Children throwing tantrums in stores! What??
Replies
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I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)... I believe spankings are appropriate when kids are doing dangerous things... such as... oh, I don't know, playing with an electrical socket... or playing with the oven..... particularally after repeated attempts to redirect, distract, telling them no firmly, and even putting them on their "naughty spot" (yes, I have watched HOURS of Super Nanny).... My LO would constantly play with power strips... I spanked her (more like tapped her firmly on the bum) and she hasn't done it again... even though I went through all of the above attempted resolutions. I was not angry nor frustrated. She cried for a minute, got hugs and kisses... she knows I love her and she hasn't played with it since... In my opinion, a firm tap on the butt is much more desirable than being electricuted or severely burned.0 -
Time have changed and we cannot discipline our children like we need to without the fear of having Child Protection called on us for child abuse. I have three kids and it is extremely difficult to take them out in public sometimes. The best option for my kids (two of which have special needs) is to walk away and let them calm down because if I stand there and pay attention to their fit that is giving them exactly what they want....attention! Sometimes it would be nice if others would help out instead of being judgemental about the situation. We are doing the best we can and others have no clue if there are extenuating circumstances to the fit.0
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Let me say first off I DON'T believe in hitting children. In my opinion spanking does not work and is totally unnecessary.
When my kids acted the fool in a store or other public place, I would walk away. Never out of my line of sight, but they didn't know that. For example, if we were in the grocery store and a tantrum started, I would start walking up or down the aisle. That usually did the trick! they'd stop hollering and scurry after me. The few times that did not work, I picked them up and we left the store.
When kids are throwing tantrums, it's best not to give them attention for it. If I was the dad in your example, there is no way I would have tolerated him screaming for 45 minutes. I would have left the store and taken him home.
For the most part to avoid tantrums with little ones, you need to be preemptive. Make sure they are well-rested, well-fed, and hydrated before you take them out. If you take hungry, tired, thirsty kids out shopping you are guaranteed a cranky time. Also bring a bag of things to occupy them: books, small toys, small snacks, paper, crayons, etc.
You are so right about being well rested, fed, and hydrated. I can get cranky as an adult if I'm not all 3 of these when I am rushing around and my mom was actually really good about bringing fun stuff for us to do and eat, etc when we needed it. I totally forgot about her doing that until just now, but I actually will do the same right before I take my husband shopping. If I sense he's getting cranky I suggest we stop and get a small snack and something to drink and he's 1000X happier. Lol, my mom taught me something very valuable! I'll have to thank her the next time I see her!
Love both0 -
Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Charlie, that's not how it works. Domestic violence is not just physical abuse. It is mental and emotional abuse as well. It is a conditioning that causes the victim to think that it is okay. It's possible that people who are abused as children will grow up to be victims of spousal abuse. But spanking and physical abuse are not the same thing.
I agree with this. But, sometimes, a spanking to escalate to domestic violence. "Sometimes".
Then, it ceases being a spanking.0 -
I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...
Um. Excuse me? A community college education isn't good enough?0 -
My mom would just give me the look AND I KNEW TO STFU!
The look was kind of like an icy death stare and she would hold it for a bit until you noticed. Sent chills down your spine!0 -
This is exactly what is wrong with the world today. Parents are afraid of their kids and therefore the kids run the household. I mean look at the first few idiots in this thread saying that it's normal behavior for a 4 year old and basically that the dad shouldn't have whipped the little sh1t head. I know I didn't act like that with my dad when I was 4 or we would have went to the bathroom and me got my *kitten* busted. My dad only ever had to whip me about 3 times and I knew how act like a human being afterwards instead of an untrained monkey.
This!
^^^ Also this!!!0 -
All of us are here because there is something in our life we have difficulty controlling and we're looking for help.
Controlling your emotions is a learned skill. 4 year olds don't have that skill and lots of grown-ups don't have that skill.
Maybe this guy was in the store shopping with his ranting 4 year old cause his wife was at home recovering from delivering their second child.
Maybe this kid is feeling left out cause the baby has come.
Maybe this kid was promised that if he was good his parents would buy him a special toy...but his dad lost his job and now Dad can't keep his word and the boy feels hurt and betrayed.
Maybe hurting a kid to "teach him a lesson" teaches him that the way you solve a problem is to hurt someone.
And, then they grow up to be a parent who believes that the way to teach their kid a lesson is to hurt them (cause a child doesn't make a distinction between spanking and hitting...cause to a child those are both hurting.)
I hope everytime I stuff my face in public people don't look at me and say: What can't she control herself?
And, I must say: All of my friends who have never had children are perfect parents.
