No Children - Lifestyle Choice

XXXMinnieXXX

I love my step kids, neices and nephews but I don't feel I want kids myself. I'm 27. All my family are popping them out... But I'm not feeling it!

_SusieQ_

41 years old, married for almost 20 years. I went through a period in my early 20s that I thought I wanted them, but timing just didn't seem right. Now I know it was fate/karma/whatever b/c I sooooooo don't want kids. I love my nieces and nephews, they satisfy any maternal urges that RARELY pop up.

I don't want the responsibility of another person (I have enough of that with the giant child I married), I like doing what I want when I want. I have no desire to deal with another human 24/7. Some people call that selfish, but frankly I think it's irresponsible to have children b/c society dictates it the thing to do, or you feel like you are "supposed to". And I have a lot of friends who fall into those categories.

forgtmenot

I do definitely want children, to the point that I sometimes stress about dying young in a tragic car accident or something and never having had children. I feel as though it is one of my life purposes. I get that other people don't feel that way though and I respect their decision not to have any. Being a parent isn't for everyone and there are plenty of people out there who did have children and probably shouldn't have because they were awful parents.

latitude35

I just had my 3rd, just shy of my 39th birthday. I think it's the same decision for everyone - when do i stop having kids? For some people they have 1 - and they know they are DONE. For some couples it's 2, and they are DONE. For me I knew I wanted a 3rd, but now there is no doubt - I'M DONE!

And then for some, they don't have to have kids, they just know - they are already done. Everyone makes the same choice, but the number is just different, 0, 1, 2, 3, etc.

MrsPong

I don't think its selfish.
I got pregnant young and married young. We have one daughter who is 4. We don't want more kids and everyone tells me I'll change my mind because I'm young. But I don't know if I will... I gave up alot to have her at 20...and now I'm finally growing into myself.

quietHiker

I don't want kids (age 26)....but I've never been that girl who "oohs and awws" over a baby in a store or the baby of a fellow church member. I love my niece and nephew to death though

Plus...I'm dating a man who already has kids (ages 13, 15, 16...I think lol), and they're amazing. I love them with my whole heart, and didn't have to go through all of the early stages of mothering lol...I just don't think I'd have it in me...

anneerick

I think that the people who are smart enough to realize that they do not want children and then don't have children are doing the world a great service. It's the people who have six and never wanted them to begin with that I take issue with.

coolraul07

I've known several people who made a conscious decision to not have children... and I have the utmost respect for them realizing what was right for them and not bowing to societal pressure otherwise. Conversely, I know several people that I believe never wanted children but had them anyway and neglected them. They'll never admit it out loud, but I think that got peer-pressured into having kids and took it out on them. The planet is NOT for lack of humans, so I don't think it's anything to worry about in general. My main concern is for couples that either aren't on the same page in the beginning OR one changes their mind midway through and thinks that their SO will automatically do so as well. I'm oversimplifying it, but I believe that if both say 'no' in the beginning and one changes to 'yes', then the answer is still 'no'. I feel that unless both sides say (and mean) 'yes', they shouldn't have kids. So be sure that you know how you feel.
On the other hand, Japan is seriously concerned about their negative population growth. I remember reading this article last year (link below) where Japan is projecting that their last birth will occur "...in 3011 and the Japanese people potentially disappearing a few generations later."
http://www.foxnews.com/world/2012/05/11/lack-babies-could-mean-extinction-japanese-people/

CM9178

I'm 34 years old and married, and we are not having kids. I have never wanted kids and never, ever will.
I have absolutely no desire to be a parent, and I don't care if people think it is selfish of us - because in a way, I AM being selfish, because I want to enjoy my life the way it is without kids. Oh, and I don't like kids either. 95% are annoying and the rest are cute, but I still wouldn't want them.

CM9178

I don't want the responsibility of another person (I have enough of that with the giant child I married), I like doing what I want when I want. I have no desire to deal with another human 24/7. Some people call that selfish, but frankly I think it's irresponsible to have children b/c society dictates it the thing to do, or you feel like you are "supposed to". And I have a lot of friends who fall into those categories.

I completely agree.

k8blujay2

Meh... I did and do want children... and as long as I'm not labeled as a "breeder" or referenced in any way as a rabbit or dog or some other animal that breeds a lot... I really don't give a flying flip whether or not others want kids. I don't believe one is "selfish" for not having kids... nor am I going to say "well one day you will change your mind"... If you don't want kids and are happy and content with that dicision, then by all means... live with it.

sauerkrautpolka

I'm turning 35 this year, my husband is 40. We've been married a little over 12 years now and I've never really wanted children in that time. There was a brief (VERY) moment in the past couple of years that I was reconsidering, but I'm glad that passed! I love my nieces and nephews and some of my friends have some awesome kids, but I don't think I could ever, nor want to, handle having children of my own. I'm not responsible and I don't want to be responsible. I like my "me time".

ValerieMartini2Olives

I'm 28 and I never wanted to have children. I knew that when I was a kid and my opinion never changed. However, on July 9th, I found out I was pregnant. It was a big big big shock and I didn't know what to do or how to accept it. After a few weeks of major mood swings and many tears, I decided that I'm going to keep my baby.

