No Children - Lifestyle Choice

blakejohn

I not it's not the same as not having kids

I'm 45 the kids are out of the house as bad as it might sound but it's been the best years of my life so far

samanthawarren

My husband and I did not want children. I was never a "kid" person. My sister was so I always said I would spoil my nieces. But then.....surprise surprise, I ended up pregnant. After my daughter was born we decided we didn't want her to be an only child so next was her brother. They are 7 and 5 now. I was 34 when I had my daughter. As much as I love my kids in ways I never really expected, I don't knock anyone who chooses not to have kids. Just be sure that is what you really want. Now I look forward to entering old age with grandchildren (thinking ahead a bit much?)

I also have a non meddlesome family. Neither my husbands or my parents ever gave us grief about our decision not to have children. When I found out I was pregnant I cried for days. I couldn't believe it. After being married for 9 years it was a lot to take in. Abortion is not an option for us since we believe life begins at conception. Once we got over the shock we waited 3 months to tell anyone, just in case something went wrong. The funny thing was once we announced the pregnancy my MIL told us she was so excited, this would be her first grandchild. (none of her boys planned on having kids) She always wanted grandchildren, but didn't want to pressure us. My parents were excited also but they have other grandchildren.

As much as I love my kids, I am certain that if they had not "come along" I would never have regretted my decision. Now that they are here, I don't regret that either (most of the time )

Louisianababy93

I dont know if i want them.. the fact that there would be another me could be scary
and besides,
i hurd childbirth hurts like a b*tch.(i dont like pain)
Labor can take forever and is painful all at the same time.
if they give your epadoral wrong,hello back pain or worse. (and im gunna need drugs)
your vigina streches.(deffanitly dont want that.)
you have to loose the baby weight.
you have like 20 million people lookin at/inside your vigina.
needles.
teenaged additudes.
but, there's also the whole i would make a cute kid.
dressing them up.
football games and dance.
teaching a kid respect (the world needs more kids like that)
and i've hurd you forget all the pain after you hold them for the first time..

hmm,i think i'll wait and see what happens when i get married..

gimpygramma

My daughter was a December baby. The year she was one, Santa brought her a baby doll. We have a picture of her standing on its head. That was our first hint. She never liked dolls. She showed no sign of mothering smaller children. When she was nine, a friend of mine asked her to hold her baby for a minute. My daughter reported that she would hate my friend's life. The baby was fussing and she just felt like squeezing too hard. By ten or twelve my daughter was telling people she did not want to have children. She is 43 now, happily married and childless by choice. What I always found annoying was the way so many people were inclined to dismiss her choice. "Oh, she'll change her mind." they would say with total confidence. When I was twentyish I wanted five kids. After two, I did change my mind but in all the years that I announced that I wanted a large family no one ever dismissed my intentions.
Will anyone want to marry you? Well it is a big issue so you need to be upfront about it and make prospective partners aware that no, you won't change your mind. My daughter and her husband are busy professionals. On a Sunday morning recently, they were cuddling under their duvet, basking in post coital bliss, listening to the rain on the roof when she asked him if he regretted not having children. "Just think," she said."Instead of lying in bed we could be out there in the rain standing on the edge of a soccer field."

You'd be surprised at how many man can live with that.

sunshine_gem

I'm only 29 but I already know that I don't want children. A friend of mine (who'd like to be more but it's not gonna happen) always tells me that I'll change my mind because he just doesn't get it. There are people who are born to be parents and people who aren't. I'm not. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. There's plenty of people who want children so let them do it. I think it's the old stereotypes that people find difficult to overcome, but we're getting there :-)

samanthawarren

And the truth is.....i DO like well-mannered kids....i just like being the Auntie that can just leave and have some drinks in her own quiet home when the kids start getting annoying.

