Children throwing tantrums in stores! What??

My1985Freckles

Kids screaming in restaurants actually kind of bugs me, most people go out to eat to enjoy a nice meal without hearing screaming children, if you can't keep them under control don't go out or get a sitter.

THIS!!!!! I do NOT want to hear YOUR screaming misbehaving child when I am out on a date with my husband. Don't you want to spend time alone with YOUR husband? Get a sitter! Have a date night. Dinner for two is cheaper than dinner for two plus kiddos. And they won't eat all their food anyway and it is wasteful. Please, PLEASE leave your kid with a sitter!

I am fine with kids in restaurants if they are well behaved. But the minute a kid stands up in THEIR booth and leans over the back of the booth and into my personal space and the parent does nothing about it... oh. It's on. I sat in a restaurant a week ago and watched two little girls bounce in their booth and lean over the back into another diner's personal space. The other diner had to get up, ask the parents to please stop their children from leaning over and bouncing around the booth. And the parent did nothing. I felt so horrible for the diner and the parents comment? "Kids will be kids. If you don't like it, go somewhere else." (I'm an eavesdropper) Absolutely frustrating.

I would have called the manager over and complained or demand to be moved etc if the parent responded that way. Or maybe replied with A---s will be a---s and you're doing a fabulous job. Then called the manager LOL

Sox90716

SERENITY NOW!!!!

secretlobster

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

Is that similar to a Tier 1 school?

I'm going to wildly guess that no, she didn't go to anything resembling a Tier 1 school

BeingAwesome247

Eat your words. You are not a parent and do not understand how to deal with a 4 year old throwing a fit. When you are a parent, then come talk about what "should" be done. EVERY single parent can relate to that poor dad.... people like you judge.
I'm sure it will come back and bite you!

I do have a child and I CAN'T relate because I wouldn't be negotiating with a child and I wouldn't subject others to such behavior. And no I don't feel bad for him. He's the parent, he's supposed to make the rules - NOT the child
This is WHY we have so many LAZY, IRRESPONSIBLE, SPOILED ROTTEN Children out there.
I've told my daughter that our house is NOT a democracy. What Mom says goes and that's the end of it.
I'm the parent and it's my job to raise a respectable woman and there is NO arguing with mom

k8blujay2

I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

Um. Excuse me? A community college education isn't good enough?

Oh Geez... I have one of those too... A.Sc from a Community College as well. I was qualifying where I was coming from as some Judgy McJudgerson's see Community College education as nothing.


Oh and to another poster, I don't see what my typo has anything do with anything... seeing as I never claimed to be perfect. But go ahead, nitpick at minor spelling... it's not going to get you anywhere but looking like you are petty.


edit for the grammar nazi's that really have little argument, thus will pick at grammar and spelling to intimidate rather than to add to a debate/discussion.

AngryDiet

There are far more inventive ways of correcting behaviour. You have to be pretty unoriginal to need to resort to spanking.

You have to be pretty unoriginal to not be able to accept and admit that your way is not the only and absolute right way.

When it comes to beating children, I'll stick with my unoriginal thinking that it's the last (only?) resort of the ... well you get the idea.

I think it's funny when people don't know the difference between a spanking and a beating. I can only surmise that you were beaten and your parents called it spanking.

You would be wrong.

But if you can't undermine the argument, certainly, try to undermine the person making it instead.

Spanking is a mild form of violence. It's that simple. You are lying to yourself if you believe otherwise.

If you do it, you are sending your child a message that violence is acceptable under some circumstances. But more importantly, you are trying to use what is a pretty inefficient means of correcting behaviour when there are many more effective ways of doing so.

But whatever. Spank your child, and hope for the best.

I don't have to hope. I was spanked. I'm 36 and turned out pretty great. My child is 18 and in college and pretty great. And not violent. Neither am I.

Your argument is ridiculous just based solely on the number of people who have been spanked as children who did NOT grow up to be violent or accepting of violence.

I don't care if you don't spank your children. It's your business. But what I did with my (now adult child who I raised quite successfully) is not yours. The only judging in this thread is those who don't spank against those who do or did. I don't see anyone saying you have to spank. Only people saying it's not OK without any other argument than those children are going to grow up and be abused or commit acts of violence.

