Body Envy /rant

Erisad

Well I rant about them here because I really don't have anyone to talk about it to. I have a self help book I just haven't looked at it a lot lately. I probably should. I swear I do start positive threads too, they just don't seem to garner as much attention. It's like people see a rant and they wanna read it more than my posts about low calorie desserts and how I'm lifting more at the gym, etc.

Definitely. Because people can relate to it and need to know they're not the only one. You've helped so many people not feel so alone. Seriously. Don't feel bad about starting this.

I swear every time I start a rant thread, there's always someone trying to make me feel bad for having expressed my opinion in the first place. And yet they were the ones who clicked on my thread, if you want positive stuff, read another thread. I put /rant in there just so you'll know that it's not a super-happy-go-lucky-funtime thread. You can't please everyone apparently.

And you can see here, miss fix-it.....that she puts rant on the title of her posts for a reason. If you know it's a rant and don't want to hear it...don't go in. Sorry.
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Rants do help some of us. It has actually helped me.....maybe it doesn't work for you, but it works for some of us.

It's true, I actually do feel better than i did yesterday because I ranted and got a good cry in. Now I started fresh today and am ready to tackle the day.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

I lived for a year in China, and was a head taller and about double the size of nearly every woman there. When I went shopping and asked for my particular size, people would stare at me like I was a damn giantess, but I couldn't compare myself to those women because, really, what would be the point? Different body types are just that - different, and you have to learn to love you for you. There will always be someone who looks smaller, younger, has clearer skin than you, whatever - but you have to figure out what will make you feel happy.

I notice that a lot of the threads you begin here are rants or similar - it might benefit you to try and be more positive and realistic, there are tons of sites and self-help books if you aren't interested in seeking professional help. It might extend to how you feel and react to your own body, too

OR...maybe a lot of people can relate and talk through it with her? Call me crazy, but I pretty much read this comment as you telling her to shut up and go somewhere else. I'm happy to have found this forum because I can feel the same way....and I want to work with her to love my body for what it is. She can't just tell herself to love herself and have it happen....sometimes you just envy others and can't turn it off.
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She SHOULD love herself because she's beautiful, but I understand completely...what it's like when it feels impossible to find anything good to say about your body.
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And she should be able to use this forum how she pleases because there are other people who felt the same way even before they popped into this topic and were happy to have found it. I'm sorry you're positive, but sometimes, other people are not and need others to find out how to be.
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This didn't help me be positive at all. Being that I feel the same way as she does and that you just told her to get self help books or seek help from random sites.....yeah, didn't make me feel good that I apparently should do the same. Again, real opinions count. Real opinions and experiences help. Not just some stupid site or book written about someone's success story that we haven't seen in our lives yet.
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Mbelt, as long as you understand what I'm saying, that's all that matters really. I can't just turn on the happy switch and love my body...sometimes I need others around me to fight with me through it....so that we can help each other. Not just going to a site or getting a book and finding that it doesn't do me any good.

I absolutely didn't suggest that OP go somewhere else, and she is free to use the forum however she likes. I made an observation that most of her posts are negative, and I know that for me, a negative attitude breeds more negativity. I think that finding ways to let positivity and self-love into one's life is more helpful than a bunch of women in an internet forum complaining about how those skinny models and women in media are hard to relate to, but that's just me.

But hey, do whichever works better for you. Since you're clearly itching to be offended over something, I'm glad I could help. By all means, carry on commiserating.

Be more rude? All I said is that she just wanted to state her opinion and you're giving her other options as if she needs to shut up and go somewhere else. I wasn't itching to be offended...I just was offended. Big difference. I didn't start today in a bad mood. I didn't begin my day negatively....it's just when people aren't at all supportive and feel like the solution to everything is easy and like we shouldn't be trying to actually work through the issue...it tends to annoy me. I don't believe in hiding issues...I believe in talking them out. We were doing just fine doing that before you came and told us to be quiet.

I actually don't recall telling anyone to "be quiet" - could you please quote where I did?

Unfortunately, when you post in a public forum like this one, it opens it up to all kinds of opinions and suggestions, and not just the ones someone might want to hear. Just because it isn't the response someone might have wanted doesn't mean it isn't supportive. Sure, there's a place for ranting and "hear me out" type posts, but in the long run, it's beneficial to work on your own attitude toward yourself.