That is how I felt. I used to get my friends kids riled up and give them back. Oh well, I guess it is time for payback. Even though we were surprised with our first and dearly love our kids, I cannot say that if I never had them I would have suffered. Plus we will get our lives back, as soon as they are grown and out of the house.:happy:

Blueberry09

Like the many others on here I'm childless by choice. I'm (almost) 47 and have been married 23 years. I think in the beginning we thought we'd probably have kids but as time wore on we really enjoyed our freedom to come and go as we pleased. I was 'fixed' at age 30 and have never looked back.

Although I know I wouldn't have made a good parent, I do love babies - kids that can talk back to you, not so much

In our late 30s we began billeting Junior Hockey players. I fondly refer to them as 'My Three Sons'. Even tho the first one lived with us 10 years ago, and the last left us in 2006, we are still part of all their lives. My Second Son and his wife had a baby earlier this year - my first 'grandchild' Unfortunately, they all live far away! My first is now playing hockey in Germany so we're planning a trip next year - can't wait! Our vacations are usually planned around a hockey schedule. Throw in some sunshine and some shopping and I'm in heaven!

I always joke to people that I got my kids when they were 17 - it was the perfect fit! They walked, they talked, they had a drivers licence! It was such an awesome experience for us. We get to be involved as much as we want or as little as we want. They got awesome graduation and wedding gifts because we wanted to, not because we felt we had to! I would do it again in a heartbeat, but hubby doesn't like sharing his house LOL

I can't recall when the questions stopped but I do hear the selfish comments now and again. And I do worry about the will thing - although we do have nieces and nephews of our own, none of them seem to want to give us the time of day unless it's present time. That's not who I'd like to leave my estate to but I can just hear the family kvetching if we were to leave it to our own 'kids'. Hopefully that's a long way off LOL

2April

I'm 50 and childless by choice. Unlike most of you who say they like kids but just didn't want one of their own, I've NEVER liked children. Can't stand them. Noisy, smelly, messy little *kitten* factories. I truly have never had a maternal feeling at all. I'm one of those rare women who find the whole concept of pregnancy revolting. I don't think pregnant women "glow" at all - at least, not to me. Like someone already said, the human race is grossly over-populated, so I don't think my decision to abstain from parenthood is a detriment to our survival as a species. And, obviously, I'm not cut out for it.

What chaps my *kitten* are the people who tell me I'm not a "real" woman because I feel this way. Jeez, I'm not just a walking uterus. I can, and have, contributed as much, if not more, to the betterment of society than most of the self-absorbed soccer moms I know. And you never hear anyone tell a man that he's somehow defective if he doesn't want kids. Somehow, that just enhances his image as playboy or something.

I know my opinion is unpopular in our current baby-crazy culture, but at least I'm honest about it. Fortunately, I'm now at an age where people no longer nag me about when I'm going to have kids. That's a relief.

I do not think it is selfish to choose not to have children but I find your predjudicial attitute towards children offensive. Children are people too.

rml_16

Thank you for sharing, that is very similar to me except I was 18 and I paid to have mine tied at 22, as no doctor would approve at that age. My daughter is 30 now, I found the last sentence particularly poignant for me as that is how I felt one hundred percent

I couldn't believe the grief I got over wanting to get permanent birth control. I was 23 years old and they made me feel like a criminal for wanting it. When I finally found a doctor willing to listen to me and my reasons for it I was so grateful. I am not surprised to learn I am not the only one who has suffered from this type of sexist treatment from doctors. I wonder if they give men the third degree over wanting vasectomies in their 20s.

I would assume so... I don't think it's sexist, I just think it's fair to make sure someone in their 20s is thinking about it a long-term sort of way. I'm in my 20s and can't see that I would ever want to have kids... but I also know that things change 10 or 20 years down the road, so I'm willing to leave it up to my future self as well.

Vasectomies have far higher successful reversal rates than tubals do, they're far less invasive with shorter recovery periods and don't require sedation (which is dangerous in itself). They also don't carry the possibly deadly risk of ectopic pregnancy.

I imagine those are many reasons doctors aren't thrilled with the idea of performing tubals on very young women. And the truth is, it is far likelier that a woman (or man for that matter) will change her mind about children if she's 22 versus 32. Not for sure, but it does happen.

