Sister wives
Replies
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I think the whole "don't the children have a say" thing is complete BS. Since when does ANY child have a choice in his or her parents? The kid with same sex parents never had a choice, the kid with the divorced parents didn't have a choice, the kid with one dead parent never had a choice, the kid with the drug addict parent never had the choice. I never chose to be raised Catholic when I was younger (I did however switch beliefs as I got older), I know somebody who was raised Mormon, that was never his choice. So why does it matter that these children don't get a choice in what lifestyle to grow up in? At least they have loving parents who do NOT force their beliefs on the children. I like the fact that a lot of the children say they're NOT going to have sister wives or many wives and the parents are okay with that.
I could NEVER share my husband, I'm way too selfish that way. :P But I do see the benefits of have sister wives...don't have to worry about sending your child to daycare when you go back to work or you can choose to stay home (like how Janelle works/ed which is what she preferred while Christine preferred to stay home with the kids when they were still in Utah at least) and you don't have to worry about taking time off work if the school calls saying your 7 year old is throwing up in class. You have extra support if you need to have surgery or something and are put on bedrest after. You always have somebody looking out for your children.
I think as long as the parents are all consenting adults in this relationship and the children are happy and not abused then it's fine. I do however think that Kody seems like an *sshat and I just don't really like him at all... I always think they had better relationships when they all lived under one roof. They may have been in separate sections but they were together and could wander to the other side of the house whenever they wanted but now living farther apart in different houses they seem much more like completely separate relationships. Like the husband has secret lives...
I did find it interesting in a tell all episode with the wives where they talked about their tell all book that early in the marriage Janelle had actually moved away from the family for a year before deciding to move back in with the family. And that the first three wives actually had a lot of issues at the problem and didn't get along very much. It may look like they get along fairly well now but they didn't always get along. The first three wives have been all together for many years so they've worked through most of their problems but with Robyn now in the mix there are issues popping up, mainly with Christine since this is her first time having another wife come into the family after her.
It is definitely not for me but I do like seeing the dynamic of their household and how their lives go day to day.0 -
If I was raised around this, I would choose this for my self. I like the idea of a village raising children.0
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I think the whole "don't the children have a say" thing is complete BS. Since when does ANY child have a choice in his or her parents? The kid with same sex parents never had a choice, the kid with the divorced parents didn't have a choice, the kid with one dead parent never had a choice, the kid with the drug addict parent never had the choice. I never chose to be raised Catholic when I was younger (I did however switch beliefs as I got older), I know somebody who was raised Mormon, that was never his choice. So why does it matter that these children don't get a choice in what lifestyle to grow up in? At least they have loving parents who do NOT force their beliefs on the children. I like the fact that a lot of the children say they're NOT going to have sister wives or many wives and the parents are okay with that.
Thank you! This is what I was trying to say. We don't get a choice in how we are raised. These children ARE loved!! AND loved by many!!0 -
Thank you! This is what I was trying to say. We don't get a choice in how we are raised. These children ARE loved!! AND loved by many!!
I think society owes it to its children to protect them. No, children don't get a choice in how they're raised, but shouldn't we have laws in place to protect them when we KNOW something will screw them up? Again, I don't know that these kids end up screwed up, but no one here has been able to show me a comprehensive survey on the psychological implications of such a family situation.0 -
Wait till my show comes out next year....
Its called...
"BROTHER HUSBANDS"
The new religious cult I am starting...
Only for women who wish to have a dozen husbands, to do all their work, can apply for my club...
And it would really help if these men could be of childbearing age...
What???? You never heard of my religious club before.... Yep, going to make up some great rules just to benefit women, and demean men, and yes, it will all be legal and such.. Im just saying its my religion. Thats how we can get away with it. Heeeee
What MFP Women would like to join this Cult???
:happy:
only if some of the rule and guidlines are:
we can trade them when they disobey.
They have to have long hair like fabio- and be buff
they work and pay everything while we sit around and mary as many as we want...that would be quite a show lol:bigsmile:
but seriously...i ciouldnt do it...no waY NO HOW
Your in...
And yes they have long Fabio hair, pay all the bills, and yes, you can dump one for a week if he disobeys, while you hump on the other ones. In that case he gets laundry duty as well for a month. And, if you have little babies, they get to change all the poopie diapers! While we go spend all the money shopping! 0 -
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I think society owes it to its children to protect them. No, children don't get a choice in how they're raised, but shouldn't we have laws in place to protect them when we KNOW something will screw them up? Again, I don't know that these kids end up screwed up, but no one here has been able to show me a comprehensive survey on the psychological implications of such a family situation.
