The Science Behind "Nice" People
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I've noticed that when the people around me are happy, I'm usually happy, too. So it seems it's in my own interests to do things that make others happy. And sometimes, it just feels so good!
Yes. This is the empathy thing I was talking about. It is of course partly self-serving, but it's about interaction, so it's not just about you, but about you and the other people and the relationship that exists between you. It can't be separated discretely into you and them - it's about relationship and community, where the sum is greater than the parts.
People have mirror neurons where they actually feel the pain of other people in pain - so of course it's in for their own sake as well as the other person's sake that they want to help and want the person to not be in pain. This isn't a bad thing. It just shows that there is more to our make-up than purely the individual. We exist in communities, and our sense of self is entwined within community.
This is why the OP is too simplistic. It's not taking into consideration other aspects of psychology and neurology which have been researched in this area. Human motivation is incredibly complex.0 -
If any of you readers are a Christian like myself, then there would be another reason for being nice, or kind. Coincidentally enough I chose this attribute as the focus for my 5th thru 8th grade girls Sunday School lesson this morning.
God instructs us to be kind and treat others as we would want to be treated ourselves. Jesus teaches mankind to be helpful, loving and forgiving. In following the Master's role model we please not only oiur brothers and sisters in Christ, but more importantly our Father in Heaven.
The win win is that the world is also made a better place each time an act of kindness or niceness is done for someone, and isn't that a world we all would rather nurture and live in than a world of cynicism and doubt?0 -
This is why the OP is too simplistic. It's not taking into consideration other aspects of psychology and neurology which have been researched in this area. Human motivation is incredibly complex.
Yes.0 -
How many people just read that and completely reevaluated their entire perception of themselves? Probably not many. How many people read that and thought, "OMG I HATE THIS GUY. WHERE'S THAT REPLY BUTTON... I'LL SHOW HIM HOW NICE I F**KING AM..." hahaha.
Possibly. Or, maybe I get kick out of watching people get extraordinarily mean, ugly and aggressive... with a complete stranger... whilst describing how fundamentally "nice" they really are... to complete strangers.I just don't see it as simplistically as you seem to. You are saying some daft things sometimes, maybe just to get a reaction, and maybe because you don't know as much about this as you are pretending to.
Hmmm...
(And I'm not talking about you btw... I've enjoyed your posts for the quality of thought, rather than the irony.)0 -
Possibly. Or, maybe I get kick out of watching people get extraordinarily mean, ugly and aggressive... with a complete stranger... whilst describing how fundamentally "nice" they really are... to complete strangers.I just don't see it as simplistically as you seem to. You are saying some daft things sometimes, maybe just to get a reaction, and maybe because you don't know as much about this as you are pretending to.
Hmmm...
(And I'm not talking about you btw... I've enjoyed your posts for the quality of thought, rather than the irony.)
When you bait people, you will succeed in getting some of them to bite. Was this your motive behind posting this?0 -
Yes. This is the empathy thing I was talking about. It is of course partly self-serving, but it's about interaction, so it's not just about you, but about you and the other people and the relationship that exists between you. It can't be separated discretely into you and them - it's about relationship and community, where the sum is greater than the parts.
That's the coolest thing I've read all morning.
I do believe it is hardwired into us to get along and cooperate for the benefit of the group and thus ourselves, but I don't see this as a bad thing at all, or any reason to adopt a certain position in regards to others' motivation.0 -
No. Like I said, it was a follow-up to the other thread.When you bait people, you will succeed in getting some of them to bite. Was this your motive behind posting this?0 -
Exactly. And the only thing Price's equation proves is that altruism (of which empathy is a part), is an evolutionary component. The same way having two eyes facing forward helps us hunt for food... The same way our intellect put us at the top of the food chain... etc... etc...Yes. This is the empathy thing I was talking about. It is of course partly self-serving, but it's about interaction, so it's not just about you, but about you and the other people and the relationship that exists between you. It can't be separated discretely into you and them - it's about relationship and community, where the sum is greater than the parts.0 -
Possibly. Or, maybe I get kick out of watching people get extraordinarily mean, ugly and aggressive... with a complete stranger... whilst describing how fundamentally "nice" they really are... to complete strangers.I just don't see it as simplistically as you seem to. You are saying some daft things sometimes, maybe just to get a reaction, and maybe because you don't know as much about this as you are pretending to.
Ah - to me that falls into the category of 'to get a reaction'. Online forums are a good place to observe people's behaviour in various contexts. Although strictly speaking, posting things to elicit such behaviour is called trolling - so maybe you're not really such a stickler about keeping to the rules!