But even at my age my doctor tried to convince me to have the boyfriend get snipped instead of me having a tubal because of the risk factors. I was already having an endometrial ablation, which makes it pretty much impossible and very dangerous to carry a baby, so it wasn't about whether I would change my mind. It was about the serious risks. I wanted the tubal, though, because who knows if I'll be with the BF forever and I want control over my ovaries. I was having my gallbladder out already, so they just did both at once, reducing my risks a bit.

12skipafew99100

My brother and his wife have chosen not to have kids. They are 35 and have been married 5 years now and have not changed their minds. Some in the family thought or hoped they would. I think thats natural to hope for. I respect their choice though..

They work part time and play a lot of video games and watch a lot of movies. They take trips and do what ever they want to do. Thats nice. But I wonder if they will ever be sorry in their old age.

Its odd being on the other side where you were pin point focused on having babies. My father told me before I had my first, that there was nothing wrong with not having kids. I just looked at him like he was speaking a foreign language. The though NEVER occurred to me.

Still I can see the beauty in it. But I would not give my kids back for anything. I think they keep me young and in tune with the next generation. I have 4. Its what I was meant to do. If someone does not have that feeling then they should not have kids. Seems simple to me.

christine24t

Thank you for sharing, that is very similar to me except I was 18 and I paid to have mine tied at 22, as no doctor would approve at that age. My daughter is 30 now, I found the last sentence particularly poignant for me as that is how I felt one hundred percent

I couldn't believe the grief I got over wanting to get permanent birth control. I was 23 years old and they made me feel like a criminal for wanting it. When I finally found a doctor willing to listen to me and my reasons for it I was so grateful. I am not surprised to learn I am not the only one who has suffered from this type of sexist treatment from doctors. I wonder if they give men the third degree over wanting vasectomies in their 20s.

I think the problem with getting tubes tied early is that a woman could regret her decision years later, and try and sue the doctor for doing the surgery (she could say it was something emotional going on) later on in life.

I want children, but I completely respect those who don't. The problem I have is when those who don't want kids start attacking people that do want kids, and calling children rude and disrespectful names, or when people with kids insult those who do not want children and call them selfish. Why can't we all just respect each other's choices?

kdeaux1959

I have a child and am glad to have her. She is a wonderful addition to our family. That being said, if you don't want children, by all means don't get pressured into it by well meaning folks... There is a lot of responsibility that goes into this. It is better to admit you don't want them than to have them and they be unwanted.

DaphneAtx

I love my kids. But, I am not parent material. It's something that I think I knew deep inside, but didn't listen to. I should never have had children. I'm not wired for it. But, I have them, and I absolutely put 100% of my energy into being a good father.

I have a very high respect for people that listen to their inner voice telling them that being a parent is probably not a good choice. I don't think it's weird at all. In fact, I think it's probably more sane. There is a bit of evidence that suggests that wanting to have children is a form of neurosis. If you think about it long enough, it makes sense. Aside from that however, I am sometimes envious of my friends that have stayed childless by choice.

What an honest thing to say, I applaud you.

I'm glad to be nearing 40 so people will stop asking me when I'm going to have kids. I tell them NEVER. I like kids, I just don't want any of my own. I love to sleep in and travel. These things are near impossible with children and so I pick me over a baby. Not a hard choice. People think it's abnormal to not want kids. Like it hasn't been done to death. Come up with something new and then ask me if I want to try THAT. I probably will!

drummer_lady

I'm not your age (I'm 22) but I've known I don't want children for several years now. As soon as I was old enough to start having serious relationships, around 16 or 17, I realized I didn't want the standard family that society tells us we should have. I don't have any desire to get married either. Everyone always tells me I'm crazy or that I'm young and will change my mind. People seem to think that since I'm female my "maternal instinct" will kick in I will suddenly want a husband and children in a nice house with a white picket fence. Not gonna happen.

christine24t

I love my kids. But, I am not parent material. It's something that I think I knew deep inside, but didn't listen to. I should never have had children. I'm not wired for it. But, I have them, and I absolutely put 100% of my energy into being a good father.