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No I can't...because like you think we should hide our feelings, the message saying for us to quiet down and just be happy is hidden.
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If you have an opinion that is not welcome and someone is offended by it, it normally makes people feel better when you stop provoking them.
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I'm done responding to you, by the way.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

It's true, I actually do feel better than i did yesterday because I ranted and got a good cry in. Now I started fresh today and am ready to tackle the day.

Woot!! So excited for you. Have fun today, alright?

Erisad

It's true, I actually do feel better than i did yesterday because I ranted and got a good cry in. Now I started fresh today and am ready to tackle the day.

Woot!! So excited for you. Have fun today, alright?

Okay!

daffodilsoup

I lived for a year in China, and was a head taller and about double the size of nearly every woman there. When I went shopping and asked for my particular size, people would stare at me like I was a damn giantess, but I couldn't compare myself to those women because, really, what would be the point? Different body types are just that - different, and you have to learn to love you for you. There will always be someone who looks smaller, younger, has clearer skin than you, whatever - but you have to figure out what will make you feel happy.

I notice that a lot of the threads you begin here are rants or similar - it might benefit you to try and be more positive and realistic, there are tons of sites and self-help books if you aren't interested in seeking professional help. It might extend to how you feel and react to your own body, too

OR...maybe a lot of people can relate and talk through it with her? Call me crazy, but I pretty much read this comment as you telling her to shut up and go somewhere else. I'm happy to have found this forum because I can feel the same way....and I want to work with her to love my body for what it is. She can't just tell herself to love herself and have it happen....sometimes you just envy others and can't turn it off.
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She SHOULD love herself because she's beautiful, but I understand completely...what it's like when it feels impossible to find anything good to say about your body.
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And she should be able to use this forum how she pleases because there are other people who felt the same way even before they popped into this topic and were happy to have found it. I'm sorry you're positive, but sometimes, other people are not and need others to find out how to be.
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This didn't help me be positive at all. Being that I feel the same way as she does and that you just told her to get self help books or seek help from random sites.....yeah, didn't make me feel good that I apparently should do the same. Again, real opinions count. Real opinions and experiences help. Not just some stupid site or book written about someone's success story that we haven't seen in our lives yet.
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Mbelt, as long as you understand what I'm saying, that's all that matters really. I can't just turn on the happy switch and love my body...sometimes I need others around me to fight with me through it....so that we can help each other. Not just going to a site or getting a book and finding that it doesn't do me any good.

I absolutely didn't suggest that OP go somewhere else, and she is free to use the forum however she likes. I made an observation that most of her posts are negative, and I know that for me, a negative attitude breeds more negativity. I think that finding ways to let positivity and self-love into one's life is more helpful than a bunch of women in an internet forum complaining about how those skinny models and women in media are hard to relate to, but that's just me.

But hey, do whichever works better for you. Since you're clearly itching to be offended over something, I'm glad I could help. By all means, carry on commiserating.

Be more rude? All I said is that she just wanted to state her opinion and you're giving her other options as if she needs to shut up and go somewhere else. I wasn't itching to be offended...I just was offended. Big difference. I didn't start today in a bad mood. I didn't begin my day negatively....it's just when people aren't at all supportive and feel like the solution to everything is easy and like we shouldn't be trying to actually work through the issue...it tends to annoy me. I don't believe in hiding issues...I believe in talking them out. We were doing just fine doing that before you came and told us to be quiet.

I actually don't recall telling anyone to "be quiet" - could you please quote where I did?

Unfortunately, when you post in a public forum like this one, it opens it up to all kinds of opinions and suggestions, and not just the ones someone might want to hear. Just because it isn't the response someone might have wanted doesn't mean it isn't supportive. Sure, there's a place for ranting and "hear me out" type posts, but in the long run, it's beneficial to work on your own attitude toward yourself.

.
..
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No I can't...because like you think we should hide our feelings, the message saying for us to quiet down and just be happy is hidden.
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If you have an opinion that is not welcome and someone is offended by it, it normally makes people feel better when you stop provoking them.
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I'm done responding to you, by the way.

I absolutely don't believe that people should hide their feelings - you are taking my posts and essentially making things up. I just mean that if a person feels that this is truly affecting the way they view themselves, there are productive and helpful ways to raise self-esteem and self-love. I understand the need to rant, but it's upsetting that people just accept it as "a woman thing" or some other nonsense rather than try to help themselves.

