Fiancés family....
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Lol ok you have fun with that.I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.
Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going
Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
Will do
We've been together for six years, rock solid I might add,
and I look forward to many more years.
You've been "rock solid" since you were 13...?
100%, never broke up once since we started dating in
grade 8. I know we're the exception and people tend to
judge us quite a bit and not believe our story but hey
I'm happy and so is he so that's all that matters.0 -
I don't know where this idea came from that the wedding is YOUR SPECIAL DAY AND YOU GET TO BE A PRINCESS. The purpose of your wedding is to celebrate with your loved ones. Otherwise you would just go to the courthouse.0
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The MFP forums are always the right place to ask what your future husband's religion is0
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You are young, so start setting boundaries now. You and your future spouse are the only people who get to decide what/when you have a wedding. Unless someone else is paying for it, then they get some input into cost options, budget, etc. You also get to decide who to invite. If people who are invited choose not to attend, that is their decision and they are the only people responsible for that decision. Your wedding belongs to you and the groom. Everyone else should be delighted to be invited and respectful of your wedding choices. (period)
This!!!0 -
BTW OP...you said you turn 21 on Sunday...does your fiance plan on celebrating your BIRTHDAY with you? Because JW don't do that....0
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Jehovah's Witnesses you say? Run. Run like the f**king wind.
I say this from experience. If you're not aligned, it's very unlikely your relationship will not work out. Religion, politics, family, ideals, goals, ambitions... these all are very important. Differing of opinions in one or more of these categories are often too difficult to overcome for relationships. Especially those of young adults.0 -
of allt he days/times to get married - sounds like you're doing it just to prod the bull or see if you are "more important" I"m a makeup artist and I attend hundreds of weddings - no matter what time of year I've never seen a christmas or valentine ornament at a single one. I only see wedding decorations.
Exactly what I was thinking, there are ways to do a winter wedding that does not include holiday decor. Do you really love Christmas that much that you want candy canes and ornaments?0 -
Sorry, I thought the idea was to keep the comments relevant. But feel free to go off on your own tangent if that's what you prefer. It's not like we're trying to have a conversation here.
Did you read the post? She is not mature enough to get married.Don't get married so young. You'll straight up ruin your life. You're not the same person at 21 that you'll be at 23, 26, or 30.
Eh, depends on the person. I was 20 when we married, he was 23. We celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary on September 18th. :happy:
Yes, I did read the OP's post. Did you read the post I was responding to? It wasn't the OP's.
Ah yes. Bertha B Betternyou, how HAVE you been dear?
*giggles* Happy 25th anniversary!
In my case, I met him at 18, and thought we would get married one day. Seven years later, had to grab all of my belongings and run screaming because I was sick of being called awful names by a suicidal drunk pillhead. People have a lot of sentimental thoughts about marriage, but it's really just a way for the government to get involved in your life and tell you how things will go if you split up. It's just a ring and a piece of paper. I can buy rings and pieces of paper all day with my BF. We might make fun things out of the paper, additionally. Lots of room for activities there.
I'm glad you got out of that bad relationship. I'm partial to marriage for a number of reasons, but that's me. What matters in the end is will that other person be there for you even when Life decides to take a major crap on you? If so, it's all good.
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If he's already talking to you like this, you've got bigger problems than whether or not to decorate with Christmas ornaments.And then he's like use your brain.
You absolutely should care about his family's religion. You both sound very immature and you have a lot to work on. You should WANT to care about having his family there and you should WANT to respect their religious beliefs. Good luck, Amber.0 -
I was engaged to a Witness.
Get out. Get out now.0 -
Advice.
I know im young. I'll be 21 on Sunday. But is it considered self centered and unacceptable that I think my fiancés family should get over themselves about the holiday ****? His family are jahovahs witnesses. Which is fine. Im not a religious person. But If we have a winter wedding or any wedding for this matter that I can not have anything involving holidays (ornaments, candy canes, new years sparklers, valentines day hearts or cards, etc) and if I do, his family refuses to show up because it's against their religion to be anywhere involving holidays.
Is it wrong for me to get pissed off because I can't have holiday stuff (if I wanted it... On MY DAY) due to his family being religious???
Feedback would be great.
I've gotten married twice and I'll be REALLY honest with you... The best thing I did the 2nd time around was to make the wedding reception all about THEM (i.e. our families and friends). I saved myself a ton of headaches the 2nd time around by letting other people have their way about how things were planned and being more agreeable in general... and you know what? I had a better time at my 2nd wedding because of it. The first time I was super stressed about every little detail and I was truly Bridezilla. The second time I just went with the flow - I even let my sister-in-law/maid of honor pick the style of dresses the girls would wear (I picked the color). If you really want to have a happy marriage then you'll pander to your in-laws' unusual requests - religious or not. If it's important to them (i.e. anyone involved in the wedding) then it should be important to you too.0 -
^^THIS!!!Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas.
I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around.
Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa.
