When a Guy Says I Want a Woman That Takes Care of Her Body
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At least you are honest but tell me this. How do you find out if there is "exceptional chemistry" between the two of you if you don't give the person a chance? You can't know if there is chemistry unless you talk to the person, in which case you have already given them somewhat of a chance because you didn't ignore them. I mean, unless there is another way of knowing that there is chemistry between the two of you, in which case please tell me how that works.
Oh, don't get me wrong. I would certainly wouldn't ignore someone flat out. That's rude. I would message them back even if it was only to say thanks and from then conversations can spark up.
However, let's be realistic. Say I was a man who had a fair amount of interest on a dating site and had a number of women message me. There's a certain reality that I would give more of my time to the women who had piqued my interest more (and yes, a fair amount of that is being physically attracted.) That would mean much less or sometimes no time being devoted to women I may be attracted to but did not meet my immediate criteria.
Dating sites really are more about the odds and averages. Good for some, not so great for others.0 -
What about us poor guys who are also ugly? Why can't guys who are poor and ugly find hot women?... just like when women say they want a man "with goals in life" or who is "successful" they really just mean a man with money.0 -
would you give a lady a chance knowing that she is legitimately trying to change herself?
Honestly? No.
Not unless there was exceptional chemistry between us.
I would want the finished article and not an ongoing project.
At least you are honest but tell me this. How do you find out if there is "exceptional chemistry" between the two of you if you don't give the person a chance? You can't know if there is chemistry unless you talk to the person, in which case you have already given them somewhat of a chance because you didn't ignore them. I mean, unless there is another way of knowing that there is chemistry between the two of you, in which case please tell me how that works.
But, if you aren't at least somewhat attracted to their picture, why would you?
I met my hubby online. I thought his picture was adorable. I could see myself with him. BUT his profile, well, not what I was looking for. I told him that I wouldn't go out with him and he fought me on it. He fought for one date. We had that date two days later. Three days after that we had date number two which was when I knew. One year after our second date he proposed, a year later married, and two and a half years later we are still crazy about each other.
I can guarantee you though, if I wasn't attracted to his picture there's no way he would have gotten a date. I don't think that makes me shallow. My first bf was about my height and VERY VERY fit. (I am not so fit lol). My hubby is a foot taller than me and was 350 or so when we met. He's lost like 90 pounds in the past two years (not motivated by me, I loved all his "fluff"). Soooooooooo........ Yeah, everyone has their own "what's attractive."0 -
I am going to have to disagree with alot of what has been said on here. When I say I want someone that takes care of their body I mean just that.. someone that doesn't smoke, someone that doesn't do drugs, someone that get in some aerobic activity. Everything I eat isnt healthy and I don't expect everything they eat to be heatly, but at the same time I want someone that limits the amount of junk food, fried food etc they eat. They don't have to be hot. Someone that takes care of their body and mind is usually more attractive regardless.0
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When in a dating profile, I am going to say that statement is just a veiled restriction on overweight women. People can dance around the semantics all they want, claim it means "confidence" and relates to the way the person dresses or keeps up with their hair, make-up, or personal hygiene, but the bottom line truth if anyone were to be honest is simply this: if you want to date me, don't be overweight. That's what they're saying, and yes it's reasonable to feel as though it is unfair.
But it isn't unfair; the door swings both ways. Women can say all they want that these things don't matter to them, but my dating experience tells me otherwise. When I was at my heaviest, female friends who knew me would always say I was a great catch and they wanted to set me up with their friends. Show those friends a picture or have them meet me in a casual environment and I'd never see them again. And how about the female friends themselves? They were single but weren't interested in dating me. Why? Because they got to know me after they already established that they weren't attracted to me based on weight, and I was ruled out immediately. Smart? Funny? Successful? Still fat.
