Children throwing tantrums in stores! What??

Tiggerrick

Sigh.... My child never, ever, ever threw a tantrum with me. But I am sure it was child specific.

BEFORE dealing with my child, whenever I was going to have an interaction that required a response from him, I made up in my mind whether I was giving him a command or an choice. We could discuss choices. My standard answer to his complaints on my commands would be "I didn't ASK you, I am TELLING you" , there was no negotiating allowed - period. He's the child, I am the parent, he will do as I say, even if it had to resort to physically making him do it (like a puppet). He did get spanked a FEW times. Once for hanging up the phone on me on purpose when he was about 4 (my lunch time consisted of me driving to the sitter's, spanking him, telling him he will respect me at all times even when I am not there, and driving away). Another for stealing over $100 from his grandmother when he was about 8, and attempting to walk to the mall to buy a video game console.

He also got "time outs", but he really didn't care or feel like those were a punishment of any kind. That boy can sit doing nothing for hours. I actually feel that "time outs" are a way of preparing kids for prison. That's what prison is, one looong time out.

Behavior of correction is child specific. In this case, I would have NOT discussed it with my child. As the parent, I would have said NO, end of discussion. Tantrum time - HA. Would have picked his *kitten* up and thrown him in the car. The more you give in to acknowledging the behavior, the more it continues to happen, because they realize they can get a reaction from you.

iAMsmiling

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

Is that similar to a Tier 1 school?

I'm going to wildly guess that no, she didn't go to anything resembling a Tier 1 school

Geez people! It was a typo! As if you all are so damned perfect and never make a mistake in your life! Should I pray to and worship you now?

The issue is your original statement. It was condescending, elitist and dismissive. You can hardly complain, following that sort of thing, if people toss rocks at you on your "Teir 1" pedestal.

serenapitala

I have a son who has autism. You wouldn't know this by looking at him. He cannot control his emotions and gets overstimulated when in public. The best approach with him is for ME to remain calm. YOU may think I just don't care, but that's how to deal with this kind of behavior. Please, remember this quote:

Discipline does not cure autism, but thanks for your concern.

I am a nanny and when I worked with a boy with autism I had to get used to the looks other people give me for my "spoiled brat". He was anything but spoiled. My normal approach is to take the child out of the situation, but his tactile sensitivites were worse during a meltdown so even leading him to the car would make it worse. I literally had to sit on the floor with him and go through his deep breathing exercise together. To the outside world he looked totally normal, but I looked inept. You can't judge a parent based on an hour.

AngryDiet

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

& that still doesn't make you a very nice person..

I have a double masters.............but I am still dumb as a box of rocks. Book knowledge and knowing formulas mean JAck in social situations. And unless the situation is within your field of studies, I do not see how your education gives you an edge. Unless you think those without an education are uncooth, uncivilized or unable to come t intelligent solutions. I know quite a few people without hiogher education, and some of them became millionaires from their own businesses in just a few years.

I forgot my point................

The one thing a solid education brings you that is applicable in all of life is the ability to reason more gooder!

If you are educated to think logically and reason things out, then you will do better in most facets of life. Like anything else, it comes naturally to some more than others, but just about everyone can benefit from education and practice.

And no, you don't need to go to an elite school to learn that skill set.

And no, it's not an essential skill set either. But it does give those who are lucky enough to learn certain advantages.

Fairysoul

Just so you know if you have kids and someone sees you spanking them your likely to get dss called on you, just saying the world isn't what it used to be and there are other ways of calming a child other than a spanking!

k8blujay2

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

Is that similar to a Tier 1 school?

I'm going to wildly guess that no, she didn't go to anything resembling a Tier 1 school

Geez people! It was a typo! As if you all are so damned perfect and never make a mistake in your life! Should I pray to and worship you now?

Maybe you should avoid typos when you go around insulting other people and their inferior "backwoods community college" degrees whilst bragging about your fantastic education.

Oh Geez, that wasn't what I meant... as I too have gone to a community college (and graduated from)... I was thinking of some that are around here in my area that are largely unaccreditted and super uber religious... I will admit I didn't think that through to qualify it better.

noirnatural

Wow, alot of you are responding that the OP should not be so judgemental but thats all I see in the replys alot of judgement of the OP.

iAMsmiling

Geez people! It was a typo! As if you all are so damned perfect and never make a mistake in your life! Should I pray to and worship you now?

