Is it okay her boyfriend pushed her in anger?

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Replies

  • JohnMessmer
    JohnMessmer Posts: 536
    To the OP, as you are hearing it second hand it is always difficult to know the actual circumstances. That makes it next to impossible to fairly judge anyone's actions or intentions.

    To the general question; I am a firm believer that a man should never hit a lady. I am also a firm believer that you should defend yourself and not be a victim to anyone, including a female. Do not confuse the two, a lady will never strike or try to inflict physical harm; where as, a female may. I certainly hope I am never in a situation where it is necessary, but if I were being assaulted, I would take whatever measures that were necessary to defend myself; even against a female.
  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
    It is NEVER OK to put your hands on someone, period. And It's NEVER OK to strike first, even if you feel threatened. Legally, the court would side with your friend because to the judge, it;'s all about who hit first. Sociologically, a man who respects a woman never puts his hands on her.....never.

    I'd kick his *kitten* to the curb with absolutely NO regrets. His behaviour, statistically speaking, is bound to escalate, and then she'll be in bigger trouble than she is now.

    Real men don't push, hit, or otherwise bully women. And real women don't condone it.
  • contingencyplan
    contingencyplan Posts: 3,639 Member
    Man or woman doesn't matter. The person who escalates a verbal confrontation to a physical one is always in the wrong, and anyone who has a tendency to do that is not boyfriend/girlfriend material.
  • Irish_Chica
    Irish_Chica Posts: 295
    No no no no no no no!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Navotc
    Navotc Posts: 97
    If she was coming at him aggressively then he had the right to push her.

    ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDING ME?!?!?

    *smh* NO NO NO NO.. absolutly not in any way shape or form. This is NOT acceptable in any way..

    ^^^^
    THIS! Man or woman, pushing your significant other is NOT ok. NOT ok. Not ok. Having grown up with an abusive parent, there is no instance where a push is ok, that I can think of, unless you are trying to save someone from an oncoming bus, train, car, etc. A push in anger is never ok in my book.
  • BritneysStuntDouble
    BritneysStuntDouble Posts: 849 Member
    It is NEVER OK to put your hands on someone, period.
    Except, of course...

    Thompson-Twins-Lay-Your-Hands-On-456831.jpg
  • Angie_1991
    Angie_1991 Posts: 447 Member
    This is NOT ok.
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
    Makes it seem like the guy was the aggressor... not knowing all the details, hard to say what's going on here really.

    I can understand someone pushing or using force in self-defense... that's the only case it's considered ok. Self-defense. And that's only if you can't flee the scene.
  • Lauran845
    Lauran845 Posts: 71 Member
    No one has the "right" to put their hands on anyone else. Self defense is a touchy claim since some places do not have self defense laws. It is not okay, though I saw in some other responses, you got the information second hand and there is always two sides to everything, if not more. My recommendation is for you to be a friend to you friend and offer to be a shelter, not legal advice or a relationship counselor. Some vitcims accept domestic violence as a way of life, enjoy the drama of being a victim, or truly feel like they cannot find an escape and will tolerate it....other "victims" aren't victims at all but left out the part where they are actually the agressor in the relationship. There is no right or wrong answer to a situation that didn't involve you, but Domestic Violence is never an acceptable way to live.
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
    :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway:
  • reree6898
    reree6898 Posts: 42 Member
    Never, NEVER is that ok. I have been there and little things like that turned into big things and one day I found myself bruised up, thinking I had a broken arm and locking myself and my kids in a room waiting for help to come. She needs to get away from this person now and never look back.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    It is NEVER OK to put your hands on someone, period. And It's NEVER OK to strike first, even if you feel threatened. Legally, the court would side with your friend because to the judge, it;'s all about who hit first

    I assume from your nick that you are in Canada. It is not actually all about who hit first. There are many instances where that may not prove true. And in domestic violence cases, even less so as they can be even more complicated. It is not uncommon to see both sides involved which is why they look at dominant aggressor.
  • LadyBeryl
    LadyBeryl Posts: 344 Member
    She had no right to put his hands on him. Her aggressive move may have been a repeat performance of HER pass aggression -- you don't know. If it was, he had a right to push her away if he could back away fast enough.

