Do you let your kids go hungry or force them to eat it?

EccentricDad

Eccentric Dad, I appreciate your opinion and the parable.

I just don't understand why people force their kids (or their guests for that matter) to repeatedly "try" something they don't like.

I'm the most un-picky eater in existence. I'll generally eat anything at anytime in large amounts regardless of it's health benefits or my hunger. Let me tell you, it's not a virtue.

Nor is being "picky," or having a more sensitive palate, a moral crime. Some people just don't like stuff. Healthy or not. Why do they need to be forced to eat it? Why can't you just substitute another healthy thing that they like?

My answer -- ego and power and control... parents who need to force their picky child to be unpicky to make themselves look morally superior.

Wouldn't it just be easier to accept an individual's preferences and try to honor them if it's possible. Don't we all, regardless of our age, have a right to eat food that tastes good to us if it is available?

Some people would argue the health angle -- that picky eaters are somehow less healthy because of their limited diet, but "unpicky" eaters like myself are actually far more likely to be overweight or obese, in my observation.

I understand what you're saying now. I think a picky eater should be given the choice to avoid foods that a parent can't make tolerable. But for a picky eater like my daughter who hates a MAJORITY of veggies and MOST fruits, how is she going to get her micronutrients? Her Vitamin A's, D's, C's, B's? Without fruits and veggies, all we would be eating IS what makes people obese! So the solution is a compromise. The cook learns how to cook food to taste better, have better texture, and/or have better smells. I mean, in a perfect world, spinach would taste like cookie dough, brussel sprouts would taste like pizza, cauliflower would taste like cotton candy, and asparagus would be like twizzlers. But you and I both know that it doesn't work that way.

My final point I want to say is as much as we don't like bruised egos, most picky eaters are picky because they don't like our cooking. My daughter won't eat crunchy carrots, but she will eat steamed soft ones just fine. So, find a new recipe and start thinking outside the box if your little ones won't eat (or your big ones like my wife).

But to empathize with what you're saying. I hated spinach as a kid (like I said) and despite the power struggle my mom would have with me, I was NOT going to eat it. But if she made green beans I would eat it just fine. The real problem is the vitamins carried in those two veggies; they are not comparable by any means. So to get ALL the vitamins they need they would need to either be snuck the bad veggie unknowingly; or they would have to take an extensive multivitamin that covers everything they are neglecting their body... With my kids, I do both.

WendyTerry420

Kids don't ever go hungry. (unless they are doing a hunger strike) They'll find something to eat. Every time.

WendyTerry420

Eccentric Dad, I appreciate your opinion and the parable.

I just don't understand why people force their kids (or their guests for that matter) to repeatedly "try" something they don't like.

I'm the most un-picky eater in existence. I'll generally eat anything at anytime in large amounts regardless of it's health benefits or my hunger. Let me tell you, it's not a virtue.

Nor is being "picky," or having a more sensitive palate, a moral crime. Some people just don't like stuff. Healthy or not. Why do they need to be forced to eat it? Why can't you just substitute another healthy thing that they like?

My answer -- ego and power and control... parents who need to force their picky child to be unpicky to make themselves look morally superior.

Wouldn't it just be easier to accept an individual's preferences and try to honor them if it's possible. Don't we all, regardless of our age, have a right to eat food that tastes good to us if it is available?

Some people would argue the health angle -- that picky eaters are somehow less healthy because of their limited diet, but "unpicky" eaters like myself are actually far more likely to be overweight or obese, in my observation.

I understand what you're saying now. I think a picky eater should be given the choice to avoid foods that a parent can't make tolerable. But for a picky eater like my daughter who hates a MAJORITY of veggies and MOST fruits, how is she going to get her micronutrients? Her Vitamin A's, D's, C's, B's? Without fruits and veggies, all we would be eating IS what makes people obese! So the solution is a compromise. The cook learns how to cook food to taste better, have better texture, and/or have better smells. I mean, in a perfect world, spinach would taste like cookie dough, brussel sprouts would taste like pizza, cauliflower would taste like cotton candy, and asparagus would be like twizzlers. But you and I both know that it doesn't work that way.

My final point I want to say is as much as we don't like bruised egos, most picky eaters are picky because they don't like our cooking. My daughter won't eat crunchy carrots, but she will eat steamed soft ones just fine. So, find a new recipe and start thinking outside the box if your little ones won't eat (or your big ones like my wife).

But to empathize with what you're saying. I hated spinach as a kid (like I said) and despite the power struggle my mom would have with me, I was NOT going to eat it. But if she made green beans I would eat it just fine. The real problem is the vitamins carried in those two veggies; they are not comparable by any means. So to get ALL the vitamins they need they would need to either be snuck the bad veggie unknowingly; or they would have to take an extensive multivitamin that covers everything they are neglecting their body... With my kids, I do both.

