Body Envy /rant

Juliejustsaying

The only way I coped was to work and work and work and work and work and work until I thought MY body was the best it could possibly be. Now, if I see someone else with a really long, flat stomach or a fantastic bedonk, I don't feel as bad, because I've come to accept my body shape.

This! Really all we can be is the best version of ourselves. I really think you are too hard on yourself. Even your bf says so, and if you've read some of the other threads about what men like in women...naked and willing is the most common answer.

That being said, I must tell you that lifting has done more to change my body that dieting and cardio ever could. I'm 5'1" and have always beein a little chubby. Even when I weighed 106lbs I still wore size 6 jeans. All in the hips and thighs, baby. I started weight training in late April. Since then I've lost 3.5 in from my waist, 3 in from my hips and an inch from my thighs. I'm wearing size 2 jeans and I still have another 15lbs to lose to get to 110lbs. I'm leaner than I ever imagined I could be. So don't give up on yourself yet. Change things up, and start concentrating on YOU and not the rich and famous. They have stylists and plastic surgeons on speed dial.

Aspire to be yourself, get the tude. Sending out the confident, I like myself vibe will make you more attractive than being a size 0 ever could. Am I right guys?

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

I do it too <sigh> I guess it's a woman thing!

i've had a fallopian tubes all my life and have never done this... honestly i think it's more of a cultural thing. generally speaking western white women are raised to dislike their bodies

Pretty much, yeah. No matter what we do, we're never good enough. *sigh*

Agreed. I hate how pretty "skinny" women are always in the media. It's just a shame. I remember watching a movie once where a size 6 was forbidden or something and this fashion place had nothing in or above that size. I'm a size 20! And I wear X-Large tees...(sometimes 2X)....and a SIX isn't allowed? Whatever, right?
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It's stupid.

mfpcopine

I believe lots of people feel this way! You always want what you don't have. Even me I'm pretty fit and work really hard at it.

And no matter how fit you are, one day you will get old. You will have to find other reasons to work out. That doesn't mean you will immediately stop noticing other, younger people who look great and comparing yourself for a few seconds.

Of course you could bump off everyone you see as competition. That's the story of "Snow White."

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

I'm surprised that in 5 pages of comments, no one mentioned that maybe the OP should possibly seek someone to talk to besides people on a message board for some of the comments posted. I didn't use the quote system as I have the thread open in another tab:

"How do you know? I only have pics of my face on this site for a reason. I'm a train wreck from the neck down. I don't like myself, when you're studied like a lab rat through your childhood, forced on medication and constantly being told that something is wrong with you, it's kinda hard to like yourself when you're treated like a freak of nature. "

"Yeah, envy the girl with Asperger's who is in debt from a Bachelor's degree that she'll never us, working in a warehouse and doesn't have her license yet at age 23. Who the hell would envy me?

Honestly, if I could afford it, I would change everything about my body. That is if my bf would approve of it. Without him, I'm pretty much nothing. "

MBelt, have you considered maybe talking to someone professionally about your feelings about yourself and your constant comparisons to others? That you feel like you're pretty much nothing without your bf? That you have a medical condition that makes you feel like you are worse than other people? I think you've spent years getting yourself to this point- why would you expect just weightloss to get you out of it? This goes a lot further than pounds on, pounds off. This is going to take some commitment to work on the inside as well as out if you want to feel beautiful and appreciate yourself. I'd talk to your GP and see what they have to say.

Sorry to be preachy, the comments just really hit me, and I know from personal experience that losing a bunch of weight isn't the magic cure-all to low self-esteem.

Good luck

Well I'm sorry, I am very wary of "professionals." They just want me to get on pills and never get better so I keep coming back and giving them my money. Either that or they ask me "Why haven't you killed yourself? Have you thought about it this week? How did you plan on doing it?" Psychologists are sadistic *kitten* that thrive off the pain of others. I've been "studied" by then since before I could talk, I want nothing to do with them now. This is something I have to do for myself. I'll feel better once I hit my goals, not just in weight loss either. Professional and personal goals.

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I read this woman's comment and got a little aggravated. You don't need special help...do we all need special help too if we're the same way as you. Not EVERYTHING is some professional's responsibility. You are strong and you can do this and you don't need a professional to make you feel like scum for a while so you can feel better and stop envying everybody else...

I still agreed with what the one guy said about how envy can be a good thing...a healthy thing. It can lead you to know there are better things for you and go for them. It's only bad (and yes, it's bad in our cases) when we're looking and almost hating these people for having the bodies they do and wondering if we'll ever be good enough like they are.
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I believe it's something work on and not something just go get medication and counseling for. I totally beg to differ from your comment and found it extremely offensive, @vanilla.
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mbelt, I wish you the best of luck and really hope we get to chat sometime....we can work through this without some drugs or counseling. I'm sorry, I'm already seeing a psychiatrist for an actual chemical imbalance and I don't need to see one for anything else. I'm already seeing a psychologist about bipolar disorder and don't believe that my weight loss and "body envy" is the responsibility of anyone like that.
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It's our bodies and we have the power....if we need to figure out how to feel better, it's not necessary something some "professional "can fix. Sometimes, people have to do it the hard way and mbelt....we WILL!