FWIW, I tend to be a bit mistrustful of people who militantly declare what nice people they are. Then it seems like it's more about self-image than genuine kindness. Genuinely selfless kindness has no interest in declaring itself. In my experience, the kindest, most genuine people are those who admit their motives are mixed and that they are flawed and sometimes selfish and mean.0 -
No. Like I said, it was a follow-up to the other thread.When you bait people, you will succeed in getting some of them to bite. Was this your motive behind posting this?
Well, of course the irony of certain responses may be a side-benefit to you, but I would say you take far too much joy in it, in my opinion.0 -
:laugh:My physique and disposition don't exactly scream, "Hey there friendly-friend... let's spoon."
OW, I think I just got an abdominal workout!0 -
No. Like I said, it was a follow-up to the other thread.When you bait people, you will succeed in getting some of them to bite. Was this your motive behind posting this?
he likes verbal *kitten*. case closed.0 -
I never said it was bad. But, much the same way I'd be weary of your hands, feet, teeth and intellectual capacity to hold a weapon... I'm always cautious.Yes. This is the empathy thing I was talking about. It is of course partly self-serving, but it's about interaction, so it's not just about you, but about you and the other people and the relationship that exists between you. It can't be separated discretely into you and them - it's about relationship and community, where the sum is greater than the parts.
That's the coolest thing I've read all morning.
I do believe it is hardwired into us to get along and cooperate for the benefit of the group and thus ourselves, but I don't see this as a bad thing at all, or any reason to adopt a certain position in regards to others' motivation.0 -
So... now I'm too happy??Well, of course the irony of certain responses may be a side-benefit to you, but I would say you take far too much joy in it, in my opinion.0 -
This thread was created by a troll. Please stop feeding him.0
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I used to go about my life assuming everyone I meet is a piece of *kitten* until they proved otherwise. Never trusting anyone, never giving anyone the benefit of the doubt. It's actually a pretty safe way to live your life. You will never be taken advantage of, because you will never let anyone get close enough to do so. However, I realize it doesn't make for a very happy life. It's not that you won't have friends, but more than likely you'll have friends who feel the same way you do. So you'll probably sit around discussing your very cynical views of the world.
I decided to change things up, and try to follow one simple rule: treat others as I like to be treated. In other words: be nice. Surround yourself with nice people. Distance yourself from negative people. This doesn't mean I trust everyone. Trust has nothing to do with being nice.
In regards to big, mean, scary people who come off as intimidating: that's their issue. I've spent time with some mma fighters. Guys who train full-time on how to kick *kitten*. Guys who walk the streets knowing they can whip about 99% of the people they run across. These are some of the nicest, most humble guys I've ever known. We go out to a club, and the last thing on their mind is trying to look tough, because they have nothing to prove to anyone.
Just my .020 -
Agreed on all counts, with one qualifier. Technically, all posts are "trolling." If you didn't wish to elicit a reaction, you wouldn't post anything at all.Ah - to me that falls into the category of 'to get a reaction'. Online forums are a good place to observe people's behaviour in various contexts. Although strictly speaking, posting things to elicit such behaviour is called trolling - so maybe you're not really such a stickler about keeping to the rules!
FWIW, I tend to be a bit mistrustful of people who militantly declare what nice people they are. Then it seems like it's more about self-image than genuine kindness. Genuinely selfless kindness has no interest in declaring itself. In my experience, the kindest, most genuine people are those who admit their motives are mixed and that they are flawed and sometimes selfish and mean.0 -
Exactly. And the only thing Price's equation proves is that altruism (of which empathy is a part), is an evolutionary component. The same way having two eyes facing forward helps us hunt for food... The same way our intellect put us at the top of the food chain... etc... etc...
Well, I have to say again that this really isn't 'proof' in the scientific definition!0 -
I was not sitting in church when I typed that. My response addressed your OP regarding people being "nice". I also contend that my words to you were kinder than they could have been.If I knew for a fact that I personally did not create the post above as a "plant," I wouldn't believe it was real.
A Sunday school teacher... who clearly, and concisely... using eight (8) different negatively critical qualifiers in her post... was compelled to "lecture" me... whilst sitting in a house of God.... and expressed pure angst, to the extent of manifested hatred... toward me0 -
Agreed on all counts, with one qualified. Technically, all posts are "trolling." If you didn't wish to elicit a reaction, you wouldn't post anything at all.