Try giving them those gummi bear multi-vitamins. That's what I did when my kids were little.

highlandpony2002

I still cant eat raw tomatoes as I was forced to eat them as a child they still make me vomit. Food is a pleasure and so it should be I am a fussy eater I did make the mistake having been forced as child by my parents of forcing some foods on my kids they still as adults wont eat stew or casseroles although they are not fussy eaters now. My granddaughters I dont force feed I dont buy unhealthy food everything is cooked from scratch from fresh ingredients now we all eat healthy food even if it makes for a boring diet in some peoples mind I cook what we like I cook what they like and they eat well. they have a small plate full to start with and they can come back for more if they want it. The younger one is permanently hungry she eats fruit, raw veggies and oatcakes but would eat until she was sick given the opportunity The only choice of food in this house is healthy food. No candy no cookies no chips. Ice cream is a treat. If they eat a fair amount of their meal, on the odd occasion

mamagooskie

I let my kids eat when they are hungry, I do try to get them to taste all new foods, and NEVER EVER FORCE THEM TO EAT!!!

I tend to make foods that everyone likes though so that it's a non issue. My kids both have their fave veggies and such so if I make those with a "new" or possible not likable item, I know they will get to eat at least 1/2 of their meal.

I do tend to tell them though, no dessert (aka the fun stuff like icecream or cake etc) if you don't eat dinner, but they are welcome to have fruit or yogurt later if they are hungry.

mamagooskie

There is a beautiful but quiet scene in the animated movie Kung Fu Panda which actually expresses a piece of great wisdom. It reminds us of the art of balancing belief in our work with the illusion of our need for control.

The wise old kung fu tortoise, Master Oogway, is speaking to his disciple, Shifu, a red panda who is charged with training the unlikely Po, a giant panda, to become the next great kung fu Dragon Warrior. They are standing under the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom. Shifu is at a moment of crisis of faith, unable to see the potential in his overweight, clumsy protege.

Master Oogway points to the peach tree, with its lovely branches and its colorful, plump fruits. He picks up a peach pit, and explains to Shifu: “My friend, the panda will never fulfill his destiny, nor you yours until you let go of the illusion of control. The essence of this seed is to become a peach tree. Within this bumpy, hard-shelled pit is the potential for this entire tree, with its flower blossoms and branches filled with ripe fruit. I can plant the seed in the ground, cover it with soil, and nurture it with water and sunlight. But I cannot make the tree blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time.”

Shifu insists, “But there are things we can control: I can control when the fruit will fall, I can control where to plant the seed: that is no illusion, Master!”

Oogway replies, “Ah, yes. But no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will only get a peach.”

Shifu, anxious to produce a “winner” immediately out of his young Kung Fu Panda, says, “But a peach cannot defeat the evil Tai Lung!”

Master Oogway, while gazing into the starry night, replies, “Maybe it can, if you are willing to guide it, to nurture it, to believe in it. You just need to believe.”

How often in our lives do we try to force an apple or an orange out of something whose essence is a peach? Master Oogway reminds us that we cannot become so attached to an outcome that we imagine in our minds. Everything has an essence – a true nature that is immutable no matter what kind of influence we try to exert.

On the other hand, if we ignore a seed, giving up just because it is ugly on the outside, or seemingly hard and dry without signs of life to give, we may miss the opportunity to create an entire tree, bearing both blossoms and fruit for years to come, and changing the landscape forever. In order for the seed to fulfill its potential as a tree, it must be planted in the ground, covered with soil, and provided water and sunlight. Once we do these things, we must let go and trust nature. We cannot incessantly dig into the ground to check on its progress. We cannot speed up the germination process by force of will. We cannot even guarantee that each seed we planted will take root and survive the full journey to become a fruit-bearing tree.

So why do we plant the seed? Why do we care for it, provide for it, and nurture what we can only believe in our hearts to be its full potential?

If we are only nurturing for the sake of our own egos – to see the resulting apple or orange, which we might prefer over the peach – we will never be satisfied with our work. We will be unhappy even though we may have a beautiful peach, instead of the apple or orange we craved.

We must do the seemingly paradoxical work of nurturing, and believing, and guiding, AND letting go of our need to know what kind of fruit the tree will bear. We may need to accept that some seeds will not survive. Those seeds, once broken down, may serve another purpose that supports the tree, as fertilizer for other seeds, or as food for a passing animal. Every seed is valuable in some way, but not every seed will reach the same potential.

In Kung Fu Panda, Shifu’s grueling training enables his student Po to learn eventually to believe in his own potential, and to find the courage to fulfill his ultimate destiny as Dragon Warrior.

Master Oogway’s parting words under the peach tree remind the teacher in each of us that our most important duties as cultivators are the promise to believe, the willingness to guide, and the wisdom to let go. Simply profound, Master Oogway, but not at all easy to do.

The moral of this story is that you have to nurture the peach on the inside despite wanting them be an apple or orange. If you like my mentality on this, look earlier in the thread about my answer to this problem.