Now that we have a child, you know what I do when I see a parent under pressure and a child out of control, I let them ahead of me in line, I help them carry their bags out, I give them a sympathetic smile and mouth "I've been there."
Have a happy holiday.0 -
forgot to hit the quote button <_> oh well lolI couldn't agree more with this!0
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Kids screaming in restaurants actually kind of bugs me, most people go out to eat to enjoy a nice meal without hearing screaming children, if you can't keep them under control don't go out or get a sitter.
THIS!!!!! I do NOT want to hear YOUR screaming misbehaving child when I am out on a date with my husband. Don't you want to spend time alone with YOUR husband? Get a sitter! Have a date night. Dinner for two is cheaper than dinner for two plus kiddos. And they won't eat all their food anyway and it is wasteful. Please, PLEASE leave your kid with a sitter!
I am fine with kids in restaurants if they are well behaved. But the minute a kid stands up in THEIR booth and leans over the back of the booth and into my personal space and the parent does nothing about it... oh. It's on. I sat in a restaurant a week ago and watched two little girls bounce in their booth and lean over the back into another diner's personal space. The other diner had to get up, ask the parents to please stop their children from leaning over and bouncing around the booth. And the parent did nothing. I felt so horrible for the diner
and the parents comment? "Kids will be kids. If you don't like it, go somewhere else." (I'm an eavesdropper) Absolutely frustrating.
Theres a few restaurants who've plainly said in a notice on their entrance door something along the lines of "customers with crying babies will be asked to leave". The restaurants have a huge list of "offended" people who try to tell them off but at the same time, they have lots of business because people know that you can eat peacefully there.
Once again, I feel for the parents, I really do. However, you do NOT have a right to ruin my time just because your child decided to be disruptive...0 -
Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Charlie, that's not how it works. Domestic violence is not just physical abuse. It is mental and emotional abuse as well. It is a conditioning that causes the victim to think that it is okay. It's possible that people who are abused as children will grow up to be victims of spousal abuse. But spanking and physical abuse are not the same thing.
I agree with this. But, sometimes, a spanking to escalate to domestic violence. "Sometimes".
Then, it ceases being a spanking.
Exactly.........wait....what?0 -
To all of you who think the solution is just to leave the store when your child acts up...
I have to drive 45 minutes to get to most stores. Have y'all seen the price of gas lately? Not only that, but as a working and homeschooling mother with six children, I am VERY limited on the time I can make these out-of-town shopping trips. If y'all think I'm going to turn around and take my child(ren) home just because they are having a rough day and acting their age, only to have to try it all over again later, think again. Sorry if it ruins *your* trip, but you are a grown-up, so you should have the emotional skills to deal with a few minutes of whining. And I'll discipline my child in my own way and in my own time. I've got 19 years of parenting experience, and I'm pretty confident by now that my way works *for us*.
Beautiful!0 -
If I threw a fit, my parents would leave the entire cart of whatever we were shopping for right there in the store, take me out to the car and spank me. If I shut up after that, we'd go back in the store and finish shopping. If I continued to scream, we went straight home and they locked me in my room until I shut up.
If I played that crap on the sidewalk, they would've left, well they would've went back to the car without me and waited for me to come to my senses. Trust me, if I could've pulled something, I did.
That's exactly how I plan to raise my kids. They need to learn that they won't always get what they want. Parents aren't there to give kids everything they want.
I actually saw a woman leave her cart of things in the store last week and take her kid outside because the kid wouldn't stop screaming about a car.0 -
I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...
Um. Excuse me? A community college education isn't good enough?
MD PHD from Ivy League or GTFO0 -
Many ADULTS can't behave themselves in public, yet we expect children, who's brains are still immature and developing, to be perfect? My children are generally well-behaved, because I've always expected them to be, and if they won't correct their behavior, we leave. But I'm sure as hell not going to BEAT them black and blue for being children. Kids are emotionally and physically immature and do not always have the capacity to control themselves, their behavior, or their emotions. BEATING them for things that are beyond their control is sick. And while I don't at all agree with not disciplining, or trying to be your child's friend, people who beat their kids should be ashamed. I don't have a problem with a kid getting the occasional swat, but advocating beating children with belts is disgusting.0
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I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)... I believe spankings are appropriate when kids are doing dangerous things... such as... oh, I don't know, playing with an electrical socket... or playing with the oven..... particularally after repeated attempts to redirect, distract, telling them no firmly, and even putting them on their "naughty spot" (yes, I have watched HOURS of Super Nanny).... My LO would constantly play with power strips... I spanked her (more like tapped her firmly on the bum) and she hasn't done it again... even though I went through all of the above attempted resolutions. I was not angry nor frustrated. She cried for a minute, got hugs and kisses... she knows I love her and she hasn't played with it since... In my opinion, a firm tap on the butt is much more desirable than being electricuted or severely burned.