The statistics are against you.

I think you are confusing my posts with someone else's. I'm not making the argument you seem to believe that I am. And even if I were, your proof by example is spurious at best.

I'm saying there are more effective means of correcting behaviour, and means which do not convey an acceptance of violence.

And I certainly have a greater respect for those who are able to figure that out.

I directly quoted you. How am I confusing a direct quote of what YOu wrote with someone else?

I do not acept violence. Spanking is not a violent act. Sorry, but it isn't. A swat on the behind is not violent. It is a swat on the behind. It is very effective when done correctly under the right circumstances.

Quoting apparently isn't enough. You also have to read and understand what you've quoted, too.

As to your claim that spanking isn't violent... um...

Whatever. You spanked your child and seem deeply offended that someone like me would think the worse of you for doing that. (Someone, BTW, with kids of my own, and going through the trials and tribulations of raising them, so I'm not exactly talking out my *kitten*.) You are right in that I am judgemental of such people as you. Deal with it.

taunto

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

Is that similar to a Tier 1 school?

I'm going to wildly guess that no, she didn't go to anything resembling a Tier 1 school

I went to an Ivy league college... to clean the crapper!

k8blujay2

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

Is that similar to a Tier 1 school?

I'm going to wildly guess that no, she didn't go to anything resembling a Tier 1 school

Geez people! It was a typo! As if you all are so damned perfect and never make a mistake in your life! Should I pray to and worship you now?

rugbyphreak

I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

Um. Excuse me? A community college education isn't good enough?

HERE I AM! I will raise my children the way I was raised. I got beat and turned out fine. My younger brother didn't get the punishments I had, and he's turning out like crap. He swears, talks back, lies, doesn't do well in school, and has no direction in life. I am better off because of the way I was raised.

Charlie003

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

& that still doesn't make you a very nice person..

I have a double masters.............but I am still dumb as a box of rocks. Book knowledge and knowing formulas mean JAck in social situations. And unless the situation is within your field of studies, I do not see how your education gives you an edge. Unless you think those without an education are uncooth, uncivilized or unable to come t intelligent solutions. I know quite a few people without hiogher education, and some of them became millionaires from their own businesses in just a few years.

I forgot my point................

Jxnsmma

I thought I knew everything about kids. Was full of annoyance at public tantrums. Judged my family and friends. Swore up and down that MY KID would Never do that (insert various bad annoying behaviors here)... UNTIL I had a kid.

You seriously have no clue until you have to deal with it yourself. and if you plan on making them bleed with a belt or any other weapon for that matter, please get yourself spayed....

Do you let your child tweak out in public, say, at a restaurant, where people are trying to enjoy a meal? Yeah, it sucks dealing with a screaming, freaking out child, but to subject those around you to that is not cool. I know what you mean, I have a 10 month old, who has her moments. I also have nephews 7mo-3.5yrs) who aren't always perfect. When they act up, they're removed from the situation- even if its only to continue the freakout in the car.

If he was to freak out in public, which he has not yet thank god, I would drop everything and take him away from the public eye. He would receive a time out, a thorough talking to and have his tv priviledges removed for the day if it was bad enough ( He is only just turning 3). I dont even take him to restaurants at this point because I know better than to expect him to sit perfectly, quietly and eat without any type of kid behaviour. If we want to go to an adult restaurant bad enough, he can go visit grandpa for a couple hours... though not everyone has their family to support them like we do.

booyainyoface

maybe the child has Autism. Autistic kids may tantrum when any change of routine occurs due to not being able to verbalize their thoughts and frustrations. I do behavioral therapy with severely impacted kids and a portion of our days are spent out in public learning how to communicate. I get A LOT of stares in the store when one of my clients (a 8 year old boy) throws a tantrum over not being able to drink milk, or buy a toy... Spanking the boy wouldn't teach him a thing only scare him (plus its illegal for me to do in my position), and removing him from a situation will only make the situation occur again and not teach him coping techniques.

So don't always judge a parent that has a child that is having a tantrum- the child might have a disability (autistic kids "look normal") or be learning behavior modification techniques instead of allowing the child to win the situation by being removed from the stimulus.

xLexa

All of us are here because there is something in our life we have difficulty controlling and we're looking for help.