You can't make the call that ANY type of family will or will not produce well-rounded children. ANY type of family! No research is going to prove one way or the other. There are a million screwed up kids from EVERY SINGLE type of family.....and there are very well-balanced kids from EVERY SINGLE type of family! Plain and simple. The laws are put in place by people that don't like the idea of it. That's how pretty much all laws are. Gay marriage is illegal because people don't like the thought of it. But people still fight for it because they still believe it doesn't matter to anyone else......as it shouldn't....and that's my belief (which is another reason for many laws). You can't wrestle a bear in Alabama. You can't perform oral sex anywhere in Maryland. You also can't take a lion to the movies. It's all just so silly! This whole disagreement is all based on how people feel about the situation. I personally feel that you can't gauge how the children will turn out because you don't like the idea of multiple wives.0 -
So, in your opinion, there is no "best case scenario" in which children should be raised?You can't make the call that ANY type of family will or will not produce well-rounded children.
You do realize that laws are put into place because at some point people either did these "silly" things or they're put in to place to protect people; right?That's how pretty much all laws are. You can't wrestle a bear in Alabama. You can't perform oral sex anywhere in Maryland. You also can't take a lion to the movies. It's all just so silly!0 -
So, in your opinion, there is no "best case scenario" in which children should be raised?You can't make the call that ANY type of family will or will not produce well-rounded children.
You do realize that laws are put into place because at some point people either did these "silly" things or they're put in to place to protect people; right?That's how pretty much all laws are. You can't wrestle a bear in Alabama. You can't perform oral sex anywhere in Maryland. You also can't take a lion to the movies. It's all just so silly!
I do not believe there is a best case scenario to raise children. And yes I do know that those silly laws were put in place for certain reasons.....such as Warren Jeffs, the polygamist marrying 14 year old girls. THAT'S protecting the children.0 -
Thank you. That explains a lot, and was what I was wondering.I do not believe there is a best case scenario to raise children.0 -
Thank you! This is what I was trying to say. We don't get a choice in how we are raised. These children ARE loved!! AND loved by many!!
I think society owes it to its children to protect them. No, children don't get a choice in how they're raised, but shouldn't we have laws in place to protect them when we KNOW something will screw them up? Again, I don't know that these kids end up screwed up, but no one here has been able to show me a comprehensive survey on the psychological implications of such a family situation.
But there is no proof that this will screw them up so it would be stupid.. Let's have laws again two parents being able to get divorced and force a child to be raised in a split home. I mean, that damages a lot of kids, doesn't it?
There were laws against same sex marriages however a lot of those are part of the past now and a lot of people think that children raised by same sex couples can be screwed up when they get older.
I mean, there's soooooooooo many things that can screw up a kid and I highly doubt this type of family situation is at the top of the list. And the least, they have more parents to love them and support them and last I checked, that isn't harmful to a child.
Oh, but most important of all, how do you enforce that law?? What kind of law should it be? There's already a law against being able to actually marry more than one woman. So should there be a law against men who have children with multiple women? Or just that those women should not be in each others lives? Or that the man is only allowed to live with one women and her children and ditch his other children?
Really, the only difference between Kody's family and a man who just impregnates women then leaves them is that Kody keeps all those women and children in his life and live with them, love them, support them. The other men just have multiple children with multiple women and leaves them to move onto his next woman.0 -
No way I would want or agree to that. I'm way to selfish and I would feel way to insecure about being just one of 4. Nope, I require too much attention as it is.0
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Yeah, it would never work for me because there would not be enough sex for me, if he was off with other women. And I am very affectionate and snuggly. And I like to talk about sex (the other wives wouldn't like that). Also, lots of other reasons.0
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It's not for me, but as long as all the parents are consenting adults, I don't see any problem with polygamist marriage. I didn't feel that way at first watching that show, but after a few seasons and seeing it a few more times, it's clear the whole family has a great dynamic to help each other and raise all the children in a healthy loving family. The kids are well-adjusted and seem to all get along well with other kids and the other moms. The kids are all well-spoken, well-mannered, and respectful also. That's more than a lot of children of dysfunctional monogamous families get.
Honestly, I have a big problem with federal and state governments trying to restrict the notion of marriage for anyone including polygamists or polyamorous families. The choice of whom one wishes to marry should be left up to the individual and not restricted by the government as long as all parties involved are adults and consent to the union.0 -
I did not read all of the replies BUT.....I don't see the difference between polygamy and an open marriage.0
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For all of those who believe any marriage should be legal if all parties involved are consenting adults- what about the children? Do we know enough of how children are affected by it? Should we care? Or should we just step back and allow adults to make their own choices for themselves and their children? Really curious about opinions on this.
