Major Blow to My Confidence Today-Rude People

Sailorwind · December 2012

I so feel your pain. I carry my weight in my tummy, so I could understand how people would think I was actually a skinny pregnant girl, but understanding does not make it any less hurtful and depressing when people comment on your "pregnancy". I got to the point (17 pounds ago) where I was literally getting comments every week, either congrats or questions on how far along I was. Every single person was super apologetic (except for one drunk guy who insisted I was lying about there being a baby in my "air pocket", as he so poetically called it). It's hard to just shake that off. But what ticks me off almost as much as them making the comment is when they crowd you afterwards and don't want to let you go until you forgive them. I'm sorry, but why is it my responsibility to make you feel better for opening your mouth to a total stranger to stick your nose in their perceived business? When you ask a stranger an extremely personal question, you deserve to feel humiliated. I just hope some of those people have learned some tact from the experience.

I always comment to my friends that the day someone goes so far so to think they can touch my tummy because they are assuming I'm pregnant is the day I'm going to get an assault charge. Of course, that might happen even if I WERE pregnant. Who decided it was OK to touch people's stomachs without their permission just because a baby is growing in there?

juicy_cat · December 2012

Am I the only person here that thinks you have over reacted a bit....I also carry my weight on my belly and someone once asked me if I was pregnant....to be fair my posture was bad, I was overweight and wearing a smocky kind of top....I thought it was quite amusing and it made me take a look at myself....not once did I consider the person to ignorant or rude...I looked pregnant...it seemed like a genuine question and I got over it.....I am bemused at why most people replying to this thread think this is an insulting comment...I bet she feels really bad about it and wanted the floor to open up....perhaps being more forgiving would help you move on... either that or have a look at how your hold yourself or what you are wearing....it would more likely be that than being overweight......good luck with the weight loss....try and not let folk bother you....

I agree. They didn't mean any harm, they were just ignorant. And like someone below said, if a complete stranger is ignorant enough to ask another complete stranger if they are pregnant, they aren't worth stressing over. It's a common mistake, and while they really should be more considerate, it has happened to a lot of people. Don't freak out. Also, if you do anything like placing your hand on your belly, that can often send the "pregnancy message", because pregnant women (like myself) often do that. I am very sorry that your feelings were hurt, but a stranger shouldn't have that much control over your feelings. Keep your chin up.

Apparently you are not the only one - there are two of you

I think you'll find there are more of us...at least 4 that I have counted...who can say how we will multiply?

juicy_cat · December 2012

Am I the only person here that thinks you have over reacted a bit....I also carry my weight on my belly and someone once asked me if I was pregnant....to be fair my posture was bad, I was overweight and wearing a smocky kind of top....I thought it was quite amusing and it made me take a look at myself....not once did I consider the person to ignorant or rude...I looked pregnant...it seemed like a genuine question and I got over it.....I am bemused at why most people replying to this thread think this is an insulting comment...I bet she feels really bad about it and wanted the floor to open up....perhaps being more forgiving would help you move on... either that or have a look at how your hold yourself or what you are wearing....it would more likely be that than being overweight......good luck with the weight loss....try and not let folk bother you....

I agree. They didn't mean any harm, they were just ignorant. And like someone below said, if a complete stranger is ignorant enough to ask another complete stranger if they are pregnant, they aren't worth stressing over. It's a common mistake, and while they really should be more considerate, it has happened to a lot of people. Don't freak out. Also, if you do anything like placing your hand on your belly, that can often send the "pregnancy message", because pregnant women (like myself) often do that. I am very sorry that your feelings were hurt, but a stranger shouldn't have that much control over your feelings. Keep your chin up.

How do you know what the stranger's intentions were?? The thing is, you don't. Maybe they asked innocently enough, maybe not....but either way, that is sooooo not the point! The point is, at the most, every person on this planet has an expectation of privacy...and at the least, an expectation of respect for personal space. Bottom line, it's nobody's damned business. When a stranger or anyone else crosses that line and violates another person's privacy and/or personal space, then they get what's coming to them, and in this case, it should be a lesson in sensitivity, regardless of whether it's delivered via kind words or a tongue lashing.

every person on the planet? really? wow...lots and lots of people...how can you possibly know that every person on the planet has the same level of expectation that you do or that the poster does or what that looks like at most or least....certainly the person asking the pregnancy question didn't have it...and there are lots more....some people are insensitive and a bit stupid....it's not a crime....just life......

_KATzMeow · December 2012

I NEVER ask anyone if they are pregnant, first because if they aren't like you, how f*cking rude and hurtful and second because I don't give a flying *kitten* if a stranger is preggo or not!

NiSan12 · December 2012

Sounded like she meant well, but just wasn't too bright with the questions. Don't take it too personal but take it as fuel to feed your fire to get fit. 'with lemons, make lemonade'...

