Body Envy /rant
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^mine^0 -
I'm surprised that in 5 pages of comments, no one mentioned that maybe the OP should possibly seek someone to talk to besides people on a message board for some of the comments posted. I didn't use the quote system as I have the thread open in another tab:
"How do you know? I only have pics of my face on this site for a reason. I'm a train wreck from the neck down. I don't like myself, when you're studied like a lab rat through your childhood, forced on medication and constantly being told that something is wrong with you, it's kinda hard to like yourself when you're treated like a freak of nature. "
"Yeah, envy the girl with Asperger's who is in debt from a Bachelor's degree that she'll never us, working in a warehouse and doesn't have her license yet at age 23. Who the hell would envy me?
Honestly, if I could afford it, I would change everything about my body. That is if my bf would approve of it. Without him, I'm pretty much nothing. "
MBelt, have you considered maybe talking to someone professionally about your feelings about yourself and your constant comparisons to others? That you feel like you're pretty much nothing without your bf? That you have a medical condition that makes you feel like you are worse than other people? I think you've spent years getting yourself to this point- why would you expect just weightloss to get you out of it? This goes a lot further than pounds on, pounds off. This is going to take some commitment to work on the inside as well as out if you want to feel beautiful and appreciate yourself. I'd talk to your GP and see what they have to say.
Sorry to be preachy, the comments just really hit me, and I know from personal experience that losing a bunch of weight isn't the magic cure-all to low self-esteem.
Good luck
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I'm that way. I'll get dressed, feel great, think i look great. Get out the house seem some sket in next to nothing and immediately want to go home and jump from the highest ledge in the kitchen into ice-cream.
I hate it.0 -
Don't watch K-Pop or J-Pop or anything that has tiny Asian chicks...
I'm Chinese and sometimes I actually wish I wasn't. I will 'always' be a little fatter than the typical Asian girl because I'm not 95lbs. When I was visiting my family in Taiwan, you cannot walk down the street or turn on the TV without seeing some dieting ads promoting laxatives or pills, etc. Girls there don't work out to lose weight. They starve themselves and take laxatives, I'm not even exaggerating. For the short time I worked in Taiwan, many of the girls I worked with were on 500kcal a day and I've seen so many of them fainted or just curl up in the corner moaning about how hungry they are but they just wouldn't eat. For the ones that do exercise, they don't lift weight because they don't like muscles and they just do crazy cardio.
I grew up in California and I like the toned look with definitions but even when I was 130lbs wearing a size 4/5 I was still considered big by their standards.
Trust me, you don't want to look like them, all fancy package but no quality substance.0 -
Must be weird I never do this .... of course there's people I would love to be like (body wise).
For me I guess when you're always compared by family to someone on a "looks" basics (for me my size 6 cousin with the olive complexion) you learn to get better at something else that's not based on your appearance.0 -
I'm surprised that in 5 pages of comments, no one mentioned that maybe the OP should possibly seek someone to talk to besides people on a message board for some of the comments posted. I didn't use the quote system as I have the thread open in another tab:
"How do you know? I only have pics of my face on this site for a reason. I'm a train wreck from the neck down. I don't like myself, when you're studied like a lab rat through your childhood, forced on medication and constantly being told that something is wrong with you, it's kinda hard to like yourself when you're treated like a freak of nature. "
"Yeah, envy the girl with Asperger's who is in debt from a Bachelor's degree that she'll never us, working in a warehouse and doesn't have her license yet at age 23. Who the hell would envy me?
Honestly, if I could afford it, I would change everything about my body. That is if my bf would approve of it. Without him, I'm pretty much nothing. "
MBelt, have you considered maybe talking to someone professionally about your feelings about yourself and your constant comparisons to others? That you feel like you're pretty much nothing without your bf? That you have a medical condition that makes you feel like you are worse than other people? I think you've spent years getting yourself to this point- why would you expect just weightloss to get you out of it? This goes a lot further than pounds on, pounds off. This is going to take some commitment to work on the inside as well as out if you want to feel beautiful and appreciate yourself. I'd talk to your GP and see what they have to say.
Sorry to be preachy, the comments just really hit me, and I know from personal experience that losing a bunch of weight isn't the magic cure-all to low self-esteem.
