No Children - Lifestyle Choice

k8blujay2

Meh... I did and do want children... and as long as I'm not labeled as a "breeder" or referenced in any way as a rabbit or dog or some other animal that breeds a lot... I really don't give a flying flip whether or not others want kids. I don't believe one is "selfish" for not having kids... nor am I going to say "well one day you will change your mind"... If you don't want kids and are happy and content with that dicision, then by all means... live with it.

sauerkrautpolka

I'm turning 35 this year, my husband is 40. We've been married a little over 12 years now and I've never really wanted children in that time. There was a brief (VERY) moment in the past couple of years that I was reconsidering, but I'm glad that passed! I love my nieces and nephews and some of my friends have some awesome kids, but I don't think I could ever, nor want to, handle having children of my own. I'm not responsible and I don't want to be responsible. I like my "me time".

ValerieMartini2Olives

I'm 28 and I never wanted to have children. I knew that when I was a kid and my opinion never changed. However, on July 9th, I found out I was pregnant. It was a big big big shock and I didn't know what to do or how to accept it. After a few weeks of major mood swings and many tears, I decided that I'm going to keep my baby.

I always told people I never wanted to have kids and they looked and talked to me like I was crazy. "You'll change your mind" every one told me. I didn't exactly change my mind, I just got put in a situation that I didn't expect. I don't regret my decision and I'm actually very excited now to be a mom. BUT, I will NOT have any more kids after she is here. As soon as I am able to, I'm getting a nonreversible implant that will make me sterile. So now when I tell people that, I get the "Oh don't do that, you're going to want more!" NO I DON'T. One is enough. I don't ever want to be pregnant again and I want to dote on the one kid I'm going to have. She's gonna be awesome and she's enough for me.

Wickedbookworm1977

I love my child-free life! Honestly. I can take off and go to Mexico or Costa Rica or anywhere for that matter without having to worry about childcare. I get to keep and save most of my money. I don't want to take care of anybody, flat out, I simply do not want to. I don't want to pass my fubar chromosomes along either. I can't afford a child either. I don't want to bring a child into this kind of world. So many reasons! I'm happy with my decision, but am tired of the mothers out there who give me those "looks". Like I should have a kid just because I can...

pudadough

I don't think it's weird or selfish not to want children. I also don't think it's weird or selfish to want them like I do.

seltzermint555

Thank you for sharing, that is very similar to me except I was 18 and I paid to have mine tied at 22, as no doctor would approve at that age. My daughter is 30 now, I found the last sentence particularly poignant for me as that is how I felt one hundred percent

I couldn't believe the grief I got over wanting to get permanent birth control. I was 23 years old and they made me feel like a criminal for wanting it. When I finally found a doctor willing to listen to me and my reasons for it I was so grateful. I am not surprised to learn I am not the only one who has suffered from this type of sexist treatment from doctors. I wonder if they give men the third degree over wanting vasectomies in their 20s.

My fiancé went to a doctor when he was 28 (and a confirmed bachelor) to check into getting a vasectomy and yeah, they kind of acted like he was asking for something CRAZY. The way he put it was, "They acted like I was requesting they cut off my **** and sew it onto my knee". At that time, he chose not to get the procedure done because it wasn't covered by his health insurance (of course, grrr). At 31, after an oops with his 36-year old girlfriend (me) we decided we wanted no further issues and he paid out of pocket for the procedure. However this time he was very vague with them, and filled out a paper with my name as "spouse" and I was actually present during the procedure and the doctor made a bunch of comments about me being his wife and the two of us being "done with having kids now". Haha. Little did he know that we're both staunchly childfree by choice.

I was married previously, from age 25-35. My ex husband was sterile. He claimed to dislike children and said he never wanted to have them, but I saw a very different side of him when his closest male friends started having kids and he was angry and resentful. I think he was not totally ok with being sterile. Anyway, that was one TINY factor in the end of our marriage. I have never wanted kids...not even for one moment.

Doingit145

I will be 42 in 2 months and I knew in my late 20s that I would never be a mother, by choice. Kids are cool, they are just not for me. I laugh at people when they have things to say about my decision. At least I was mature enough to know what I didn't want, instead of having them and regretting it. This is my life and I am the only one living it. So when I catch crap about not having kids, its amusing to me. Call me selfish, call me what you want, but you won't be calling me mom and I don't feel any less than a woman. What rule says because I am a female that I "have" to have a child, none.

knittnponder

My sister in law has never had kids and never wanted them. She's never regretted her decision as far as I know. I have kids so I can't really speak to this but I wanted to jump in and say she's an awesome aunt to my kids and seems quite content with her decision. She's got her pets and a lifestyle she enjoys. I give her kudos for knowing what she wanted and not being pressured into having kids when she felt very strongly that it wasn't for her.

