Sister wives

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  • KayteeBear
    KayteeBear Posts: 1,040 Member
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    Thank you! This is what I was trying to say. We don't get a choice in how we are raised. These children ARE loved!! AND loved by many!!

    I think society owes it to its children to protect them. No, children don't get a choice in how they're raised, but shouldn't we have laws in place to protect them when we KNOW something will screw them up? Again, I don't know that these kids end up screwed up, but no one here has been able to show me a comprehensive survey on the psychological implications of such a family situation.

    But there is no proof that this will screw them up so it would be stupid.. Let's have laws again two parents being able to get divorced and force a child to be raised in a split home. I mean, that damages a lot of kids, doesn't it?

    There were laws against same sex marriages however a lot of those are part of the past now and a lot of people think that children raised by same sex couples can be screwed up when they get older.

    I mean, there's soooooooooo many things that can screw up a kid and I highly doubt this type of family situation is at the top of the list. And the least, they have more parents to love them and support them and last I checked, that isn't harmful to a child.

    Oh, but most important of all, how do you enforce that law?? What kind of law should it be? There's already a law against being able to actually marry more than one woman. So should there be a law against men who have children with multiple women? Or just that those women should not be in each others lives? Or that the man is only allowed to live with one women and her children and ditch his other children?

    Really, the only difference between Kody's family and a man who just impregnates women then leaves them is that Kody keeps all those women and children in his life and live with them, love them, support them. The other men just have multiple children with multiple women and leaves them to move onto his next woman.
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
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    No way I would want or agree to that. I'm way to selfish and I would feel way to insecure about being just one of 4. Nope, I require too much attention as it is.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    Yeah, it would never work for me because there would not be enough sex for me, if he was off with other women. And I am very affectionate and snuggly. And I like to talk about sex (the other wives wouldn't like that). Also, lots of other reasons.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    It's not for me, but as long as all the parents are consenting adults, I don't see any problem with polygamist marriage. I didn't feel that way at first watching that show, but after a few seasons and seeing it a few more times, it's clear the whole family has a great dynamic to help each other and raise all the children in a healthy loving family. The kids are well-adjusted and seem to all get along well with other kids and the other moms. The kids are all well-spoken, well-mannered, and respectful also. That's more than a lot of children of dysfunctional monogamous families get.

    Honestly, I have a big problem with federal and state governments trying to restrict the notion of marriage for anyone including polygamists or polyamorous families. The choice of whom one wishes to marry should be left up to the individual and not restricted by the government as long as all parties involved are adults and consent to the union.
  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
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    I did not read all of the replies BUT.....I don't see the difference between polygamy and an open marriage.
  • PetulantOne
    PetulantOne Posts: 2,131 Member
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    For all of those who believe any marriage should be legal if all parties involved are consenting adults- what about the children? Do we know enough of how children are affected by it? Should we care? Or should we just step back and allow adults to make their own choices for themselves and their children? Really curious about opinions on this.

    I would say, it's none of our business how they raise there kids. I've seen horrible things happen in childhood to kids with normal family structures. Mom, Dad, small number of siblings. I've seen horrible things happen to children who have one parent, live with their Grandparents, have no parents at all. I could go on and on. Having a "normal" family make up, is no guarantee that the children are being treated well. Just because it's unconventional doesn't mean it's wrong, or hurtful to the family.

    I have never seen the show, but I agree with a lot of others, to each his own. Except the ones that force 12 year olds to marry them, and then drink the kool aide.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    For all of those who believe any marriage should be legal if all parties involved are consenting adults- what about the children? Do we know enough of how children are affected by it? Should we care? Or should we just step back and allow adults to make their own choices for themselves and their children? Really curious about opinions on this.

    Growing up as part of a very dysfunctional family, I'd much rather have had another mom or 3 and a bunch of siblings to feel at-home with than two crappy monogamous parents. Just because a family is "traditional" in structure doesn't mean it's better.
  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
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    Just because a family is "traditional" in structure doesn't mean it's better.

    I totally agree with this.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    Just because a family is "traditional" in structure doesn't mean it's better.