I always told people I never wanted to have kids and they looked and talked to me like I was crazy. "You'll change your mind" every one told me. I didn't exactly change my mind, I just got put in a situation that I didn't expect. I don't regret my decision and I'm actually very excited now to be a mom. BUT, I will NOT have any more kids after she is here. As soon as I am able to, I'm getting a nonreversible implant that will make me sterile. So now when I tell people that, I get the "Oh don't do that, you're going to want more!" NO I DON'T. One is enough. I don't ever want to be pregnant again and I want to dote on the one kid I'm going to have. She's gonna be awesome and she's enough for me.

Wickedbookworm1977

I love my child-free life! Honestly. I can take off and go to Mexico or Costa Rica or anywhere for that matter without having to worry about childcare. I get to keep and save most of my money. I don't want to take care of anybody, flat out, I simply do not want to. I don't want to pass my fubar chromosomes along either. I can't afford a child either. I don't want to bring a child into this kind of world. So many reasons! I'm happy with my decision, but am tired of the mothers out there who give me those "looks". Like I should have a kid just because I can...

pudadough

I don't think it's weird or selfish not to want children. I also don't think it's weird or selfish to want them like I do.

seltzermint555

Thank you for sharing, that is very similar to me except I was 18 and I paid to have mine tied at 22, as no doctor would approve at that age. My daughter is 30 now, I found the last sentence particularly poignant for me as that is how I felt one hundred percent

I couldn't believe the grief I got over wanting to get permanent birth control. I was 23 years old and they made me feel like a criminal for wanting it. When I finally found a doctor willing to listen to me and my reasons for it I was so grateful. I am not surprised to learn I am not the only one who has suffered from this type of sexist treatment from doctors. I wonder if they give men the third degree over wanting vasectomies in their 20s.

My fiancé went to a doctor when he was 28 (and a confirmed bachelor) to check into getting a vasectomy and yeah, they kind of acted like he was asking for something CRAZY. The way he put it was, "They acted like I was requesting they cut off my **** and sew it onto my knee". At that time, he chose not to get the procedure done because it wasn't covered by his health insurance (of course, grrr). At 31, after an oops with his 36-year old girlfriend (me) we decided we wanted no further issues and he paid out of pocket for the procedure. However this time he was very vague with them, and filled out a paper with my name as "spouse" and I was actually present during the procedure and the doctor made a bunch of comments about me being his wife and the two of us being "done with having kids now". Haha. Little did he know that we're both staunchly childfree by choice.

I was married previously, from age 25-35. My ex husband was sterile. He claimed to dislike children and said he never wanted to have them, but I saw a very different side of him when his closest male friends started having kids and he was angry and resentful. I think he was not totally ok with being sterile. Anyway, that was one TINY factor in the end of our marriage. I have never wanted kids...not even for one moment.

Doingit145

I will be 42 in 2 months and I knew in my late 20s that I would never be a mother, by choice. Kids are cool, they are just not for me. I laugh at people when they have things to say about my decision. At least I was mature enough to know what I didn't want, instead of having them and regretting it. This is my life and I am the only one living it. So when I catch crap about not having kids, its amusing to me. Call me selfish, call me what you want, but you won't be calling me mom and I don't feel any less than a woman. What rule says because I am a female that I "have" to have a child, none.

knittnponder

My sister in law has never had kids and never wanted them. She's never regretted her decision as far as I know. I have kids so I can't really speak to this but I wanted to jump in and say she's an awesome aunt to my kids and seems quite content with her decision. She's got her pets and a lifestyle she enjoys. I give her kudos for knowing what she wanted and not being pressured into having kids when she felt very strongly that it wasn't for her.

SmexAppeal

My sister never wanted kids. She married a man who has two older children in their teens and she is fine with that. She was never a fan of the thought of dirty diapers and breast feeding. She won't even watch my son until he is potty trained!!!
You aren't alone. It's a choice and as long as you two are happy, then way to go!

TheRoadDog

Hello All...after hearing of yet another couple of friends starting a family in their late 30s/early 40's me and the other half are wondering if there is only us who don't want kids.

Any other women out there my age (41) who have never wanted children....Do you feel somehow different or selfish....? Do you get sick of people telling you there is still time, when all a long you don't care about this because you don't want them anyway? Am interested....Opinions please?? :-)

Totally your choice. If a person doesn't want kids, they are not doing anyone any good by having them.

I will add one caveat, however. I did not want children. Married a woman when I was 38. She had two girls. Told me she didn't want any others. I thought that was great, because I am kind of selfish. After the marrige, however, I heard my wife talking to my sister. Telling her she wishes she could have a child with me. My thoughts were "Okay, Why not? I'm the dad. All I really need to do is bring home the money and she takes care of the baby"

I was never so wrong about anything. The birth of my daughter changed my life. I've never been so involved in anything in my life. She turns 20 this weekend and I can't imagine my life without her.