Assigning a psychologist to every woman who dislikes her body is ridiculous. Pretty much 90% of women would be receiving psychological care when they probably don't even need it.

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That's also totally underestimating our ability to take care of ourselves. It's just stupid that they think we all need professional help for feeling bad about our bodies sometimes. Dude, when I burn my finger and feel sad, should I see a specialist because I'm not happy?

daffodilsoup

I lived for a year in China, and was a head taller and about double the size of nearly every woman there. When I went shopping and asked for my particular size, people would stare at me like I was a damn giantess, but I couldn't compare myself to those women because, really, what would be the point? Different body types are just that - different, and you have to learn to love you for you. There will always be someone who looks smaller, younger, has clearer skin than you, whatever - but you have to figure out what will make you feel happy.

I notice that a lot of the threads you begin here are rants or similar - it might benefit you to try and be more positive and realistic, there are tons of sites and self-help books if you aren't interested in seeking professional help. It might extend to how you feel and react to your own body, too

mfpcopine

I'm surprised that in 5 pages of comments, no one mentioned that maybe the OP should possibly seek someone to talk to besides people on a message board for some of the comments posted. I didn't use the quote system as I have the thread open in another tab:

"How do you know? I only have pics of my face on this site for a reason. I'm a train wreck from the neck down. I don't like myself, when you're studied like a lab rat through your childhood, forced on medication and constantly being told that something is wrong with you, it's kinda hard to like yourself when you're treated like a freak of nature. "

"Yeah, envy the girl with Asperger's who is in debt from a Bachelor's degree that she'll never us, working in a warehouse and doesn't have her license yet at age 23. Who the hell would envy me?

Honestly, if I could afford it, I would change everything about my body. That is if my bf would approve of it. Without him, I'm pretty much nothing. "

MBelt, have you considered maybe talking to someone professionally about your feelings about yourself and your constant comparisons to others? That you feel like you're pretty much nothing without your bf? That you have a medical condition that makes you feel like you are worse than other people? I think you've spent years getting yourself to this point- why would you expect just weightloss to get you out of it? This goes a lot further than pounds on, pounds off. This is going to take some commitment to work on the inside as well as out if you want to feel beautiful and appreciate yourself. I'd talk to your GP and see what they have to say.

Sorry to be preachy, the comments just really hit me, and I know from personal experience that losing a bunch of weight isn't the magic cure-all to low self-esteem.

Good luck

Well I'm sorry, I am very wary of "professionals." They just want me to get on pills and never get better so I keep coming back and giving them my money. Either that or they ask me "Why haven't you killed yourself? Have you thought about it this week? How did you plan on doing it?" Psychologists are sadistic *kitten* that thrive off the pain of others. I've been "studied" by then since before I could talk, I want nothing to do with them now. This is something I have to do for myself. I'll feel better once I hit my goals, not just in weight loss either. Professional and personal goals.

,

I read this woman's comment and got a little aggravated. You don't need special help...do we all need special help too if we're the same way as you. Not EVERYTHING is some professional's responsibility. You are strong and you can do this and you don't need a professional to make you feel like scum for a while so you can feel better and stop envying everybody else...

I still agreed with what the one guy said about how envy can be a good thing...a healthy thing. It can lead you to know there are better things for you and go for them. It's only bad (and yes, it's bad in our cases) when we're looking and almost hating these people for having the bodies they do and wondering if we'll ever be good enough like they are.
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I believe it's something work on and not something just go get medication and counseling for. I totally beg to differ from your comment and found it extremely offensive, @vanilla.
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mbelt, I wish you the best of luck and really hope we get to chat sometime....we can work through this without some drugs or counseling. I'm sorry, I'm already seeing a psychiatrist for an actual chemical imbalance and I don't need to see one for anything else. I'm already seeing a psychologist about bipolar disorder and don't believe that my weight loss and "body envy" is the responsibility of anyone like that.
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It's our bodies and we have the power....if we need to figure out how to feel better, it's not necessary something some "professional "can fix. Sometimes, people have to do it the hard way and mbelt....we WILL!

Assigning a psychologist to every woman who dislikes her body is ridiculous. Pretty much 90% of women would be receiving psychological care when they probably don't even need it.

It's especially ridiculous because it's culturally induced. Not that we women shouldn't push back, but it's difficult to completely cast off cultural norms in a culture in which you still lack power. A lot of women don't think about it, or don't care, which is even sadder.