It would be a great start

All hail the secretlobster! :flowerforyou:

witchy_wife

Many ADULTS can't behave themselves in public, yet we expect children, who's brains are still immature and developing, to be perfect? My children are generally well-behaved, because I've always expected them to be, and if they won't correct their behavior, we leave. But I'm sure as hell not going to BEAT them black and blue for being children. Kids are emotionally and physically immature and do not always have the capacity to control themselves, their behavior, or their emotions. BEATING them for things that are beyond their control is sick. And while I don't at all agree with not disciplining, or trying to be your child's friend, people who beat their kids should be ashamed. I don't have a problem with a kid getting the occasional swat, but advocating beating children with belts is disgusting.

I agree with this. My kids have had their hands smacked for doing dangerous things like touching a plug socket, but its not a general part of our discipline routine.

I would leave a store if my kids kicked off, I have manhandled them out of the door kicking and screaming and they generally calm down after 5-10 minutes of not having people (such as OP) giving dirty looks and getting the attention they seek.

I think thrashing a child with a leather belt until they bleed is child abuse, simple as. It's disgraceful.

secretlobster

Geez people! It was a typo! As if you all are so damned perfect and never make a mistake in your life! Should I pray to and worship you now?

The issue is your original statement. It was condescending, elitist and dismissive. You can hardly complain, following that sort of thing, if people toss rocks at you on your "Teir 1" pedestal.

Also, I hope I'm not alone in my curiosity about what school she went to and what she majored in, if neither spelling nor rational debate seem to be in her wheelhouse?

bushidowoman

Kids screaming in restaurants actually kind of bugs me, most people go out to eat to enjoy a nice meal without hearing screaming children, if you can't keep them under control don't go out or get a sitter.

THIS!!!!! I do NOT want to hear YOUR screaming misbehaving child when I am out on a date with my husband. Don't you want to spend time alone with YOUR husband? Get a sitter! Have a date night. Dinner for two is cheaper than dinner for two plus kiddos. And they won't eat all their food anyway and it is wasteful. Please, PLEASE leave your kid with a sitter!

I am fine with kids in restaurants if they are well behaved. But the minute a kid stands up in THEIR booth and leans over the back of the booth and into my personal space and the parent does nothing about it... oh. It's on. I sat in a restaurant a week ago and watched two little girls bounce in their booth and lean over the back into another diner's personal space. The other diner had to get up, ask the parents to please stop their children from leaning over and bouncing around the booth. And the parent did nothing. I felt so horrible for the diner and the parents comment? "Kids will be kids. If you don't like it, go somewhere else." (I'm an eavesdropper) Absolutely frustrating.

Theres a few restaurants who've plainly said in a notice on their entrance door something along the lines of "customers with crying babies will be asked to leave". The restaurants have a huge list of "offended" people who try to tell them off but at the same time, they have lots of business because people know that you can eat peacefully there.

Once again, I feel for the parents, I really do. However, you do NOT have a right to ruin my time just because your child decided to be disruptive...

If there is not a notice on the door stating otherwise, my children have as much of a right to be there as anyone else does. I guarantee we will spend more money there than most of the other patrons will. And I cannot tell you how many times my meals have been ruined by loud, distasteful ADULTS. Have you ever tried asking someone to put away their cell phone or to tone down their language or to maybe find a different subject matter to discuss over dinner? It's just as annoying to dine with obnoxious adults as it is disruptive children. I have more tolerance for children, who are still learning. Adults *should know better*. When I find myself in that situation, I have two choices--deal with it or move on. I would say the same for people who are bothered by my children.

ritoosh

thats the problem now a days. you spanked a child and your deemed as a bad parent. child abuse or whatever. i was always a good child. never spoiled rotten like that. but if i was to do something like that, make no mistake i would get a big spanking!

AngryDiet

Maybe you don't understand what you typed?

LOL, yeah, that must be it!

jenniferinfl

I was in Michaels yesterday and this father and son were shopping. I guess his kid (who looked around 3 or 4) wanted something, but dad wouldn't get it for him. This kid started pitching a fit in the store, crying...screaming (the usual tantrum). We got to listen to that for 45 minutes. We also had the joy of being in front of this kid and his dad in line to check out (more high pitched screaming and crying). The dad is trying to console this kid...but it doesn't stop him. When they got outside, the kid lays down on the sidewalk and basically starts thrashing and screaming and crying. Meanwhile, the dad is PLEADING with his 4 yr old to stop. WTH?? Why is a grown man trying to conjole this spoiled little brat? WHY do parents do this?

