No Children - Lifestyle Choice

Jain

I'm 49 and married for 22 years. Neither of us wanted kids and have never regretted our choice. We're very happy to be the 'cool' Aunt & Uncle to the kids of our family and friends, and the eldest is already working on her parents to allow her to go to some music festivals with us.

xHelloQuincyx

A woman in my classes (for early childhood education) has expressed that she never wants children. She is around... hmm 25-30 and works with small children every day. loves and talks frequently about her very young nephew. i think its the most UN selfish thing to do. being in the child care profession, there is nothing more heartbreaking to see then a child who is brought into this world unwanted.

nikinyx6

I'm 26, love kids, and think i'd make a great Mom (care for my neice and nephews quite often 1,3, and 6) but I still choose not to have children.

I just think it's a poor choice for me financially, and I'm such a pessimist that I fear the worst would happen. I'll stick with borrowing my brothers

fiberartist219

Reporting for duty!!!

I'm 30 years old, and I've been married for 7 years. If I wanted kids, I would have had them by now. I am not feeling it.

Sometimes I wish I had an heir, but otherwise I have no desire. There is nothing exciting about wiping a baby's butt or missing out on sleep or finding a good way to respond when a child pushes your buttons. I do not want to be a parent. It sounds absolutely horrible.

I do think that it would be nice to have someone younger to pass information on to and to write in my will someday. I am hoping that I might have some nieces or nephews, but honestly, that's looking pretty grim at this point too. If nothing else, I can will my belongings to a charity or something.

I definitely welcome the next generation... I just don't want any of them living in my house.

fiberartist219

What I never understand is why many people (who are sometimes complete strangers or mere aquaintances!) are always asking when you are going to have kids or making remarks about how many kids you will have or saying "I want babies!" Has anyone else ever experienced this? I am recently engaged, but even before I was engaged people would talk about my boyfriend and I having children. I will never have children. I don't enjoy children. My boyfriend does not want to have children. I took steps to ensure that I will never have children. It's crazy how people think nothing of commenting on something so personal. After all, what can be more intimate than producing children?!

I've found that it is best to make it known that you aren't having kids if anyone tries to force the issue on you. If they want to berate you for it, just walk away. They are obviously not the compassionate, unselfish person they believe themselves to be.

It will get much worse for you after you get married ....in my opinion. So get ready for it.....and don't let their foolishness annoy you too much. People don't question societal norms as much as they should (imho)......ie you meet someone, you date, you get married, you have kids - period. Nobody even questions WHY they are doing any of those steps!

Good luck - - And congrats on the engagement!

Yeah, I used to get this question a lot... and sometimes people who don't know me very well are under the impression that I already have kids... not so much!

I don't let people hassle me about it. Most of the questions died off after about 5 years, because it's obvious at my age that if I want kids I need to get on it before my eggs get stale. Instead of getting pregnant, I got an IUD. No kids. It lasts 10 years and by then I'll be getting close to menopause.

gingerveg

Me and my DH 39 and 40 and both happily childfree. How can anyone say it is selfish? Being childfree is excellent for the environment. Being thoughtful about your personal choices means you're a (seemingly rare) critical thinker. Lot's of people have children without thought, it is a shame that there are so many unwanted children in the world. So good for you that you are not adding to any of that.

gracieabem

I know in my heart that I do not want children. I'm about to become an aunty for the first time and I'm so, so excited. Over the moon. But I know I don't want children of my own. At my age (27) people say I will change my mind. I just smile and let them think that. I know there is nothing wrong with me, I just have no desire or inclination to bring another human being into the world. Can't wait to hang out with my niece/nephew. I hope I am an awesome Aunty. :-)

Elle408

I really DO want children - but not at any cost. I don't have a partner and am just embarking on a law degree and hope to go into practice (i'll be 31 when i graduate) which means I would be around 35-40 before I could realistically consider taking a break from a new law career. Add in to the fact that I'm not financially stable, do not own a home and have no savings, I'm not willing to bring a child into the world without being able to support it in every way. So on those grounds, I've thought seriously about the fact that I am not likely to have children and I'm ok with that. I love my nephew and am a regular fixture in his life and that's enough. If I should still have maternal feelings when I'm older and stable then I would adopt an older child/children and put my stability to good use!

