Ladies, how do u feel about your man having female friends?

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  • Angela_2_Oh
    Angela_2_Oh Posts: 579 Member
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    My mother in law and her BFF had babies within a few weeks of one another.

    One was my husband, and one was his lifelong friend, Heidi.

    Their moms were inseperable, and so they grew up together.

    Heidi was 'best woman' at our wedding.

    I've since become BFFs with her. She and her husband, and my husband and I, travel together, double date, etc. Their kids and our daughter are very close.

    Do I worry about their relationship? No. *He calls and texts her in my presence. We make plans as couples.*

    There's red flag in your post, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he's friends with a woman.
  • Derpes
    Derpes Posts: 2,033 Member
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    Guy here - It is all about transparency.

    Also, look at it on a case by case basis and trust your instincts!
  • AsellusReborn
    AsellusReborn Posts: 1,112 Member
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    Sometimes it feels like if my husband had no female friends and coworkers he'd have none at all. Just gotta trust your guy...and if you don't, it doesn't matter if he has female friends or not.
  • pickledginger
    pickledginger Posts: 172
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.
    Agreed. Friends are fine with me - male or female or whatever. Other love interests are not - male or female or whatever.

    Sounds as if at least one of his friends is a "friend," instead. One doesn't hide one's spouse or sweetheart from a friend.
  • thelovelyLIZ
    thelovelyLIZ Posts: 1,227 Member
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    I have never had an issue with my SO having female friends. And I have male friends, which he doesn't mind either. I actually went out and saw an old friend a while ago, and when I came home my boyfriend asked "How was your date with Cameron?"

    I also don't find it that suspicious that he turns off his phone or makes calls in the other room. My boyfriend ALWAYS steps out when he makes phone calls, even when he's calling his family or work. Mostly because I'm usually doing something and he doesn't want to be distracting. Turning the phone off doesn't seem that odd if his phone is blowing up either.
  • saraann4
    saraann4 Posts: 1,312 Member
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    If they are ugly female friends, who cares? If he leaves for one of them, then it wasn't worth it to begin with. If they are good looking, NO.
  • AsellusReborn
    AsellusReborn Posts: 1,112 Member
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    If they are ugly female friends, who cares? If he leaves for one of them, then it wasn't worth it to begin with. If they are good looking, NO.

    I would be very insecure if I worried whether my husband's friends were pretty or not. Lol.
  • MariFitBody
    MariFitBody Posts: 287 Member
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    The way I see it and I dont have hair on my tongue is if she doesn't know about you then hes gettin it on with this chick. I dont sugar coat things. All my life Ive had male friends because I'm not a big fan of female friends. I only have a few I can count on one hand. From the beginning the fact that he was even turning his phone off and using that cheap excuse that he wants to give you all his attention would've raised flags from the get go. Its not about insecurity its about trust. Either you meet the girl or he drops her. Shes just a friend right well then there shouldn't be a problem in you guys all getting together for a movie or something including her boyfriend.
  • kbitzonefour
    kbitzonefour Posts: 114 Member
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    If they are ugly female friends, who cares? If he leaves for one of them, then it wasn't worth it to begin with. If they are good looking, NO.

    Are you trolling?
    Go to the store and buy yourself some more insecurity.
  • MariFitBody
    MariFitBody Posts: 287 Member
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    If they are ugly female friends, who cares? If he leaves for one of them, then it wasn't worth it to begin with. If they are good looking, NO.

    Are you trolling?
    Go to the store and buy yourself some more insecurity.

    ^^ LMAO!
  • jesswait
    jesswait Posts: 218 Member
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    I don't care what gender his friends are. If he decides to cheat on me, we both know it will end our marriage. If he wanted to do that, he could just talk to me first and then he could go sleep with whomever he wanted as he would no longer be my concern. There is no sense in not trusting him, and straining our relationship on the chance something may happen. If he is going to do something shady it's going to happen rather or not I trusted him. It's impossible to build a life with someone you don't think you can trust. If you are not dating to potentially marry then it's sort of moot as you will likely break up for one reason or another. So you may as well enjoy the time you have together and not stress over what may or may not happen. If you are beginning to feel serious about him then you should start having open honest conversations about your expectations.
  • triciab79
    triciab79 Posts: 1,713 Member
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    My hubby has dozens of female friends but I have absolutely no fears that he will go after any of them. I don't trust him because I am that good, I trust him because he is that good. If your boyfriend is a good person (not kinda good but really good) then you have nothing to worry about. If he is not then kick him to the curb and go find a good guy. There are enough really good guys out there who are single and being passed over for these jerks.
  • jojorocksforeva
    jojorocksforeva Posts: 303 Member
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    I would say let him have female friends unless you don't trust him But in a relationship trust is a very important factor without that Than you don't have anything i mean How much do you trust him ?
  • DiaryOfaThickFitWoman
    DiaryOfaThickFitWoman Posts: 406 Member
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    I would say he's having underline conversations with someone other than yourself- just because he's turning the phone off, that's kind of far fetched in my opinion. Set the tone now, if this is not what you want let him know this now. Move-on if you must. But, if your fine with it, then be fine with it. Personally, I don't see a reason for a committed person to have massive amounts of friends from the opposite sex. I trust my husband, but I wish he would come home talking about a new female friend......