I would say, it's none of our business how they raise there kids. I've seen horrible things happen in childhood to kids with normal family structures. Mom, Dad, small number of siblings. I've seen horrible things happen to children who have one parent, live with their Grandparents, have no parents at all. I could go on and on. Having a "normal" family make up, is no guarantee that the children are being treated well. Just because it's unconventional doesn't mean it's wrong, or hurtful to the family.
I have never seen the show, but I agree with a lot of others, to each his own. Except the ones that force 12 year olds to marry them, and then drink the kool aide.0 -
For all of those who believe any marriage should be legal if all parties involved are consenting adults- what about the children? Do we know enough of how children are affected by it? Should we care? Or should we just step back and allow adults to make their own choices for themselves and their children? Really curious about opinions on this.
Growing up as part of a very dysfunctional family, I'd much rather have had another mom or 3 and a bunch of siblings to feel at-home with than two crappy monogamous parents. Just because a family is "traditional" in structure doesn't mean it's better.0 -
Just because a family is "traditional" in structure doesn't mean it's better.
I totally agree with this.0 -
Just because a family is "traditional" in structure doesn't mean it's better.
I totally agree with this.
I second that!0 -
Just because a family is "traditional" in structure doesn't mean it's better.
I totally agree with this.
I couldn't find were you were asking for research on this, but I would think that there's not much in the realm of research done on polygamist families without sexual abuse or exploitation of children. These types of marriages are illegal, so I suspect most polygamists who are not engaging in abusive behavior and getting caught probably are laying very low and won't come forward to be studied.0 -
I did not read all of the replies BUT.....I don't see the difference between polygamy and an open marriage.
I do see a difference because in an open marriage or polyamoury they make the choice because they enjoy it, and everyone involved is enjoying in the sexual aspects (certainly that can sometimes involve manipulation and dysfunction as well and I have heard about that). In polygamy it is based off of a religion and only the man gets to have all the sex. Sometimes it goes just fine, as in the sister wives show. Sometimes it goes terribly wrong due to some key aspects of the misuse of religion for sexual purposes or when people are religiously manipulated into it (and it's naive not to understand that). This also happens in many other types of cults. I'm not saying I am against it, but I do like to think things through before blindly accepting them. It is true for me that having grown up in an abusive home (that would not be described as traditional), I do see the sister wives family as being a much better home environment for the children in their particular case. Sometimes religion can be harmful. But child abuse is most harmful whenever it is present regardless of religion or not. And I know many religious families that provide an exceptional home life for the children. So, I don't think there is an easy answer to these questions or issues. And I do think it's ok to think about it and talk about it. I'm not even saying there is a way to "regulate" it, but talking about it helps people to make informed choices when choosing this or not.
And whenever there is sexual abuse involved it should be reported to the police and not to the church. The church should be encouraging people to report to the police.
There are a lot of survivors that have come forward to tell about their experience (not just people that grew up on the communes). There are a lot of books written by survivors out there.
And I certainly do not think the husband or sister wives should go to jail, since no one is being harmed. And I agree that they seem to be lovely people with a lovely family. I imagine the people having the most challenging adjustment are the stepchildren, but it's not child abuse.
Being out in the open with it is healthier than being underground with it, that's for sure.0 -
But there is no proof that this will screw them up so it would be stupid.. Let's have laws again two parents being able to get divorced and force a child to be raised in a split home. I mean, that damages a lot of kids, doesn't it?
There were laws against same sex marriages however a lot of those are part of the past now and a lot of people think that children raised by same sex couples can be screwed up when they get older.
I mean, there's soooooooooo many things that can screw up a kid and I highly doubt this type of family situation is at the top of the list. And the least, they have more parents to love them and support them and last I checked, that isn't harmful to a child.
Oh, but most important of all, how do you enforce that law?? What kind of law should it be? There's already a law against being able to actually marry more than one woman. So should there be a law against men who have children with multiple women? Or just that those women should not be in each others lives? Or that the man is only allowed to live with one women and her children and ditch his other children?
Really, the only difference between Kody's family and a man who just impregnates women then leaves them is that Kody keeps all those women and children in his life and live with them, love them, support them. The other men just have multiple children with multiple women and leaves them to move onto his next woman.