Did you double-major in Spelling and TV Parenting?0 -
My mom would just give me the look AND I KNEW TO STFU!
The look was kind of like an icy death stare and she would hold it for a bit until you noticed. Sent chills down your spine!
Omg, my dad had a look like that. Until the day he died a couple years ago, he could still give me that look and it would scare the bajeezus out of me. Didn't matter if I was 5 years old or 25 years old, he just gave me the look and I knew to stop whatever the hell I was doing lol0 -
I think it's funny when people don't know the difference between a spanking and a beating. I can only surmise that you were beaten and your parents called it spanking.There are far more inventive ways of correcting behaviour. You have to be pretty unoriginal to need to resort to spanking.
You have to be pretty unoriginal to not be able to accept and admit that your way is not the only and absolute right way.
When it comes to beating children, I'll stick with my unoriginal thinking that it's the last (only?) resort of the ... well you get the idea.
You would be wrong.
But if you can't undermine the argument, certainly, try to undermine the person making it instead.
Spanking is a mild form of violence. It's that simple. You are lying to yourself if you believe otherwise.
If you do it, you are sending your child a message that violence is acceptable under some circumstances. But more importantly, you are trying to use what is a pretty inefficient means of correcting behaviour when there are many more effective ways of doing so.
But whatever. Spank your child, and hope for the best.
I don't have to hope. I was spanked. I'm 36 and turned out pretty great. My child is 18 and in college and pretty great. And not violent. Neither am I.
Your argument is ridiculous just based solely on the number of people who have been spanked as children who did NOT grow up to be violent or accepting of violence.
I don't care if you don't spank your children. It's your business. But what I did with my (now adult child who I raised quite successfully) is not yours. The only judging in this thread is those who don't spank against those who do or did. I don't see anyone saying you have to spank. Only people saying it's not OK without any other argument than those children are going to grow up and be abused or commit acts of violence.
The statistics are against you.
I think you are confusing my posts with someone else's. I'm not making the argument you seem to believe that I am. And even if I were, your proof by example is spurious at best.
I'm saying there are more effective means of correcting behaviour, and means which do not convey an acceptance of violence.
And I certainly have a greater respect for those who are able to figure that out.
I directly quoted you. How am I confusing a direct quote of what YOU wrote with someone else?
I do not acept violence. Spanking is not a violent act. Sorry, but it isn't. A swat on the behind is not violent. It is a swat on the behind. It is very effective when done correctly under the right circumstances.0 -
Kids screaming in restaurants actually kind of bugs me, most people go out to eat to enjoy a nice meal without hearing screaming children, if you can't keep them under control don't go out or get a sitter.
THIS!!!!! I do NOT want to hear YOUR screaming misbehaving child when I am out on a date with my husband. Don't you want to spend time alone with YOUR husband? Get a sitter! Have a date night. Dinner for two is cheaper than dinner for two plus kiddos. And they won't eat all their food anyway and it is wasteful. Please, PLEASE leave your kid with a sitter!
I am fine with kids in restaurants if they are well behaved. But the minute a kid stands up in THEIR booth and leans over the back of the booth and into my personal space and the parent does nothing about it... oh. It's on. I sat in a restaurant a week ago and watched two little girls bounce in their booth and lean over the back into another diner's personal space. The other diner had to get up, ask the parents to please stop their children from leaning over and bouncing around the booth. And the parent did nothing. I felt so horrible for the diner and the parents comment? "Kids will be kids. If you don't like it, go somewhere else." (I'm an eavesdropper) Absolutely frustrating.
Theres a few restaurants who've plainly said in a notice on their entrance door something along the lines of "customers with crying babies will be asked to leave". The restaurants have a huge list of "offended" people who try to tell them off but at the same time, they have lots of business because people know that you can eat peacefully there.
Once again, I feel for the parents, I really do. However, you do NOT have a right to ruin my time just because your child decided to be disruptive...
Which is why I never take my kids out to eat. See, I am considerate.0 -
I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...
Um. Excuse me? A community college education isn't good enough?
MD PHD from Ivy League or GTFO
You're from Louisiana. Your point is irrelevant here.0 -
I guess his kid (who looked around 3 or 4) wanted something, but dad wouldn't get it for him.
You're making a huge assumption here. The kid might have been: tired, hungry, thirsty, too cold, too hot, in desperate need of a loo, ill, have a behavioural/mental health issue that makes crowded places problematic, or just be plain ol' miserable for some other reason. Dad's situation might not have been the easiest, either, and he might not be an 'experienced' parent, if Mum is the primary caregiver.
