No Children - Lifestyle Choice

LisaLouisiana

I have a friend who is close to 40 who has never wanted children. I just call it "Being true to YOURSELF" Parenting is freakin' HARD and if it doesn't interest you, you aren't "wired for it", you cannot afford children, or whatever else your reason(s) may be, they are YOUR reasons. I'd rather have a childless friend who has chosen to be that way than a friend who has children just because they think they "should" or to "carry on the family name" or whatever. It is a lifelong commitment of emotions, worry, money....
And I'll be honest. SOmetimes I see couples with no children and think "Hmmm. I wonder what i'd be doing now if I didn't have my girls" If you are fulfilled in your own life and don't have a desire to have kids, more power to you-DON'T!

^^^ YEP ^^^
I've got them, love them, glad I had them and completely respect where you're coming from. It's simple, if you don't want them, don't have them.

x_ItNeverEnds_x

Currently 22. Never want kids. EVER! My sister has 2 and my brother wants to have a few.. Yeah I'm good.

theologynerd

I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. I have 3 kids and would love a half dozen more if my husband would let me. I can't wait to foster and/or adopt. People gave me funny looks when I got pregnant with #3 and asked, "Well, how many are you going to HAVE?!" Like I just announced I was pregnant with #34. Imagine the scowls when I get pregnant with #4, God willing. I know someone who has 5 children and she gets rude comments from strangers all the time. If you don't have 2.5 kids, you're looked at like you're strange. There is nothing wrong with not wanting children, and there is nothing wrong with wanting a dozen. Furthermore, I find it very offensive when people pressure the women who don't have children, because many of my friends have struggled with infertility and multiple miscarriages, and it breaks their hearts every time they are harassed for not having children. It is nobody's business. I think women who choose to live child free are smart for honoring themselves. Don't let anybody bring you down!

Laddiegirl

I have never thought there was anything selfish in not wanting to have children. Its an argument I've never understood. I personally hope to have one child one day, but I have friends who are happy not ever having a child and my sister & her husband are firm in the decision to not have any children and I would never think less of them for it. Honestly I wish more people would put as much thought into whether or not to have kids as people who chose not to have kids do.

Only you know what you're prepared for and what you'll be happy with in life, there is nothing written in stone that it has to include children just because you're a woman. Live the life that would make YOU happy, don't pay attention to what other people tell you will make you happy because no one knows you, like YOU.

porcelain_doll

This is a touchy subject with me. I do not have a maternal instinct, yet I feel guilty for not having it. Lately I have even considered trying to convince myself to want one. (?) I was never into dolls much; my friends always wanted to play with baby dolls and pretend they were taking care of real babies, but I would just sit there and stare at it with no interest. I feel like at age 32, I should want to procreate, but I don't. I am told that I may change my mind once I fall in love, and I suppose since I can't predict the future that it is possible, but right now I feel nothing. I don't get all crazy excited over babies and small children. Sometimes I like looking at newborns just because they are so very tiny and I don't see that often, but it doesn't make me want one. I also have the fear that I will get past my reproductive age and wish I had done things differently.

anemoneprose

I think probably the best time to have a baby (same for starting a career) is when you're too young to know what it costs.

michellekicks

I had a co-worker who totally didn't want kids. Didn't like 'em. Didn't want the hassle... then at 42 she changed her mind. Couldn't do it. A couple of miscarriages and a couple rounds of IVF and finally conceived. Then spent 9 months on bed rest and sick as a dog to have her first baby at 45. Crazy.

TheFitHooker

I think it is more selfish to have kids and not take care of them then it is to really not want them and don't have them. Not everyone is cut out to be a mother or father.

Growing up I wanted kids so bad, I have always wanted to be a mom, I had my first and did not want anymore. I use to want 12 till I had him. He was 7 and I finally decided to have another, but had my tubes tied after she was born. Part of me is sad I did but part of me is glad I did.

DollyMiel

This is a touchy subject with me. I do not have a maternal instinct, yet I feel guilty for not having it. Lately I have even considered trying to convince myself to want one. (?) I was never into dolls much; my friends always wanted to play with baby dolls and pretend they were taking care of real babies, but I would just sit there and stare at it with no interest. I feel like at age 32, I should want to procreate, but I don't. I am told that I may change my mind once I fall in love, and I suppose since I can't predict the future that it is possible, but right now I feel nothing. I don't get all crazy excited over babies and small children. Sometimes I like looking at newborns just because they are so very tiny and I don't see that often, but it doesn't make me want one. I also have the fear that I will get past my reproductive age and wish I had done things differently.

I'm sorry. I find this really heartbreaking.

This is what a lot of childfree women go through because this is just how society is wired to think. That pressure is there and everyone responds to it differently. I wish you didn't feel that way and didn't fear future regret. That must be really difficult. It's just so sad that anyone should feel pressured to the point where they're crushed by an eternal what-if.

ilovescarymovies

I got pregnant unexpectedly so i didnt really have a choice. but i had always wanted a child. i do not however want any more.

wdwghettogirl

Growing up, all of my friends had their lives totally planned out: how many kids they wanted, how many of each sex they wanted, how far apart they wanted them, NAMES! :huh: I was never that way. Here I am, 30 years old, been with my handsome hubby for 8-ish years, married for almost 2.5, and we are perfectly content with not having children.

Most of the grief I've gotten about not wanting kids has come from my older brother. I posted something on facebook once and he just went OFF on me! Surprised me more than anything, but having my own brother be so mean to me was very hurtful. I think it stemmed from him and my sis-in-law not being able to have anymore children. But it was still totally uncalled for. The post eventually got so out of control (people taking sides, calling names...), and so twisted from what I even originally said, that I ended up just deleting it altogether. Ridiculous!