Good luck
Well I'm sorry, I am very wary of "professionals." They just want me to get on pills and never get better so I keep coming back and giving them my money. Either that or they ask me "Why haven't you killed yourself? Have you thought about it this week? How did you plan on doing it?" Psychologists are sadistic *kitten* that thrive off the pain of others. I've been "studied" by then since before I could talk, I want nothing to do with them now. This is something I have to do for myself. I'll feel better once I hit my goals, not just in weight loss either. Professional and personal goals.0 -
know I'm being stupid but I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this. Even my bf has commented that I need to stop comparing myself to other women on TV/online/real life. I'm a bit of a perfectionist so obviously it's a hard habit to drop as I'll never active perfection as it doesn't exist...except in Photoshop. >.<
It's not stupid, it's hard, and as Jane Fonda, who used to be in the 1980s a symbol of reinventing yourself by physical fitness once said, "Nobody is completely comfortable with their body in this culture" (or something similar).
Your boyfriend sounds supportive, but he's not subject to the same pressures as women in a patriarchal, lookist society.
On top of all that, losing weight and exercising makes you more body-conscious. You have to observe yourself to see if you're making progress, using the right form during exercise, etc.
Work towards good days. Most people don't resolve these issues completely.0 -
Girl, You have to learn to love yourself. Gain some self esteem and work with all that you have. It can't be as bad as you think it is. You do have to change the way you think. I agree with the poster that said you need to get a good workout routine going. Jonesing for what others have will always leave you empty and dissatisfied. Become the change that you would like to see.
So This!!! And be the best you can be-and love yourself for it..So other women learn from you and others to Love themselves!
Good Luck:-)0 -
How often do you catch yourself looking at someone else and wishing you looked like them?
^ Honestly, very rarely...but it could be because I'm middle-aged, compared to the OP.
Don't get me wrong, I know I have a lot of room for improvement, but whether I'm at my heaviest or not, it's me. I'm still going to BE me, I'm still going to look like ME. At goal I would assume I would look better and feel better and have more confidence, but honestly, I'm still going to be me...
I think there is a difference between being a perfectionist vs. trying to understanding your own perfectionism and being kind to yourself. :flowerforyou:
PS: I am actually of Asian descent and I am never going to look like a K Pop star either! :laugh:
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ETA: I'm a child of the 70/80 so if I had to choose someone else to look like, it would be Grace Jones!0 -
,I'm surprised that in 5 pages of comments, no one mentioned that maybe the OP should possibly seek someone to talk to besides people on a message board for some of the comments posted. I didn't use the quote system as I have the thread open in another tab:
"How do you know? I only have pics of my face on this site for a reason. I'm a train wreck from the neck down. I don't like myself, when you're studied like a lab rat through your childhood, forced on medication and constantly being told that something is wrong with you, it's kinda hard to like yourself when you're treated like a freak of nature. "
"Yeah, envy the girl with Asperger's who is in debt from a Bachelor's degree that she'll never us, working in a warehouse and doesn't have her license yet at age 23. Who the hell would envy me?
Honestly, if I could afford it, I would change everything about my body. That is if my bf would approve of it. Without him, I'm pretty much nothing. "
MBelt, have you considered maybe talking to someone professionally about your feelings about yourself and your constant comparisons to others? That you feel like you're pretty much nothing without your bf? That you have a medical condition that makes you feel like you are worse than other people? I think you've spent years getting yourself to this point- why would you expect just weightloss to get you out of it? This goes a lot further than pounds on, pounds off. This is going to take some commitment to work on the inside as well as out if you want to feel beautiful and appreciate yourself. I'd talk to your GP and see what they have to say.
Sorry to be preachy, the comments just really hit me, and I know from personal experience that losing a bunch of weight isn't the magic cure-all to low self-esteem.
Good luck
Well I'm sorry, I am very wary of "professionals." They just want me to get on pills and never get better so I keep coming back and giving them my money. Either that or they ask me "Why haven't you killed yourself? Have you thought about it this week? How did you plan on doing it?" Psychologists are sadistic *kitten* that thrive off the pain of others. I've been "studied" by then since before I could talk, I want nothing to do with them now. This is something I have to do for myself. I'll feel better once I hit my goals, not just in weight loss either. Professional and personal goals.
