No Children - Lifestyle Choice
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I do have kids but I will say, I find it to be the most unselfish thing to choose if you don't want children.
^This0 -
You are SO not alone. This baby-crazy culture does drive me mad, and being seen as a walking uterus does make my teeth itchy. I did my parenting when I was a kid (my little sisters were much younger), and they didn't turn out so well. And I damn sure don't want to inflict my genes on somebody. Nope, it's best for all concerned if what little nurturing energy I have is directed toward helping people with their cat health problems. :ohwell:0
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It is a decision that is only up to you to make and people are wrong for judging you for it.
I decided I wanted my children many years apart. I have a 7 year old and am just now feeling like its been long enough. Thinking about #2.
I could care less about all the people's opinions who insist I am damaging my child in some way by putting off another for so long. It is my decision to make, not theirs. I want one at a time. Its my life, I will live it how I want to.
It is good that you know you don't want them and you hold to that.
The people that piss me off are the ones that have kids - that SHOULD NOT have children.0 -
*raises hand* I am divorced, but was married for 20 years. I'm 43, and while I sometimes wondered if I wanted children now and again, ultimately I don't. I adore my nieces, I work with children as my occupation, I mentor a sixth grader, and I love children. I just am happy not to have any of my own!0
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however its impossible to know what its like to have kids until you have one, thats the only thing so deciding not to have kids is a kind of uninformed choice.
Wow. Are you serious?1 -
ya for choice! never wanted kids and find them to be horrible little creatures. yes yes, im sure yours are wonderful.0
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I never understood why people felt the need to debate this. I mean if you want kids great, if you dont want kids that great too. What ever floats a person boat.0
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Agreed! To have kids or not to have kids a your own choice. Just don't use it as an excuse (having them or not having them) for things.
I hear this often, that people who don't have kids can take on things that people with kids just can't do, such as working more, working extra hours, helping out other people, etc.0 -
I never understood why people felt the need to debate this. I mean if you want kids great, if you dont want kids that great too. What ever floats a person boat.
I agree! I always think it is SO WEIRD when people make a big issue out of it. It's 2013. People are starting to accept transgendered individuals and we're looking at voting in gay marriage. Which is as it should be in my opinion. But really? A person/couple choosing not to have children...that's controversial????0 -
People are quoting others from Nov 2012. I don't think they will respond.
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I am almost 25, my best friend from kindergarten never wanted kids and honestly, I am glad she is smart enough to recognize this and not listen to people try to force her. She gets really uncomfortable around her 4 year old brother, and just doesn't have the desire or the right personality.
She is a great person, but she leads a lifestyle that I feel no child should really be a part of. Not that I am trying to judge, but she is a pretty big partier, and very promiscuous, as well as extremely hostile with authority. She isn't the mommy type which never made her bad, just different than some of the other people we know.
I personally really want kids, but it's all good.
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I am almost 25, my best friend from kindergarten never wanted kids and honestly, I am glad she is smart enough to recognize this and not listen to people try to force her. She gets really uncomfortable around her 4 year old brother, and just doesn't have the desire or the right personality.
She is a great person, but she leads a lifestyle that I feel no child should really be a part of. Not that I am trying to judge, but she is a pretty big partier, and very promiscuous, as well as extremely hostile with authority. She isn't the mommy type which never made her bad, just different than some of the other people we know.
I personally really want kids, but it's all good.
Not trying to judge at all.0 -
Bumping to read all the responses later (as I feel I'll be sending out a NUMBER of friend requests, lol!).
My personal story should fit right in though......
43, married 17+ years now....and I'm an Ob/Gyn. YES! A "baby" doctor!!!! (that's the reaction I get when I tell most women - cue big eyes and matching smiles to go with). The thing is that I've known since I was 15 that I wouldn't be having kids. I heard all the same comments - "you'll want them when you're older", "when you meet the right guy", "when you can afford them", etc, etc, etc.