Erisad

I lived for a year in China, and was a head taller and about double the size of nearly every woman there. When I went shopping and asked for my particular size, people would stare at me like I was a damn giantess, but I couldn't compare myself to those women because, really, what would be the point? Different body types are just that - different, and you have to learn to love you for you. There will always be someone who looks smaller, younger, has clearer skin than you, whatever - but you have to figure out what will make you feel happy.

I notice that a lot of the threads you begin here are rants or similar - it might benefit you to try and be more positive and realistic, there are tons of sites and self-help books if you aren't interested in seeking professional help. It might extend to how you feel and react to your own body, too

Well I rant about them here because I really don't have anyone to talk about it to. I have a self help book I just haven't looked at it a lot lately. I probably should. I swear I do start positive threads too, they just don't seem to garner as much attention. It's like people see a rant and they wanna read it more than my posts about low calorie desserts and how I'm lifting more at the gym, etc.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

I lived for a year in China, and was a head taller and about double the size of nearly every woman there. When I went shopping and asked for my particular size, people would stare at me like I was a damn giantess, but I couldn't compare myself to those women because, really, what would be the point? Different body types are just that - different, and you have to learn to love you for you. There will always be someone who looks smaller, younger, has clearer skin than you, whatever - but you have to figure out what will make you feel happy.

I notice that a lot of the threads you begin here are rants or similar - it might benefit you to try and be more positive and realistic, there are tons of sites and self-help books if you aren't interested in seeking professional help. It might extend to how you feel and react to your own body, too

OR...maybe a lot of people can relate and talk through it with her? Call me crazy, but I pretty much read this comment as you telling her to shut up and go somewhere else. I'm happy to have found this forum because I can feel the same way....and I want to work with her to love my body for what it is. She can't just tell herself to love herself and have it happen....sometimes you just envy others and can't turn it off.
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She SHOULD love herself because she's beautiful, but I understand completely...what it's like when it feels impossible to find anything good to say about your body.
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And she should be able to use this forum how she pleases because there are other people who felt the same way even before they popped into this topic and were happy to have found it. I'm sorry you're positive, but sometimes, other people are not and need others to find out how to be.
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This didn't help me be positive at all. Being that I feel the same way as she does and that you just told her to get self help books or seek help from random sites.....yeah, didn't make me feel good that I apparently should do the same. Again, real opinions count. Real opinions and experiences help. Not just some stupid site or book written about someone's success story that we haven't seen in our lives yet.
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Mbelt, as long as you understand what I'm saying, that's all that matters really. I can't just turn on the happy switch and love my body...sometimes I need others around me to fight with me through it....so that we can help each other. Not just going to a site or getting a book and finding that it doesn't do me any good.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

Well I rant about them here because I really don't have anyone to talk about it to. I have a self help book I just haven't looked at it a lot lately. I probably should. I swear I do start positive threads too, they just don't seem to garner as much attention. It's like people see a rant and they wanna read it more than my posts about low calorie desserts and how I'm lifting more at the gym, etc.

Definitely. Because people can relate to it and need to know they're not the only one. You've helped so many people not feel so alone. Seriously. Don't feel bad about starting this.

ShellyShuey

Me! I want a 6-pack. Not happening

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

Well I rant about them here because I really don't have anyone to talk about it to. I have a self help book I just haven't looked at it a lot lately. I probably should. I swear I do start positive threads too, they just don't seem to garner as much attention. It's like people see a rant and they wanna read it more than my posts about low calorie desserts and how I'm lifting more at the gym, etc.

Definitely. Because people can relate to it and need to know they're not the only one. You've helped so many people not feel so alone. Seriously. Don't feel bad about starting this.

By the way, you can totally talk to me.... I'd love to talk to you about anything and everything. I'm here to get something done with my body and make a change and I know you are too. It always helps to have somebody else on your side....somebody who gets you and can relate...even if not COMPLETELY. (Because I don't think anybody can fully and completely relate in every way to another person, yano?)

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

Me! I want a 6-pack. Not happening

Nice picture, tho. I like it. Just keep working at it...

Erisad

Well I rant about them here because I really don't have anyone to talk about it to. I have a self help book I just haven't looked at it a lot lately. I probably should. I swear I do start positive threads too, they just don't seem to garner as much attention. It's like people see a rant and they wanna read it more than my posts about low calorie desserts and how I'm lifting more at the gym, etc.

Definitely. Because people can relate to it and need to know they're not the only one. You've helped so many people not feel so alone. Seriously. Don't feel bad about starting this.

I swear every time I start a rant thread, there's always someone trying to make me feel bad for having expressed my opinion in the first place. And yet they were the ones who clicked on my thread, if you want positive stuff, read another thread. I put /rant in there just so you'll know that it's not a super-happy-go-lucky-funtime thread. You can't please everyone apparently.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

Well I rant about them here because I really don't have anyone to talk about it to. I have a self help book I just haven't looked at it a lot lately. I probably should. I swear I do start positive threads too, they just don't seem to garner as much attention. It's like people see a rant and they wanna read it more than my posts about low calorie desserts and how I'm lifting more at the gym, etc.

