Is it okay her boyfriend pushed her in anger?

amenok

she should not accept pushing ESPECIALLY that second time because it'll only get worse if she doesn't do anything about it. I would get very angry especially when pushing her head because the first time it may be a fluke/heat of moment/misunderstanding of her intentions. However, I would still deem observing for violent behavior next time if he only pushed that first time. Not cool

Laces_0ut

there is no way i would ever push a woman i know who was "coming at me". if she pushed me or hit id just removed myself from the situation.

now if it was a stranger id probably do the same unless the person looked crazy or seemed to be hiding a weapon...then i would push them away and still try to remove myself from the situation. and my push would be meant to just redirect them and not injure them.

guys who lay hands on women are pathetic.

a guy coming at me in an aggressive manner? they are getting hit.

Beezil

No, it's not alright, but it's also not alright for her to be coming at him. My husband always has had a temper problem, but has never physically hurt me, EVER. He has restrained me when I've come at him to hit him, but never in a way that hurt me. We don't get physical like that anymore, not for many years, thankfully. Our relationship is much healthier now and we talk out our problems for the most part.

Maybe this guy just doesn't know how to restrain her without hurting her, so he pushed her away. Maybe that's all he knew how to do to keep her from hurting him. I mean, men have a right to protect themselves too... even if it is from a woman. I've seen women do some terrible things to men, so obviously they are capable of inflicting serious damage... My one friend's fiance slammed his head through a car window and he ended up getting stitches all across his face. =/

DaveJ_43

If she was coming at him aggressively then he had the right to push her.

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDING ME?!?!?

*smh* NO NO NO NO.. absolutly not in any way shape or form. This is NOT acceptable in any way..

So what is a man to do when a woman is coming at him aggressively?

A man has to walk away. If she hits him, he can hold his arms up to protect his face, but he has to walk away.

delilah47

If she was coming at him aggressively then he had the right to push her.

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDING ME?!?!?

*smh* NO NO NO NO.. absolutly not in any way shape or form. This is NOT acceptable in any way..

So what is a man to do when a woman is coming at him aggressively?

Wait until she touches him then whack her. That usually stops any further aggression.

@ Dave. Even in the courts, if a woman hits a man, he can hit back. That would be silly for a man to cover his face and let a woman (or anyone else) hit them. If I ever hit a man, I would expect to get hit back.

kaotik26

My husband did that once. Sent my flying down the hallway. I immediatly stood up and told him to get the $&@% out. We eventually got back together and since then we haven't fought like that, much less get violent.

ActiveGuy81

It is ok to push anyone if they are coming aggressively at you and with a weapon with intent to hurt you.

But in a sense of a man mad at a woman for not violent actions, then definitely not ok.

BamaBreezeNSaltAire

NO...but no one should be placing their hands on each other in ANGER---problem solved.

^^^ Enough said.

3dogsrunning

Also, in my state, the police told me if he had left any type of mark/bruise, they would've pressed charges and taken him to jail whether I wanted to or not. But because he didn't leave a mark, pressing charges would be up to me. However, shoving was considered physical abuse.

And in this case of your friend, if his temper is that bad, it could just start with shoving & escalate to something worse in the future. She should at least be careful in that matter.

Here in my province, he would have been charged regardless of your wishes. Especially since there were witnesses.

shayyyface

Sore subject for me... I was in an abusive relationship for several years, so my obvious answer will be NO its not ok.

I, too, was in one when i was much younger and i got to say, the times i would get hit were unprovoked or bec he wasn't getting what he wanted in bed. THAT IS ABUSE. having an argument and pushing your gf so she gets out of your face, is not.

I see your point. I am so sorry....I couldn't imagine. Good to know you had the strength to get out of it. So many women don't! It took my sister 20 yrs to finally get the courage to get out of hers.

I had the help of a friend, who basically sat with me after i told him about it, dialed my exs number and made me break up with him, then he took my cell phone for a week and basically stalked me before/during and after school until he was sure i wasn't going to go back to him.
I'm glad your sister is OK. Its really hard to deal with.

healthyformeanMona

CALL IT WHAT IT IS>>>ABUSE!! 1) He has a really bad temper, 2) he uses physical strength to hurt, 2) he has power and control issues. NOOOOO never never never acceptable. Healthy conflict never involves physical pushing, pinching, threatening, name calling, anything like that. He has the right to leave, to put a boundary around himself, to break off the relationship, to say "leave me alone", NOT ABUSE. I would tell your friend to run as fast as she can the other way, get help from her local domestic violence center. If she is telling you about thes 'pushes' and they are the first, they will not be the last. And they probably are not the first. There are dv centers all over the world. Better to get out before it gets worse, they move in together, she gets pregnant, or they get married.