I have a very high respect for people that listen to their inner voice telling them that being a parent is probably not a good choice. I don't think it's weird at all. In fact, I think it's probably more sane. There is a bit of evidence that suggests that wanting to have children is a form of neurosis. If you think about it long enough, it makes sense. Aside from that however, I am sometimes envious of my friends that have stayed childless by choice.

You know, you very well just might not get along with young children. Maybe when they are older, you will get along better with them. A lot of people don't like younger children, but love older ones.

kimosabe1

I just think of it like this: Do you want to be 60 when your kid leaves the house? I had one boy at 25, which I think was a perfect age.....I won't be ancient when he leaves and still have time to enjoy a grandkid.....

DollyMiel

I am childfree and there are many of us on MFP. We even have a group...! Hey hey~ XD

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're selfish. It is no one's business what you do with your body or your life. Don't ever let anyone choose your life's path for you. Only you can know what's best for you.

As I've said on all of these childfree threads in the past, I find it absolutely abhorrent that people (even strangers!) think another person's reproductive system is their business, whether the person is childfree or childless for other reasons.

Hell, even for people who have kids. "When are you going to have another?" How about none of your damn business!

mgobluetx12

I think the funniest thing is when people ASSUME your kids are going to take care of you when you get older. This is NOT a reason to have children. I'm going to take care of myself and when I can't, I'll figure out what to do then. That's what long term insurance is there for.

I went back and forth for years with trying to figure out if I wanted kids. I cannot imagine not having kids, but I also cannot imagine having kids. I'm so set in my ways and loving my large amount of free time. I just have no desire to spend the majority of my energy and time on someone else.

MyPaperBleedsInk

Not your age (21), but determined a long time ago that I don't want children. And yeah, people constantly tell me I'll change my mind, but I know for certain that I don't want biological children. I may consider adoption of a much older child/teen one day just because it saddens me that most ignore them.... but then again, I may not choose that. Never really liked kids/babies....

No, I don't feel selfish. I feel smart. Many of my relatives, some even my own age, are up to their third kid or so... and are definitely not good parents. They should have never had kids. They can't afford them, they don't watch them, they live in a messy house.... I, on the other hand, will only have me to worry about for the rest of my life, and not the needs of some whiny thing that would most likely have my attitude x1000

JennW130

I have a friend who is close to 40 who has never wanted children. I just call it "Being true to YOURSELF" Parenting is freakin' HARD and if it doesn't interest you, you aren't "wired for it", you cannot afford children, or whatever else your reason(s) may be, they are YOUR reasons. I'd rather have a childless friend who has chosen to be that way than a friend who has children just because they think they "should" or to "carry on the family name" or whatever. It is a lifelong commitment of emotions, worry, money....
And I'll be honest. SOmetimes I see couples with no children and think "Hmmm. I wonder what i'd be doing now if I didn't have my girls" If you are fulfilled in your own life and don't have a desire to have kids, more power to you-DON'T!

This exactly! And your not alone in your thinking. I sometimes think the same things to myself.

LisaLouisiana

I have a friend who is close to 40 who has never wanted children. I just call it "Being true to YOURSELF" Parenting is freakin' HARD and if it doesn't interest you, you aren't "wired for it", you cannot afford children, or whatever else your reason(s) may be, they are YOUR reasons. I'd rather have a childless friend who has chosen to be that way than a friend who has children just because they think they "should" or to "carry on the family name" or whatever. It is a lifelong commitment of emotions, worry, money....
And I'll be honest. SOmetimes I see couples with no children and think "Hmmm. I wonder what i'd be doing now if I didn't have my girls" If you are fulfilled in your own life and don't have a desire to have kids, more power to you-DON'T!