Controlling your emotions is a learned skill. 4 year olds don't have that skill and lots of grown-ups don't have that skill.

Maybe this guy was in the store shopping with his ranting 4 year old cause his wife was at home recovering from delivering their second child.

Maybe this kid is feeling left out cause the baby has come.

Maybe this kid was promised that if he was good his parents would buy him a special toy...but his dad lost his job and now Dad can't keep his word and the boy feels hurt and betrayed.

Maybe hurting a kid to "teach him a lesson" teaches him that the way you solve a problem is to hurt someone.

And, then they grow up to be a parent who believes that the way to teach their kid a lesson is to hurt them (cause a child doesn't make a distinction between spanking and hitting...cause to a child those are both hurting.)

I hope everytime I stuff my face in public people don't look at me and say: What can't she control herself?

And, I must say: All of my friends who have never had children are perfect parents.

Now that we have a child, you know what I do when I see a parent under pressure and a child out of control, I let them ahead of me in line, I help them carry their bags out, I give them a sympathetic smile and mouth "I've been there."

Have a happy holiday.

AMEN !

VelociMama

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

Is that similar to a Tier 1 school?

I'm going to wildly guess that no, she didn't go to anything resembling a Tier 1 school

Geez people! It was a typo! As if you all are so damned perfect and never make a mistake in your life! Should I pray to and worship you now?

Maybe you should avoid typos when you go around insulting other people and their inferior "backwoods community college" degrees whilst bragging about your fantastic education.

moosegt35

If I threw a fit, my parents would leave the entire cart of whatever we were shopping for right there in the store, take me out to the car and spank me. If I shut up after that, we'd go back in the store and finish shopping. If I continued to scream, we went straight home and they locked me in my room until I shut up.

If I played that crap on the sidewalk, they would've left, well they would've went back to the car without me and waited for me to come to my senses. Trust me, if I could've pulled something, I did.

That's exactly how I plan to raise my kids. They need to learn that they won't always get what they want. Parents aren't there to give kids everything they want.

I actually saw a woman leave her cart of things in the store last week and take her kid outside because the kid wouldn't stop screaming about a car.

Another great strategy. I am sure the store workers loved restocking all of the things in the carts that the imbecils just left sitting there. Once again, taking zero responsibility.

secretlobster

Geez people! It was a typo! As if you all are so damned perfect and never make a mistake in your life! Should I pray to and worship you now?

It would be a great start

rml_16

Quoting apparently isn't enough. You also have to read and understand what you've quoted, too.

As to your claim that spanking isn't violent... um...

Whatever. You spanked your child and seem deeply offended that someone like me would think the worse of you for doing that. (Someone, BTW, with kids of my own, and going through the trials and tribulations of raising them, so I'm not exactly talking out my *kitten*.) You are right in that I am judgemental of such people as you. Deal with it.

Maybe you don't understand what you typed?

Judge me all you want. When your kids are adults, we can compare notes. I have seen the results of raising my child. You haven't seen your results yet.

PhearlessPhreaks

Only read the first post... but as a parent myself this ticks me off... Kids typically pitch fits, not because they want something they can't have, but because they are tired, hungry, bored, all of the above, or some combination of the above.... I don't know if parent's just lack planning skills or are just too selfish and/or lazy to take their kid home to rest/eat/what have you and come back later... there is no excuse to let a kid scream in the store.

And then there are some kids, like my friend's child (3yrs) who tweaks every time mom says "no". So, what does mom do? She gives in. She feeds the beast. And I've seen enough working with the public to know she's not the only one.

SadKitty27

I'm a 26 year old mother of a wonderfully behaved 7 year old little guy who will be 8 this coming February. I agree with the majority here. You won't understand until you have kids.

At young ages all kids purposely push buttons and boundaries in order to see what they can get away with. The father did the right thing by not giving into the child by giving him whatever he wanted. If you give in, it only gets much worse and the child looses respect for you. If you let it go on too long, then it will be too late and you won't ever be able to control them.

