cane, then that's their loss, isn't it? Visit them for the holidays once in a while, but when you're married, you get to decide between the two of you what traditions you want to keep, or build, for your new family. Remember that you marry someone, you marry them as a whole person, including their lifestyle and their family.

    I don't think your outlook of "I want the right to be angry" is mature. You have a lot to learn before you're truly ready for a marriage (that's the thing that comes after the big party).
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Young people seem to forget that there's a life past the wedding. It's called marriage. That's forever. You need to sit down and figured out if this is a life you want forever.

    And you should never attempt to trump all over your husbands family. That'll end horribly for you and your marriage.
  • cmcorn26
    cmcorn26 Posts: 253 Member
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    Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

    I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

    Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 







    time to look at your long term goals and beliefs......i'd say you are jumping the gun to get married. serious issues are behind your little ornament cards.
  • AnisaMG
    AnisaMG Posts: 154 Member
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    . I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 

    Umm maybe this is something that needs to be said to your SO... ranting here isn't going to solve your issues.
  • cmwhited6204
    cmwhited6204 Posts: 210 Member
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    At the present time it seems like just an aggrevation but what happens when you have children. If you love this person my first suggestion would be to wait to get married. I would start a list with every topic that comes to mind and discuss how you each of you would handle those situations. Just because his family does not do holidays and even though you state you are not religious that does not mean that holidays are not something for you to celebrate. There are many people who enjoy the spirit of holidays who do not believe in the religious aspect of it.

    At 21 I think it is difficult to understand exactly how you feel about situations. Views change so often within yourself and learning about the changes when you have a family with strong believes may feel like the energy is being sucked out of yourself. His family has learned and grown into their beliefs and you deserve to do the same. If not for you and your husband but for children you may have in the future.

    If it is meant to be, waiting a few years will do no harm but could do worlds of good for everyone involved. If you make the decision to get married now, I would take that list and go the married prep counseling with someone. Find a couple who has been married for a long time and see how they can help you both with the differences.

    Good Luck,
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
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    Is he a Jehovah's Witness as well? If so, you may want to have some discussions pre-marriage. How holidays will be celebrated? How children will be raised if children are on the agenda?
  • downinaggieland98
    downinaggieland98 Posts: 224 Member
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    Ummm...yeah...if they are committed JWs, you either need to join and give up birthdays, holidays and get over yourself, or you need to find a new fiance.

    Sad to say, but this is true. You are young. You deserve to be your own person and at least decide for yourself who you want to be. Do you really want to never have Christmas, and for your kids to never have Christmas? Sounds very sad to me!
  • debgetzfit
    debgetzfit Posts: 15
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    There is a bigger issue here, not the wedding decorations. It's how you two plan to live your life together. Holidays may seem like no big deal, but it's no big deal to someone who celebrates them regularly. You may think that the fact that you aren't religious will make it easy to deal with his JW family, but it is different than most other Christian religions.

    Do some research on what they do and more importantly what they don't believe in and see if that is something you can live with. Someone brought up your birthday and in your future childrens' birthdays...that is a huge deal in my opinion. Good luck and although this may get stressful and painful for you two, at least you are dealing with the situation now and not after you get married and you have to decide if you've made a mistake.

    Hope it all works out for you!
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
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    why do you feel you have to be married at such a young age? just because you get married doesn't mean you'll be together forever. and just because some people never get married doesn't mean they don't love each other. I've been with my boyfriend for over two years now, and six months ago, I would've wanted to marry him. today, I'm SO glad I was smart enough to say "hey maybe we should wait", cause I feel completely different.
  • HotAshMess
    HotAshMess Posts: 382 Member
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    Um....how does he feel? Does he share the same opinions and values? Because quite frankly, that might be your future. I'd think about it....because this isn't just about a wedding. This is your life after the wedding.
  • CarmenSRT
    CarmenSRT Posts: 843 Member
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    Don't get married so young. You'll straight up ruin your life. You're not the same person at 21 that you'll be at 23, 26, or 30.

    Eh, depends on the person. I was 20 when we married, he was 23. We celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary on September 18th. :happy:
  • mermx
    mermx Posts: 976
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    I would think long and hard.....for this is only the begining.

    Are you and your new husband going to celebrate any holidays or birthdays? Later on down the raod....what if you have kids? Chirstmas, Halloween, Birthdays?

    You are young....I get it

    You NEED to talk about all of this before you actually get married. I know you may think that "we love each other" it will all work out......but realistically.....you need to think about ALL of this.

    this for sure, if you are having worries now, then, how is it going to be further down the line??
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
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    I didn't read all the responses, but this much I know - you're focusing on the wrong day of your life.

    A wedding is one day. If you're struggling with the limits others want to place on that day, what will the other days after your wedding look like?

    This is something that is not going to be resolved with one conversation. This is a BIG issue that deserves many conversations with your fiance. Is he willing to lose his family over this? Will he end up resenting the marriage if he does?

    Marriage is tough enough. When you mix very passionate beliefs about religion or the lack there of, I think you're heading down a rough and slippery road.

    You need to ask yourself, "What do I picture for my children?" If you picture hearts on Valentine's Day and turkeys for Thanksgiving or a present wrapped in birthday paper for the celebration of the day he/she was born ... then you need to rethink this relationship.
  • Ruthe8
    Ruthe8 Posts: 423 Member
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    Don't get married so young. You'll straight up ruin your life. You're not the same person at 21 that you'll be at 23, 26, or 30.

    Eh, depends on the person. I was 20 when we married, he was 23. We celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary on September 18th. :happy:
    Did you read the post? She is not mature enough to get married.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    ...is he a complete 360 from his family or something? I dont see how this works, to be honest. Family is a weird thing to try to come between. prolly wont work out for ya.

    edit
    I posted before I went back and read all of the thread...and I agree with some other posters that you and your fiance seem a bit too immature to be getting married. I am no perfect person or in a perfect relationship, and I do not mean to be rude so please understand. I am 21 years old also. If things are less than wonderful between you two now (i mean the way you speak to each other, communicate, make decisions, family issues, etc) they will ONLY GET WORSE. I think it might be good to reconsider your engagement and try to work out some issues first.
  • ddyirishgrl
    ddyirishgrl Posts: 40
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    My boyfriends entire family is VERY VERY VERY strict johovah witnesses and my bf told me that if we got married all his family and wittness friends cant attend because im not a wittness. i was very hurt at first but i need to understand that its there belief and religion and they have lived that way their entire life and i cant just come into the picture and expect them to change! i came into this relationship knowing these things and im staying in this relationship knowing these things. you are going to hit a lot more opsticles through life marrying into this strict religious family. think about what will happen if you have kids.

    my spelling is bad, please forgive me on that.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
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    This is where you quickly pop out a kid and hold his family hostage...

    hahhahaha
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