Then I lost 65 pounds and suddenly the same female friends who were interested in setting me up with people were interested for themselves. I changed my online dating profile description from "a few extra pounds" to "athletic" and with no other changes I was getting spammed with replies. In fact, that's how I met my wife-- who I think is someone with the type of looks that would never have given me a second glance otherwise. Turns out she used to be 70 pounds heavier as well.
My argument isn't that it's fair because women do this too. The point is attraction is biological. Chemistry and personality cannot be easily broadcast across a room or the internet, and it cannot be deciphered with a glance or a first meeting. Looks can. We're essentially animals when it comes to picking a mate, and they go by things like who has the brightest feathers, largest set of antlers, etc. There are just as many instances of people being drawn to a potential mate by looks, only to have it fall apart because you learn the person is a complete jerk. Only they don't complain because at least those people are getting the attention to start with.0 -
It means they want someone that they feel is hot. Generally speaking i would say that it is a nice way of saying they do care about looks.
What about us poor ugly guys?
"Look at me: looks are not important, REALLY look at me. I'm ugly as ***** by traditional standards, but I get with women."0 -
What that means to me is that I want someone to workout with me. I don't want her saying "see ya later" when I'm on my way to run or participate in a race. I don't want her dependent on medication to manage issues that can be manage by being active.0
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I am going to have to disagree with alot of what has been said on here. When I say I want someone that takes care of their body I mean just that.. someone that doesn't smoke, someone that doesn't do drugs, someone that get in some aerobic activity. Everything I eat isnt healthy and I don't expect everything they eat to be heatly, but at the same time I want someone that limits the amount of junk food, fried food etc they eat. They don't have to be hot. Someone that takes care of their body and mind is usually more attractive regardless.
Excellent points. I think another thing we've learned from this discussion today is that when people write, "I want a woman who takes care of her body," she may interpret it differently than you do. It seems like a loaded phrase with lots of different meaning to various people. Perhaps there could be a better way to say it, guys, in a way that would not scare off some potential women that meet your criteria. I guess my point is be more specific in what that means because obviously it means different things to different people.
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He really means "I want a woman who takes care of her body in the way I want her to". Pretty much, he means he wants someone who is thin and won't get fat, who has body hair the way he desires it, etc.
He actually doesn't care about the woman's health as far as exercise and nutrition go. He just cares that she looks a certain way.
All your posts are so happy and positive...0 -
My advice to you would be to get out in the real world and meet people. No dating website can present you more accurately than you present yourself. And let's face it, most people say they want this or that in a person, but when it comes down to it, two people just have to "click", and it may have nothing to do with - I want a girl who will watch Monday Night Football with me, or I want a guy who knows how to dress well. People are looking for what they think they want on dating websites. And that being said, people who don't post the right picture or provide the right tag about themselves or know how to describe themselves in a confident yet not conceited way are going to probably be passed over, even though in reality you two could end up being great for each other. I think you will do better to just stick to dating outside of the virtual world.
But now after all of that, I would assume that "a woman who takes care of her body" is a euphemistic way of saying "a woman I am physically attracted to." That doesn't mean thin, that doesn't mean muscular, that doesn't mean blond hair and big boobs. Attraction is varied from person to person.
Good luck to you with your dating.0 -
I have and will continue to contend that the biggest problem with online dating is that people dismiss potential dates based on a photograph and a paragraph or two. If those same two people met out in the real world, the person one dismissed online might actual be someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with.
I'm not saying that someone who's normally attracted to very thin women will go for a woman who's moribidly obese even in the real world, but what we all think we're looking for sometimes is very different from what we really want. And you can't figure that out through a computer screen.
And, seriously, some very attractive people don't photograph well.0 -
When in a dating profile, I am going to say that statement is just a veiled restriction on overweight women. People can dance around the semantics all they want, claim it means "confidence" and relates to the way the person dresses or keeps up with their hair, make-up, or personal hygiene, but the bottom line truth if anyone were to be honest is simply this: if you want to date me, don't be overweight. That's what they're saying, and yes it's reasonable to feel as though it is unfair.