As others have said, every child reacts differently, but ignoring the tantrum, having first ascertained that none of the above factors were causing it, would have been my parents' tactic (though neither my sister or I were tantrum-prone, apparently). Removing us from the shop/removing the audience might also have been a tactic used. Certainly not a beating that left us bleeding.0 -
I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...
& that still doesn't make you a very nice person..0 -
"Big A Eye Roll"Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Yeah ... That's why I don't mind when the BF beats me and my daughter has been in and out of one abusive relationship after another.
Yep. You nailed it.
BAER
I said "possibly". It was just a thought. In passing. But in fact, is a proven cycle on both sides of real tramatic abuse. What is "BAER" by the way?
If simply spanking your children led to a cycle of that kind of abuse, probably 90% of people would be in that kind of a relationship.
Right! My parents spanked me... there were times where my mother beat me... she regrets that now... at least she admitted she had an anger problem.... but I am not nor have I ever been in an abusive relationship. Nor would I stand for it either.0 -
Eat your words. You are not a parent and do not understand how to deal with a 4 year old throwing a fit. When you are a parent, then come talk about what "should" be done. EVERY single parent can relate to that poor dad.... people like you judge.
I'm sure it will come back and bite you!0 -
I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
You don't seem to understand about college degrees to make such a blanket statement. This is a topic which is discussed at times in even a person's first year of college (depending on your degree and what courses you are taking for it) in some introduction courses in sociology and other subjects along the line as well and both spanking or non spanking are acceptable, its the consistency that is important. You can't go spanking one moment then not doing it the next or one time not giving in and the next time you do so. Children need to know the rules and you have to follow up on those rules no matter if you spank or not. Maybe you need to go back for some more wider range of education? Eh?
What does having a degree have to do with raising a child?!
Most people I know that have been hired for business related jobs don't even have a business degree. Many companies just want to see that you have one.
Also, a degree and book smarts cannot substitute for COMMON SENSE and people/street smarts.
I've known some highly educated but real world morons. It's like knowing all the steps to the dance but not being able to actually perform it.0 -
Tell ya what I'd do.....I'd throw a tantrum of my own by going up on a fitness forum \m/0
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I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...
Is that similar to a Tier 1 school?0 -
To all of you who think the solution is just to leave the store when your child acts up...
I have to drive 45 minutes to get to most stores. Have y'all seen the price of gas lately? Not only that, but as a working and homeschooling mother with six children, I am VERY limited on the time I can make these out-of-town shopping trips. If y'all think I'm going to turn around and take my child(ren) home just because they are having a rough day and acting their age, only to have to try it all over again later, think again. Sorry if it ruins *your* trip, but you are a grown-up, so you should have the emotional skills to deal with a few minutes of whining. And I'll discipline my child in my own way and in my own time. I've got 19 years of parenting experience, and I'm pretty confident by now that my way works *for us*.
So other people should have to suffer the tantrums of your kids because you are incompetent enough to discipline them? No one wants to take responsibility these days. They are YOUR kids to deal with, not everyone else's in the store.0 -
To all of you who think the solution is just to leave the store when your child acts up...
I have to drive 45 minutes to get to most stores. Have y'all seen the price of gas lately? Not only that, but as a working and homeschooling mother with six children, I am VERY limited on the time I can make these out-of-town shopping trips. If y'all think I'm going to turn around and take my child(ren) home just because they are having a rough day and acting their age, only to have to try it all over again later, think again. Sorry if it ruins *your* trip, but you are a grown-up, so you should have the emotional skills to deal with a few minutes of whining. And I'll discipline my child in my own way and in my own time. I've got 19 years of parenting experience, and I'm pretty confident by now that my way works *for us*.
In short "hey, I have problems and now they're your problems too. Because I'm a parent, I am entitled to make my problems your problems. Because I'm a parent".
Sorry but you just gave good parents a bad name by basically telling everybody else that they need to grow up and deal with YOUR kid throwing tantrums. Let me guess, you also tell other people in restaurants to grow up and deal with your kid. Right?0 -
I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...
Um. Excuse me? A community college education isn't good enough?
She's agreeing with me, so I don't want to be too mean, but seriously???
I got an associate's degree at a community college. I got all my gen ed classes out of the way for way cheaper than a four-year school. Then I went to a state school and this woman was one of my professors:
http://www.cddc.vt.edu/feminism/Grosz.html
My daughter is at a community college right now. We're paying next to nothing and she's getting her gen ed classes out of the way and they're being taught by the same professors who teach at FSU.0
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