???? for the ladies in long term relationships.

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  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    Ouch OP. I would get out now. My husband not only doesn't do stupid things like go to bars and get drunk and drive home, but he rarely goes out. He told me once that he loves being with me/around me so why would he go out all the time without me? Don't get me wrong, we both work and he golfs alot and all that, but we spend the majority of our free time together. You deserve a man who wants to be with you and hang out with you. :heart:
  • ABrideToBE
    ABrideToBE Posts: 94 Member
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    I can't be in a relationship that makes me (or both of us) miserable. Life's too short. Luckily, my DH is awesome.
  • crazybookworm
    crazybookworm Posts: 779 Member
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    H is obviously selfish, and inconsiderate of your feelings. Think of it this way: Would you rather be unhappy forever by staying with him, or unhappy for a few weeks or months while you cope with the break up?

    Leave him, take time to grieve the relationship then move on! If he really loves you, then maybe he'll change and try to get you back. You need to love yourself first! He's being selfish, so you can be too. Do what is best for you!
  • HotMummyMission
    HotMummyMission Posts: 1,723 Member
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    You've posted a few times about this guy. Listen, I have been in a relationship just like yours before...you know how it ended? Divorce. I was stupid enough to marry the *kitten* in the first place. At first, our relationship started off fine....I guess it was the courting period, whatever. But about 6 months after we got married, he too started drinking every night. It got to the point where even our friends didn't want to hang out with us because they say how disrespectful he was to me. A few years later was when the verbal abuse started....then it got physical, especially when he was drinking.

    I was always that girl that was like, "why would you tolerate that?" But when I found myself in the same situation, I just kept telling myself that he would change, things would get better, but you know what? They didn't. It just got worse. I don't know what happened, if it was someone from above looking out for me, but one day, a light bulb just went off in my head, and I was like, I need to leave. That was almost 3 years ago. I hate myself for staying in that relationship for so long, but it was a learning experience. I learned that you always have to put yourself first, you are number one, don't let anyone treat you less than you should be treated. A real man will hold you on a pedestal and do anything for you, because you are HIS number one....get my point?
    . This is perfect listen to nothing but thisss xx
  • mvatrail
    mvatrail Posts: 45
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    He needs to grow up and change his ways immediately. If he does not want to make those changes, you make the changes for him. Take the kids and leave him. Drinking EVERY night is a problem. There are lots of fish in the sea, if he truly cares for you, he will make those changes. My 2 cents . . .
  • Dwamma
    Dwamma Posts: 289 Member
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    Find and Al-anon group! You need it!! I will give you the strength hope and love you deserve! Just google al-anon there are some chats/meetings on line if you can't get out of the house. YOU are worth it! Do it for yourself! I will be Praying for you and your sweetheart!
  • kimb3r1019
    kimb3r1019 Posts: 8
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    we teach people how to treat us. If you accept this, he will continue it. If you do not put up with it, one of two things will happen. He will care and stop, or he will continue. Now you just need to make sure you are ready for each of those two outcomes. You need to come first, and you need to be happy. Don't accept anything less because then you will just show others its ok to do that to you. Good Luck.
  • sh4690
    sh4690 Posts: 169 Member
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    Maybe he is annoyed at himself that he has to rely on his parents to keep a roof over his and his partners head at the time being.. That sorta thing is sometimes a big deal to guys, maybe he feels he isn't providing properly or able to and it's knocked his confidence and hit him in a guys soft spot (ya know their pride).

    Maybe if it's a new job that he has he feels he has to do this to fit in and be one of the guys (if it's his work mates he is going out with after words)

    If it's a sudden change then I would talk to him and actually genuinely listen, a lot of people say they were listening when really they weren't they just thought they were listening because they had subconsiously heard enough.

    Don't just assume that he has turned into a Grade-A A-hole just because of these changes, remember blokes don't talk about their emotions a lot, but they will do other things to make you aware that they are not feeling up to par..

    Just my opinion like....
  • lcphipps
    lcphipps Posts: 29
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    I would not tolerate it either, and I agree that what he is doing is legally and morally wrong.......on the other hand his drinking and lack of respect may be due to depression. moving back in with his family is hard on a man, especially for financial reasons. he may feel like he has failed you, and is embarrassed. either way, If he wont allow you to reasonably talk things through I would leave before it gets worse.
  • feltlikesound
    feltlikesound Posts: 326 Member
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    I think there are two roads to take here:

    a] is he having self-esteem and possible depression issues based on your financial situation, the move, life in general? If so, is he willing to choose a counselling and proactive route to fixing it, instead of self-medicating and selfishly basking in his misery?

    or

    b] get on with your life before he continues to walk all over you, you end up digging your hole of financial distress and relationship issues deeper, and he potentially ends up with a lost license, huge fine, or worst case scenario killing himself or someone else.
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
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    If he's anything like any man I have ever had as a father figure, that's a budding case of alcoholism right there. Talk to him, try to help him work through his issues. Try to be a pillar of compassion and understanding, rather than nagging him about it. Giving him more **** might just push him to drinking more heavily. Find an al-anon family group and discuss the issues with people in the same situation.
  • JulesAtkinson1
    JulesAtkinson1 Posts: 219 Member
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    As far as family goes I don't have any except my kids

    Child, I've been married for close to 30 years to the love of my life, and we have two now-grown wonderful children. The best piece of advice I can think to give you is this:
    I don't know what sex your children are, but that doesn't matter. What DOES matter is that children learn behavior. Unless you want a daughter who grows up thinking it's ok to have men treat her like this, or a son who grows up thinking it's ok to treat women like this, MAKE IT RIGHT, RIGHT NOW.
    GET. OUT. NOW.
    Your children will benefit greatly, you will benefit greatly, and I promise, you will find someone who loves and respects you AND your children.
    Don't wait until you think you have enough money. You never will. Don't wait until you've found the perfect job. You never will. I have a large family of functional alchoholics, and I'm here to tell you, IN EVERY CASE, the children are the ones that suffer the most. If you love them like I know you do, you will understand IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, and you will make the hard choices you need to make.
    And that's my two cents.
  • gertudejekyl
    gertudejekyl Posts: 386 Member
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    You need to start making your own money and then be free to live where you want. You know it is not right this way.
  • skinnywithin
    skinnywithin Posts: 1,392 Member
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    NOPE my guy doesnt do this becasue if he did, He wouldnt be my guy ! Youare way to young to be in a relationship like this. I know its not easy to walk away but trust me YOU will thank yourself later !

    AND REMEMBER THIS: YOU teach people how to treat you ..so YOU have taught him that this behavior is OK by not doing anything about it.

    Life is to short not to be anything but Happy !
  • LivvyLinde
    LivvyLinde Posts: 82
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    Nope. My bf does not do that. He actually likes to spend time with me. I think you deserve someone who can handle you when he's SOBER!!! :smile:
  • MikkLuhnRozzWhuh
    MikkLuhnRozzWhuh Posts: 240 Member
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    I can understand guys like to have a beer or two after work each night . We just moved back to Washington from Arizona and are staying with my guys family til we find a place. We are low on money and I do not know his family that well not to mention it is a 45 minute drive from their house to his work ... He has been going to the bar after work and getting buzzed every night and this is a new thing. He also just informed me this will be an every night type of thing.... Just pisses me off. maybe I would like to get out of here for a few hours to go and do something. Not to mention leaves me here with his family and then when he comes home he eats and passes out and we dont get to talk... I just feel so frustrated right now.... not to mention he is risking getting in an accident or getting pulled over and getting a DUI . Yes we have talked and yes I have vented on a few other things about it. I am just curious do any of your guys do this???

    No.

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