No Children - Lifestyle Choice

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juicy_cat
juicy_cat Posts: 145 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hello All...after hearing of yet another couple of friends starting a family in their late 30s/early 40's me and the other half are wondering if there is only us who don't want kids.

Any other women out there my age (41) who have never wanted children....Do you feel somehow different or selfish....? Do you get sick of people telling you there is still time, when all a long you don't care about this because you don't want them anyway? Am interested....Opinions please?? :-)
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  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    I do have kids but I will say, I find it to be the most unselfish thing to choose if you don't want children.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
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    I didn't want children but I got pregnant and I chose to keep him. He's 5 now and I don't want anymore.. People still think I'm weird for it. A lot of people tell me I will change my mind and I'm still young. I really don't think I will change my mind.....
  • bahacca
    bahacca Posts: 878 Member
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    I have a friend who is close to 40 who has never wanted children. I just call it "Being true to YOURSELF" Parenting is freakin' HARD and if it doesn't interest you, you aren't "wired for it", you cannot afford children, or whatever else your reason(s) may be, they are YOUR reasons. I'd rather have a childless friend who has chosen to be that way than a friend who has children just because they think they "should" or to "carry on the family name" or whatever. It is a lifelong commitment of emotions, worry, money....
    And I'll be honest. SOmetimes I see couples with no children and think "Hmmm. I wonder what i'd be doing now if I didn't have my girls" If you are fulfilled in your own life and don't have a desire to have kids, more power to you-DON'T!
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,248 Member
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    40, married 11 years next week, no kids, no desire to have kids. Cats and a dog are enough... I just don't have any maternal instincts toward human babies.

    I don't feel weird about it because I have a handful of friends who feel the same way.

    I just make sure I'm a fantastic aunt to my nieces and nephews, since, as I joke, they'll be the ones picking out my nursing home when I get old. :wink:
  • sheleen302
    sheleen302 Posts: 266 Member
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    I have never wanted kids, nor do I have them (48 yo). I love kids, enjoy being around them, but never felt compelled to have one. In fact my ambivalence is what lead to me to NOT have them.
  • SToast
    SToast Posts: 255 Member
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    Hubby and I have one child. We love him more than anything but don't want anymore. I think knowing what is right for you and going with it is the best possible thing. If you truly don't want children then you shouldn't be made to feel guilty about it. We are constantly asked when we are having more and people are shocked when we say we aren't. But other people thinking we should have more kids is NOT a good reason to have more.

    Props to you for doing what you feel is right in your life!
  • MissJanet55
    MissJanet55 Posts: 457 Member
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    @sizzle9s, thanks for saying that. I'm 55 and never wanted children. I sometimes think not having children is the only good decision I have ever made. I like kids, I am very, very close to my niece (who is now 22), but believe I would not have been a good parent. Yet I have been told many times that my decision is selfish, and that I'm "not a real woman,"

    Sometimes I wonder if people actively want to have kids or just do it because it's what people do. I like to believe people give some thought to it.

    What people rarely talk about is why people choose not to have kids. Most of my childless friends grew up in very unhappy households. I certainly did, and from the age of eight told myself I would never visit that on another human being.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I have never understood why it would be considered selfish to choose not to have children. Some people just don't want to be parents, for various reasons.

    I had my daughter when I was 17 (obviously not planned). I have never had another child and I had my tubes tied last week. I'll be 26 in December. Not exactly your situation, but close. I love my daughter and would do anything for her, but I wouldn't say that my life would be less fulfilling if I'd never had children and I definitely don't want the responsibility again.
  • PetulantOne
    PetulantOne Posts: 2,131 Member
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    I never wanted children, and didn't have a maternal bone in my body. I've never liked being around little kids. Then I found out I was pregnant. I decided to keep the baby, and still didn't have any maternal instincts. I was scared the whole time I was pregnant, because I wasn't excited at all. (Which I found out later, isn't all that uncommon) Anyway, now my son is 4 years old and I wouldn't trade him for the world. But I understand where you're coming from. I think you're more responsible for being honest with yourself!
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
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    Don't want them. They're cute-ish sometimes, and I can get along great with some of them, but I don't want that responsibility for myself.
  • yecatsml
    yecatsml Posts: 180 Member
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    40, married 11 years next week, no kids, no desire to have kids. Cats and a dog are enough... I just don't have any maternal instincts toward human babies.

    I don't feel weird about it because I have a handful of friends who feel the same way.