^^^ YEP ^^^
I've got them, love them, glad I had them and completely respect where you're coming from. It's simple, if you don't want them, don't have them.

x_ItNeverEnds_x

Currently 22. Never want kids. EVER! My sister has 2 and my brother wants to have a few.. Yeah I'm good.

theologynerd

I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. I have 3 kids and would love a half dozen more if my husband would let me. I can't wait to foster and/or adopt. People gave me funny looks when I got pregnant with #3 and asked, "Well, how many are you going to HAVE?!" Like I just announced I was pregnant with #34. Imagine the scowls when I get pregnant with #4, God willing. I know someone who has 5 children and she gets rude comments from strangers all the time. If you don't have 2.5 kids, you're looked at like you're strange. There is nothing wrong with not wanting children, and there is nothing wrong with wanting a dozen. Furthermore, I find it very offensive when people pressure the women who don't have children, because many of my friends have struggled with infertility and multiple miscarriages, and it breaks their hearts every time they are harassed for not having children. It is nobody's business. I think women who choose to live child free are smart for honoring themselves. Don't let anybody bring you down!

Laddiegirl

I have never thought there was anything selfish in not wanting to have children. Its an argument I've never understood. I personally hope to have one child one day, but I have friends who are happy not ever having a child and my sister & her husband are firm in the decision to not have any children and I would never think less of them for it. Honestly I wish more people would put as much thought into whether or not to have kids as people who chose not to have kids do.

Only you know what you're prepared for and what you'll be happy with in life, there is nothing written in stone that it has to include children just because you're a woman. Live the life that would make YOU happy, don't pay attention to what other people tell you will make you happy because no one knows you, like YOU.

porcelain_doll

This is a touchy subject with me. I do not have a maternal instinct, yet I feel guilty for not having it. Lately I have even considered trying to convince myself to want one. (?) I was never into dolls much; my friends always wanted to play with baby dolls and pretend they were taking care of real babies, but I would just sit there and stare at it with no interest. I feel like at age 32, I should want to procreate, but I don't. I am told that I may change my mind once I fall in love, and I suppose since I can't predict the future that it is possible, but right now I feel nothing. I don't get all crazy excited over babies and small children. Sometimes I like looking at newborns just because they are so very tiny and I don't see that often, but it doesn't make me want one. I also have the fear that I will get past my reproductive age and wish I had done things differently.

anemoneprose

I think probably the best time to have a baby (same for starting a career) is when you're too young to know what it costs.

michellekicks

I had a co-worker who totally didn't want kids. Didn't like 'em. Didn't want the hassle... then at 42 she changed her mind. Couldn't do it. A couple of miscarriages and a couple rounds of IVF and finally conceived. Then spent 9 months on bed rest and sick as a dog to have her first baby at 45. Crazy.

TheFitHooker

I think it is more selfish to have kids and not take care of them then it is to really not want them and don't have them. Not everyone is cut out to be a mother or father.

Growing up I wanted kids so bad, I have always wanted to be a mom, I had my first and did not want anymore. I use to want 12 till I had him. He was 7 and I finally decided to have another, but had my tubes tied after she was born. Part of me is sad I did but part of me is glad I did.

DollyMiel

This is a touchy subject with me. I do not have a maternal instinct, yet I feel guilty for not having it. Lately I have even considered trying to convince myself to want one. (?) I was never into dolls much; my friends always wanted to play with baby dolls and pretend they were taking care of real babies, but I would just sit there and stare at it with no interest. I feel like at age 32, I should want to procreate, but I don't. I am told that I may change my mind once I fall in love, and I suppose since I can't predict the future that it is possible, but right now I feel nothing. I don't get all crazy excited over babies and small children. Sometimes I like looking at newborns just because they are so very tiny and I don't see that often, but it doesn't make me want one. I also have the fear that I will get past my reproductive age and wish I had done things differently.

I'm sorry. I find this really heartbreaking.

This is what a lot of childfree women go through because this is just how society is wired to think. That pressure is there and everyone responds to it differently. I wish you didn't feel that way and didn't fear future regret. That must be really difficult. It's just so sad that anyone should feel pressured to the point where they're crushed by an eternal what-if.

ilovescarymovies

I got pregnant unexpectedly so i didnt really have a choice. but i had always wanted a child. i do not however want any more.