But it isn't unfair; the door swings both ways. Women can say all they want that these things don't matter to them, but my dating experience tells me otherwise. When I was at my heaviest, female friends who knew me would always say I was a great catch and they wanted to set me up with their friends. Show those friends a picture or have them meet me in a casual environment and I'd never see them again. And how about the female friends themselves? They were single but weren't interested in dating me. Why? Because they got to know me after they already established that they weren't attracted to me based on weight, and I was ruled out immediately. Smart? Funny? Successful? Still fat.
Then I lost 65 pounds and suddenly the same female friends who were interested in setting me up with people were interested for themselves. I changed my online dating profile description from "a few extra pounds" to "athletic" and with no other changes I was getting spammed with replies. In fact, that's how I met my wife-- who I think is someone with the type of looks that would never have given me a second glance otherwise. Turns out she used to be 70 pounds heavier as well.
My argument isn't that it's fair because women do this too. The point is attraction is biological. Chemistry and personality cannot be easily broadcast across a room or the internet, and it cannot be deciphered with a glance or a first meeting. Looks can. We're essentially animals when it comes to picking a mate, and they go by things like who has the brightest feathers, largest set of antlers, etc. There are just as many instances of people being drawn to a potential mate by looks, only to have it fall apart because you learn the person is a complete jerk. Only they don't complain because at least those people are getting the attention to start with.
speaking of double standards. how about the 6'0" height requirement that some women have? for example, i'm 5'11". that's not short by any stretch, but there are plenty of women who simply wouldn't respond to an online profile for any guy under 6'0". their reason is a silly one.. most of those women are worried that on the 2 or 3 days a month they get dressed up to go out, that she might look taller than him in heels. so before the pitchforks crowd shows up to complain about how unfair it is for men to judge a woman by her weight, just remember that women do the EXACT same thing with height.0 -
Majority of these answers have been by women. And it is asking for a man's perspective. Just saying. But in reality, that could mean alot of different things. For some people I know, it would mean people who shower and stay clean regularly. For some it would mean that they want a girl with an athletic body or at least someone who enjoys being healthy. It just depends.0
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Haha when I was on a dating site I think I was too honest about my body-type preferences because I wrote "You can look like a troll in the face as long as you are muscular and don't have chicken legs." (I got some interesting replies...)
I'd definitely not bring up the weight loss thing..and definitely don't use the word "journey". Maybe just say a few words instead of writing a lot about yourself to give the person room to ask questions, I bet you'll get more responses.0 -
Can't speak for other guys but when I say it I kind of mean a girl who likes to exercises regularly, it's just more fun to have a partner who does those things than it is to have a partner that doesn't (coming from someone with a fairly active lifestyle).
Of course I care about other things like hygiene and such but when I say specifically I want a woman who takes care of her body I mean I want a girl who exercises.0 -
He really means "I want a woman who takes care of her body in the way I want her to". Pretty much, he means he wants someone who is thin and won't get fat, who has body hair the way he desires it, etc.
He actually doesn't care about the woman's health as far as exercise and nutrition go. He just cares that she looks a certain way.
I think there is a lot of truth in this. Not always of course but in the majority of cases.
I wouldn't go so far as to say a man would have no interest at all in a woman's general health but I think it is very much secondary to the way she looks.0 -
speaking of double standards. how about the 6'0" height requirement that some women have? for example, i'm 5'11". that's not short by any stretch, but there are plenty of women who simply wouldn't respond to an online profile for any guy under 6'0". their reason is a silly one.. most of those women are worried that on the 2 or 3 days a month they get dressed up to go out, that she might look taller than him in heels. so before the pitchforks crowd shows up to complain about how unfair it is for men to judge a woman by her weight, just remember that women do the EXACT same thing with height.
