Fiancés family....

cici1028

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate holidays of any kind. That includes your birthday, by the way. I would highly recommend that you have a chat with your fiance. Family will be important to him and you will need to be willing to compromise for you both to be happy.

What will happen if you plan to have children? How do you and your fiance want to interact with family around the holidays? What are his religious beliefs and opinions? You had best discuss all of this before getting married. It's a very strict religion and you need to respect their right to it... and realize they likely won't be as flexible with you.

LesleeBeAlive

Young people seem to forget that there's a life past the wedding. It's called marriage. That's forever. You need to sit down and figured out if this is a life you want forever.

And you should never attempt to trump all over your husbands family. That'll end horribly for you and your marriage.

Agreed

kmbrooks15

There are two MAJOR topics every couple should discuss and come to agreement on before marriage: finances and religion. If you are of differing religions, you need to work out how those religions will be exercised and how the children will be raised. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, anyone?

I agree with the concensus here...you two need to have a SERIOUS discussion about how holidays and such will be handled in your marriage and especially with your future children. Nothing confuses children more than one parent saying holidays are fine and should be celebrated and the other saying they are evil. It sounds like you guys have enjoyed the early "I'm so in love" stage, but you haven't talked about the really serious stuff. Some couples can't even survive the daily annoyances of life even when they agree on the major stuff. It sounds like you two haven't even discussed the really big things. You need to put the wedding on hold and see a counselor together to work all this stuff out. Do NOT marry this man until you are sure you've come up with an agreement you both can live with. It may not be possible; Jehovah's Witnesses are very diehard in their faith and are pretty unrelenting about things like holidays.

KittieLea

I got married at the age of 24 and was divorced by 27. I think it's hard for some (not all) 20 somethings to make wise decisions about who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. If you're already fighting about the wedding, what kind of marriage do you think you'll have?

Seriousmom3

Do you actually WANT any of things? Or are you just using it as an excuse to cause drama?

Yes, if you aren't actually planning on having a holiday wedding then I wouldn't be concerned about it. Even if you were still planning a holiday wedding you could incorporate colors instead of the actual symbols of the season. It is easy to get around. Check Pintrest.

RockaholicMama

You need to reconsider your marriage. Honestly.

Yup. :flowerforyou:

kaisawheel

Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 

You're engaged to this guy and you don't even know if he's able to celebrate holidays with you?

You're doing it wrong. This is not how a relationship should work. You need to speak to your Fiance. If he is totally cool with celebrating holidays with you and your potential children, then talk about how the wedding should go down. Does he care if his family shows? If so, you should probably respect him and them enough to leave out holiday-centric decorations. And if you don't care enough about him to do that, then he probably should not marry you.

sevsmom

Darling, you're the age of my oldest son. I say this in all sincerity and kindness. You are not ready to be married.

Marriage isn't about HIM making you happy, it's about living your lives to make EACH OTHER happy. And, if you're cursing about holiday decorations. . .I'm quite fearful that you haven't really thought ALL the implications of marriage through completely.

If you can not manage this circumstance, how will you manage the 100s of other issues that present themselves. Every holiday will be a battle. I'm actually surprised that his family is even willing to come to the wedding. I was nearly certain my aunt wouldn't attend her own son's wedding because he left the JWs and married a catholic girl.

You can not escape family of origin issues. And, religion is one of the biggest. Think long and hard about whether or not this is the man you want to walk through the rest of your life with. If not, don't walk down the aisle with him.

2012asv

This is something that you and your fiancee need to work out long before you start planning a wedding. Crap like this destroys relationships and compromise and respect is going to be necessary on both sides.

great advice.

Jennloella

of allt he days/times to get married - sounds like you're doing it just to prod the bull or see if you are "more important" I"m a makeup artist and I attend hundreds of weddings - no matter what time of year I've never seen a christmas or valentine ornament at a single one. I only see wedding decorations.

chivalryder

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

...is he a complete 360 from his family or something? I dont see how this works, to be honest. Family is a weird thing to try to come between. prolly wont work out for ya.

agreed. More likely than not, he will side with his family over you and that will cause some serious problems and if he doesn't, whose to say he won't resent you for choosing your side over theirs, OP? Coming between family never ends well.

kit8806

You need to first, figure out how you want to spend your life and how you will want to raise your kids when that time comes. Then once you figure this out, you need to sit down with your fiance and talk to him about what he wants and his thoughts on EVERYTHING! Not just now, but thoughts for the future as well. If you can't agree on things now, then maybe the 2 of you shouldn't be together. It is your day, but it is also his day. He will want his family there as well. Maybe you can come to some kind of compromise with all of this so everyone is happy. If you and your finace come to an agreement, both of you should sit down with his family and explain your side with RESPECT. Do not get angry with them, these are their beliefs.

Also, think about it.... you are doing to them exactly what they are doing to you. Pushing YOUR beliefs into their family and trying to do this YOUR way with no respect to them. Treat their beliefs how you want them to treat yours. It will get you a lot further than alienating and being harsh and forceful to his family.

I hope you find what you are looking for and everything works out for the best. Best of Luck!

secretlobster

Fun list of things JW's can't do:

http://thejehovahswitnesses.org/things-jehovahs-witnesses-cant-do.php

"22. Use a gun for protection against humans"

I'm not saying kill them, but... Kill them.

Ruthe8

Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple.

Honestly? This sounds like you don't even care about this guy.

CarmenSRT

Don't get married so young. You'll straight up ruin your life. You're not the same person at 21 that you'll be at 23, 26, or 30.

Eh, depends on the person. I was 20 when we married, he was 23. We celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary on September 18th. :happy:

Did you read the post? She is not mature enough to get married.

Yes, I did read the OP's post. Did you read the post I was responding to? It wasn't the OP's.

blueroses_78

Just break up.

I agree. JWs are VERY strict (I have a friend whose parents are JWs and she told me a LOT of horror stories about their beliefs). If you can manage it, compromise is key, however, from a couple of your other posts, I don't really see a lot of compromise coming from your fiance, from how he blew up over holiday ornaments, and then your reaction to his reaction.

If you don't take the time to figure out what you can do as a couple, and especially how you're going to raise the kids, then it's best you DO NOT get married at this time and seriously consider if you can make the kinds of compromises that this relationship is going to require.

kzivic

I think you're being rather unsensitive. What if you had a really strong belief or faith and you were asked to just "get over it"? Think you could do that so easily??? Even if you don't agree with their choice of lifestyle, you really have no right to ask them to give all that up, just for you, just because of one day.

I agree with all the other posters who have said this is something you and your fiance need to discuss. And if you're not comfortable with his faith, then maybe he's not the right man for you.

poncho33

Do you also have to avoid days they are busy knocking on doors??

ajohn252

I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.