Definitely. Because people can relate to it and need to know they're not the only one. You've helped so many people not feel so alone. Seriously. Don't feel bad about starting this.

I swear every time I start a rant thread, there's always someone trying to make me feel bad for having expressed my opinion in the first place. And yet they were the ones who clicked on my thread, if you want positive stuff, read another thread. I put /rant in there just so you'll know that it's not a super-happy-go-lucky-funtime thread. You can't please everyone apparently.

And you know what...you don't need to! This is about you and your health....and if people don't know how to support you or allow you your freedom to share your opinion, it's not worth it worrying about making them happy. She's already happy anyway, right? Don't let it bug you.
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I support you so much, you have no idea. I love that you put your opinions in here and so do many others right now, I'm sure. A lot of people have related with you on here and have just found that it helps to be able to relate to someone, yano?

daffodilsoup

I lived for a year in China, and was a head taller and about double the size of nearly every woman there. When I went shopping and asked for my particular size, people would stare at me like I was a damn giantess, but I couldn't compare myself to those women because, really, what would be the point? Different body types are just that - different, and you have to learn to love you for you. There will always be someone who looks smaller, younger, has clearer skin than you, whatever - but you have to figure out what will make you feel happy.

I notice that a lot of the threads you begin here are rants or similar - it might benefit you to try and be more positive and realistic, there are tons of sites and self-help books if you aren't interested in seeking professional help. It might extend to how you feel and react to your own body, too

OR...maybe a lot of people can relate and talk through it with her? Call me crazy, but I pretty much read this comment as you telling her to shut up and go somewhere else. I'm happy to have found this forum because I can feel the same way....and I want to work with her to love my body for what it is. She can't just tell herself to love herself and have it happen....sometimes you just envy others and can't turn it off.
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She SHOULD love herself because she's beautiful, but I understand completely...what it's like when it feels impossible to find anything good to say about your body.
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And she should be able to use this forum how she pleases because there are other people who felt the same way even before they popped into this topic and were happy to have found it. I'm sorry you're positive, but sometimes, other people are not and need others to find out how to be.
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This didn't help me be positive at all. Being that I feel the same way as she does and that you just told her to get self help books or seek help from random sites.....yeah, didn't make me feel good that I apparently should do the same. Again, real opinions count. Real opinions and experiences help. Not just some stupid site or book written about someone's success story that we haven't seen in our lives yet.
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Mbelt, as long as you understand what I'm saying, that's all that matters really. I can't just turn on the happy switch and love my body...sometimes I need others around me to fight with me through it....so that we can help each other. Not just going to a site or getting a book and finding that it doesn't do me any good.

I absolutely didn't suggest that OP go somewhere else, and she is free to use the forum however she likes. I made an observation that most of her posts are negative, and I know that for me, a negative attitude breeds more negativity. I think that finding ways to let positivity and self-love into one's life is more helpful than a bunch of women in an internet forum complaining about how those skinny models and women in media are hard to relate to, but that's just me.

But hey, do whichever works better for you. Since you're clearly itching to be offended over something, I'm glad I could help. By all means, carry on commiserating.

Erisad

Well I rant about them here because I really don't have anyone to talk about it to. I have a self help book I just haven't looked at it a lot lately. I probably should. I swear I do start positive threads too, they just don't seem to garner as much attention. It's like people see a rant and they wanna read it more than my posts about low calorie desserts and how I'm lifting more at the gym, etc.

Definitely. Because people can relate to it and need to know they're not the only one. You've helped so many people not feel so alone. Seriously. Don't feel bad about starting this.

I swear every time I start a rant thread, there's always someone trying to make me feel bad for having expressed my opinion in the first place. And yet they were the ones who clicked on my thread, if you want positive stuff, read another thread. I put /rant in there just so you'll know that it's not a super-happy-go-lucky-funtime thread. You can't please everyone apparently.

And you know what...you don't need to! This is about you and your health....and if people don't know how to support you or allow you your freedom to share your opinion, it's not worth it worrying about making them happy. She's already happy anyway, right? Don't let it bug you.
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I support you so much, you have no idea. I love that you put your opinions in here and so do many others right now, I'm sure. A lot of people have related with you on here and have just found that it helps to be able to relate to someone, yano?

Yaaaay support! *pom poms*

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

I lived for a year in China, and was a head taller and about double the size of nearly every woman there. When I went shopping and asked for my particular size, people would stare at me like I was a damn giantess, but I couldn't compare myself to those women because, really, what would be the point? Different body types are just that - different, and you have to learn to love you for you. There will always be someone who looks smaller, younger, has clearer skin than you, whatever - but you have to figure out what will make you feel happy.