    Association is fine, I just don't see the need for full blown friendships with the opposite sex while in a committed relationship.

    Now, if you were friends prior too, that's a little different, but there are still boundaries even with that. Any woman should understand that, and minimize contact if their "male friend" was to get in a relationship/ or marry. That's just respect.
  • eris1981
    eris1981 Posts: 58 Member
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    I don't think he is cheating...because to me if he was he wouldn't even acknowledge their existence around you. My husband has friends that are female. He is going to school and many times has to talk about school things with them. The difference here is though that he openly talks to them in front of me and they all know he married.

    This exactly . . . my husband is in a Speech and Language Pathology program, so most of his classmates are females. It's finals time right now, so he spends plenty of time in the library studying with groups of females. But, they all know he is married and from what I hear, I come up in conversation pretty frequently . . . to the point where they get tired of him talking about his wife . . . lol.

    What would sort of bug me about your situation is that they dont know about you. Honestly, it seems more a case of "keeping someone on the back burner as a back up plan" to me.

    My husband let pretty well everybody know he was taken from when we first started dating . . . and if your guy isn't keeping someone as a back up plan, I really think he should have done the same. I'm not going to go so far as to say he's definitely cheating or keeping someone on the back burner, but it sounds like a real possibility and you definitely need to talk.
  • tiffanyk1979
    tiffanyk1979 Posts: 1
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    Some great advice on here
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    GUYS AND GIRLS CANNOT BE "JUST FRIENDS".

    There is no way. If he is truly devoted to you, tell him that the female friends will have to stop. Also, if he wants to hang out with them, then ask to meet them first. If you like her, then maybe it's okay. If you don't, then he should respect and trust that you are doing what is best for your relationship.

    Word it well like "you know, I just want our relationship to continue in the right direction. I trust you, and I don't want anything to come between us." say it with a smile! :)

    I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH THIS!!!! If you are not mature enough to handle a friendship with the opposite sex then that is just sad!! My best friend from high school, whom I still talk to and hang out with (both with and without my husband) is a guy. We NEVER liked each other. I have numerous friends from college that are guys and we, again, never liked each other.

    It is sad that 2 people can't be friends with one another because of gender. Of course secrecy shouldn't happen and open communication should be a part of the relationship!!! I would be more than pissed if my husband had ever told me that I had to stop talking to/hanging out with my guy friends. With immaturity like this then you shouldn't be in a relationship because you aren't mature enough to handle a grown up relationship.

    Exactly. I can have guy friends without wanting to rip their clothes off them. I mean seriously?

    Exactly! I have guy friends who are more like brothers to me. They are very protective. I can talk to them about almost anything. It's refreshing, actually.
  • Ohmydaze
    Ohmydaze Posts: 403 Member
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    My man has one in particular.. she got him the "best birthday present ever" last year, and totally trumped my xmas present for him this year ( can't exactly send briliant gifts through the mail, and he asked for baked goods :noway: ) We're long distance and apparently his hug count with her is higher than with me..

    She used to like him a year ago.

    *sigh*

    But, I'm glad he has a good friend there. I'm sure she's lovely, and I'd love to get to know her. I'm just jealous that she gets to hang out with him like, every day.
  • CarlieeBear
    CarlieeBear Posts: 325 Member
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    My hubby has dozens of female friends but I have absolutely no fears that he will go after any of them. I don't trust him because I am that good, I trust him because he is that good. If your boyfriend is a good person (not kinda good but really good) then you have nothing to worry about. If he is not then kick him to the curb and go find a good guy. There are enough really good guys out there who are single and being passed over for these jerks.

    Love this! It's so true...like yours, my guy can be trusted because of his character. One of his female friends (also mine now) is into open relationships. On our first date, he made sure I wasn't into that. The last straw with the last guy I dated before him was his comment that if we got married he'd expect me to put my keys in a bowl (yeah...at a party). I am a one man woman...I don't share my guy for romantic purposes. I feel so fortunate/lucky/blessed to be with a man who has no desire to be with any other woman. He even recently told me that he found a couple of women he met recently attractive, but left it at that because he's happy with me :-)
  • lovelyMYlovely
    lovelyMYlovely Posts: 1,066 Member
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    the last female friend my late husband had became his mistress. needless to say, i'm not a big fan of it.
    exactly dont trust any man or any girl around ur man... period........ thats my moto... sad but true..... some girls only like ur man cuz he is with u if he was single than she wouldnt look twice...... bi***** lol!!!!

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