To any of you older people, what would your parents have done? I have one very distinct memory of pitching a fit for some doll. My parents took me out to the car and I got spanked there. Once we got home, I got the leather belt. I remember this spanking the most b/c the welp marks bled.... I'm so tired of this lack of discipline in kids. I have come across some of the rudest little twerps EVER, and am so happy I don't have any of my own. I know for a fact my temper would get the best of me if I had one.

rant over.

Toddlers throw tantrums. Staying in the store and sticking it out even though the child is demanding you leave the store is part of discipline. Disciplining a child isn't always pleasant to those around. If my kid starts fussing while we're in the grocery store, I don't leave my groceries behind and try shopping another day. She has to tough it out. Eventually she'll learn that we're not leaving until mommy is done shopping, not when she's done shopping.

If I spank my kid in public, social services will get called, if I wait until we get home, then she isn't old enough yet to remember what the spanking is for, thus spanking is pretty pointless for that situation.

What you saw was discipline.

Edited to add: I make exception for places like restaurants. We leave when my toddler starts fussing. Anything where someone is paying for the experience I haul my kid out of if she's making a fuss.

Jxnsmma

Now that we've officially met, you can change that opinion. Me, my entire family, my entire country (well, mostly) and in many other cultures around the world, spanking is perfectly fine as long as its not abusive. Education doesn't really give you the license to coddle their kids

I have a PhD in Coddleology so back the f up girlfriend

Does that make you a Coddleolotologiest? :flowerforyou:

corn63

Wow, alot of you are responding that the OP should not be so judgemental but thats all I see in the replys alot of judgement of the OP.

You have obbbbbbbbbbbbbviously missed the point of these boards. Fitness and bettering yourself? No no, my friend.

ChristineDiet

My daughter threw ONE fit. That's it. One. I don't remember what it was for. But, she threw herself of the floor kicking and screaming. I then threw myself down kicking and screaming. Made a real scene. She was 3. She looked at me like I was nuts...... so did most of the store....... I stood up, looked at her and told her it looked just as stupid when she did it, and if she EVER embarrassed me like that again in public, she would get a spanking. Never did it again.

OMG I know someone who did the exact same thing and she said it worked like a charm.:laugh:

LOVE THIS!!

This is the same as the advert in the UK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6XZ-0ns2yA

Fairysoul

I was in Michaels yesterday and this father and son were shopping. I guess his kid (who looked around 3 or 4) wanted something, but dad wouldn't get it for him. This kid started pitching a fit in the store, crying...screaming (the usual tantrum). We got to listen to that for 45 minutes. We also had the joy of being in front of this kid and his dad in line to check out (more high pitched screaming and crying). The dad is trying to console this kid...but it doesn't stop him. When they got outside, the kid lays down on the sidewalk and basically starts thrashing and screaming and crying. Meanwhile, the dad is PLEADING with his 4 yr old to stop. WTH?? Why is a grown man trying to conjole this spoiled little brat? WHY do parents do this?

To any of you older people, what would your parents have done? I have one very distinct memory of pitching a fit for some doll. My parents took me out to the car and I got spanked there. Once we got home, I got the leather belt. I remember this spanking the most b/c the welp marks bled.... I'm so tired of this lack of discipline in kids. I have come across some of the rudest little twerps EVER, and am so happy I don't have any of my own. I know for a fact my temper would get the best of me if I had one.

rant over.

Toddlers throw tantrums. Staying in the store and sticking it out even though the child is demanding you leave the store is part of discipline. Disciplining a child isn't always pleasant to those around. If my kid starts fussing while we're in the grocery store, I don't leave my groceries behind and try shopping another day. She has to tough it out. Eventually she'll learn that we're not leaving until mommy is done shopping, not when she's done shopping.

If I spank my kid in public, social services will get called, if I wait until we get home, then she isn't old enough yet to remember what the spanking is for, thus spanking is pretty pointless for that situation.

What you saw was discipline.

Agree

quirkytizzy

I think you are confusing my posts with someone else's. I'm not making the argument you seem to believe that I am. And even if I were, your proof by example is spurious at best.

I'm saying there are more effective means of correcting behaviour, and means which do not convey an acceptance of violence.

And I have far greater respect for a person who can understand context and severity - of which you are unable to do when it comes to the topic of spanking.

You may have a college degree. I'd suggest you go back for Logic 101.

witchy_wife

Wow, alot of you are responding that the OP should not be so judgemental but thats all I see in the replys alot of judgement of the OP.

Sorry but if the OP thinks that the right way of having a child behave is to be scared of getting a belt when they get home, then people can judge all they want. Belting a child with a belt until they bleed is child abuse and damn right I am going to be judgemental about child abuse.