I notice that a lot of the threads you begin here are rants or similar - it might benefit you to try and be more positive and realistic, there are tons of sites and self-help books if you aren't interested in seeking professional help. It might extend to how you feel and react to your own body, too

OR...maybe a lot of people can relate and talk through it with her? Call me crazy, but I pretty much read this comment as you telling her to shut up and go somewhere else. I'm happy to have found this forum because I can feel the same way....and I want to work with her to love my body for what it is. She can't just tell herself to love herself and have it happen....sometimes you just envy others and can't turn it off.
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She SHOULD love herself because she's beautiful, but I understand completely...what it's like when it feels impossible to find anything good to say about your body.
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And she should be able to use this forum how she pleases because there are other people who felt the same way even before they popped into this topic and were happy to have found it. I'm sorry you're positive, but sometimes, other people are not and need others to find out how to be.
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This didn't help me be positive at all. Being that I feel the same way as she does and that you just told her to get self help books or seek help from random sites.....yeah, didn't make me feel good that I apparently should do the same. Again, real opinions count. Real opinions and experiences help. Not just some stupid site or book written about someone's success story that we haven't seen in our lives yet.
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Mbelt, as long as you understand what I'm saying, that's all that matters really. I can't just turn on the happy switch and love my body...sometimes I need others around me to fight with me through it....so that we can help each other. Not just going to a site or getting a book and finding that it doesn't do me any good.

I absolutely didn't suggest that OP go somewhere else, and she is free to use the forum however she likes. I made an observation that most of her posts are negative, and I know that for me, a negative attitude breeds more negativity. I think that finding ways to let positivity and self-love into one's life is more helpful than a bunch of women in an internet forum complaining about how those skinny models and women in media are hard to relate to, but that's just me.

But hey, do whichever works better for you. Since you're clearly itching to be offended over something, I'm glad I could help. By all means, carry on commiserating.

Be more rude? All I said is that she just wanted to state her opinion and you're giving her other options as if she needs to shut up and go somewhere else. I wasn't itching to be offended...I just was offended. Big difference. I didn't start today in a bad mood. I didn't begin my day negatively....it's just when people aren't at all supportive and feel like the solution to everything is easy and like we shouldn't be trying to actually work through the issue...it tends to annoy me. I don't believe in hiding issues...I believe in talking them out. We were doing just fine doing that before you came and told us to be quiet.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

Well I rant about them here because I really don't have anyone to talk about it to. I have a self help book I just haven't looked at it a lot lately. I probably should. I swear I do start positive threads too, they just don't seem to garner as much attention. It's like people see a rant and they wanna read it more than my posts about low calorie desserts and how I'm lifting more at the gym, etc.

Definitely. Because people can relate to it and need to know they're not the only one. You've helped so many people not feel so alone. Seriously. Don't feel bad about starting this.

I swear every time I start a rant thread, there's always someone trying to make me feel bad for having expressed my opinion in the first place. And yet they were the ones who clicked on my thread, if you want positive stuff, read another thread. I put /rant in there just so you'll know that it's not a super-happy-go-lucky-funtime thread. You can't please everyone apparently.

And you can see here, miss fix-it.....that she puts rant on the title of her posts for a reason. If you know it's a rant and don't want to hear it...don't go in. Sorry.
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Rants do help some of us. It has actually helped me.....maybe it doesn't work for you, but it works for some of us.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

Yaaaay support! *pom poms*

As long as I'm around, there is always support

daffodilsoup

I lived for a year in China, and was a head taller and about double the size of nearly every woman there. When I went shopping and asked for my particular size, people would stare at me like I was a damn giantess, but I couldn't compare myself to those women because, really, what would be the point? Different body types are just that - different, and you have to learn to love you for you. There will always be someone who looks smaller, younger, has clearer skin than you, whatever - but you have to figure out what will make you feel happy.

I notice that a lot of the threads you begin here are rants or similar - it might benefit you to try and be more positive and realistic, there are tons of sites and self-help books if you aren't interested in seeking professional help. It might extend to how you feel and react to your own body, too

OR...maybe a lot of people can relate and talk through it with her? Call me crazy, but I pretty much read this comment as you telling her to shut up and go somewhere else. I'm happy to have found this forum because I can feel the same way....and I want to work with her to love my body for what it is. She can't just tell herself to love herself and have it happen....sometimes you just envy others and can't turn it off.
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She SHOULD love herself because she's beautiful, but I understand completely...what it's like when it feels impossible to find anything good to say about your body.
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And she should be able to use this forum how she pleases because there are other people who felt the same way even before they popped into this topic and were happy to have found it. I'm sorry you're positive, but sometimes, other people are not and need others to find out how to be.
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This didn't help me be positive at all. Being that I feel the same way as she does and that you just told her to get self help books or seek help from random sites.....yeah, didn't make me feel good that I apparently should do the same. Again, real opinions count. Real opinions and experiences help. Not just some stupid site or book written about someone's success story that we haven't seen in our lives yet.
.
Mbelt, as long as you understand what I'm saying, that's all that matters really. I can't just turn on the happy switch and love my body...sometimes I need others around me to fight with me through it....so that we can help each other. Not just going to a site or getting a book and finding that it doesn't do me any good.