One of the MAIN reasons I married my hubby is because he didn't want any either. We are still VERY happy with our choice. Our Saturdays consist of sleeping in late (well, until the dogs need to go out, anyway.
), waking up slowly and QUIETLY, maybe a little, uh, fun time, and then a nice, leisurely breakfast and coffee. Then we set out on some completely random trip, shopping adventure, or whatever the hell else we want to do. No planning, no diaper bags, no screaming tantrums. The worst we have to deal with is 3 sets of pathetic dog eyes staring at us if we dare to leave them home instead of "GOING FOR A RIDE!!!"!
I love Women's Health, but I am actually (actively) trying to get out of Obstetrics (I never intended to get in to it...but that's another story). It's just not my thing. I am genuinely happy for the women who come in excited and looking forward to their child, but I just can't imagine it for myself. At all.
I just had a patient today....after I told her I was 43....tell me I "still have time!!!" Right. For $200K paid to one of my REI specialist colleagues, maybe that might happen. Pretty sure mother nature is shutting that door. Thank God.0 -
I am 27 years old, happily married to the cutest ball of pup in the world, and for the life of me, I can't remember a time when I did not want to have kids. I think this was even a conscious decision when I was still a kid. Back then, it was "You have plenty of time to change your mind." Now it's "Children are a blessing and you'd make a wonderful mother. You should absolutely do it."
To this day, nobody has dented my decision. My mother has four granddaughters, an unknown on the way, and a strong prayer that my remaining sister won't make any big announcements any time soon. She has stopped asking. My mother-in-law has a granddaughter who's about to get married and three grandsons. I don't think she's ever asked.
I look at my parents, who only had kids to save their marriage and failed horribly. I look at my best friend who, thanks to shoddy health care, spent three days in labor, nearly died, and will have to bear her daughter's birth defects for the rest of her life. I look at my neighbor, whose adult daughter beat her repeatedly and whose son will never again know a life without suffering. I look out at society, at the things they do to children in the name of love that cause nothing but scars.
People try to convince me that there is no greater love than that of a parent for a child. I can see no greater pain.0 -
Not trying to judge at all.
You're right... Let's support people who hang around drug addicts having children. Especially ones who curse out their bosses all the time and couldn't support any children they had! That would be so much better for her life because some guy online thinks I am being judgmental without ever having met me nor the person I am talking about.
Lord I hope my pillow dries after all the tears I will be crying tonight due to someone online.0 -
As a kid I always said I never wanted any. I was a tomboy with short hair, I played with legos rather than dolls and I played soccer (which back then was a boy sport, I played in an all-boy team for several years till I was about 13, since there simply weren't any girl teams)
I'm 32 now. I'm not 100% sure anymore. Right now I'm okay with it if it doesn't happen, but if it would (as in not planned) I'd be okay with that too. The thought doesn't scare me like I used to, because I'm sure things would work out and that I'm capable of being a parent. That said I don't know if we're consciously going to make that choice in the future. At this point no.
Anyway so meanwhile everyone around us is having kids. And for some reason people always feel the need to inform when I'm going to. I just say 'never' like I always have because I don't think it's anyone's business. Of course I also get asked why. I just shrug and change the subject. I don't understand why people feel the need to ask such a personal question. I'm pretty sure if I answered honestly like above, they'd start asking me if I've gotten to that to that point yet or maybe even if we're trying yet (and all of the related joking).
A cousin of mine a few years younger than me just had her first and they always said kids weren't in the plan. It wasn't, but it happened anyway. So I visited them to see the baby and first thing they ask me is when I'm going to. Hello? I remember they used to be equally annoyed as me when that question was asked at family events. I felt so uneasy because my parents were there too and I know they'd love to have grandkids (although they never ever commented or questioned me about it) and my dad looked a bit disappointed. He then actually said they were hoping for an "accident". Gee thanks dad lol.