Also, some kids take more work than others - perhaps the father's nerves are just really wearing thin and he's exhausted from it....You obviously didn't enjoy your short shopping trip having to listen to the kid...Could you imagine what it's like raising him? There are no breaks I'll tell ya that. Being a parent is a 24'7 job that never ends. Thankfully, if you do it right the tantrums do stop though lol.

Oh, and I think it's a bit rash to assume the child isn't punished at home for tantrums, or won't be punished later for the store incident. Personally, my son doesn't have tantrums in public, but does have them once in a blue moon at home (albeit we're talking just getting huffy and slamming a door.) So, I let him vent in his room, and when he calms down we talk about why he was upset, how he could have handled the situation better and what the appropriate punishment will be.

Which brings me to another good point. Some young children just don't know how to handle their emotions. Letting them calm down, and then trying to talk about it can be a good thing. You can also discuss ways for them to better handle their feelings, which could overall improve their behavior in the long run.


Additionally, you can't just spank your kids in public as it's no longer socially acceptable to do so. Furthermore, a punishment should be doled out in the privacy of one's home, and not in public imo . The punishment shouldn't be about humiliation, nor given in the heat of the moment, but rather in a controlled, calm and private setting. The punishment should always be between the child and his/her parents.

But, I will say that all kids are different in terms of effective punishment. Not all kids respond well to spankings, and personally I've never used them as a method of punishment, and my child is literally the best behaved child in his class (the teachers at his school give me compliments on his behavior and grades all of the time.)

Forms of punishment should be at the discretion of each parent as they should know their child best. However, if you do choose to spank your child NEVER use anything but your hand otherwise it's a beating, and beating your child is abuse. Only a very sick person who can't control their anger and emotions would beat a child period... Just thinking about someone beating their child to the point they're black and blue makes me sick.

Edited : Added a point, and took out a word.

zaithyr

I haven't read through all the comments but my 5 year old has high-functioning autism and she's had meltdowns and thrown tantrums that make genuinely bratty kids look tame! I used to wonder why parents just didn't smack their butts and why they let them get away with it but now that I've been on the other side I know it's not that easy. Sometimes despite parents best efforts and the strictest of disciplining, little kids will throw tantrums. It's just natural immaturity coming out. If my daughter gets too crazy I take her to the bathroom or somewhere to calm down if possible but sometimes you just have to ride it out until you can get through the check out.

That being said, I usually go shopping in the evenings when I can leave the kids home with my husband. Walmart is like a vacation haha!!!

Tiggerrick

Sigh.... My child never, ever, ever threw a tantrum with me. But I am sure it was child specific.

BEFORE dealing with my child, whenever I was going to have an interaction that required a response from him, I made up in my mind whether I was giving him a command or an choice. We could discuss choices. My standard answer to his complaints on my commands would be "I didn't ASK you, I am TELLING you" , there was no negotiating allowed - period. He's the child, I am the parent, he will do as I say, even if it had to resort to physically making him do it (like a puppet). He did get spanked a FEW times. Once for hanging up the phone on me on purpose when he was about 4 (my lunch time consisted of me driving to the sitter's, spanking him, telling him he will respect me at all times even when I am not there, and driving away). Another for stealing over $100 from his grandmother when he was about 8, and attempting to walk to the mall to buy a video game console.

He also got "time outs", but he really didn't care or feel like those were a punishment of any kind. That boy can sit doing nothing for hours. I actually feel that "time outs" are a way of preparing kids for prison. That's what prison is, one looong time out.

Behavior of correction is child specific. In this case, I would have NOT discussed it with my child. As the parent, I would have said NO, end of discussion. Tantrum time - HA. Would have picked his *kitten* up and thrown him in the car. The more you give in to acknowledging the behavior, the more it continues to happen, because they realize they can get a reaction from you.

iAMsmiling

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

Is that similar to a Tier 1 school?

I'm going to wildly guess that no, she didn't go to anything resembling a Tier 1 school

Geez people! It was a typo! As if you all are so damned perfect and never make a mistake in your life! Should I pray to and worship you now?