I absolutely didn't suggest that OP go somewhere else, and she is free to use the forum however she likes. I made an observation that most of her posts are negative, and I know that for me, a negative attitude breeds more negativity. I think that finding ways to let positivity and self-love into one's life is more helpful than a bunch of women in an internet forum complaining about how those skinny models and women in media are hard to relate to, but that's just me.

But hey, do whichever works better for you. Since you're clearly itching to be offended over something, I'm glad I could help. By all means, carry on commiserating.

Be more rude? All I said is that she just wanted to state her opinion and you're giving her other options as if she needs to shut up and go somewhere else. I wasn't itching to be offended...I just was offended. Big difference. I didn't start today in a bad mood. I didn't begin my day negatively....it's just when people aren't at all supportive and feel like the solution to everything is easy and like we shouldn't be trying to actually work through the issue...it tends to annoy me. I don't believe in hiding issues...I believe in talking them out. We were doing just fine doing that before you came and told us to be quiet.

I actually don't recall telling anyone to "be quiet" - could you please quote where I did?

Unfortunately, when you post in a public forum like this one, it opens it up to all kinds of opinions and suggestions, and not just the ones someone might want to hear. Just because it isn't the response someone might have wanted doesn't mean it isn't supportive. Sure, there's a place for ranting and "hear me out" type posts, but in the long run, it's beneficial to work on your own attitude toward yourself.

Erisad

Well I rant about them here because I really don't have anyone to talk about it to. I have a self help book I just haven't looked at it a lot lately. I probably should. I swear I do start positive threads too, they just don't seem to garner as much attention. It's like people see a rant and they wanna read it more than my posts about low calorie desserts and how I'm lifting more at the gym, etc.

Definitely. Because people can relate to it and need to know they're not the only one. You've helped so many people not feel so alone. Seriously. Don't feel bad about starting this.

I swear every time I start a rant thread, there's always someone trying to make me feel bad for having expressed my opinion in the first place. And yet they were the ones who clicked on my thread, if you want positive stuff, read another thread. I put /rant in there just so you'll know that it's not a super-happy-go-lucky-funtime thread. You can't please everyone apparently.

And you can see here, miss fix-it.....that she puts rant on the title of her posts for a reason. If you know it's a rant and don't want to hear it...don't go in. Sorry.
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Rants do help some of us. It has actually helped me.....maybe it doesn't work for you, but it works for some of us.

It's true, I actually do feel better than i did yesterday because I ranted and got a good cry in. Now I started fresh today and am ready to tackle the day.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

I lived for a year in China, and was a head taller and about double the size of nearly every woman there. When I went shopping and asked for my particular size, people would stare at me like I was a damn giantess, but I couldn't compare myself to those women because, really, what would be the point? Different body types are just that - different, and you have to learn to love you for you. There will always be someone who looks smaller, younger, has clearer skin than you, whatever - but you have to figure out what will make you feel happy.

I notice that a lot of the threads you begin here are rants or similar - it might benefit you to try and be more positive and realistic, there are tons of sites and self-help books if you aren't interested in seeking professional help. It might extend to how you feel and react to your own body, too

OR...maybe a lot of people can relate and talk through it with her? Call me crazy, but I pretty much read this comment as you telling her to shut up and go somewhere else. I'm happy to have found this forum because I can feel the same way....and I want to work with her to love my body for what it is. She can't just tell herself to love herself and have it happen....sometimes you just envy others and can't turn it off.
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She SHOULD love herself because she's beautiful, but I understand completely...what it's like when it feels impossible to find anything good to say about your body.
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And she should be able to use this forum how she pleases because there are other people who felt the same way even before they popped into this topic and were happy to have found it. I'm sorry you're positive, but sometimes, other people are not and need others to find out how to be.
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This didn't help me be positive at all. Being that I feel the same way as she does and that you just told her to get self help books or seek help from random sites.....yeah, didn't make me feel good that I apparently should do the same. Again, real opinions count. Real opinions and experiences help. Not just some stupid site or book written about someone's success story that we haven't seen in our lives yet.
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Mbelt, as long as you understand what I'm saying, that's all that matters really. I can't just turn on the happy switch and love my body...sometimes I need others around me to fight with me through it....so that we can help each other. Not just going to a site or getting a book and finding that it doesn't do me any good.

I absolutely didn't suggest that OP go somewhere else, and she is free to use the forum however she likes. I made an observation that most of her posts are negative, and I know that for me, a negative attitude breeds more negativity. I think that finding ways to let positivity and self-love into one's life is more helpful than a bunch of women in an internet forum complaining about how those skinny models and women in media are hard to relate to, but that's just me.