Jacwhite22

IMHO if they have a weapon and you are fearful for you life all bets are off.....Otherwise.....A man should only grab a woman to restrain her if she is trying to hit him/hurt him. A man should never push/hit a woman unless it falls under the first caveat above.

rubixcyoob

I really don't understand why people are calling him 'abusive' etc. To me a push does not inflict any form of pain or harm on another, it is simply to move them out the way/stop them coming at you.

All we, and the OP, knows is her side of the story. She admitted she 'came at him' to her friend, and he pushed her. To me that sounds justified - if I'm arguing with someone, the phrase 'came at me' instantly infers aggressively and with intention to hurt me - merely pushing someone backwards to ensure that they do not lay a hand on you, is not abusive. It's deflecting a situation without it escalating into a fist fight, or worse.
A hug? That just seems like a lame excuse to me.

As for the 'random' push on the head, I'm sorry, but I don't quite buy it. First of all she's 'coming at him' and then she's just sitting all innocent? I know angry situations, and I know (from my definition above) that if someone 'comes at someone', they certainly don't turn around and act all calm and rational later on, especially if the argument is still ongoing.

I feel like there's more to the story than meets the eye, and that those 'pushes' could have been in defensive/deflective of something worse.

Just because she is a woman, it does not mean that her acting aggressively and going at a guy is okay and he should do nothing. Women aren't always innocent in domestic abuse cases.

Now, I'm not condoning this, but from the facts given, this is my answer - be it a man 'pushing' a woman, or a woman 'pushing' a man.

kmganz

Pushing is better than punching.

Until it becomes punching. Abusive relationships don't start out as obviously abusive...they work up to that point. If she was concerned, she should get out. Her instincts will tell her if this was a one time thing (only she knows the true extent of the circumstances) or if there is the possibility for increased aggression. She needs to listen to her gut and her friends/family.

holeshottdr

If she was coming at him aggressively then he had the right to push her.

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDING ME?!?!?

*smh* NO NO NO NO.. absolutly not in any way shape or form. This is NOT acceptable in any way..

So what is a man to do when a woman is coming at him aggressively?

Get the hell out of the kitchen...

oregonzoo

You should never put hands of anger on a loved one.
Man or woman.

And a woman who thinks its ok to act like a b*tch just because you can't hit a woman..
Well that's just as cowardly as a man who would hit a woman.

SlimmingSarah2012

I wouldn't exactly call pushing abuse but in any relationship if you can't work out your arguments verbally and it turns to physical its probably not a healthy relationship for either party to be in.

Moxie42

I also STRONGLY disagree with the idea that it's only abuse if punching is involved. My ex never punched me...never even slapped me. But he grabbed me so hard I had a baseball-sized bruise and welt on my arm...pushed me and shoved me against walls and things...but never punched or hit me. Some might say that's not abusive but I would say it is, especially considering it jumped from pushing and grabbing to, oh yeah, STRANGLING ME, over the course of only 9 months.

People condoning abuse on here and trivializing things that ARE abuse, is making me sick.

Btw, no she should not push/hit/kick him either. Yes that's abusive too. But he also pushed her sitting down, and he has a temper problem...so I highly doubt she went ape-**** on his *kitten* for no reason and he was simply defending himself!

I'm done with this thread.

OP, best of luck to you and your friend. If you want the best advice, talk to a counselor...they are familiar with situations such as these and can help ANYONE involved, even if you're not IN the situation yourself.

Ge0rgiana

NO. These 2 should break up. Their relationship is toxic. 'Nuff said.

People in crap relationships who try to justify is a pet peeve of mine.

x_JT_x

If she was coming at him aggressively then he had the right to push her.

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDING ME?!?!?

*smh* NO NO NO NO.. absolutly not in any way shape or form. This is NOT acceptable in any way..

So what is a man to do when a woman is coming at him aggressively?

Be a man and walk away. It is NEVER ok for a man to lay hands on a woman in anger. Regardless of what he thinks her intentions might be.