The issue is your original statement. It was condescending, elitist and dismissive. You can hardly complain, following that sort of thing, if people toss rocks at you on your "Teir 1" pedestal.

serenapitala

I have a son who has autism. You wouldn't know this by looking at him. He cannot control his emotions and gets overstimulated when in public. The best approach with him is for ME to remain calm. YOU may think I just don't care, but that's how to deal with this kind of behavior. Please, remember this quote:

Discipline does not cure autism, but thanks for your concern.

I am a nanny and when I worked with a boy with autism I had to get used to the looks other people give me for my "spoiled brat". He was anything but spoiled. My normal approach is to take the child out of the situation, but his tactile sensitivites were worse during a meltdown so even leading him to the car would make it worse. I literally had to sit on the floor with him and go through his deep breathing exercise together. To the outside world he looked totally normal, but I looked inept. You can't judge a parent based on an hour.

AngryDiet

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

& that still doesn't make you a very nice person..

I have a double masters.............but I am still dumb as a box of rocks. Book knowledge and knowing formulas mean JAck in social situations. And unless the situation is within your field of studies, I do not see how your education gives you an edge. Unless you think those without an education are uncooth, uncivilized or unable to come t intelligent solutions. I know quite a few people without hiogher education, and some of them became millionaires from their own businesses in just a few years.

I forgot my point................

The one thing a solid education brings you that is applicable in all of life is the ability to reason more gooder!

If you are educated to think logically and reason things out, then you will do better in most facets of life. Like anything else, it comes naturally to some more than others, but just about everyone can benefit from education and practice.

And no, you don't need to go to an elite school to learn that skill set.

And no, it's not an essential skill set either. But it does give those who are lucky enough to learn certain advantages.

Fairysoul

Just so you know if you have kids and someone sees you spanking them your likely to get dss called on you, just saying the world isn't what it used to be and there are other ways of calming a child other than a spanking!

k8blujay2

I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...

Is that similar to a Tier 1 school?

I'm going to wildly guess that no, she didn't go to anything resembling a Tier 1 school

Geez people! It was a typo! As if you all are so damned perfect and never make a mistake in your life! Should I pray to and worship you now?

Maybe you should avoid typos when you go around insulting other people and their inferior "backwoods community college" degrees whilst bragging about your fantastic education.

Oh Geez, that wasn't what I meant... as I too have gone to a community college (and graduated from)... I was thinking of some that are around here in my area that are largely unaccreditted and super uber religious... I will admit I didn't think that through to qualify it better.

noirnatural

Wow, alot of you are responding that the OP should not be so judgemental but thats all I see in the replys alot of judgement of the OP.

iAMsmiling

Geez people! It was a typo! As if you all are so damned perfect and never make a mistake in your life! Should I pray to and worship you now?

It would be a great start

All hail the secretlobster! :flowerforyou:

witchy_wife

Many ADULTS can't behave themselves in public, yet we expect children, who's brains are still immature and developing, to be perfect? My children are generally well-behaved, because I've always expected them to be, and if they won't correct their behavior, we leave. But I'm sure as hell not going to BEAT them black and blue for being children. Kids are emotionally and physically immature and do not always have the capacity to control themselves, their behavior, or their emotions. BEATING them for things that are beyond their control is sick. And while I don't at all agree with not disciplining, or trying to be your child's friend, people who beat their kids should be ashamed. I don't have a problem with a kid getting the occasional swat, but advocating beating children with belts is disgusting.

I agree with this. My kids have had their hands smacked for doing dangerous things like touching a plug socket, but its not a general part of our discipline routine.

I would leave a store if my kids kicked off, I have manhandled them out of the door kicking and screaming and they generally calm down after 5-10 minutes of not having people (such as OP) giving dirty looks and getting the attention they seek.

I think thrashing a child with a leather belt until they bleed is child abuse, simple as. It's disgraceful.

secretlobster

Geez people! It was a typo! As if you all are so damned perfect and never make a mistake in your life! Should I pray to and worship you now?

The issue is your original statement. It was condescending, elitist and dismissive. You can hardly complain, following that sort of thing, if people toss rocks at you on your "Teir 1" pedestal.

Also, I hope I'm not alone in my curiosity about what school she went to and what she majored in, if neither spelling nor rational debate seem to be in her wheelhouse?