    However, he pushed her TWICE so he is definitely an abuser. If she doesn't cut him off, she is a masochist because the guy WILL repeat this and escalate the abuse. If you care about this woman, encourage her to get into therapy IMMEDIATELY.
  • rubixcyoob
    rubixcyoob Posts: 395
    It is NEVER OK to put your hands on someone, period. And It's NEVER OK to strike first, even if you feel threatened. Legally, the court would side with your friend because to the judge, it;'s all about who hit first

    In Scotland it's actually about a 3 step test and whether the force you responded with was deemed acceptable for the situation. So even if she never hit him, but came at him aggressively and with intent, merely pushing her away would not be abuse but self defence.
  • LifeJacketWaterJogger
    LifeJacketWaterJogger Posts: 231 Member
    not acceptable he's a bully, and the law say's it's assault..
  • Blown_Away1
    Blown_Away1 Posts: 123 Member
    Sounds like a relationship that mixes as well as fire and gasoline to me, and they should probably part ways before things get worse...
  • RosscoBoscko
    RosscoBoscko Posts: 632 Member
    Rarely ok to push or hit a man, and never ok to push or hit a women as far as I am concerned. Restraining if they are being aggressive is about as far as I think is acceptable and even that must be reasonable ie, holding wrists or shoulders, never more.

    In my book any man who is violent towards a woman is a coward, however provoked, but that's just me. I never argues with my ex, but if I had I would not for one second have considered using physical force against her.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Unless he is physically threatened or in danger, it's NEVER okay. If a person is bigger and stronger, they always have the option of leaving.
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
    God help the man that ever pushes or strikes one of my daughters. That is all.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    It is NEVER OK to put your hands on someone, period. And It's NEVER OK to strike first, even if you feel threatened. Legally, the court would side with your friend because to the judge, it;'s all about who hit first

    In Scotland it's actually about a 3 step test and whether the force you responded with was deemed acceptable for the situation. So even if she never hit him, but came at him aggressively and with intent, merely pushing her away would not be abuse but self defence.
    England is similar. You are allowed to use 'reasonable force' in any situation in which you feel threatened. Killing has been justified in extreme cases where someone felt their life was in danger (though I've never heard of such a case of domestic abuse).
  • rubixcyoob
    rubixcyoob Posts: 395
    It is NEVER OK to put your hands on someone, period. And It's NEVER OK to strike first, even if you feel threatened. Legally, the court would side with your friend because to the judge, it;'s all about who hit first

    In Scotland it's actually about a 3 step test and whether the force you responded with was deemed acceptable for the situation. So even if she never hit him, but came at him aggressively and with intent, merely pushing her away would not be abuse but self defence.
    England is similar. You are allowed to use 'reasonable force' in any situation in which you feel threatened. Killing has been justified in extreme cases where someone felt their life was in danger (though I've never heard of such a case of domestic abuse).

    Yeah all the people quoting the 'law' and saying it's legally assualt and blah de blah are irritating me - #lawstudentproblems.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    ohhh hail naw - funk that. She shoulda kicked his *kitten* right then and there. If a guy pushes me with anger in his eyes - he'd betta know I am coming after him with all my crazy, psycho pent-up anger issues ready to explode all over his family jewels. Or sumpin' like that. heh

    That's terrible advice
  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member
    I think that if women are going to fight like men, they should be treated as such. But that is probably just me... the first push seems warranted...the second, no. But if I saw a girl come at her boyfriend ready to fight and he pushed her out of the way, then good for him.

    I will say that, unless a woman physically attacks a man, there's no reason to lay a hand on her.

    ETA: I also don't think it should escalate. I'm don't support abuse, obviously, but it's stupid that women can hit men but if a man pushes a woman to get her off then he's the bad guy
    this, 100%
  • Francesca3162
    Francesca3162 Posts: 520 Member
    only if it is out of the way of a falling piano or a moving car!
  • Anu_mee13
    Anu_mee13 Posts: 69 Member
    Hayle to the nah!!! It's never okay!
  • buzzcogs
    buzzcogs Posts: 296 Member
    He sounds like he is an aggressive bully. She should leave him and not go back. Very few excuses for a man to push a woman. But coming up to her and pushing her head is a nasty, brutal act.

    Maybe he can fix himself but she shouldn't stay because he will probably "up the ante" now that he's done that.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    That's called abuse and she shouldn't tolerate it. NO ONE has the right to put their hands on another person, guy OR girl.
  • buzzcogs
    buzzcogs Posts: 296 Member
    Unless he is physically threatened or in danger, it's NEVER okay. If a person is bigger and stronger, they always have the option of leaving.

    Really like your answer RoadDog. You sound like a real man! Not many men have reason to fear a woman. They can just step out of the way and leave the situation. Now if she has a gun in her hand..all bets are off!
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    From some of these replies you can tell the people who have NEVER been in an abusive relationship.
  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
    God help the man that ever pushes or strikes one of my daughters. That is all.

    My husband read that and said, "Right on!" :glasses:

    OK, for those who are quoting my post about the legality of being the initial aggressor and debating it, please know that I based my response on the fact that the boyfriend struck TWICE, meaning he didn't feel as if his life were in danger the first time. Get a clue.
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