On the other side I have my mother-in-law who commented that she didn't care for having grandkids. Well lady it's not up to you to make that decision. She has 4 kids so odds are there will be some eventually.0 -
I'm 43 and have never had children. It was my choice not to - a choice I gave an abundant amount of thought to.
Like many of the other stories in this thread, I've experienced my fair share of prejudice from people who have kids.
It is sometimes difficult to find a place within female groups because the conversation always seems to revolve around their experience as mothers.
Sure, I get it. Parents talk about their kids because their children are the most important part of their lives. The world is pro-family place.
For me, the most difficult part of my choice is finding other childfree middle-aged adults to make friends with.
So, if you're childfree and reading this, add me as a friend. I promise, I won't go on and on about my kids.0 -
I never really think anything about people who want kids or don't, in the sense of them being selfish or not. Maybe because I grew up in a family were a few aunts/uncles made that choice and they were never selfish or such.0
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Prior to today, the last post on this thread was October 2013, two years before I had my first kid, and when I thought I didn't want kids. Now I have 2 and still want all the babies.4
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Clever_User_Name wrote: »I'm 43 and have never had children. It was my choice not to - a choice I gave an abundant amount of thought to.
Like many of the other stories in this thread, I've experienced my fair share of prejudice from people who have kids.
It is sometimes difficult to find a place within female groups because the conversation always seems to revolve around their experience as mothers.
Sure, I get it. Parents talk about their kids because their children are the most important part of their lives. The world is pro-family place.
For me, the most difficult part of my choice is finding other childfree middle-aged adults to make friends with.
So, if you're childfree and reading this, add me as a friend. I promise, I won't go on and on about my kids.
Child free folk are better conversationalists by far, that's for sure.
I disagree with that.
There are always exceptions. There are some true intellectuals who are parents and they are able to discuss ideas or events. Parents tend to discuss people and only people.
Talking about people is my least favorite thing ever2 -
Clever_User_Name wrote: »I'm 43 and have never had children. It was my choice not to - a choice I gave an abundant amount of thought to.
Like many of the other stories in this thread, I've experienced my fair share of prejudice from people who have kids.
It is sometimes difficult to find a place within female groups because the conversation always seems to revolve around their experience as mothers.
Sure, I get it. Parents talk about their kids because their children are the most important part of their lives. The world is pro-family place.
For me, the most difficult part of my choice is finding other childfree middle-aged adults to make friends with.
So, if you're childfree and reading this, add me as a friend. I promise, I won't go on and on about my kids.
Child free folk are better conversationalists by far, that's for sure.
I disagree with that.
There are always exceptions. There are some true intellectuals who are parents and they are able to discuss ideas or events. Parents tend to discuss people and only people.
Huh???1 -
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Statistically speaking, I'd say there are least a few of them that had bad pull out game.3 -
Yeah, where I live in Gilead, all the fertile women are required to produce offspring. Otherwise, SELFISH, because, you know, the world is super underpopulated and we need more people to use up all these dang resources!4
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aChuisle_moChroi wrote: »Yeah, where I live in Gilead, all the fertile women are required to produce offspring. Otherwise, SELFISH, because, you know, the world is super underpopulated and we need more people to use up all these dang resources!
I’m currently watching this show, just finished season one1 -
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I wonder if the OP has dried up a little?4
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I'm 33, married 2 years (together 5 years) and I have never wanted kids, for as long as I can remember. I remember as an undergrad telling my friends I didn't think I wanted to have any kids and they were always like "oh you'll change your mind, we're just young now". But nope, just not my thing. My husband's older, and has a couple kids from a former marriage, so we're all good just the way we are.
I live in N. Texas currently (not from here, hate it here actually), so a lot of people here ask me when we're having kids, and it's really f'ing annoying. I don't know if it can penetrate the minds of these Texans that some women CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE KIDS for no other reason than WE DON'T WANT ANY KIDS.1
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