    I totally agree with this.

    I second that!
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    Just because a family is "traditional" in structure doesn't mean it's better.

    I totally agree with this.

    I couldn't find were you were asking for research on this, but I would think that there's not much in the realm of research done on polygamist families without sexual abuse or exploitation of children. These types of marriages are illegal, so I suspect most polygamists who are not engaging in abusive behavior and getting caught probably are laying very low and won't come forward to be studied.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I did not read all of the replies BUT.....I don't see the difference between polygamy and an open marriage.

    I do see a difference because in an open marriage or polyamoury they make the choice because they enjoy it, and everyone involved is enjoying in the sexual aspects (certainly that can sometimes involve manipulation and dysfunction as well and I have heard about that). In polygamy it is based off of a religion and only the man gets to have all the sex. Sometimes it goes just fine, as in the sister wives show. Sometimes it goes terribly wrong due to some key aspects of the misuse of religion for sexual purposes or when people are religiously manipulated into it (and it's naive not to understand that). This also happens in many other types of cults. I'm not saying I am against it, but I do like to think things through before blindly accepting them. It is true for me that having grown up in an abusive home (that would not be described as traditional), I do see the sister wives family as being a much better home environment for the children in their particular case. Sometimes religion can be harmful. But child abuse is most harmful whenever it is present regardless of religion or not. And I know many religious families that provide an exceptional home life for the children. So, I don't think there is an easy answer to these questions or issues. And I do think it's ok to think about it and talk about it. I'm not even saying there is a way to "regulate" it, but talking about it helps people to make informed choices when choosing this or not.

    And whenever there is sexual abuse involved it should be reported to the police and not to the church. The church should be encouraging people to report to the police.

    There are a lot of survivors that have come forward to tell about their experience (not just people that grew up on the communes). There are a lot of books written by survivors out there.

    And I certainly do not think the husband or sister wives should go to jail, since no one is being harmed. And I agree that they seem to be lovely people with a lovely family. I imagine the people having the most challenging adjustment are the stepchildren, but it's not child abuse.

    Being out in the open with it is healthier than being underground with it, that's for sure.
  • LMick1986
    LMick1986 Posts: 431
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    But there is no proof that this will screw them up so it would be stupid.. Let's have laws again two parents being able to get divorced and force a child to be raised in a split home. I mean, that damages a lot of kids, doesn't it?

    There were laws against same sex marriages however a lot of those are part of the past now and a lot of people think that children raised by same sex couples can be screwed up when they get older.

    I mean, there's soooooooooo many things that can screw up a kid and I highly doubt this type of family situation is at the top of the list. And the least, they have more parents to love them and support them and last I checked, that isn't harmful to a child.

    Oh, but most important of all, how do you enforce that law?? What kind of law should it be? There's already a law against being able to actually marry more than one woman. So should there be a law against men who have children with multiple women? Or just that those women should not be in each others lives? Or that the man is only allowed to live with one women and her children and ditch his other children?

    Really, the only difference between Kody's family and a man who just impregnates women then leaves them is that Kody keeps all those women and children in his life and live with them, love them, support them. The other men just have multiple children with multiple women and leaves them to move onto his next woman.

    Gosh!! You guys are so much better at explaining this than I am!! hahah! I suck with my words and you've made it much more clear! Thanks!!
  • dave4d
    dave4d Posts: 1,155 Member
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    Thank you! This is what I was trying to say. We don't get a choice in how we are raised. These children ARE loved!! AND loved by many!!

    I think society owes it to its children to protect them. No, children don't get a choice in how they're raised, but shouldn't we have laws in place to protect them when we KNOW something will screw them up? Again, I don't know that these kids end up screwed up, but no one here has been able to show me a comprehensive survey on the psychological implications of such a family situation.