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For instance, if you want to celebrate your birthday on the day it falls, but he wants to recognize it on January 1st (which is what I think JW folks do for all birthdays),
JW's don't acknowledge birthdays. In January or when they occur.0 -
Some people get married in their early 20's and have long, happy , successful relationships. Those people are the exception.
You are not the exception.
You are unable to consider his family's feelings for an event that will mix his family with yours. If you marry him and have kids, his family will ALWAYS be a part of your life. FOREVER.
Also, why so much hate for JWs? It's their choice to have whatever faith they like. Mixing faiths in a relationship can be hard, and it should be thought through.0 -
If your fiance wants a wedding and he's willing to do it the way you want it then he's willing to let his family sit out. you're marrying him. You and he make the marriage. 'And the two shall become one and cling unto each other. Leaving each other's family.'0
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I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.
Oh ma'am. Your viewpoint is a bit skewed. You ARE marrying his family. Whether you're family oriented or not.
Especially if that other person is family oriented. Then you will be dealing with the family and if you do battles of Me vs them eventually your man is going to resent you for that.0 -
Gosh, I know... my in-laws were appalled that I wanted pentagrams at the bloodletting altar of my winter solstice ceremony! THE NERVE.
You are a bigot and way too young to get married. And you're a snotty bride.0 -
Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa.
Have you never spent a holiday together?? What did he do LAST Christmas? Or did you just meet...? These are reeeeally big things that need to be addressed ASAP0 -
I also just noticed on your profile that you say your wedding is June 3rd (which probably shouldn't be happening anyway by the sounds of it) so Christmas decorations shouldn't even be a thought for wedding decor LOL0
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Gosh, I know... my in-laws were appalled that I wanted pentagrams at the bloodletting altar of my winter solstice ceremony! THE NERVE.
You are a bigot and way too young to get married. And you're a snotty bride.
This is awful... you make the rest of us witches look bad by mixing your judgemental attitude with references to magick.0 -
You think they should just "get over" their religion so you can have the decorations you want? Yeah, that's self-centered and unacceptable. It's also not YOUR DAY. That just screams "selfish". It's your fiancé's day, too, and he probably wants his family around to help celebrate it.
^^^ This. It's not a sweet 16, it's a wedding. It's about both of you, and both of your families. If you're old enough to get married, your old enough to not be a child about getting your own way. Although to be honest, if (as you stated) you don't love this guy enough to give up your Christmas (which is purely secular for you, I'm assuming, since you say you aren't religious) then you definitely shouldn't be marrying him anyways. How the HELL do you plan to make a marriage work when you won't even compromise something like that? Also... did this not come up last Christmas? Or did you not know him yet then? Because if you didn't, then yeah, you're 20 and you got engaged to someone you knew less than 9 months. Maybe slow down a little. You've got plenty of years left.0 -
I love how people are actually giving her advice on the wedding when she shouldn't be having one in the first place...0
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bump0
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if he has the same beliefs as his family, it is going to be very hard for the two of u to get along on those sorts of things unless u convert to JW as well. you need to talk with him about whether or not he plans to celebrate holidays and birthdays when u have children. don't wait until after u are married to find out.0
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BTW OP...you said you turn 21 on Sunday...does your fiance plan on celebrating your BIRTHDAY with you? Because JW don't do that....
^^^ good point!!!0 -
You think they should just "get over" their religion so you can have the decorations you want? Yeah, that's self-centered and unacceptable. It's also not YOUR DAY. That just screams "selfish". It's your fiancé's day, too, and he probably wants his family around to help celebrate it.
Very true. As silly as it seems to you, it is very important to them. They are his family, and I am sure he wants them around to celebrate. Besides, you can have a gorgeous winter wedding without a Christmas tree and some candy canes.
Or you could just save the money and elope My husband and I got married at the courthouse and now we are buying a house instead!
Edit: I just read through some of the rest of these posts, you and your fiancee do not at all appear ready to get married. It seems by now you'd know where his stance on what he feels about the religion. If you don't even know if he is going to come to Christmas dinner at your parents house, then you don't know each other. The relationship isn't necessarily 'doomed' but you have a lot on considering to do, and communicating. I definitely wouldn't get married THIS year.0 -
Firstly, it's not just YOUR day...it is HIS day, too. What is his opinion on all of this? Since it is HIS family, I think his opinion should matter more than anyone else.
I do have to say that I agree with a lot of the others...it doesn't sound like you're ready for this at all. You sound like a spoiled, selfish brat. If you want the entire world and everyone on it to revolve around you, you have no business getting married. How long have you been with this man? You haven't celebrated holidays before now? If you've never been with him during the holidays, you are DEFINITELY doing this all way too fast for as immature as you are.0 -
So you've just found out about his religion?? That never came up before??
Please don't get married until you learn the word "compromise". It is pretty important in a marriage, whereas YOUR perfect wedding is not.0 -
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Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas.
I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around.
Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa.
I've thought about having a winter wedding too, and never once did I think about decorating with Christmas ornaments or anything Christmas related for that matter. It's just plain tacky. You clearly brought up the ornaments thing to your fiance to cause conflict.
Grow up.0
This discussion has been closed.
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