Children throwing tantrums in stores! What??
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Re: college degree.
My BIL/SIL both had graduate degrees and used their hands and belts to "discipline" their kids. They both grew up in homes where that was common. That was their definition of "discipline."
We don't spank/hit/smack. I predict our child will not either.
You repeat what you live with in most instances. It feels comfortable and familiar. To my in-laws it felt "right" cause that is the way they had seen discipline invoked.
Can you grow up to be a productive member of society with spanking in your childhood...sure. But, to me the greatest arguement against spanking is that you raise a child to grow up to believe that hitting someone a fraction of their size over whom they have complete control is okay.0 -
Perhaps your child could have been so much more without spanking.
Spanking is discipline, teaching with love. Personally, I have never met anyone who was spanked as a child that didn't turn out to be a mentally healthy, productive adult.0 -
Most people handle this wrong. I've had 3 kids. None of them ever threw tantrums in public. Children do this because they know they can without any reprecussions. They are in a safe zone in public. My kids never had a safe zone. LOL. Swift direct punishment right on the spot always worked. I didn't pull them into private, because that actually encourages bad behavior in public. I don't give 2 sh!ts about what someone is going to think, say, or call, I smack them in the butt, and tell them firmly they better hehave. It always works because the kids didn't ever have a safe zone in shich to act out like that.
My kids are not perfect. But, as far as that goes, I just never had any issue with it. When I see it, 1) I usually think the parents are doing it wrong. but, in the moment, the worst thing a parent can do is let the kid win, so they have to finish the shopping and just go through it. 2) Some people just have THAT kid, the one that even the best kid raiser in the world cannot control or figure out, the irrational one that just does not respond to normal techniques of training and positive reinforcement. You know, that's the kids that you could beat into a pulp, and they'd still do it. There's just nothing you can do. I've had friends who have one of those. It's just insane! So, sometimes, it's just taht situation. Doesn't matter. It's not parenting. It's just a fu*ked up @$$hole kid. LOL0 -
My daughter never did that, I taught her at a young age if she did in a store or restaurant I picked her up and we left. I never wanted to be one of those parents with the annoying screaming kids, everyone hates it. After a couple times of doing that she stopped and never did it again. I cant stand when the kids are screaming and the parents are just going about their business and dont do a thing to stop it!0
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My 2 and a half year old throws little fits every now and then but she hasn't thrown an all out tantrum. I try to make sure she's well rested, fed and happy when we go shopping but she is sometimes just grumpy. I correct her behavior when she's being a booger and I reward her when she's being well behaved. We don't go out to eat though unless it's a special occasion. She is a social butterfly and wants to bounce around saying hello to all the other diners. She gets sad and frustrated when I don't let her.0
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All of us are here because there is something in our life we have difficulty controlling and we're looking for help.
Controlling your emotions is a learned skill. 4 year olds don't have that skill and lots of grown-ups don't have that skill.
Maybe this guy was in the store shopping with his ranting 4 year old cause his wife was at home recovering from delivering their second child.
Maybe this kid is feeling left out cause the baby has come.
Maybe this kid was promised that if he was good his parents would buy him a special toy...but his dad lost his job and now Dad can't keep his word and the boy feels hurt and betrayed.
Maybe hurting a kid to "teach him a lesson" teaches him that the way you solve a problem is to hurt someone.
And, then they grow up to be a parent who believes that the way to teach their kid a lesson is to hurt them (cause a child doesn't make a distinction between spanking and hitting...cause to a child those are both hurting.)
I hope everytime I stuff my face in public people don't look at me and say: What can't she control herself?
And, I must say: All of my friends who have never had children are perfect parents.
Now that we have a child, you know what I do when I see a parent under pressure and a child out of control, I let them ahead of me in line, I help them carry their bags out, I give them a sympathetic smile and mouth "I've been there."
Have a happy holiday.
I completely and totally agree that there are many reasons this scenario happened, and I don't argue the discipline point, other than to say there was seemingly NO discipline happening. Discipline doesn't need to be corporal, but neither is it pleading with a child. (who, in a tantrum, is not thinking rationally) Allowing a child to continue in that manner does nothing but reinforce the notion that such behavior is acceptable.
My guess is, the child is not often disciplined. I say that because, the only children I have encountered who throw themselves on the ground in a fit are those who don't fear repercussion. And please, do not misconstrue my use of the word fear. One can fear being in trouble without being physically hurt.0 -
Also, I hope I'm not alone in my curiosity about what school she went to and what she majored in, if neither spelling nor rational debate seem to be in her wheelhouse?