Well... I'm 5'1 and I've been in deep crush with a guy that was 5'4 or so but I have to admit, I am physically attracted to tall guys; quite probably because I'm such a shortie myself. My fiancé is 6'6, but we met online on a book fansite so at first I had no idea how tall he was or what he looked like physically *shrug*0 -
Not sure what the men are thinking, but my perspective on "A man that has goals", as well as "A man that takes care of himself", because I do put both in my dating profiles. I've read through a lot of the replies, but not all and agree with some, disagree with some....
A man that has goals - I don't want a rich man. I want a man that has a job that he enjoys going to. Something that is able to pay the bills and keep him satisfied. I'm not looking to be anyone's sugar momma. The wording in my profile is more along the lines of "financially secure".
A man that takes care of himself - I see this as a man that works out, eats semi-healthy, looks nice. He doesn't have to be ripped, nor does he have to be drop dead gorgeous. I discuss my love of running and the outdoors within my interests. I state "I workout often and desire a man that takes care of himself as well". So, I think it's pretty self explanatory.0 -
LMAO, it simply means he doesn't want anyone overweight or out-of-shape from his perspective. The physical aspect is important to this person. It might be an indicator that hte person is shallow....or just that he wants someone with shared fitness values. you be the judge.0
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lol.. that's what I was thinking.. "A woman who takes care of herself"... it's the nice way of saying "No fat chicks".0 -
speaking of double standards. how about the 6'0" height requirement that some women have?
I can relate to that one. I'm 5'10" and my wife is 6'1". She told me she used to have a height restriction, wanting to date men who were taller than her. But the pool of eligible bachelors being somewhat restricted at that height, she made a conscious effort to drop it from her requirements. Lucky me!0 -
It means you'll go to the gym with me.
Good answer0 -
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I like a guy that takes pride in working out to be and stay healthy, I'm typically not attracted to guys that are overweight and don't make an effort to be healthy, but I won't always turn a guy down solely on physical looks, I will try and get to know someone before I completely say "Yeah, okay, no this isn't what I am looking for".
Take this exact statement. Flip it around and pretend it's a man talking about you. That's going to be your answer.
I have a female friend that told me something interesting recently. I have the same problem you have basically. I work out six days a week and eat right but at the end of the day I'm still what most women apparently think is fat (I've had maybe a total three replies to my online dating profile in four months). I asked my friend, "What the hell do women have against bigger guys? I thought women were supposed to be accepting and not as shallow as men." She said it wasn't always about size or looks, though realistically for some it is, but the implication of what it means to be fat/unhealthy. That being, "if you don't love yourself enough to take care of yourself to a reasonable degree then how can you love someone else?"
That made sense to me to some degree even though it sucks. At 235lbs I've thought about mentioning something on my online dating profile about wanting someone who works out or is active. Not because I think I deserve a fitness model but because I want someone that's not lazy. I'm looking for someone to grow old with not grow fat with (I've done that before. Not doing it again). For me "takes care of herself" = "Doesn't spend 5 hours a night on the couch eating junk food."
I guess the key is finding a way to show that even though you're overweight that you're not lazy. That's no easy task on a dating site where, let's face it, everyone is at their most shallow and just looks at the pictures anyways.0 -
They have preferences, and that's all.
I went on a date once with someone who said the same thing and on our date he told me how other girls would spend hours on the date talking about their weight losses and how fat they used to be and showing pictures and that he was scared and put off. That's just not a conversation opener and can really creep guys out.
Try sending a message without listing your weight problems and what you are doing to change them. It can make them think you have low self esteem and feel you may not be good enough for them. You're going through a whole message to try to convince them how much you are now taking care of your body.
Ditch the convo opener and try something else.
FYI, CONGRATS on the loss.0 -
" I want a woman that takes care of her body." The first thing I think about is that he wants someone that's physically fit. Am I right? Or is he specifically meaning hygienically or both?