I've really thought about this a lot over the past few years and felt guilty that I couldn't seem to fit children into my life, but I'm now very much at peace with my decision.

stephdeeable

I'm only 27, but I don't want children, and I don't think that will change. I love kids, it's just not for me. I don't have that yearning. I think it would be more selfish of me to bring children into the world if I know in my heart I don't want them.

sarahisme18

I'm recently married (a little over a year), and this was also a choice my husband and I made. We're well aware that we could change our minds in the future, but I'm doubtful we will. *shrug* We don't get that many comments about it, but I suspect that the older we get, the more comments we'll get!

lilmisfit

<---- 44 and child free by choice here! :drinker:

Junglejoyce

I'm 61. Never wanted kids. I was told that I was selfish when I was younger, by friends with kids. Selfish??? There are a lott of people out there who are parents but who should never have had kids. I also waited to get married...now I have a built in family. 2 grown stepchildren (who are wonderful) and a step grandbaby (who is adorable). And I am very happy!!:happy:

juicy_cat

Thanks for sharing everyone...xx

anemoneprose

Lol, fibreartist.

One thing I'll say. Probably, having a kid would make the big questions kind of manageable, in tough times (assuming there are no major problems with the kid, of course not predictable). If there's a morning where it's like, hunh, do I really feel like getting up, there's really no non-criminal option but to. And, even if everything else in your life turns to ****, you can always say, "I made a bloody person". (Even if it's just by way of being a mostly unconscious vehicle of biological and social processes. People say it anyway.)

Such a cheat.

But it'd probably be a bad idea to have kids just for that, and there are cheaper treatments for depression.

geekyjock76

I'm 35 and wanted kids when I were younger. I guess the thought of raising an athletic girl was novel back then. Now, however, I'd rather stay childless.

TavistockToad

I'm 25 and won't be having children. No maternal instinct at all never have had. Just not interested. HOwever I worry about finding a man to marry with this restraint...

I remember a 'friend' telling me I will never find a man as I don't want kids...
I got married in June this year, and we have a great time, and we don't want kids. There is NOTHING wrong with being child free!

JessicaBR0

I'm 27, but I have already made up my mind. I love my niece and nephew to death, but I don't think I could handle having my own children. I have great admiration for good parents, as I feel it is the hardest job in the world!

SuperSexyDork

nvm

almc170

I'm 42 and have been married for 17 years. Have never had the desire to have kids.

lisadlocks

I am 53 and childless by choice. I made an announcement to my family at 19 that I was not having children. Some cried. I don't know what that meant to then. I didn't know how to parent at the time without giving up my whole being. I have learned many of those life lessons about how to save some parts of me for myself . Loving children does not mean loving them until you are depleted.. I have a neighbor with nine children ages 1 - 21. I love being part of the village. I also love when they go HOME! LOL! Self-fish you ask. If I don't take care of SELF, who will?

Ejourneys

I knew from a young age that I never wanted children. This got me a lot of flack growing up, and I won't go into the life experiences that helped shape my decision. I had myself voluntarily sterilized in 1983 when I was 25, and I believe it is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I am now 54 and on the cusp of menopause.

I am also a long-term caregiver, which brings its own rewards and challenges.

A few lines in Marge Piercy's wonderful poem, "The Sabbath of Mutual Respect," had informed me about the option of laparascopic sterilization:
http://www.soulrebels.com/beth/bos/sabbath.html

DMZ_1

It is a valid lifestyle choice.

Some people are not cut out to be parents for a myriad of reasons.

Raising a child is a selfless and lifelong commitment. It changes everything about your life. It is also quite expensive to do. These articles shed some light on the costs (http://blogs.wsj.com/economics/2012/06/14/cost-to-raise-a-child-around-300000-not-including-college/ & http://money.msn.com/saving-money-tips/post.aspx?post=de7fbf07-94fe-4ef8-bffd-e604c90b3e83).

The decision to have children isn't one that should be taken lightly, and yet I feel many people don't put enough thought into it.

Beezil

I didn't want children but I got pregnant and I chose to keep him. He's 5 now and I don't want anymore.. People still think I'm weird for it. A lot of people tell me I will change my mind and I'm still young. I really don't think I will change my mind.....

I was in a very similar situation. My son was a "surprise" (lol) and I had him at 17. He's truly amazing and I'd not change having him for the world, but I wasn't ready to be a mom, and never really the type of person who wanted children. I am 99.99% sure I don't want any more kids. I got an IUD for 5 years and plan on getting another one put in when the time comes.

Sometimes I do think it would be nice to have another baby, or even adopt a little girl. But, my son is 10 years old now, and when I think of all the hard times, the money struggles, all the sleepless nights, all the worries and mistakes I made, all the mental disorders and health problems that run in my family... I just don't want to go through it all over again. The world is a messed up place, and my son is very different from the average kid, as was I, as was his father. He gets made fun of a lot, picked on, and even has been hit by other children several times... He has ADHD and is in an ED classroom at school, despite being academically gifted. His behavior alone is why he is in an ED room.