Well then I guess you will continue in that curiosity, as I am no longer inclined to participate in your tit for tat. I merely, was starting my comment off as I had seen a previous poster as well... only I qualified it a bit more narrowly. But instead of disagreeing or picking at my argument, you (and others) choose to pick at a typo and my personal qualifier... which makes you look just as condescending and judgemental (not to mention petty) as you say I look.
Okay, since you seemed to be touting your education, I thought you might want to elaborate a bit more, but I suppose not.
Perhaps if you are nice, I MIGHT PM it to you... seeing as I don't put personal information like that on chat boards... never have, never will. And again, I was replying to the comment that stated that a PP has never known a college educated person to spank... HENCE, the qualifier... but I guess you would have known that, seeing as you are obviously so much smarter than I am.
Oh and I have last-worditis... so it may be a few replies before I do actually stop the back and forth.0 -
Perhaps if you are nice, I MIGHT PM it to you...
Not worth it, forget I asked0 -
When I see kids act up in stores, it's just a firm reminder of why I don't ever want to have them.0
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I do find it amusing someone is shocked/surprised about a kid throwing a tantrum in a store, especially this time of year.
JM0 -
I have a home daycare and just today managed to take 3 kids with me to teh store, ages just 3, 3 1/2, and almost 4, with NO ISSUES! I told them all before hand what I expected, as I always did with my own daughter, and as I did with the children I was a nanny to for over 8 years. I told them if everyone was well behaved they would get a small treat at the end to eat in the car. When asked by one of the 3 kids if F*** misbehaved would they still get something. My answe was no they wouldn't it was their jobs to behave and to be sure to encourage their friends to behave. We were in the store for about 30 minutes as I found the things on my list. THey stayed rith with me, "oohed" and "ahhed" over toys, candy, cards, wrapping paper,...Never once touched a thing, jsut sued their eyes as I had told them to keep their hands off and just use their eyes to see things. They were a pleasure t have in their!
I ahve been complimented several times on my daycare kdis behavior as well as my daughters beahvior when she was younger and out in public. The answer is quite simple, state your expectaions, let them now the consequences should they not follow your expectaions, and, here is the key, FOLLOW THROUGH!!!!! If that means leaving items ina basket at the store and going outside to the car, then do it. If it means pulling your car over ebcause the kids are misbehaving in teh back seat, then do it. Not even a need to yell or hit. Just follow through and remain calm.
Guess what, KIDS LEARN HOW TO ACT IN PUBLIC!!!0 -
Mine tends to get a bit unruly and whiney if she is tired or hungry, but I don't put up with tantrums like that. Mine gets a warning or two, then a flick in the forehead right between the eyes if behavior continues. She usually knocks it off after that. If mine ever laid down like that, though, I would have just said "Bye" and kept going a few feet further (make sure kid didn't run into street or anything). Quickest way to get a kid in the car is to make them think you're leaving without them.
I leave mine just like that. I stay where he can't see me, but I can see him. It almost always works. If he's throwing a fit, it's usually because he's too tired or he's too hungry. If I can't get him to calm down, I leave. He can be terrible in restaurants and I struggle with this. We never take him to "nice" places and we take him at off-hours, a little later or earlier lunch, or an earlier dinner. I request a booth and use myself to barricade him in. If he's throwing a fit, one of us leaves with him.0 -
When I see kids act up in stores, it's just a firm reminder of why I don't ever want to have them.
Ha, ha. Well, that's the bad side. There's an awesome sweet side too. Once you see that, you'll know why people want to have them. Plus, it's nice having someone do all the house cleaning, and chores. And, it's nice to know that someone will take care of you when you can no longer take care of yourself.0 -
You have no clue what is going on in their lives.0
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Even the best behaved, most well mannered adults probably threw at least one temper tantrum as a child. And some of the best behaved children are holy terrors as adults.
Since the beginning of time, parenting is different for everyone, so discipline for those children is different. While it can annoy the daylights out of me to shop with a child screaming in the store, I have to give serious respect to the parents who don't let that child win. I've seen parents that cajole, parents that beg, and I've seen parents that leave the store (or enter the rest room) and those that ignore the behavior. Interestingly enough, you never know what might work at any given time.
Did I get spanked as a child? YUP. I don't currently have children of my own, but I have enough friends with kids and done enough babysitting to know that most of the time, the same reaction doesn't work every time with every child. And even though it can be annoying to be the one in the store with the kid who doesn't behave, it's not my place to judge the child or the adult they are in the care of. My house is made of glass...I don't like being the one throwing stones.0 -
When I see kids act up in stores, it's just a firm reminder of why I don't ever want to have them.