I honestly don't know why you feel that I'm provoking - simply offering another viewpoint. I'm sorry if it offends you, as that's not my intent, but I don't think the suggestion to try and raise one's own self-esteem is really that offensive.

heatherloveslifting

Wow, this thread makes me so sad. You are more than a body!!! Yes we are all here because we would like bodies that are healthier/stronger/hotter. But you are a person as well, hopefully with ideas and experiences and imagination and people and things you love. And all of that put together is who you are, not just your physical body. All of that is part of making you beautiful/sexy. In fact i would say dwelling on body envy is a way of judging/objectifying other women and reinforcing the (insulting) idea that the only Thing that is valuable about them is their appearance. All of these women with bodies you envy...would you want their faces too? Their toes? Their minds? Their jobs? Their boyfriends/childhood/children? The answer will always be no! be grateful for the beautiful person you are and the amazing gift your life is. Make them both great. I know you are very young, but don't waste time being unhappy!

ironanimal

you can still be like them.. all you need to do is once you've hit your goal weight.. change your training to maintaining it and shaping and toning.. you can do it babe

I don't think with my Germanic build I can become thin and perfect like the Korean women.

there are german women who are stunning with beautiful bodies you could be one of them its all your in attitude .. by having that attitude which you said above you won't do it because your not believing in yourself and have already lost the battle... who cares if your bigger bone embrace it and work it to your advantage girl... tone and shape it

Technically I'm an Irish, Scottish, English and Swedish (the side that I believe I share more of it's traits). I don't know of many large framed petite women with beautiful bodies on TV. I believe I'll hit my goal of 150, I just think it won't be enough to make me look good and I'm not sure if I can be much smaller than that with my bone and muscle structure unless I lose muscle and bone mass. >.<

Your never going to do it then your attitude stinks and you've already lost because your telling yourself you can't...

Yes, allow me to change my race and bone structure at will with the power of magic fairy dust, then all my dreams will come true. There's a difference between being negative and being realistic. There's only so much a positive attitude can accomplish.

Are you sincerely telling me there are no attractive English, Irish, Scottish and Swedish women in the world? And no attractive european mutts?

A fit, healthy woman, who takes care of her appearance, is beautiful whatever her bone structure. Be the best version of YOURSELF.

Erisad

Wow, this thread makes me so sad. You are more than a body!!! Yes we are all here because we would like bodies that are healthier/stronger/hotter. But you are a person as well, hopefully with ideas and experiences and imagination and people and things you love. And all of that put together is who you are, not just your physical body. All of that is part of making you beautiful/sexy. In fact i would say dwelling on body envy is a way of judging/objectifying other women and reinforcing the (insulting) idea that the only Thing that is valuable about them is their appearance. All of these women with bodies you envy...would you want their faces too? Their toes? Their minds? Their jobs? Their boyfriends/childhood/children? The answer will always be no! be grateful for the beautiful person you are and the amazing gift your life is. Make them both great. I know you are very young, but don't waste time being unhappy!

I dunno, I wouldn't mind being a super star either. They have loads of cash right? Beats working in manual labor to make ends meet. I'm 23 years old, which isn't that young. I feel super old some days but that's probably because I'm sore from work. :P

Thanks for the support.

Erisad

Are you sincerely telling me there are no attractive English, Irish, Scottish and Swedish women in the world? And no attractive european mutts?

A fit, healthy woman, who takes care of her appearance, is beautiful whatever her bone structure. Be the best version of YOURSELF.

I'm not saying that, it's just not my ideal. I hate not being able to go into the sun without a hat, coverup and spf 50 and I'll STILL get burned. My skin is either lobster red or pale white. I don't tan. :P

aylabradshaw

I think as human beings, we will never be satisfied. We always want whats better than what we have. We always compare our lives with those around us. I am guilty of this too. I have a friend who has 5 kids and her body is AMAZING! I just had my 2nd and have flab in areas I didn't know could develop flab lol. It takes a lot of self discipline to ignore the "you'll-never-look-as-good-as-them" voice inside your head and sit back and look at all you've accomplished. Just take things one day at a time, keep up a balanced diet and exercise routine, and know that you have a huge pool of support on here!

SeaChele77

yep!! I'll join the group. Hello, My name is Chele and I too suffer from body envy!!

I think we are always our own worst critic and its hard not to compare. but we have to remember that we are all different and what looks good on one person may not be ideal for you or me!!

Enjoy your success - whether it be 5lbs lost or 100lbs lost. We all have our own journey and should be proud of who we are and what we see in the mirror. <must repeat for myself>

Akious

I think we have all been there. I have lost 138lbs. I am in better shape now than when I was in middle and high school and I am constantly wishing I could do better. Personally, Its not media influence like a lot of people claim. For me, its the fact that I have been rather large my whole life so now I am pushing to see the other side.

ironanimal

Are you sincerely telling me there are no attractive English, Irish, Scottish and Swedish women in the world? And no attractive european mutts?