Possibly. Or, maybe I get kick out of watching people get extraordinarily mean, ugly and aggressive... with a complete stranger... whilst describing how fundamentally "nice" they really are... to complete strangers.I just don't see it as simplistically as you seem to. You are saying some daft things sometimes, maybe just to get a reaction, and maybe because you don't know as much about this as you are pretending to.
Ah - to me that falls into the category of 'to get a reaction'. Online forums are a good place to observe people's behaviour in various contexts. Although strictly speaking, posting things to elicit such behaviour is called trolling - so maybe you're not really such a stickler about keeping to the rules!
FWIW, I tend to be a bit mistrustful of people who militantly declare what nice people they are. Then it seems like it's more about self-image than genuine kindness. Genuinely selfless kindness has no interest in declaring itself. In my experience, the kindest, most genuine people are those who admit their motives are mixed and that they are flawed and sometimes selfish and mean.
Nah, the meaning of 'trolling' is a little more specific than that! It also involves not wanting to interact genuinely with people, but just stating things to wind them up, while you stand back and watch. Stating something to get responses in order to interact and have a genuine conversation is not trolling.
Although to be fair, a lot of people on this site post things to wind people up. You're not the only one.0 -
Yeah. Um. This one isn't even a challenge anymore.
I was not sitting in church when I typed that. My response addressed your OP regarding people being "nice". I also contend that my words to you were kinder than they could have been.If I knew for a fact that I personally did not create the post above as a "plant," I wouldn't believe it was real.
A Sunday school teacher... who clearly, and concisely... using eight (8) different negatively critical qualifiers in her post... was compelled to "lecture" me... whilst sitting in a house of God.... and expressed pure angst, to the extent of manifested hatred... toward me0 -
I generally trust people who are nice to animals more than people who are nice to people.
If you're nice to another person, you might have a motive.
But the only thing you're going to "get" from being nice to a cat is fur on your clothes.
IME a massive vet bill, some puncture holes and septicaemia.0 -
In my mind, "trolling" is someone that posts things like "I hate grandmas and puppies." On strings like this, the word "troll" is typically used as a last-resort cliche' because the poster has no other recourse nor argument.Nah, the meaning of 'trolling' is a little more specific than that! It also involves not wanting to interact genuinely with people, but just stating things to wind them up, while you stand back and watch. Stating something to get responses in order to interact and have a genuine conversation is not trolling.
Although to be fair, a lot of people on this site post things to wind people up. You're not the only one.
Side-note: Little known fact.. the word "troll" has nothing to do with little, green men from mythology. The word actually references the verb "to troll." As in, to troll for fish, by slow dragging bait behind the boat.
My observations regarding the irony in "nice people" not being nice to a complete stranger, while explaining they're they're always nice to complete strangers, are just that... observations. And kinda funny.
You throw-in the psychology of people behaving badly because of the anonymity associated with the Internet, you could write a PhD dissertation on this thread alone. lolol.0 -
So... now I'm too happy??Well, of course the irony of certain responses may be a side-benefit to you, but I would say you take far too much joy in it, in my opinion.
If you are happy by ensnaring people with your rhetoric, yes. Try meeting people where they are at, once in a while. You might like it.0 -
So... now I'm too happy??Well, of course the irony of certain responses may be a side-benefit to you, but I would say you take far too much joy in it, in my opinion.
Some need to be "right", rather than happy. What makes you happy? :flowerforyou:0 -
This age old mantra leaves out another element that contributes to the majority of humanity. That is the faith in a higher power. We are not animals operating at the most primal level within the "survival of the fittest" notion by strictly acting on survival instincts. The human species has evolved to the point that we can choose our behavior and not simply behave in the manner that ensures our ability to survive. A belief in a higher power almost always centers on love and forgiveness to achieve emotional happiness. This aspect of our human behavior can not be negated and to act within our society as if we are still existing to survive puts you on the fringes of society. I wonder how your large circle of friends and family feel about your fatalistic outlook. Truely, I would like to know how successfully you move through our society with a contrary philosophy.0
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My kids. And bacon.Some need to be "right", rather than happy. What makes you happy? :flowerforyou:0 -
Nice story, but the Price Equation has actually been disproven.
Actually, it's one of the most highly accepted scientific theorems in history. Google "Price Equation."I'd say it's more correlated than proven.
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022519311003754
The equation doesn't actually hold up to reality.0 -
Very rarely would a woman find a man attractive, and commence to beating that male with a stick.
Clearly, you don't hang out with 8 year olds much...0 -
Smiling and nodding since i am nice and because i didn't catch any of that novel that was spewed. 0
This discussion has been closed.
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