So at what weight do women actually respond to a guy?

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  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    It's the so-called "women" that have their standards higher than they should be. ....
    It'll get better, they're just shallow.

    SO a man is allowed to have a 'preference' but a woman is not? Please... If someone does not find your form attractive they just don't. Has nothing to do with your personality. If they aren't into your 'look' they aren't just going to give you a chance anyway..there has to be SOMETHING....nice eyes, nice butt, great smile...it's different for everyone but saying I am shallow because I don't happen to find a particular person attractive is garbage..I don't expect every man -I - look at to give ME a chance that's not the way it works.. I have dated men everywhere from 130lbs to over 500 but I have to see SOMETHING to make me look twice.
    When you hit your current goal weight and become at least partially satisfied with your body, you will realize that it DOES NOT matter.

    When you are 'satisfied' with your looks you will project more confidence but as far as who will be attracted..You can't tell. Some women like thin, others like big, some like nice eyes, some nice butts, some look for intelligent, some look for 'trailer trash' It's hit and miss but I guarantee you that there are SOME who will find you irresistible.

    There is no 'magic' formula. It's all a numbers game. Keep putting yourself out there and eventually you will find someone looking back. Of course some women don't like being chased either..that's me ("persistence" would fail HARD) - don't give up, just keep being YOU. Don't change who you are inside. It's all a time/numbers game.
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
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    And I don't think I made a clear distinction there in what would be "stalkerish"... a stalker would not CARE that a person seems uninterested, or would miss the signs of true rejection...

    Someone who persists in pursuing what they want... they are open-minded and clear-headed about rejection signs. Weighing the pros & cons... not just bulldozing ahead for the target regardless.

    A stalker treats his target as an object... not a person. Or as a conquest. It's all about the stalker, not the interaction.

    But when someone like the OP seems easily convinced that women are just being difficult or *****es because of his weight... it shows women that he is more focused on himself than he is on them... or his interaction with them. So, in a sense, what the stalker and the guy who gives up easily have in common: self-absorption

    Effing brilliant analysis. I agree.

    I love your love story. And I'm glad things are working out, in the other ways :)
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
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    I love your love story. And I'm glad things are working out, in the other ways :)

    Thank you. I really appreciate that :)
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
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    I love your love story. And I'm glad things are working out, in the other ways :)

    Thank you. I really appreciate that :)

    :)
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
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    Look, I am being 100% honest with you - most women are not that shallow.

    Chit Chat section of MFP - majority women... Current topics....

    Show us your beards - a thread about how sexy guys look with beards
    Would you date the person above you part 17 - thread about dating based on looks alone -PART 17!!!
    Hottest person on MFP - speaks for itself
    What's sexy about the person above you part 17 - PART SEVENTEEN AGAIN
    Profile creeping - thread about picking out hot guys/girls on MFP
    Cutest thing about the person above you part 12 - another!

    And my favourite:
    Rate the person above you only if you can handle the truth, part 63! - essentially 1000s and 1000s of posts judging people on their looks

    The "show us your beard" was in response to another post where someone asked about how a guy cares for his beard.

    The other threads you mentioned.... well there are many of us who have never commented or looked at those threads. Well, I never looked at the beard one either, but I commented on the original thread the idea was taken from.

    There are many women that don't comment on that sort of post of course... but there are MANY that do. Not sying there's anything wrong with it, but I knda got the impression on this thread that looks aren't that important to women - and that is CLEARLY not the case. Quite an eye opener for me to be honest!

    Virtually every topic in this section has women drooling over a guy's appearence - including the beard thread!

    men with beards..... drool
    I love a man with a beard or little scruffy facial hair. IMO it makes a man look hotter!!!
    Beards make me go a little weak at the knees
    Thank God for bearded men :-)
    love the rough look
    Alternately all the hot, bearded, single guys are welcome in Tennessee. I'm sure I can find a use for you.
    I'm liking this a bit too much.

    etc etc

    Again, nothing wrong with this but it does kinda blow the 'women aren't so shallow that looks are important' idea out of the water!
  • Nerdybreisawesome
    Nerdybreisawesome Posts: 359 Member
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    You're walking up to the wrong girls.

    Wrong, wrong and triple wrong. Gah, men, don't ever take dating advice from women.

    *All* women will reject based on any reason they feel like, and that doesn't make them the "wrong girls". There is no way to deduce who the "right" and "wrong" women are up front. Zero.

    It's true, if she's the modelesque and has the *****face on, it's probably not going to work. But that's certainly not his problem. Only confident types immune to rejection tend to have the balls to do that sort of thing. Even if it was, it's her right to reject you, don't do it for her.

    The right answer was: he needs confidence at any weight. Don't take rejection personally, just move on happily. There's plenty of women out there. They make new ones EVERY DAY.


    This totally. I think that wrong woman answer is wrong.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    There are many women that don't comment on that sort of post of course... but there are MANY that do. Not sying there's anything wrong with it, but I knda got the impression on this thread that looks aren't that important to women - and that is CLEARLY not the case. Quite an eye opener for me to be honest!

    Virtually every topic in this section has women drooling over a guy's appearence - including the beard thread!