    I just make sure I'm a fantastic aunt to my nieces and nephews, since, as I joke, they'll be the ones picking out my nursing home when I get old. :wink:

    Exactly me! I'm 41 married 9 years yesterday and no desire for kids. We have 2 dogs and very, very active hobbies that keep us ridiculously busy.
  • heagler870
    heagler870 Posts: 280 Member
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    I really don't want children. I"m not completely closed off to the idea though. My mom always says that when I find the person that I will fall in love with that I'll change my mind. I don't know though. I just don't want to be an old fart and regret not having any kids. I was just telling someone today that if I do every have children I'll be in my 30's. I want to meet someone who has my idea, "Undecided if I truly want kids but always open to the possibility as I mature in age." I don't think it's selfish to no want kids. People who say it's selfish are stupid and are pretty selfish themselves, at least in my opinion. If you have the nerve to say I'm selfish to not want children then you are selfish for thinking I"m selfish. I think it would be selfish to have a child when you don't want that responsibility. How unfortunate to bring a child into this world when you don't want them, now that is selfish.

    Also, a side note. If I were ever to have children I would rather adopt
  • juicy_cat
    juicy_cat Posts: 145 Member
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    Thanks folks...NIce to know it is not just me... :-)
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
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    There's a nice thread on here somewhere about childless by choice women, might make you feel better to read it. Also, you could try the book The Childless Revolution, which has stories about women who chose, for various reasons, not to have children. The "it's selfish" comments are the ones I find the most downright hilarious. No one can ever adequately explain that one. The human species is not in danger of extinction due to underpopulation, and even if it was, it's still a person's choice whether or not to have children. It seems an incredibly intelligent decision to make when a person has actually reflected on having children and knows they don't want kids.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    I love my kids. But, I am not parent material. It's something that I think I knew deep inside, but didn't listen to. I should never have had children. I'm not wired for it. But, I have them, and I absolutely put 100% of my energy into being a good father.

    I have a very high respect for people that listen to their inner voice telling them that being a parent is probably not a good choice. I don't think it's weird at all. In fact, I think it's probably more sane. There is a bit of evidence that suggests that wanting to have children is a form of neurosis. If you think about it long enough, it makes sense. Aside from that however, I am sometimes envious of my friends that have stayed childless by choice.
  • millerll
    millerll Posts: 873 Member
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    I'm 50 and childless by choice. Unlike most of you who say they like kids but just didn't want one of their own, I've NEVER liked children. Can't stand them. Noisy, smelly, messy little *kitten* factories. I truly have never had a maternal feeling at all. I'm one of those rare women who find the whole concept of pregnancy revolting. I don't think pregnant women "glow" at all - at least, not to me. Like someone already said, the human race is grossly over-populated, so I don't think my decision to abstain from parenthood is a detriment to our survival as a species. And, obviously, I'm not cut out for it.

    What chaps my *kitten* are the people who tell me I'm not a "real" woman because I feel this way. Jeez, I'm not just a walking uterus. I can, and have, contributed as much, if not more, to the betterment of society than most of the self-absorbed soccer moms I know. And you never hear anyone tell a man that he's somehow defective if he doesn't want kids. Somehow, that just enhances his image as playboy or something.

    I know my opinion is unpopular in our current baby-crazy culture, but at least I'm honest about it. Fortunately, I'm now at an age where people no longer nag me about when I'm going to have kids. That's a relief.
  • letjog
    letjog Posts: 260 Member
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    I'm 25 and won't be having children. No maternal instinct at all never have had. Just not interested. HOwever I worry about finding a man to marry with this restraint...
  • doublegLA
    doublegLA Posts: 34
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    letjog, don't worry there are plenty of guys who feel that way. The older I get the more I think that way of not having kids and the benefits it can provide me in my life.

    Also, miller, 50? No way
  • DenyseMarieL
    DenyseMarieL Posts: 673 Member
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    I know a number of people, single, married, that don't have kids. I don't look at them as different, strange, weird. They just don't have kids. I don't have a cat. They don't have a dog. They live in the city. I live in the country. I am married. Some of them chose common-law. Why is it any different than any other choice? Just because a woman's body is built to have kids, doesn't mean they have to.
  • slrrese
    slrrese Posts: 180 Member
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    I will be 50 next year and have never had children, and never wanted them. In fact, I was married at age 30 and two years later he was pressuring me to have kids. I had been honest that I didn't want them when we married, and we ended up divorced. Like many others here, I love kids, love my nieces and nephews and love my step kids, but just never wanted any for myself.

    Being generous or selfish has ZERO to do with having kids. Some of the most generous people I know don't have children. In fact, the worst behaved kids I know typically have pretty selfish parents! How much generosity does it take to support step kids (kids that are not even of your own blood)? I argued with my husband as much as if they were mine over things like helping them with the purchase of their first car and paying tuition for college (both of which my husband didn't want to do).

    To say someone is selfish, just because they don't want children is just not true.

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