It's truly heartbreaking to watch your child be singled out constantly by the world, to watch them go through so much struggle and inner turmoil. I'd honestly never feel right about choosing to bring another innocent life into this world, knowing all the hurt and pain they potentially would have to go through.

A big part of my choosing not to have more children, however shallow it sounds, is the lack of money. We barely get by right now with everything we need. I know for a fact we'd be destitute if we had another baby - and I'm not stupid enough to willingly put my family in that kind of situation. So no, I don't think it's selfish at all for someone to choose not to be a parent. I think it takes a lot introspection to know the answer to that question, "Do I want to have children?" and anyone who chastises someone for not having kids probably has more issues than the person they're condemning.

It's frustrating, but more annoying to me than that, for people to constantly ask if I'm having another one. It makes me feel bad, like I'm some selfish person who resents my son because I don't want more like him. But then I remember all the reasons why I chose not to have more - and that makes me feel like a good person. I have more love, time, energy, and yes, even money, to put into my son since he is my only child. I honestly feel like he needs all that we have to give.

dym123

I knew when I was 15 that I didn't want children. I am 45 and happily child-free.

bebreli

I wanted marriage and my husband wanted kids. So after careful deliberation, we both took the plunge. First month trying I get pregnant with twins. Great proof that god has a sense of humor. Wouldn't change it for anything in the world, and some of my best mom friends never wanted kids and they are awesome parents! I think the lifestyle choice (kids or no kids) means you have a full understanding of what having children involves. I respect people knowing what they want and parents/or non parents who like to keep it real!

floopysandi

39 and child free by choice. Had to take care of kids full time when I was a teenager and realized then it was not for me. I always get the "It's so different when it's your own" and "You'll regret it". Still not regretting it and from the moms I know... it's not that different when you have your own, they just know how to get on your nerves better.

I like kids.... in small doses. And really like being the aunty that spoils them and is a goofball instead of having to be all mature.

ebr250

Thank you for sharing, that is very similar to me except I was 18 and I paid to have mine tied at 22, as no doctor would approve at that age. My daughter is 30 now, I found the last sentence particularly poignant for me as that is how I felt one hundred percent

I couldn't believe the grief I got over wanting to get permanent birth control. I was 23 years old and they made me feel like a criminal for wanting it. When I finally found a doctor willing to listen to me and my reasons for it I was so grateful. I am not surprised to learn I am not the only one who has suffered from this type of sexist treatment from doctors. I wonder if they give men the third degree over wanting vasectomies in their 20s.

SanteMulberry

I don't find "childless by choice" couples to be particularly more selfish than others--just more honest. I think there are a number of people who, for one reason or another, are deciding that being a parent is not a very good idea.

I have children and grandchildren and I love them to distraction. But many have children merely because they are expected to and that is wrong in my opinion. I even know several women who compete to see who can have the most children in the shortest amount of time. One of them is pregnant with her sixth and she isn't yet 30 (the last one will only be ten months old when the new one arrives!). Her husband isn't even working full-time and she insists that she is doing what she is supposed to be doing. They expect everyone else to help them financially with the burden that they have deliberately taken on. I find them bizarre and completely selfish. I have known them for a number of years and I have never seen her when she wasn't "wearing a baby". Two of their children have turned out to be special needs kids and they are simply not getting the attention or the resources they need.

sarahisme18

Thank you for sharing, that is very similar to me except I was 18 and I paid to have mine tied at 22, as no doctor would approve at that age. My daughter is 30 now, I found the last sentence particularly poignant for me as that is how I felt one hundred percent

I couldn't believe the grief I got over wanting to get permanent birth control. I was 23 years old and they made me feel like a criminal for wanting it. When I finally found a doctor willing to listen to me and my reasons for it I was so grateful. I am not surprised to learn I am not the only one who has suffered from this type of sexist treatment from doctors. I wonder if they give men the third degree over wanting vasectomies in their 20s.

I would assume so... I don't think it's sexist, I just think it's fair to make sure someone in their 20s is thinking about it a long-term sort of way. I'm in my 20s and can't see that I would ever want to have kids... but I also know that things change 10 or 20 years down the road, so I'm willing to leave it up to my future self as well.

emtjmac

I didn't want children but I got pregnant and I chose to keep him. He's 5 now and I don't want anymore.. People still think I'm weird for it. A lot of people tell me I will change my mind and I'm still young. I really don't think I will change my mind.....

Are you saying you don't want your son? What?