SmexAppeal

My sister never wanted kids. She married a man who has two older children in their teens and she is fine with that. She was never a fan of the thought of dirty diapers and breast feeding. She won't even watch my son until he is potty trained!!!
You aren't alone. It's a choice and as long as you two are happy, then way to go!

TheRoadDog

Hello All...after hearing of yet another couple of friends starting a family in their late 30s/early 40's me and the other half are wondering if there is only us who don't want kids.

Any other women out there my age (41) who have never wanted children....Do you feel somehow different or selfish....? Do you get sick of people telling you there is still time, when all a long you don't care about this because you don't want them anyway? Am interested....Opinions please?? :-)

Totally your choice. If a person doesn't want kids, they are not doing anyone any good by having them.

I will add one caveat, however. I did not want children. Married a woman when I was 38. She had two girls. Told me she didn't want any others. I thought that was great, because I am kind of selfish. After the marrige, however, I heard my wife talking to my sister. Telling her she wishes she could have a child with me. My thoughts were "Okay, Why not? I'm the dad. All I really need to do is bring home the money and she takes care of the baby"

I was never so wrong about anything. The birth of my daughter changed my life. I've never been so involved in anything in my life. She turns 20 this weekend and I can't imagine my life without her.

arghbowl

I wanted kids until I was around them for a prolonged period of time. Simply put, it's a responsibility I don't want, don't have the attention for, and most importantly don't have the patience for.

A lot of people think I'm weird for it because I'm the only guy in my family, but I just don't want kids. I'm open to adopting an older child in maybe, 10-15 years, but none of my own...

If Karma exists then I'd be SCREWED!!

MNA76

I have no desire to have children. I like kids, but don't have any motherly instincts. I am selfish. I like my life and I like it just being me and my husband. But I think that it would be more selfish for me to have kids that I didn't want. I'm afraid that I would resent them. That's not fair to them.

fionarama

We can't all be the same and I certainly wouldn't people who don't want children to somehow be forced to by public/social pressure. There are certainly plenty of people who have kids which you kind of can't help feeling maybe shouldn't have.

however its impossible to know what its like to have kids until you have one, thats the only thing so deciding not to have kids is a kind of uninformed choice.

Other people's kids can be a nightmare, but somehow your own is just so much fun (well mine is anyway). I kind of feel let down because having kids seems to get such a bad rap (oh the sleepness nights, the not being able to go out, blah blah) that I only found out late in life just how much fun it is. Its really, out of all the travelling, career, learning languages, all the things I've done in my life, the most fun I've ever had and continue to have is my little girl.

But then again, if you feel totally negative about the idea of having kids likely as not like anything you approach negatively in life, you will probably hate it.

One of those never will know if you made the right choice or not really.

Fit_NYC_

I have no desire to have children. I like kids, but don't have any motherly instincts. I am selfish. I like my life and I like it just being me and my husband. But I think that it would be more selfish for me to have kids that I didn't want. I'm afraid that I would resent them. That's not fair to them.

I think that's honest and responsible. Having children is a huge commitment, a very large monetary drain, and they are also wonderful... but it comes down to choice.

OP, if people are constantly nagging you, tell them to mind they're own business... and this is coming from somebody who loves kids.

wilmnoca

In my 30's. Both Hubby and I never wanted kids so we didn't have 'em. I call that RESPONSIBLE! My immediate family was totally fine with it. My mother in law... Not so much. She'll live. It's our life, our choice.

bacitracin

www.reddit.com/r/childfree

Mobilemuscle

Like anything in life it is a risk. You always hear stories of people saying how they never wanted kids but when they had them it was this amazing blessing..... but on the flipside there are also people who think they want kids and have no earthly comprehension of the responsibility they are undertaking and it ends up hurting more than just them

I feel that the responsible thing is to search your heart. If you want kids, great, have them. if you dont, then dont, no regrets.

skadoosh33

I don't believe having children is for everyone. They are time consuming, expensive and change your life. I see so many parents that don't have a clue of how to properly care for their children. Most could use parenting classes. It's sad because the parents lack a college education and can't financially support their children. If your family doesn't earn $100k or more, you can't afford to raise children the way they deserve.

Mobilemuscle

it may come to that...having to prove net worth and ability to afford children....if central planning takes hold in the US as it has in China it is a realistic solution for population control and other issues

Ed98043

I'm 47 and never had kids, but never got married either so I didn't have in-laws to deal with. My own parents would never bug me about it as they're always supportive of whatever I choose. In fact very few people in my life have asked me why - I don't think I come across as very maternal. lol

Koldnomore

I couldn't believe the grief I got over wanting to get permanent birth control. I was 23 years old and they made me feel like a criminal for wanting it. When I finally found a doctor willing to listen to me and my reasons for it I was so grateful. I am not surprised to learn I am not the only one who has suffered from this type of sexist treatment from doctors. I wonder if they give men the third degree over wanting vasectomies in their 20s.

