Ladies, how do u feel about your man having female friends?
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I'd have no problem with it. I have guy friends and it wouldn't be fair for me to have friends of the opposite sex and him not to be "allowed".
Also - why would I care? If I'm with the guy I should be able to trust him. If I can't, then I need to find someone I do. If I find myself stressing on whether he's cheating or hiding stuff - then I need to just come out and talk to him. Get his side and let him know what bothers me about whatever the circumstance is. I also need to be honest with myself and ask, "Is this really about him having friends who are girls? Or is this me being insecure?"
If it still becomes an issue after...then....well...moving on....0 -
Why doesn't his female friend know that you exist? That's a red flag.0
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My boyfriend has lots of female friends and I trust him. I've trusted his best female friend to sleep over at his place (previously to when we moved in together). I know nothing is going on between them.
If he's talking on the phone with her, depending on what we're doing, it may be more appropriate for him to step outside. I dunno, it depends on the situation.
But I'm not really the jealous type.0 -
My boyfriend also has lots of female friends and we are currently long distance for the next 4 months. But I trust him, and I have from day one. He knows that if he did anything with any other girl I'd be gone in a heart beat. I don't tolerate cheating. and If I have a problem with one of the girls hes friends with I let him know and we work it out. COMMUNICATION is key. always always always.0
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I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.
There is nothing wrong with your man having female friends. My bf has them. His closest local female friend is like a little sister to him. He took her out once, they found out they have very different ideas about relationships and they stayed friends. She is also my friend now. She was one of the first of his friends that I met. He has female friends who don't live around here. They know about me and one is my friend on FB (she's also married). The others all know about me. He's also not the cheating type and I totally trust him with them. However, if he had a female friend he ddn't tell about me, I'd be suspicious.
When we first started dating, we couldn't wait to introduce/show each other off to our friends and family. If you're not meeting his friends and family after 5 months, it's a red flag.
That said...he may be legit. It could be that he's just being respectful of your feelings. Sadly, he sounds like the guy I dated off and on for 6 years and I know he cheated on me. In that time, we never met any of the other's friends or family.0 -
My boyfriend doesnt have many female friends. Theyre mostly old coworkers. He has one girl named Shakita who works at a fast food place near his house. He took me there once and she was hitting on him and gave him a bunch of free stuff. Even after he introduced me to her as his girlfriend. I told him I was concerned about how she acts around him and he decided not to go there anymore.
I have alot of guy friends and my boyfriend has no issues with me seeing them. I've told him that if at anytime he feels uncomfortable with me hanging out or talking to a guy he can come with me to hang out with them, read my texts, facebook whatever he needs to do to not feel uncomfortable.
The biggest thing is communication. If you have concerns and dont talk to him about them nothing will be resolved.0 -
I didn't read all your responses, but i just wanted to give you something to think about. Is he only texting/chatting with women or does he have male friends that do the same thing? Is he just a wildly popular guy with a lot of friends? If he only has girls texting/calling him i would have to say that's a red flag and you should just talk to him about it.0
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I'm fine with it as long as there are some boundaries. Like not going over to their houses alone late at night, constant texting, ect. I've never run into problems with this. I have a lot of guy friends myself.
However, we all know there can be chemistry with friends of the opposite sex. I try to spend less time with these friends and not flirt with them when I'm in a relationship. Out of respect.0 -
GUYS AND GIRLS CANNOT BE "JUST FRIENDS".
There is no way. If he is truly devoted to you, tell him that the female friends will have to stop. Also, if he wants to hang out with them, then ask to meet them first. If you like her, then maybe it's okay. If you don't, then he should respect and trust that you are doing what is best for your relationship.
Word it well like "you know, I just want our relationship to continue in the right direction. I trust you, and I don't want anything to come between us." say it with a smile!
Wow. If you're in a relationship, there has to be trust. I've been married for 10 years and been with my husband for 18...my best friends are men and I have known them for over 15 years and NOTHING inappropriate has ever happened. This is immature and ignorant.0 -
I don't have a problem with it
I've always had closer friendships with men than I have with women, so I couldn't take issue with him doing the same0 -
I'm cool with my fiance having female friends, but it becomes an issue when he hides things from me-- and his friends better know about me. He has the same feelings toward my male friends-- so long as they know about him, it's cool. We trust each other. Your man's female friend not knowing about you would be a big issue for me.0
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GUYS AND GIRLS CANNOT BE "JUST FRIENDS".
There is no way. If he is truly devoted to you, tell him that the female friends will have to stop. Also, if he wants to hang out with them, then ask to meet them first. If you like her, then maybe it's okay. If you don't, then he should respect and trust that you are doing what is best for your relationship.
Word it well like "you know, I just want our relationship to continue in the right direction. I trust you, and I don't want anything to come between us." say it with a smile!
Wow. If you're in a relationship, there has to be trust. I've been married for 10 years and been with my husband for 18...my best friends are men and I have known them for over 15 years and NOTHING inappropriate has ever happened. This is immature and ignorant.