A fit, healthy woman, who takes care of her appearance, is beautiful whatever her bone structure. Be the best version of YOURSELF.

I'm not saying that, it's just not my ideal. I hate not being able to go into the sun without a hat, coverup and spf 50 and I'll STILL get burned. My skin is either lobster red or pale white. I don't tan. :P

Me neither, but you know, the whiter your skin the more attractive you are by the standards of Korea, Japan and China. Silver lining.

meg7399

sigh.... the sad truth about modern society and media influence

Indeed. It's not always K-pop singers I find myself envying, it's Sofia Vergara, Christina Hendricks, Julienne Hough, pretty much anybody famous. Must be nice to have a staff dedicated to make yourself beautiful every day. :P

Bingo...they don't just work hard for their bodies, they spend tons to get their bodies. Minor alterations, personal trainers, someone cooking them 3 meals a day, designer wardrobe, makeup artists. You too would look like a million bucks if you had a million bucks to spend!

Erisad

sigh.... the sad truth about modern society and media influence

Indeed. It's not always K-pop singers I find myself envying, it's Sofia Vergara, Christina Hendricks, Julienne Hough, pretty much anybody famous. Must be nice to have a staff dedicated to make yourself beautiful every day. :P

Bingo...they don't just work hard for their bodies, they spend tons to get their bodies. Minor alterations, personal trainers, someone cooking them 3 meals a day, designer wardrobe, makeup artists. You too would look like a million bucks if you had a million bucks to spend!

Yuuuuuup.

LadyIvysMom

Girl, I know how you feel. It sucks. Yesterday I was doing a charity walk in Boston. Afterwards, I went for a walk down Newbury Street, Boston’s poshest street. It’s where all the rich and fabulous people shop. They have places like the Armani store and Vera Wang etc. Virtually every woman I saw was not only rail thin, but if she was carrying bags from Armani, Guess etc. I can only assume she was wealthy and living a fabulous life as well. It was like a triple whammy of envy.

I was wearing sweats, a t-shirt with weasels on it, glasses, messy hair, sweaty, $2 in my pocket and dreading going back to work today.

But you know what? I was walking down that street, with $2 in my pocket, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt because I’d just raised $1K+ for an animal shelter. As I walked, I was carrying in my arms my pet baby ferret, Iggy. Every 10th or so person on Newbury stopped and asked about him. People kept taking his photo, asking me to let them pose with him. One of the uber-posh shops employee’s saw me from the door and called me in to his shop and then called the staff over to take photos with Iggy. It was like having the paparazzi after him lol

So even though I was fat, badly dressed, broke, and dreading going to work, I still had a really good time. I might not be thin and fabulous but I do things for charity and have a rock star of a pet who needs me and makes me happy. In the end, I think my ferret got more attention on Newbury yesterday than all those skinny chicks put together.

meg7399

Also, I try and to find ways that I can compare myself to others where I come out on top. I hate to say it, but I have some stick thin friends...I just tell myself, well at least I have a butt and huge boobs...which guys love! LOL...it may seem shallow, but it helps me!

Erisad

Can we all start reporting the spammer posting links on this thread? *siiiigh*

Erisad

Are you sincerely telling me there are no attractive English, Irish, Scottish and Swedish women in the world? And no attractive european mutts?

A fit, healthy woman, who takes care of her appearance, is beautiful whatever her bone structure. Be the best version of YOURSELF.

I'm not saying that, it's just not my ideal. I hate not being able to go into the sun without a hat, coverup and spf 50 and I'll STILL get burned. My skin is either lobster red or pale white. I don't tan. :P

Me neither, but you know, the whiter your skin the more attractive you are by the standards of Korea, Japan and China. Silver lining.

True. My friend came back from China and she said they love blondes too. My friend got pulled to model a coat for an advertisement over there because of her fair skin. That would be fun. :P

Rmazula

I understand what you mean. It has been difficult for me to come to terms with things, but at 170 I was really happy. I realize I will never be that "skinny" girl and I will always be curvy, but I am okay with that and find that looks sexy as long as I am fit and am at a good weight. I am 5'10" and am built like a softball player. I look entirely like my dad. Tall, big shoulders, large chest etc. There are some clothes I just can't wear but that is okay. Sometimes it is still hard, I will be so happy when I get to my goal weight.