Thats kind of harsh. Condemming the human race for something so trivial. I would assume you would not want kids because of the pooping, puking, sleepless nights, money they cost, and being the killer of all personal freedom. But The smile they give me somehow makes it worth it.0 -
Bingo.0
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Judge me all you want. When your kids are adults, we can compare notes. I have seen the results of raising my child. You haven't seen your results yet.
Wow, where to begin?
First, life is a journey, not a destination. The quality of life for a child, that thing called a childhood, is just as important as how well they turn out as an adult.
Second, there are many factors which lead to the culmination of a person. Experience, genetics, opportunity, love, to name a few. How a child turns out is not the result of one sole factor - in your implied claim, spanking. It's a mix of many things. Perhaps your child turned out great despite being spanked. Perhaps your child could have been so much more without spanking. You'll never know. Or maybe you aren't objective, or don't know the entirety of her existence, or what is to yet to come.
I'm surprised that you would try to turn it into a contest, if I'm honest.
She's 18. So much more than what?
And, seriously, she had a great childhood. Could it have been better? Whose couldn't have been? But the quality of her childhood has nothing to do with whether she was spanked. It didn't happen often and it was only when necessary and ONLY with my hand. No welts. No bruises. No bleeding.
She had everything she needed. many things she wanted, great friends, lots of play time. She had it a lot better than a lot of kids.
She wasn't afraid of me or any other adult in her life. She learned her limits and learned to live within them when she was old enough.
If your children have half the childhood she (or I!) had, they will be very lucky children.0 -
Quote - Maybe you should avoid typos when you go around insulting other people and their inferior "backwoods community college" degrees whilst bragging about your fantastic education.
I love the word "whilst". That is all.:)0 -
When I see kids act up in stores, it's just a firm reminder of why I don't ever want to have them.
Thats kind of harsh. Condemming the human race for something so trivial. I would assume you would not want kids because of the pooping, puking, sleepless nights, money they cost, and being the killer of all personal freedom. But The smile they give me somehow makes it worth it.
I wouldn't equate "I don't want to deal with tantrums" with "condemning the human race"0 -
OMG! right! I so agree!!! listening to a child have a tantrum sucks so bad.
But since we're ranting, I just have to say I can't STAND the holier than thou pieces of **** who judge everyone regardless of being ignorant of the circumstances. I know they are better at absolutely everything in the world than I am, just a mere mortal. Even thought they don't have children I KNOW they know far more about how to raise other people's children. I guess I'm just jealous that the world doesn't revolve around me like it does them.
rant over...
:noway:
^ This. I like this.0 -
Children throw tantrums, even the "best ones" Don't be so judgmental.0
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People do their best parenting before they themsleves become parents........0
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Most people handle this wrong. I've had 3 kids. None of them ever threw tantrums in public. Children do this because they know they can without any reprecussions.
OR because they get overstimulated by all the lights, commotion and so on. Some of it is just luck. My daughter has mostly outgrown tantrums in the store and she just turned 2. I have a friend who spanks her son plenty and he still has meltdowns in stores at age 12. He probably gets spanked everyday. But, he's somewhat on the autism spectrum and gets overstimulated. I've spanked my kid once for climbing on the kitchen table and she's just been outgrowing tantrums in the store with very little intervention from me. My kid isn't better in the store because I'm a better parent, she's better in the store because I got lucky enough to get a kid who outgrows it faster.0 -
When I see kids act up in stores, it's just a firm reminder of why I don't ever want to have them.
Ha, ha. Well, that's the bad side. There's an awesome sweet side too. Once you see that, you'll know why people want to have them. Plus, it's nice having someone do all the house cleaning, and chores. And, it's nice to know that someone will take care of you when you can no longer take care of yourself.
It's not that I've never seen the good side of a child, it's just that I don't think that a hug and an "I love you mommy" is worth the screaming, crying, money and effort. I just feel like I could get the same "sweet" side out of a puppy, really.
Also, there's no guarantee that your kids will care for you when they're old. Visit a nursing home - especially around this time of year - and ask a nurse how many residents they have whose families never come to see them. Could be that their kids live far away, have demanding jobs, a handful of little kids - it's sad, but true.0 -
Kids screaming in restaurants actually kind of bugs me, most people go out to eat to enjoy a nice meal without hearing screaming children, if you can't keep them under control don't go out or get a sitter.
THIS!!!!! I do NOT want to hear YOUR screaming misbehaving child when I am out on a date with my husband. Don't you want to spend time alone with YOUR husband? Get a sitter! Have a date night. Dinner for two is cheaper than dinner for two plus kiddos. And they won't eat all their food anyway and it is wasteful. Please, PLEASE leave your kid with a sitter!