I read this woman's comment and got a little aggravated. You don't need special help...do we all need special help too if we're the same way as you. Not EVERYTHING is some professional's responsibility. You are strong and you can do this and you don't need a professional to make you feel like scum for a while so you can feel better and stop envying everybody else...
I still agreed with what the one guy said about how envy can be a good thing...a healthy thing. It can lead you to know there are better things for you and go for them. It's only bad (and yes, it's bad in our cases) when we're looking and almost hating these people for having the bodies they do and wondering if we'll ever be good enough like they are.
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I believe it's something work on and not something just go get medication and counseling for. I totally beg to differ from your comment and found it extremely offensive, @vanilla.
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mbelt, I wish you the best of luck and really hope we get to chat sometime....we can work through this without some drugs or counseling. I'm sorry, I'm already seeing a psychiatrist for an actual chemical imbalance and I don't need to see one for anything else. I'm already seeing a psychologist about bipolar disorder and don't believe that my weight loss and "body envy" is the responsibility of anyone like that.
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It's our bodies and we have the power....if we need to figure out how to feel better, it's not necessary something some "professional "can fix. Sometimes, people have to do it the hard way and mbelt....we WILL!0 -
I do it too <sigh> I guess it's a woman thing!
i've had a fallopian tubes all my life and have never done this... honestly i think it's more of a cultural thing. generally speaking western white women are raised to dislike their bodies
Pretty much, yeah. No matter what we do, we're never good enough. *sigh*0 -
I'm surprised that in 5 pages of comments, no one mentioned that maybe the OP should possibly seek someone to talk to besides people on a message board for some of the comments posted.
My comment was based on the OP's post here. I usually don't research an individual's comments. The sentiment expressed is not uncommon. There are many individuals on this board who seek help from online strangers when they should be consulting professionals. You may have a point.0 -
sigh.... the sad truth about modern society and media influence
this! Sadly, I do this too, and try so hard not too!!!0 -
Must be weird I never do this .... of course there's people I would love to be like (body wise).
For me I guess when you're always compared by family to someone on a "looks" basics (for me my size 6 cousin with the olive complexion) you learn to get better at something else that's not based on your appearance.
I love this.
This is a challenge, alright!
What can I be better at....hmmm......0 -
I have done it...but mostly, with my little sister.:) I asked my husband..."so, just because I have a warped sense of what I look like...am I anywhere close to her size?" He said "Yes. Basically exactly the same size, just shaped differently."...That being said, I look at her and think how great she looks, but cant see it in myself. But knowing that I am even close to her size makes me smile. Not sure if it has ever been mentioned on this post, but have you ever checked out "My Body Gallery"?? VERY VERY cool!! Enter your stats (you can upload a pic of yourself if you want, I did!) and it is REAL people, with your same stats. Just so you get the real idea of where you are. Its awesome!0
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How often do you catch yourself looking at someone else and wishing you looked like them?
Honestly, very rarely...but it could be because I'm middle-aged, compared to the OP.
I'm middle-aged, too, and if I see someone with a great body I do think, "Would be nice," even though of course I never looked like that and never will. I don't torture myself, but I do think it. It's human nature.
It's a real disservice to people to promote the notion that if they just develop the right attitude all their problems will be solved, forever. No envy, no regrets, no fear. It doesn't happen. As I said, you work towards having as many good days as possible.0 -
I'm surprised that in 5 pages of comments, no one mentioned that maybe the OP should possibly seek someone to talk to besides people on a message board for some of the comments posted.
The sentiment expressed is not uncommon.
It isn't uncommon. A lot of us are struggling with these feelings, including myself....you're telling me that we're all unable to help ourselves and that nobody else, but some professional charging us money can? I seek real advice on here because it helps. I've gotten a lot of good stuff out of this forum alone.
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If you think we're a bunch of nutcases that need "help" and can't get it anywhere else, but in some doctor's office, paying someone 70+ dollars for an appointment with them, then please just...keep that to yourself. So far...the opinion is extremely unwelcome by 2 people in this forum...possibly more by the time I'm done typing this. I don't see why you think learning from peoples' real experience isn't helpful.