Gosh!! You guys are so much better at explaining this than I am!! hahah! I suck with my words and you've made it much more clear! Thanks!!0 -
Thank you! This is what I was trying to say. We don't get a choice in how we are raised. These children ARE loved!! AND loved by many!!
I think society owes it to its children to protect them. No, children don't get a choice in how they're raised, but shouldn't we have laws in place to protect them when we KNOW something will screw them up? Again, I don't know that these kids end up screwed up, but no one here has been able to show me a comprehensive survey on the psychological implications of such a family situation.
The problem is, who decides what "screwed up" really is? To many people raising children in religion is "screwing them up", to many, it is "raising them right." There are many people out there screwing up their children, but they are raising their children in the way they believe is "right". Should we give up "Freedom of Religion" because some religions seem to be getting it "wrong"?0 -
The problem is, who decides what "screwed up" really is? To many people raising children in religion is "screwing them up", to many, it is "raising them right." There are many people out there screwing up their children, but they are raising their children in the way they believe is "right". Should we give up "Freedom of Religion" because some religions seem to be getting it "wrong"?
That's a good point too. Aside from the religion, you can argue discipline at this point. Some parents believe in spanking their children....others find that to be straight child abuse and you should never lay a hand on a child.0 -
4 wives? 30 kids? Are they preparing for 12/21/12? I know so often in our society we are told to be tolerant and accepting of everything, but I think this type of behavior crosses the line. It is not normal or healthy for one man to have four wives and 30 kids. How does he support them? How does he have enough time to be a father for them?
What about the Duggers they have 19 kids but are in a traditional marrige..is that ok0 -
4 wives? 30 kids? Are they preparing for 12/21/12? I know so often in our society we are told to be tolerant and accepting of everything, but I think this type of behavior crosses the line. It is not normal or healthy for one man to have four wives and 30 kids. How does he support them? How does he have enough time to be a father for them?
What about the Duggers they have 19 kids but are in a traditional marrige..is that ok
I actually find the sister wife apporach more OK than the Duggers.
as for the 30 kids - its not 30 kids its 17 or 18. and he schedules it - he spends a specified day with each wife, he sees the kids every day and then they schedule seperate family trips for each family inside the larger family.0 -
I have no problem with what consenting adults do as long it doesn't harm anyone else. There would be no way in my opinion to set a law in this country that wouldn't violate a lot of freedom and rights beyond not abusing or neglecting a child. Others have already pointed it out--do we make having a child out of marriage illegal? Do we force people to get married or go to prison? An unhappy couple is actually more harmful (by the research) to a child than a single parent home. We aren't entitled to a perfect life. Parents aren't even required to give their children more than the basics to survive. Obviously, I wish for every child to have a healthy and happy upbringing. But there isn't a way to legislate the happiness piece. There is only so much legislating that can be done on the healthiness piece. I'm not even talking about freedom or personal rights. If we attempted to enact laws providing each child with perfect lives, each law would run up against one another and clash.
Someone mentioned that her lesbian mother didn't teach her how to have a healthy hetero relationship. That is definitely one of the struggles of not having your sexuality represented in your parent's lifestyle. But there is again no way to prevent this. Our children are born or develop their own unique sexuality. There are plenty of children out there who do not have a heterosexual sexuality but have heterosexual parents.
Children grow up and become their own people. Let's let them. Beyond that, we can only make sure they aren't being abused or neglected.
I would like to watch this show, but I'm opposed to children being on reality tv. I don't think that's healthy. I may not be able to do anything about that, but I don't have to support it by watching it.0 -
4 wives? 30 kids? Are they preparing for 12/21/12? I know so often in our society we are told to be tolerant and accepting of everything, but I think this type of behavior crosses the line. It is not normal or healthy for one man to have four wives and 30 kids. How does he support them? How does he have enough time to be a father for them?
What about the Duggers they have 19 kids but are in a traditional marrige..is that ok
I actually find the sister wife apporach more OK than the Duggers.
as for the 30 kids - its not 30 kids its 17 or 18. and he schedules it - he spends a specified day with each wife, he sees the kids every day and then they schedule seperate family trips for each family inside the larger family.
why? the duggars do the same thing.0 -
I wouldn't tolerate another woman in my kitchen, let alone in my husband's bed. However, let's discuss "brother husbands"....
LOL :laugh:0 -
I wouldn't tolerate another woman in my kitchen, let alone in my husband's bed. However, let's discuss "brother husbands"....
LOL :laugh:
I think most of us would need a few more than 4... lol0
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