But hey, do whichever works better for you. Since you're clearly itching to be offended over something, I'm glad I could help. By all means, carry on commiserating.

Be more rude? All I said is that she just wanted to state her opinion and you're giving her other options as if she needs to shut up and go somewhere else. I wasn't itching to be offended...I just was offended. Big difference. I didn't start today in a bad mood. I didn't begin my day negatively....it's just when people aren't at all supportive and feel like the solution to everything is easy and like we shouldn't be trying to actually work through the issue...it tends to annoy me. I don't believe in hiding issues...I believe in talking them out. We were doing just fine doing that before you came and told us to be quiet.

I actually don't recall telling anyone to "be quiet" - could you please quote where I did?

Unfortunately, when you post in a public forum like this one, it opens it up to all kinds of opinions and suggestions, and not just the ones someone might want to hear. Just because it isn't the response someone might have wanted doesn't mean it isn't supportive. Sure, there's a place for ranting and "hear me out" type posts, but in the long run, it's beneficial to work on your own attitude toward yourself.

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No I can't...because like you think we should hide our feelings, the message saying for us to quiet down and just be happy is hidden.
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If you have an opinion that is not welcome and someone is offended by it, it normally makes people feel better when you stop provoking them.
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I'm done responding to you, by the way.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

It's true, I actually do feel better than i did yesterday because I ranted and got a good cry in. Now I started fresh today and am ready to tackle the day.

Woot!! So excited for you. Have fun today, alright?

Erisad

It's true, I actually do feel better than i did yesterday because I ranted and got a good cry in. Now I started fresh today and am ready to tackle the day.

Woot!! So excited for you. Have fun today, alright?

Okay!

daffodilsoup

I lived for a year in China, and was a head taller and about double the size of nearly every woman there. When I went shopping and asked for my particular size, people would stare at me like I was a damn giantess, but I couldn't compare myself to those women because, really, what would be the point? Different body types are just that - different, and you have to learn to love you for you. There will always be someone who looks smaller, younger, has clearer skin than you, whatever - but you have to figure out what will make you feel happy.

I notice that a lot of the threads you begin here are rants or similar - it might benefit you to try and be more positive and realistic, there are tons of sites and self-help books if you aren't interested in seeking professional help. It might extend to how you feel and react to your own body, too

OR...maybe a lot of people can relate and talk through it with her? Call me crazy, but I pretty much read this comment as you telling her to shut up and go somewhere else. I'm happy to have found this forum because I can feel the same way....and I want to work with her to love my body for what it is. She can't just tell herself to love herself and have it happen....sometimes you just envy others and can't turn it off.
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She SHOULD love herself because she's beautiful, but I understand completely...what it's like when it feels impossible to find anything good to say about your body.
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And she should be able to use this forum how she pleases because there are other people who felt the same way even before they popped into this topic and were happy to have found it. I'm sorry you're positive, but sometimes, other people are not and need others to find out how to be.
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This didn't help me be positive at all. Being that I feel the same way as she does and that you just told her to get self help books or seek help from random sites.....yeah, didn't make me feel good that I apparently should do the same. Again, real opinions count. Real opinions and experiences help. Not just some stupid site or book written about someone's success story that we haven't seen in our lives yet.
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Mbelt, as long as you understand what I'm saying, that's all that matters really. I can't just turn on the happy switch and love my body...sometimes I need others around me to fight with me through it....so that we can help each other. Not just going to a site or getting a book and finding that it doesn't do me any good.

I absolutely didn't suggest that OP go somewhere else, and she is free to use the forum however she likes. I made an observation that most of her posts are negative, and I know that for me, a negative attitude breeds more negativity. I think that finding ways to let positivity and self-love into one's life is more helpful than a bunch of women in an internet forum complaining about how those skinny models and women in media are hard to relate to, but that's just me.

But hey, do whichever works better for you. Since you're clearly itching to be offended over something, I'm glad I could help. By all means, carry on commiserating.

Be more rude? All I said is that she just wanted to state her opinion and you're giving her other options as if she needs to shut up and go somewhere else. I wasn't itching to be offended...I just was offended. Big difference. I didn't start today in a bad mood. I didn't begin my day negatively....it's just when people aren't at all supportive and feel like the solution to everything is easy and like we shouldn't be trying to actually work through the issue...it tends to annoy me. I don't believe in hiding issues...I believe in talking them out. We were doing just fine doing that before you came and told us to be quiet.

I actually don't recall telling anyone to "be quiet" - could you please quote where I did?

Unfortunately, when you post in a public forum like this one, it opens it up to all kinds of opinions and suggestions, and not just the ones someone might want to hear. Just because it isn't the response someone might have wanted doesn't mean it isn't supportive. Sure, there's a place for ranting and "hear me out" type posts, but in the long run, it's beneficial to work on your own attitude toward yourself.