I am fine with kids in restaurants if they are well behaved. But the minute a kid stands up in THEIR booth and leans over the back of the booth and into my personal space and the parent does nothing about it... oh. It's on. I sat in a restaurant a week ago and watched two little girls bounce in their booth and lean over the back into another diner's personal space. The other diner had to get up, ask the parents to please stop their children from leaning over and bouncing around the booth. And the parent did nothing. I felt so horrible for the diner
and the parents comment? "Kids will be kids. If you don't like it, go somewhere else." (I'm an eavesdropper) Absolutely frustrating.
Theres a few restaurants who've plainly said in a notice on their entrance door something along the lines of "customers with crying babies will be asked to leave". The restaurants have a huge list of "offended" people who try to tell them off but at the same time, they have lots of business because people know that you can eat peacefully there.
Once again, I feel for the parents, I really do. However, you do NOT have a right to ruin my time just because your child decided to be disruptive...
If there is not a notice on the door stating otherwise, my children have as much of a right to be there as anyone else does. I guarantee we will spend more money there than most of the other patrons will. And I cannot tell you how many times my meals have been ruined by loud, distasteful ADULTS. Have you ever tried asking someone to put away their cell phone or to tone down their language or to maybe find a different subject matter to discuss over dinner? It's just as annoying to dine with obnoxious adults as it is disruptive children. I have more tolerance for children, who are still learning. Adults *should know better*. When I find myself in that situation, I have two choices--deal with it or move on. I would say the same for people who are bothered by my children.
Children do have a right to be there. They also have the right to act like humans instead of monkeys, stay in your booth, not be screaming and throwing food the entire time, etc. No one said children aren't welcome, but restaurants are restaurants, not playgrounds so if you bring your children to a restaurant they shouldn't be acting like it's a playground.
I completely agree.
I have never once told someone to quiet their child but I have given them the look. And as for the conversations are you only offended by them because you have small children around who might hear what they're saying? If that's the case then here's an idea: Don't take your small children to that restaurant any more! Find a place that's more child friendly like Friendly's or Chuck-E-Cheese. I'm sorry but I have never had a meal ruined by someone having a loud and "distasteful" conversation. Loud? Sure but when I go out with a group of people we tend to get loud as well and believe me I have had many conversations that I am positive some people would deem to be "distasteful" but never once has anyone come up to me and asked me to be quiet. And why is it your business to comment on the subject matter any way and who are you to ask someone to talk about a different subject matter?
There's a huge difference between a child who is screaming, throwing food and banging their feet on the back of the booth or jumping around in the booth and leaning over my shoulder (yes, this has happened before!) and the parent just sits there and smiles and laughs. How is that respectful of ME and the time that I'm spending there? Why is it ok for your child to scream, throw food and stare at me over the seat of the booth and ruin my dinner and my time but it's not ok for people to talk loudly or *gasp* have "distasteful" conversations?0 -
When I see kids act up in stores, it's just a firm reminder of why I don't ever want to have them.
Ha, ha. Well, that's the bad side. There's an awesome sweet side too. Once you see that, you'll know why people want to have them. Plus, it's nice having someone do all the house cleaning, and chores. And, it's nice to know that someone will take care of you when you can no longer take care of yourself.
You had children so they could put their life on hold to take care of you in your old age? A bit selfish, isn't it?0 -
I personally dislike the use of objects to hit children. If I were to take off my belt and whack an adult, I'd be charged with assault with a weapon. I see no difference in hitting a small child with an object, who is less able to defend themselves, both physically and legally.
Beautifully made point.0 -
To all of you who think the solution is just to leave the store when your child acts up...
I have to drive 45 minutes to get to most stores. Have y'all seen the price of gas lately? Not only that, but as a working and homeschooling mother with six children, I am VERY limited on the time I can make these out-of-town shopping trips. If y'all think I'm going to turn around and take my child(ren) home just because they are having a rough day and acting their age, only to have to try it all over again later, think again. Sorry if it ruins *your* trip, but you are a grown-up, so you should have the emotional skills to deal with a few minutes of whining. And I'll discipline my child in my own way and in my own time. I've got 19 years of parenting experience, and I'm pretty confident by now that my way works *for us*.
In short "hey, I have problems and now they're your problems too. Because I'm a parent, I am entitled to make my problems your problems. Because I'm a parent".
Sorry but you just gave good parents a bad name by basically telling everybody else that they need to grow up and deal with YOUR kid throwing tantrums. Let me guess, you also tell other people in restaurants to grow up and deal with your kid. Right?
^ Amen.0
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