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I'm bipolar and see a psychiatrist/psychologist as stated earlier....NEITHER of them know what it's like to actually be bipolar and have an extreme chemical imbalance that makes you wanna kill yourself one moment and then fly the next. I only go to them because they help at this point, but MOST of the help I'm actually getting past the medications from my psychiatrist is from people who know what I'm going through.
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Deeply offended here...yeah. Can we end the "professional help" talk? Please.0 -
Op .. if fact every have a read of this http://www.jencomaskeck.com/2012/09/social-media-friend-or-foe-to-our-self.html
Stop comparing yourself to others, i thought that if i lost the weight i would be a different person, turns out you are who you are just in smaller clothes!
I stopped comparing myself a long time ago when i realized that i should be thankful i have a body i can use, that i can make myself the best version of me.0 -
I believe lots of people feel this way! You always want what you don't have. Even me I'm pretty fit and work really hard at it. But for the longest time I really just wanted to be curvy HR glass figure with some of a booty lol. That won't ever be me. I'm small framed with no hips and when I gain weight it goes to my stomach. But when your comfortable in your own skin you just got rock whatever you got and be proud of your accomplishments. Be the best you, you can be!0
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Assigning a psychologist to every woman who dislikes her body is ridiculous. Pretty much 90% of women would be receiving psychological care when they probably don't even need it.
,I'm surprised that in 5 pages of comments, no one mentioned that maybe the OP should possibly seek someone to talk to besides people on a message board for some of the comments posted. I didn't use the quote system as I have the thread open in another tab:
"How do you know? I only have pics of my face on this site for a reason. I'm a train wreck from the neck down. I don't like myself, when you're studied like a lab rat through your childhood, forced on medication and constantly being told that something is wrong with you, it's kinda hard to like yourself when you're treated like a freak of nature. "
"Yeah, envy the girl with Asperger's who is in debt from a Bachelor's degree that she'll never us, working in a warehouse and doesn't have her license yet at age 23. Who the hell would envy me?
Honestly, if I could afford it, I would change everything about my body. That is if my bf would approve of it. Without him, I'm pretty much nothing. "
MBelt, have you considered maybe talking to someone professionally about your feelings about yourself and your constant comparisons to others? That you feel like you're pretty much nothing without your bf? That you have a medical condition that makes you feel like you are worse than other people? I think you've spent years getting yourself to this point- why would you expect just weightloss to get you out of it? This goes a lot further than pounds on, pounds off. This is going to take some commitment to work on the inside as well as out if you want to feel beautiful and appreciate yourself. I'd talk to your GP and see what they have to say.
Sorry to be preachy, the comments just really hit me, and I know from personal experience that losing a bunch of weight isn't the magic cure-all to low self-esteem.
Good luck
Well I'm sorry, I am very wary of "professionals." They just want me to get on pills and never get better so I keep coming back and giving them my money. Either that or they ask me "Why haven't you killed yourself? Have you thought about it this week? How did you plan on doing it?" Psychologists are sadistic *kitten* that thrive off the pain of others. I've been "studied" by then since before I could talk, I want nothing to do with them now. This is something I have to do for myself. I'll feel better once I hit my goals, not just in weight loss either. Professional and personal goals.
I read this woman's comment and got a little aggravated. You don't need special help...do we all need special help too if we're the same way as you. Not EVERYTHING is some professional's responsibility. You are strong and you can do this and you don't need a professional to make you feel like scum for a while so you can feel better and stop envying everybody else...
I still agreed with what the one guy said about how envy can be a good thing...a healthy thing. It can lead you to know there are better things for you and go for them. It's only bad (and yes, it's bad in our cases) when we're looking and almost hating these people for having the bodies they do and wondering if we'll ever be good enough like they are.
.
I believe it's something work on and not something just go get medication and counseling for. I totally beg to differ from your comment and found it extremely offensive, @vanilla.
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mbelt, I wish you the best of luck and really hope we get to chat sometime....we can work through this without some drugs or counseling. I'm sorry, I'm already seeing a psychiatrist for an actual chemical imbalance and I don't need to see one for anything else. I'm already seeing a psychologist about bipolar disorder and don't believe that my weight loss and "body envy" is the responsibility of anyone like that.
.
It's our bodies and we have the power....if we need to figure out how to feel better, it's not necessary something some "professional "can fix. Sometimes, people have to do it the hard way and mbelt....we WILL!
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