I admit, I got a bit lost on this one.....but that said man did this make me hungry for a peach and an apple.....or even an orange!!! lol

MissKim

**This coming from a mom of a almost two year old who throws tantrums and throws his cup when it just has water in it. and refuses to eat most veggies .

He gets only water (pure filtered water) in his cup all throughout the day. (he gets 1-2 cups of milk in addition) Every single time I hand him a cup and he sees it comes from the water filter he throws it down and throws a tantrum. I ignore him and he eventually gets thirsty enough to pick it up and and drink it. I do not give my son juice or anything with a ton of sugar in it. At the most I would ever do is dilute it with some juice as flavoring, but I wouldn't even want him to get used to that.

As far as food goes I cook it, he either eats it or he doesn't. I always make him take one bite of everything that's on his plate. and it amazes me how after he takes one bite he will realize he likes it and eat the rest of it. but he fought me soooo hard on taking the one bite! I do find it odd that things he used to like alot now he acts like he doesn't. he used to love carrots and now he spits them out and wont' eat them. I just keep offering a variety of healthy stuff to him for meals. When he is done eating he hands me his fork. (that's how i know) sometimes he eats it all, and sometimes, he barely eats anything. Considering I have a healthy 35 lb 22 month old, I don't think he's malnourished at all! Never will I cook a seperate meal or seperate foods to make my child happy. I've seen the "end" results of this. I have a friend that has a child that only eats chicken fingers, pizza, spagettios, or pizza rolls. and no matter what she cooks, that kid always get one of those said items for dinner. a) she's overweight and will probably be dealing with health problems in her future which is sad considering she's 12 b)she is freakin spoiled and has no respect for her mother. not saying that this is the case for all mothers that do this for their kids, but just what I've seen from my experience.

As far as forcing a kid to eat (past that first bite) and making them finish what's on their plate, I think that is ridiculous. I was made to finish what was on my plate growing up and now i'm overweight b/c I overeat. Parents hate to see kids "waste" food. I'd much rather put some food back in the fridge or down the drain then for my child or me to stuff ourselves after we are full or if we dont' feel like eating. Parents are solely responsible for teaching kids how to be healthy and the parents are to blame for overweight children. (unless it's caused by a medical condition/medication they are on) Sorry, if you can't tell this is one of my pet pieves!! carry on

MissKim

and for the people that don't understand why I make my baby try one bite of everything on his plate every single time, it is because it does take a long time for them to figure out what they like and don't like. (experts say 10-20 times) Their taste buds are constantly changing. I know this from experience. He would eat some things one month, but then hate them the next, and so on and so forth. I will continue to keep offering a variety of all fruits and veggies to him and making him at least try one bite until he is alot older. and when he's older he will have a pretty good grasp of things he just doesn't like and he wont' have to eat them.

BlueJean4114

To the OP,
Fresh veggies, and some fruits
are dirt cheap if you grow them from seed.
but you are right, otherwise, it can cost more to feed a family of 4 fresh produce vs. box of processed crapola.


IF ONE KEEPS THEIR HOME FREE OF CRAPOLA AND JUNK FOODS.
there is less competition for the child's appetite.

I raised my kids in a mostly junk-free home. If my kids wandered into the kitchen, i didn't have to worry what they were going for,
cuz there was
NO koolaid,
NO soda
NO candy
NO poptarts
NO bright red colored sugary cereals
NO cookies
NO cake
NO pies
NO fatty salty crackers
NO chips
NO ice cream
on and on...................my kids actually thought plums WERE CANDY.




They just didn't know any better. My kids never even tasted candy and junk til they were older.

IT'S NOT THAT HARD to get kids to try new foods, IF IF IF the kids tastebuds aren't already ruined by crappy fatty sweet foods,
and if the food is well presented,
IF the parent is seen eating it and raving about it regularly
and IF the food is NOT competing with a nearby bag of chips.

IT HELPS IF YOU RAISE THE CHILD TO EAT RIGHT, from the birth on. Don't be having junk food in your home, don't act like candy is such a big deal, act like plums are!


BUT NO ONE SHOULD FORCE KIDS TO EAT ANYTHING THEY DO NOT WANT TO EAT.
Provide several healthy items per meal, encourage, but do not force a kid. ENCOURAGE, YES, force

---

no!!

If the kid doesn't choose any of the items at all, he can have a pieces of fruit or a fresh raw veggies instead. It's all in the presentation for kids, imo. My kids ate all veggies, all of 'em, but were NEVER ever forced, never.

My kids shopped with me, and we spent a lot of time in the garden, or in the produce section. They helped pick out the produce, and prepare it, etc.
On busy nights, often the veggies were raw, just cut up in cute shapes, with sometimes with protein laden dip, and/or a protein source. My kids are both fit as fiddles to this day, one is a runner, one is a vegetarian athlete.