    The problem is, who decides what "screwed up" really is? To many people raising children in religion is "screwing them up", to many, it is "raising them right." There are many people out there screwing up their children, but they are raising their children in the way they believe is "right". Should we give up "Freedom of Religion" because some religions seem to be getting it "wrong"?
  • LMick1986
    LMick1986 Posts: 431
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    The problem is, who decides what "screwed up" really is? To many people raising children in religion is "screwing them up", to many, it is "raising them right." There are many people out there screwing up their children, but they are raising their children in the way they believe is "right". Should we give up "Freedom of Religion" because some religions seem to be getting it "wrong"?

    That's a good point too. Aside from the religion, you can argue discipline at this point. Some parents believe in spanking their children....others find that to be straight child abuse and you should never lay a hand on a child.
  • LollipopPsyco
    LollipopPsyco Posts: 22
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    4 wives? 30 kids? Are they preparing for 12/21/12? I know so often in our society we are told to be tolerant and accepting of everything, but I think this type of behavior crosses the line. It is not normal or healthy for one man to have four wives and 30 kids. How does he support them? How does he have enough time to be a father for them?

    What about the Duggers they have 19 kids but are in a traditional marrige..is that ok
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
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    4 wives? 30 kids? Are they preparing for 12/21/12? I know so often in our society we are told to be tolerant and accepting of everything, but I think this type of behavior crosses the line. It is not normal or healthy for one man to have four wives and 30 kids. How does he support them? How does he have enough time to be a father for them?

    What about the Duggers they have 19 kids but are in a traditional marrige..is that ok

    I actually find the sister wife apporach more OK than the Duggers.

    as for the 30 kids - its not 30 kids its 17 or 18. and he schedules it - he spends a specified day with each wife, he sees the kids every day and then they schedule seperate family trips for each family inside the larger family.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    I have no problem with what consenting adults do as long it doesn't harm anyone else. There would be no way in my opinion to set a law in this country that wouldn't violate a lot of freedom and rights beyond not abusing or neglecting a child. Others have already pointed it out--do we make having a child out of marriage illegal? Do we force people to get married or go to prison? An unhappy couple is actually more harmful (by the research) to a child than a single parent home. We aren't entitled to a perfect life. Parents aren't even required to give their children more than the basics to survive. Obviously, I wish for every child to have a healthy and happy upbringing. But there isn't a way to legislate the happiness piece. There is only so much legislating that can be done on the healthiness piece. I'm not even talking about freedom or personal rights. If we attempted to enact laws providing each child with perfect lives, each law would run up against one another and clash.

    Someone mentioned that her lesbian mother didn't teach her how to have a healthy hetero relationship. That is definitely one of the struggles of not having your sexuality represented in your parent's lifestyle. But there is again no way to prevent this. Our children are born or develop their own unique sexuality. There are plenty of children out there who do not have a heterosexual sexuality but have heterosexual parents.

    Children grow up and become their own people. Let's let them. Beyond that, we can only make sure they aren't being abused or neglected.

    I would like to watch this show, but I'm opposed to children being on reality tv. I don't think that's healthy. I may not be able to do anything about that, but I don't have to support it by watching it.
  • JustANumber85
    JustANumber85 Posts: 644 Member
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    4 wives? 30 kids? Are they preparing for 12/21/12? I know so often in our society we are told to be tolerant and accepting of everything, but I think this type of behavior crosses the line. It is not normal or healthy for one man to have four wives and 30 kids. How does he support them? How does he have enough time to be a father for them?

    What about the Duggers they have 19 kids but are in a traditional marrige..is that ok

    I actually find the sister wife apporach more OK than the Duggers.

    as for the 30 kids - its not 30 kids its 17 or 18. and he schedules it - he spends a specified day with each wife, he sees the kids every day and then they schedule seperate family trips for each family inside the larger family.

    why? the duggars do the same thing.
  • Cindy873
    Cindy873 Posts: 1,165
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    I wouldn't tolerate another woman in my kitchen, let alone in my husband's bed. However, let's discuss "brother husbands"....

    LOL :laugh:
  • JustANumber85
    JustANumber85 Posts: 644 Member
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    I wouldn't tolerate another woman in my kitchen, let alone in my husband's bed. However, let's discuss "brother husbands"....

    LOL :laugh:

    I think most of us would need a few more than 4... lol

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