I would translate this as someone who wants someone who's "in shape" or a healthy weight based on "takes care of her body" as the body's what he's focusing on. If a guy just wanted someone who was physically fit they'd probably say something like "active" I'd take hygenic as a given.I would contact some of them that I thought were attractive...I'm typically not attracted to guys that are overweight...It kind of discourages me when I see guys that say this kind of stuff and won't give you a chance because you are overweight and on the track to changing it.
I think basically both you and the guys you are contacting both want the same thing someone who's already at healthy weight as that's what you find initially physically attractive, you said you contact the guys you find attractive and you're not really into overweight guys, neither party is giving the other a chance based on personality.
BTW your loss so far is awesome, but you have to give the overweight guys a chance if it bothers you guys who are after a certain type of body shape won't give you a chance because you're currently classed as overweight too x0 -
Personally I think they are saying they don't want someone overweight.0
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In response to this post...when I first met my boyfriend he was not interested in seeing me seriousy because I was physically heavier than the kind of woman he is typically attracted to. We still hung out and spent time together and he saw that over the course of a couple of months, that I was dedicated to eating right and getting my body tight. Not only that, we established a really strong connection. His whole thing was I take care of myself and want to look good, so I expect the same out of the person I am dating. It's not that any man who says this is shallow, it simply boils down to what men find attractive. If a fit attractive man asked me to be fit and take care of my body, then it's simply "I take care of myself and want to find someone who shares that drive and goal". That's it. Don't read into it. If men don't give you the time of day because you aren't "attractive" or "skinny" enough....forget 'em cause girl when they see where you end up they'll be begging for your attention and you'll be all the stronger and better for it!0
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guys dont want to know about your weight loss journey... thats why you dont get replies...
Maybe not, but if on a dating site I have to tell them about myself that's what I do, and that includes what I've done to change who I am. If someone doesn't want to know about me and my accomplishments then they are not someone I want to be with in the long run. Seems to me that you'd want to know about someone and things that they've done when getting to know someone, unless of course you are just looking for a hook up or something similar.
Didn't read all 3 pages of replies, but over my various times of dating at different ages, I have found many different attitudes from men, as well as female friends who were looking for men.
In the 20s, it is mostly about looks and sexual compatibility. And partying, of course.
In the 30s, some of them have realized that they want a long term relationship, and there's more to it than looks. But still sexual compatibility is important.
Some 30s are still into looks, so they date or marry the fit, hot chicks, and have affairs with the not-so-fit and hot ones.
By the 40s, the shallow marriages have broken up, they are now graying, balding, and a little flabby, and they don't worry so much about looks as they do compatibility in all areas.
Of course, you will find some 40s+ that still have the mindset of 20 yr olds. You will find these men on dating websites and in bars.
One commonality among many men and women both is, they all want to date someone better looking than they are. I once introduced 2 friends that were both divorced, around the same age, weight, and looks. They both declined a second date and were offended that I would set them up with someone so far beneath them.
As far as guys taking your 'weight loss journey' into consideration. You are asking someone to go out with you, with the expectation that you will be thinner and more fit in a few months. Since the majority of overweight people consider themselves to be 'dieting' and the majority of dieters end up quitting and gaining back their weight, then it sounds unrealistic to expect a guy to trust that you will be the exception to the rule.
When you reach your goals, you will not be the same person physically or emotionally that you are today. You may have entirely different goals in the type of man you want. You will attract different types of men than you do today.
My suggestion is to wait on looking for a guy until you reach your goals. That doesn't mean that you can't meet someone along the way that you are compatible with, but stay off of the dating sites.
If Mr Wonderful is so wonderful, he doesn't have to find dates on a dating site. You will meet him in a gym, or a grocery store, or at work, or from a friend, etc.
Or perhaps on a weight loss site where he is having the same struggles and successes that you are.
***Disclaimer- I do not imply that ALL men or women are shallow, or will cheat on their trophy wives or husbands, so no need to flame.0 -
Means not fat, not ugly, adequately shorn, and often naked.0
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