Rays_Wife · December 2012

The only time you should EVER ask a woman if she is pregnant is if you actually see a baby poking out from between her legs. Then you could get smacked for just plain being stupid :laugh:

NoisyVision · December 2012

Maybe she had Asperger syndrome .

yoovie · December 2012

How horrible! I would have burst into tears. Some people have literally no tact or sense of what's ok to say. Hope it hasn't brought you down too much. xxx

yeah it sucks that someone thought you were just glowing and radiant and lucky enough to be expecting and then you flustered her when she was corrected and was just like OH MY backpeddle into a circle of holy crap!

Subowski · December 2012

Aww dear.....sorry she made you feel bad, I expect she felt worse!

It hasn't happened to me, but that's because I'm fat from neck to ankles......

wigglypeaches · December 2012

It doesn't sound like she was trying to be rude. It sounds like she was trying to be friendly, and was horribly embarrassed and unsure how to recover when it backfired.

auroranflash · December 2012

How horrible! I would have burst into tears. Some people have literally no tact or sense of what's ok to say. Hope it hasn't brought you down too much. xxx

yeah it sucks that someone thought you were just glowing and radiant and lucky enough to be expecting and then you flustered her when she was corrected and was just like OH MY backpeddle into a circle of holy crap!

I think the point just whooshed really hard over your head here in an unusual fashion.

yoovie · December 2012

How horrible! I would have burst into tears. Some people have literally no tact or sense of what's ok to say. Hope it hasn't brought you down too much. xxx

yeah it sucks that someone thought you were just glowing and radiant and lucky enough to be expecting and then you flustered her when she was corrected and was just like OH MY backpeddle into a circle of holy crap!

I think the point just whooshed really hard over your head here in an unusual fashion.

BlueInkDot · December 2012

Hey gurl,

Here's my little secret for you - it's proven itself to be true many times over, especially in public places... It's a little something to keep in mind that helps you to forgive people when they do mean things... Are you ready? okay...

"Nine times out of ten... the person you are talking to is an idiot."

And there you have it! The secret to being able to forgive anybody. Because the thing here is that they are just not very bright. And that's okay. Sometimes I'M not very bright and sometimes I bet YOU'RE not very bright, and THAT'S OKAY.

Then, once you realize this, it's like being mad at a puppy. The puppy didn't mean to ruin your favorite sweater, it doesn't understand. It's just a puppy. So you can't be mad at the puppy. You just have to sigh and say "I'm sorry, puppy, I know you don't know any better and I forgive you."

Back to the matter at hand, though... As some people said, her comment hurt you more because it's a very sensitive issue that you deal with personally. It's so difficult when you don't love your own body. It sucks so much. You look down at yourself or look in the mirror and just want to cry. I know. That's why the most important part of our journey here is to LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. It takes a lot of time, but it's important to give yourself self-worth. Because by understanding that YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT, then all the working out and eating right happens because you want to do what's best for YOUR body - the body YOU love and the body that you want to take care of.

axialmeow · December 2012

YOU ARE SOOOOOO MUCH NICER THAN ME!!! Props to you for staying classy. I'd have gone all Jerry Springer on her

serenapitala · December 2012

Hey gurl,

Here's my little secret for you - it's proven itself to be true many times over, especially in public places... It's a little something to keep in mind that helps you to forgive people when they do mean things... Are you ready? okay...

"Nine times out of ten... the person you are talking to is an idiot."

And there you have it! The secret to being able to forgive anybody. Because the thing here is that they are just not very bright. And that's okay. Sometimes I'M not very bright and sometimes I bet YOU'RE not very bright, and THAT'S OKAY.

Then, once you realize this, it's like being mad at a puppy. The puppy didn't mean to ruin your favorite sweater, it doesn't understand. It's just a puppy. So you can't be mad at the puppy. You just have to sigh and say "I'm sorry, puppy, I know you don't know any better and I forgive you."

Back to the matter at hand, though... As some people said, her comment hurt you more because it's a very sensitive issue that you deal with personally. It's so difficult when you don't love your own body. It sucks so much. You look down at yourself or look in the mirror and just want to cry. I know. That's why the most important part of our journey here is to LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. It takes a lot of time, but it's important to give yourself self-worth. Because by understanding that YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT, then all the working out and eating right happens because you want to do what's best for YOUR body - the body YOU love and the body that you want to take care of.

Yup!

Cupcakehippiemommy · December 2012

So sorry doll!! I have been there and it really does fuel you to keep going.I admire you for not b*tch slapping her and taking the high road.Best of luck to you in getting rid of the weight you need cupcake

cmcorn26 · December 2012

The only time it is socially acceptable to ask a woman if she is pregnant is when the baby is crowning.

Probably still be in trouble!! Anything said during labor is grounds for a beating!!

The woman at the store was obviously not a clear thinker.

Dymatized · December 2012

It was probably just an innocent mistake on her behalf but she should've stopped after you told her that you're not pregnant. In a strange way it's good that it happened. I say this because it made you feel angry. It made you so mad that you wanted to do something about it. That's the fire you need to reach your goals. Been there done that. It's a great feeling when you start shedding the weight and seeing the results. Use this to prove to her and everybody else but most importantly yourself that you are gonna look your best. Turn that anger into success.