I stared trying to get my tubes tied at 20, took me until I was 36 before I finally found a doctor that would do it. To have to get permission to make a decision about MY body from someone who isn't me... Not cool. I feel your pain.

however its impossible to know what its like to have kids until you have one, thats the only thing so deciding not to have kids is a kind of uninformed choice.

It's not like we just randomly said 'I'm never having kids" chances are that people who chose to remain childless have spent YEARS doing research into costs, procedures, developmental phases, family history, schooling, work programs, health care and a hundred other things that would never cross the minds of many people. I think the choice is more informed than you realize.

janinab75

38 years old and don't want children. My partner and I decided when we got together 13 years ago that neither of us wanted children. He had been married before and never had children from previous relationships, I never had the maternal desire for children, have the patience for children. I enjoy other kids for a short while, but am just as happy to return them to their parents. I'm happy to know there are many others out there like me, I really thought we were few and far between. Nice to see so many similar posts.

SunshineRox007

27 years old, desperately want children but haven't found the right guy to have kids with. I don't find it selfish at all for someone to not want children. It is 2013, and I agree a woman is so much more than a walking uterus. I have friends that pressure me to go looking for Mr. Right because one day it will be too late to have those kids and I will regret it. Like that helps.... I would rather see someone not have kids than to have kids for selfish reasons when they know they can't take care of them and/or are simply following the crowd.

M22KY

I just don't have the patience. I love toddlers and would want five of them if they remained toddlers. I think they are just the cutest to watch hobbling around with their munchkin selves. But I lost interest past age 3.

I'm like Oprah. It's the hardest job in the world. I can't do it.

Naaer

I am fifty six and I NEVER wanted kids of my own...I like children and they like me, I've just never wanted the responsibility, for various reasons...I don't regret this decision, in fact, I think it was one of the smartest I ever made...To each his own...Most people know if they'd make a good parent, or not...


Reaan:happy:

suziepoo1984

I have always loved children, just adored them. Loved playing with them and taking care of them since childhood. Be it my niece, nephews, my neighbors twins and so on. I have fed them, cleaned them and done all the gross+cute stuff and still loved them.
So it felt natural that i wanted kids of my own. So me and hubs agreed and have a darling daughter now. I expected it to be much easier for me since i had so much experience.
But its been one of the hardest thing i have ever done. We have to make our kids #1 priority. I was never a outdoorsy/party person and i still miss being out as much as i did before. There is no time to relax/sleep. I never ever thought it would be so hard and me and hubs have decided that we are more than happy and done with just this one:)

So what i am saying is, if you think you do not want to have kids, then its best idea not to:)
I love my daughter the most and she makes me smile and happy all the time, but its still the hardest job ever!

lilawolf

I'm 24 and 90% sure that I do not want kids. I like them, particularly the 5 year old stage, in small doses, but not to have and keep. My husband and I really enjoy doing what we want when we want. I would rather spend some time and money volunteering rather than raising a child. I am a big sister to an 11 year old with Big Brother Big Sister, and I help with STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math program for kids). I can mentor, make my community a better place, work with kids, and still go home to a quiet home and a full bank account :drinker: Oh and wine, and non-childproof cabinets, and no stretchmarks...:laugh:

The 10% is that I think my husband would be a great father. I have also heard a lot of people who ended up with unintended children who say it was the best thing that ever happened to them even though they didn't think that they wanted kids. It could totally all be worth it.... Maybe :huh:

People definitely keep asking which I think is weird unless its family, but no one has said I'm selfish.

maryjboom

I just make sure I'm a fantastic aunt to my nieces and nephews, since, as I joke, they'll be the ones picking out my nursing home when I get old.

I have been married 14 yrs and my husband, dogs and the kids I work with are plenty. I have fun with my nieces and nephews then send them home. I can stay out late or go away on a last minute trip. If we had kids, we would not be able to do things like that. Granted, at one point I wanted to have kids, but I like my life the way it is.

JingleMuffin

Its fine to have them and also to choose not to.
I myself would like a big family.
I wouldn't want to raise an only child but I don't think what I want is best.. it just happens to be what me and my husband want. I think its crazy that people are so forward with their ideas that you have to have kids or you should have so many,or, oh no that's too many.
those kinds of things boggle my mind. different strokes for different folks.

desertSNOUT

All I have to say is I love kids (1) and (2) the passion and heat that comes from doing to the 'deed' is exponentially better when doing it for a purpose that everyone can see in a few short months

teehee