    .....

    Again, nothing wrong with this but it does kinda blow the 'women aren't so shallow that looks are important' idea out of the water!

    Well it has been noted, and it is true, that appearance does factor in for both men and women. But the thread is about how a woman is going to react to an advance. If you ask 100 women what they think is attractive, you are going to get different answers. This has nothing to do with whether or not she is going to give a guy the time of day if/when he approaches her. Is appearance one factor she uses to decide? Probably. What we are saying here is that it isn't the ONLY thing.
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
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    About ten more pounds
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
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    There are many women that don't comment on that sort of post of course... but there are MANY that do. Not sying there's anything wrong with it, but I knda got the impression on this thread that looks aren't that important to women - and that is CLEARLY not the case. Quite an eye opener for me to be honest!

    Virtually every topic in this section has women drooling over a guy's appearence - including the beard thread!

    .....

    Again, nothing wrong with this but it does kinda blow the 'women aren't so shallow that looks are important' idea out of the water!

    Well it has been noted, and it is true, that appearance does factor in for both men and women. But the thread is about how a woman is going to react to an advance. If you ask 100 women what they think is attractive, you are going to get different answers..

    But the point is - and this goes down to the original post - that the MAJORITY of women are going to find the same things attractive. A fit, healthy looking guy. I'm pretty sure women are genetically wired to that effect!

    The fact remains that someone who is obese is PROBABLY not going to be fit and healthy so is less likely to appeal to a woman on a very primal level! At 290 the OP probably wasn't fit and healthy, at 245 he was more so. He's doing exactly the right thing, getting fit and healthy

    Its a very valid question posed by the OP - my answer would be, keep going until you feel fit and healthy and more women will understandably be interested
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
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    About ten more pounds

    LOL Glad you at least picked a number I can def hit.
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
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    You need to have confidence.

    It's hard, I know..I struggle with it a lot.

    But strong confidence will go a long ways.

    this...I've gone out with guys of all sizes, looks etc...the last guy who picked me up (not current) used a line on me that was just full of confidence. He isn't handsome, but he was a lot of fun and I loved hanging out with him.

    Confidence is about all you need...
  • caroldot
    caroldot Posts: 388 Member
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    I know "good personality" is the kiss of death to some guys but it really means alot to us girls. I once dated a guy that was a good 40 lbs overweight & wasn't the "best looking" guy I ever dated. But he was the FUNNIEST! No one ever made me laugh like him and it totally **turned me on**. We only dated a short while (great guy just not ready to be a step-dad) but I truly loved him.

    I do get what you're saying. I feel like there are guys out there that are "out of my league" & wouldn't want me but its a confidence thing. I also don't think you're approaching the right girls & honestly if they act that way, they're probably lacking alot of self confidence themselves. In my opinion that & shallowness go hand in hand. You don't need them anyway!

    The right one will come along when you least expect it!
  • Texafornia23
    Texafornia23 Posts: 177 Member
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    They start responding at about 75k, but at 100k things really speed up! :smile:
  • chelovik
    chelovik Posts: 200 Member
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    It's (mostly) not your weight, it's (mostly) you.

    The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable they will be with you.

    I have to agree unfortunately
  • Jessamyfrm
    Jessamyfrm Posts: 89
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    You're walking up to the wrong girls.

    Completely agree with this ^

    I know its rare now a days but there are plenty of non-shallow ladies about, they're just hard to find!

    My old friends could never understand why I dated a lad that was 17 stone.. To me his personality was to die for.
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
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    About ten more pounds

    LOL Glad you at least picked a number I can def hit.

    Direct answers usually work best, rather than opinions.
  • 33Freya
    33Freya Posts: 468 Member
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    All weights- it depends on the guy, how he presents himself (hair, dress, etc), how he smells, and how confident his is (or not). Confidence is sexy at any weight. And some women prefer larger men ;) Dress up and "assume the sale" next time.
  • _Tara_R
    _Tara_R Posts: 688 Member
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    You're walking up to the wrong girls.

    I definitely agree with this!!
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
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    You're walking up to the wrong girls.

    I definitely agree with this!!

    You rarely, VERY rarely see a couple that are not in a similar 'league' looks wise. (The rich and celebrity aside!)

    Find your match, be honest.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    But most important, you need to think about why. If there seems to be even a hint of desperation, of 'settling', then that's going to be seriously insulting. 'I'm approaching you because I want to date someone' versus 'I'm approaching you because x/y/z interested me about you.' etc and so on.

    But I'm sorry to say that a couple of your responses in this thread have given me the vibe of a Nice Guy -- someone that believes they're owed something for doing X activity. No, you're not owed anything. Yes, these girls are rude by turning away and ignoring you, but the act of rejection in and of itself is not rude. That's their choice. These girls/women know exactly what they want, and if they don't think you're it, then they are perfectly and equally entitled to say 'no'. No-one is owed a chance in dating; love and all its subsets are very personal. You've got some bitterness going on in your replies here -- perhaps understandably so -- and it'll show in person and in body language, as will your aforementioned cynicism about the whole thing, despite your apart firm belief that it won't.

    Totally agree with this chick

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