Handsome hubby and I have recently begun looking into options to make sure our lives stay child free, and have gotten the pity "Aw..." after the questions: "How many kids do you have?" "None" "You don't want kids?!" "No." "Aw... :frown:" Gee Doc... thanks for THAT! I don't think that's what I'm paying you for...

The decision to not have children is just as big of a life changing decision as deciding TO have children... maybe bigger since we get so much crap about it. But guess what world! It's NOT your decision, and it's NONE of your business! MY vag and MY uterus are the business of 3 people: ME, handsome hubby, and my gyno. So back off, and let me live in my nice, QUIET home in peace.

Oh, and for all the peeps who piped up on my facebook post stating you wouldn't trade your kids for anything... I'm not saying you would, I'm not saying you should, I'm not saying people that chose to have kids are bad/wrong. All I said was that I don't want them. And since all I see on fb are people whining and complaining about their kids driving them crazy, stop trying to convince me to join in the "fun". End rant. lol

christine24t

Growing up, all of my friends had their lives totally planned out: how many kids they wanted, how many of each sex they wanted, how far apart they wanted them, NAMES!

I have my names picked out, have since high school...I keep lists of good names I come across in my phone... hahahaha

iluvprettyshoes

My Aunt and Uncle never had children of their own. Both of them died last year. Upon their death I learned that over their lives they financially supported 14 children from childhood til adulthood. And they mentored 3 of those children for life, visiting them several times a week and spending quality time with them and when they were older, their kids.

It was so wonderful to find out what a legacy they'd left after they were gone. So many people coming to the funeral saying how they didn't know where they'd be without their help. I'd never say she wasn't a woman for not ever having children. They are both heros to me. I consider them both to be parents even more so than some people I see these days that don't make their children a priority.

heidimaggott78

My SIL and BIL have made that decision.
They can be pretty selfish people, and think only of their own pleasure, so maybe its not a bad thing that they did.

anemoneprose

Re the talk about having kids being a selfless thing. From what I've observed, the act of parenting is that, in the sense that one loses time and attention. Self gets distributed around. (If the child in question winds up being a boon to society as a result of the compromises and sacrifices made by parents who care enough to make them - not all do, obviously - that's good for the rest of us, but can't be known in advance, it's not the motivation for having a kid.)

But when I see a pack of people who look like mutations of each other (& I have to admit, I find family resemblance kind of creepy, even in my own family - probably just me) pushing other people out of the way to be first in line (literally holding up the child, as justification), or somebody cooing that baby's eyes are just like grandpa's, it's clear that's about extending the self. The 'being taken care of later' thing = preservation of self. Obviously, taking up x much more resources, which are then not available to others, just to exist is about the self too.

Where I am - secular suburb - it's rare that I hear about people with familial obligations participating in their communities, beyond supporting things they or their children want to do or need. Many don't do more than pay lip service to current events or politics beyond the issues that affect them directly (e.g., school taxes, etc). I get it, they don't have time. All that's normal, expected, fine, and I'd probably do the same. I imagine children offer pleasure, and add richness to daily life. Having them is a kind of expression of optimism, too. But the idea that it's selfless is silly.

lookingforsomething

I don't want kids - never wanted kids.
And I get really sick of people telling me I am wrong.
Somehow when it comes to kids - people think it is ok to tell you how you should live your life.

I have two friends that have just had their second child - they really couldn't afford the first one let alone the second one -but i dont tell them how to run their life as its their decision to have children. But they don't have a problem telling me that I am wrong to not want children.

Each to their own!

JosephVitte

I don't want kids - never wanted kids.
And I get really sick of people telling me I am wrong.
Somehow when it comes to kids - people think it is ok to tell you how you should live your life.

I have two friends that have just had their second child - they really couldn't afford the first one let alone the second one -but i dont tell them how to run their life as its their decision to have children. But they don't have a problem telling me that I am wrong to not want children.

Each to their own!

You are right, they are wrong to tell you that you are wrong in not wanting children. The last people on this earth I want having children are people who don't want children. To each there own, amen.

JosephVitte

My Aunt and Uncle never had children of their own. Both of them died last year. Upon their death I learned that over their lives they financially supported 14 children from childhood til adulthood. And they mentored 3 of those children for life, visiting them several times a week and spending quality time with them and when they were older, their kids.

It was so wonderful to find out what a legacy they'd left after they were gone. So many people coming to the funeral saying how they didn't know where they'd be without their help. I'd never say she wasn't a woman for not ever having children. They are both heros to me. I consider them both to be parents even more so than some people I see these days that don't make their children a priority.

Amen

Blueberry09

Even tho I never wanted kids, it wasn't for a lack of maternal instincts. I'm great 'mom' to all the pets I've had over the years. They too require care and attention - just not 24/7 like a child would.

vytamindi

Childfree by choice here! I'm 28 and I've felt this way since my sister had her kids at a younger age. I love my nephew and niece as well as LOTS of kids (I teach PreK- 8th grade) but I love coming home to my cat, two dogs, and fiance.

I've never been given any lectures about it as I feel I've not really grown up that much mentally. I mean, I dressed as a cartoon character for Halloween. My family's pretty accepting about it, but I do get some weird looks from the other teachers at work. Oh well. If anyone asks me what happens if I change my mind, I tell them I'll adopt which is absolutely true.

Now if my gyno could just take me seriously....