.
..
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No I can't...because like you think we should hide our feelings, the message saying for us to quiet down and just be happy is hidden.
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If you have an opinion that is not welcome and someone is offended by it, it normally makes people feel better when you stop provoking them.
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I'm done responding to you, by the way.

I absolutely don't believe that people should hide their feelings - you are taking my posts and essentially making things up. I just mean that if a person feels that this is truly affecting the way they view themselves, there are productive and helpful ways to raise self-esteem and self-love. I understand the need to rant, but it's upsetting that people just accept it as "a woman thing" or some other nonsense rather than try to help themselves.

I honestly don't know why you feel that I'm provoking - simply offering another viewpoint. I'm sorry if it offends you, as that's not my intent, but I don't think the suggestion to try and raise one's own self-esteem is really that offensive.

heatherloveslifting

Wow, this thread makes me so sad. You are more than a body!!! Yes we are all here because we would like bodies that are healthier/stronger/hotter. But you are a person as well, hopefully with ideas and experiences and imagination and people and things you love. And all of that put together is who you are, not just your physical body. All of that is part of making you beautiful/sexy. In fact i would say dwelling on body envy is a way of judging/objectifying other women and reinforcing the (insulting) idea that the only Thing that is valuable about them is their appearance. All of these women with bodies you envy...would you want their faces too? Their toes? Their minds? Their jobs? Their boyfriends/childhood/children? The answer will always be no! be grateful for the beautiful person you are and the amazing gift your life is. Make them both great. I know you are very young, but don't waste time being unhappy!

ironanimal

you can still be like them.. all you need to do is once you've hit your goal weight.. change your training to maintaining it and shaping and toning.. you can do it babe

I don't think with my Germanic build I can become thin and perfect like the Korean women.

there are german women who are stunning with beautiful bodies you could be one of them its all your in attitude .. by having that attitude which you said above you won't do it because your not believing in yourself and have already lost the battle... who cares if your bigger bone embrace it and work it to your advantage girl... tone and shape it

Technically I'm an Irish, Scottish, English and Swedish (the side that I believe I share more of it's traits). I don't know of many large framed petite women with beautiful bodies on TV. I believe I'll hit my goal of 150, I just think it won't be enough to make me look good and I'm not sure if I can be much smaller than that with my bone and muscle structure unless I lose muscle and bone mass. >.<

Your never going to do it then your attitude stinks and you've already lost because your telling yourself you can't...

Yes, allow me to change my race and bone structure at will with the power of magic fairy dust, then all my dreams will come true. There's a difference between being negative and being realistic. There's only so much a positive attitude can accomplish.

Are you sincerely telling me there are no attractive English, Irish, Scottish and Swedish women in the world? And no attractive european mutts?

A fit, healthy woman, who takes care of her appearance, is beautiful whatever her bone structure. Be the best version of YOURSELF.

Erisad

Wow, this thread makes me so sad. You are more than a body!!! Yes we are all here because we would like bodies that are healthier/stronger/hotter. But you are a person as well, hopefully with ideas and experiences and imagination and people and things you love. And all of that put together is who you are, not just your physical body. All of that is part of making you beautiful/sexy. In fact i would say dwelling on body envy is a way of judging/objectifying other women and reinforcing the (insulting) idea that the only Thing that is valuable about them is their appearance. All of these women with bodies you envy...would you want their faces too? Their toes? Their minds? Their jobs? Their boyfriends/childhood/children? The answer will always be no! be grateful for the beautiful person you are and the amazing gift your life is. Make them both great. I know you are very young, but don't waste time being unhappy!

I dunno, I wouldn't mind being a super star either. They have loads of cash right? Beats working in manual labor to make ends meet. I'm 23 years old, which isn't that young. I feel super old some days but that's probably because I'm sore from work. :P

Thanks for the support.

Erisad

Are you sincerely telling me there are no attractive English, Irish, Scottish and Swedish women in the world? And no attractive european mutts?

A fit, healthy woman, who takes care of her appearance, is beautiful whatever her bone structure. Be the best version of YOURSELF.

I'm not saying that, it's just not my ideal. I hate not being able to go into the sun without a hat, coverup and spf 50 and I'll STILL get burned. My skin is either lobster red or pale white. I don't tan. :P

aylabradshaw

I think as human beings, we will never be satisfied. We always want whats better than what we have. We always compare our lives with those around us. I am guilty of this too. I have a friend who has 5 kids and her body is AMAZING! I just had my 2nd and have flab in areas I didn't know could develop flab lol. It takes a lot of self discipline to ignore the "you'll-never-look-as-good-as-them" voice inside your head and sit back and look at all you've accomplished. Just take things one day at a time, keep up a balanced diet and exercise routine, and know that you have a huge pool of support on here!