Agreed. That whole guys and girls and can't be platonic friends is BULL! One of my best friends from high school is a guy, and no..he's not gay either. And we have never crossed that line nor will we ever. I also have several close friends who are guys and once again - purely PLATONIC. Perpetuating this attitude is, as Shannon stated - "IMMATURE AND IGNORANT"0 -
i used to be weary of it, my last ex had moved and we had a long distance relationship of about an hour and a half, not really anything bad. on his facebook there was this one girl who would leave him smiley faces and hearts and whatnot, i had asked him who she was and he said someone who was at school with him. no big deal. later find out that he was seeing her while we were still together, she had a fb post he was tagged in not too long ago with their anniversary date of sometime in november of 2008, when i was still with him.
my current fiance, doesn't have too many female friends but does have some, that he plays xbox live with from real life and other random people he knows from school or wherever. i never had a problem with it, he introduced me to all of them and they all knew he was in a relationship. the fact that this friend of his doesn't know who you are, well if she calls him and texts him a lot and they are pretty good friends, why wouldn't she know he is in a relationship? kind of weird to me. my fiance (not officially engaged no ring but pretty much are) recently moved 700 miles from ohio where i went to college and met him back to ny with me to be with me, so i really don't question any lady friends he has.
it is all about trust, trusting him and your gut, suggest meeting his friends and getting to know them. if that doesn't work then you may want to re evaluate this relationship before you are together for a long time and find out the hard way.0 -
I don't think he is cheating...because to me if he was he wouldn't even acknowledge their existence around you. My husband has friends that are female. He is going to school and many times has to talk about school things with them. The difference here is though that he openly talks to them in front of me and they all know he married. What would sort of bug me about your situation is that they dont know about you. Honestly, it seems more a case of "keeping someone on the back burner as a back up plan" to me.0
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I agree that she's probably a back burner girl. However, I think it's important that she knows about you....not just for you and him, but for her as well. If she likes him, she needs to know he's dating someone else so she can choose to wait or get over him (hopefully the latter). If I were in her place, I might not want to know, but I'd eventually appreciate knowing.
btw...I have a very close male friend and I used to date him. My bf has met him and they get along well. My guy gets a bit jealous when I spend time with him, but knows he can totally trust me. We communicate well and trust each other.
Sounds like you need to have a chat about her. Maybe along the lines that you'd like to meet some of his friends or that you're concerned for her that she doesn't know about you (if you really are concerned about her). Be sure you're honest and not sugar coating, but don't be a b.... either :-)0 -
My best friend is an engaged mother, I can understand the concerns females have but friendships are really important to me, the admittedly few girlfriends I've had have all not really been happy with me being friends with her, but truthfully it's not something I would compromise with, they'd have to accept her as my friend, same way I would accept them having a male as a friend.0
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I seriously could have written your post about one of my exes. He had a lot of female "friends" and was constantly texting/on the phone with them. The kicker is he was SO freaky about his phone. From day one he was always saying, "don't go through my phone unless you ask first". He would always keep his phone turned over so I couldn't see when he got a text and he would take phone calls outside. I'm telling you...it's a HUGE red flag that he's doing this. My ex turned out to be cheating on me with all of his so-called "friends" and none of them knew we were dating. He would tell his other "friends" that I was just another friend. It was so messed up.
My current bf also has several female friends from before we started dating. He's also very outgoing and talks to everyone, girls included. The difference is, he doesn't hide his conversations from me. It took a long time for me to be ok with him texting/talking to other girls (which isn't even that often, really). I finally realized that I could trust him because he was always up front about who he was talking to. He isn't super secretive about his phone and he answers every phone call in front of me. He also always mentions having a girlfriend and invites me along to any hang out time with both male and female friends.
Long story short, people CAN have friends of the opposite sex. If they have good moral character, this isn't a problem. The fact that he's hiding things from you needs to be addressed. I really wouldn't let this go...I did for 8 months and was a lot worse off for it.0 -
I think I'd be less alarmed about him having female friends than I would be about him turning his phone off and leaving the room to make calls. It definitely sounds like he's hiding something. If he's not hiding anything why would he turn his phone off as soon as he's with you?0
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It varies wildly from person to person. I have many close female friends. The girl I went out with for 7 years and was engaged to is one of my closest friends. A few girls I've been out with since have found it awkward, but I've tried to explain to them that she's getting married to someone else next year and the reason we broke up is because we fundamentally don't work as a couple, tried many times and failed, but she's still very important to me and if that's too much for someone then they're evidently not for me. That said, this situation doesn't sound like that. If you think things are being hidden you need to have an open discussion and voice your concerns. Don't go in all guns blazing with accusations for which you have no evidence, but if you have questions then it's reasonable to expect answers. They might be perfectly innocent but you don't know until you ask. But for the more overriding general subtext, both myself and any guy I know would immediately leave any girl who forbade having female friends.0
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Spouse's best friend of like ~12 years is female. Do not care. Have some confidence in yourself, and trust in your spouse.0
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