Children throwing tantrums in stores! What??
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You know... now that I have my own "Rude little twerps" I am much less judgemental of what other parents go through.
Personally if I was the man we'd have left and the child would have gone to time out or bed when we got home.
But everybody does what works for them. Sometimes parents don't take their children out when they are young and tantrum prone, which tends to prolong the period of time in which they are tantrum prone.
Please never have children. Please.
Ditto this - just because you are clearly so 'perfect' doesn't mean you should judge others!
On a lighter note - this is what the guy should have done:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6XZ-0ns2yA 0 -
I don't have kids but do have nieces and nephews. When they did that to me, I just walked away and when they didn't see me anymore they stopped and came looking for me. They were never out of my site though, I was just out of theirs. Ha ha. I would peak through shelves or behind clothes or wherever. Or I would say "see now everyone is looking at you, is that what you want". They usually stopped after that, ha ha.0
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Let me say first off I DON'T believe in hitting children. In my opinion spanking does not work and is totally unnecessary.
When my kids acted the fool in a store or other public place, I would walk away. Never out of my line of sight, but they didn't know that. For example, if we were in the grocery store and a tantrum started, I would start walking up or down the aisle. That usually did the trick! they'd stop hollering and scurry after me. The few times that did not work, I picked them up and we left the store.
When kids are throwing tantrums, it's best not to give them attention for it. If I was the dad in your example, there is no way I would have tolerated him screaming for 45 minutes. I would have left the store and taken him home.
For the most part to avoid tantrums with little ones, you need to be preemptive. Make sure they are well-rested, well-fed, and hydrated before you take them out. If you take hungry, tired, thirsty kids out shopping you are guaranteed a cranky time. Also bring a bag of things to occupy them: books, small toys, small snacks, paper, crayons, etc.
You are so right about being well rested, fed, and hydrated. I can get cranky as an adult if I'm not all 3 of these when I am rushing around and my mom was actually really good about bringing fun stuff for us to do and eat, etc when we needed it. I totally forgot about her doing that until just now, but I actually will do the same right before I take my husband shopping. If I sense he's getting cranky I suggest we stop and get a small snack and something to drink and he's 1000X happier. Lol, my mom taught me something very valuable! I'll have to thank her the next time I see her!0 -
I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
You don't seem to understand about college degrees to make such a blanket statement. This is a topic which is discussed at times in even a person's first year of college (depending on your degree and what courses you are taking for it) in some introduction courses in sociology and other subjects along the line as well and both spanking or non spanking are acceptable, its the consistency that is important. You can't go spanking one moment then not doing it the next or one time not giving in and the next time you do so. Children need to know the rules and you have to follow up on those rules no matter if you spank or not. Maybe you need to go back for some more wider range of education? Eh?0 -
I'm happy you don't have kids, too, if you can't handle that.
Kids know when you are vulnerable and pick that time to throw a fit. Or sometimes it's just close to naptime/mealtime etc. Sometimes parents just have to finish their errands at the store and are trying to hurry up and get out of there. Not everyone is able to just take their kids out of the store. How about having some compassion?0 -
"Big A Eye Roll"Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Yeah ... That's why I don't mind when the BF beats me and my daughter has been in and out of one abusive relationship after another.
Yep. You nailed it.
BAER
I said "possibly". It was just a thought. In passing. But in fact, is a proven cycle on both sides of real tramatic abuse. What is "BAER" by the way?
If simply spanking your children led to a cycle of that kind of abuse, probably 90% of people would be in that kind of a relationship.
That is why I say "Possibly". Depends on the situation. The mind is very complicated and immpressionable at that age.0 -
1.) Spanking should be done on the rear with some sort of designated paddle. Never use your hand, a belt, or whatever object happens to be closest at hand. Also, make sure your child is bent over so that the rear is the primary target, and you are not as likely to accidently miss the butt and strike them on the back.
I disagree with using a foreign object to spank your child with, and I feel like I've even read in parenting and child development forums (I was a little paranoid that I didn't know how to take care of a child when I was pregnant lol) that you should only use your open palm and nothing else if you choose to spank, but I could be wrong, it was a long time ago that I read those types of things. But I do agree, the rear should be the only area that gets any type of contact because a light spank on the bottom doesn't hurt, but the same amount of force on the lower back or upper thigh may hurt.
I probably should have elaborated a little more on that point. The reason I say don't use your hand is because I think your child should associate your hands with GENTLE acts of love like holding them close, wiping their tears, nursing their booboo's, etc... When I say paddle, I mean something light weight, about the size of your hand, which will leave a sting without leaving a welt or a bruise. For example, something the size of a ping pong paddle. It won't do any permanent harm, but it will leave a sting your child won't soon forget. And it's small enough to fit in mom's purse, so you can take it with you wherever you go. Belts, hair brushes, plastic Hot Wheels race tracks (yes, I've heard of people using these), etc... should not be used as they can actually leave permanent marks. Most of my friends and family adhere to this, and they seem to get good results with it. I've gotten good results myself, as well.
Agreed! I have heard this as well for the "hands should be gentle."
Ahhh... ping pong paddles.... I've had many a ping pong paddle broken over my rear.0 -
There are serious limitations to "reasoning" with a child. You can only reason with someone who intends to be reasonable. The child is only intending to get what they want.
I still see this with my teenagers when they get upset with me because I've ended a conversation with "because I said so." The fact is, they'd keep "reasoning" until I caved. No other outcome is acceptable to them. This is many times worse with a small child who really isn't even capable of any reasoning.0 -
My daughter threw ONE fit. That's it. One. I don't remember what it was for. But, she threw herself of the floor kicking and screaming. I then threw myself down kicking and screaming. Made a real scene. She was 3. She looked at me like I was nuts...... so did most of the store....... I stood up, looked at her and told her it looked just as stupid when she did it, and if she EVER embarrassed me like that again in public, she would get a spanking. Never did it again.
OMG I know someone who did the exact same thing and she said it worked like a charm.:laugh:
LOVE THIS!!0 -
My two cents - don't let the child get to the point where he/she feels its ok to throw fits. Many young parents I see today, give in too easily & give them everything they want, just to shut them up so they don't make a scene. If you say no every now & then (& YES it's ok to say no), then they have no reason to throw a fit b/c they know that just b/c they ask for something, is not guaranteed they will get it. This is what us old school folks call "training up a child"; and it must start early!
I would venture to say that child probably gets his way when he's with his mother, therefore when Dad said no, the tantrum ensued & Dad didn't know how to handle it.0 -
I think it's funny when people don't know the difference between a spanking and a beating. I can only surmise that you were beaten and your parents called it spanking.There are far more inventive ways of correcting behaviour. You have to be pretty unoriginal to need to resort to spanking.
You have to be pretty unoriginal to not be able to accept and admit that your way is not the only and absolute right way.
When it comes to beating children, I'll stick with my unoriginal thinking that it's the last (only?) resort of the ... well you get the idea.
You would be wrong.
But if you can't undermine the argument, certainly, try to undermine the person making it instead.
Spanking is a mild form of violence. It's that simple. You are lying to yourself if you believe otherwise.
If you do it, you are sending your child a message that violence is acceptable under some circumstances. But more importantly, you are trying to use what is a pretty inefficient means of correcting behaviour when there are many more effective ways of doing so.
But whatever. Spank your child, and hope for the best.
I don't have to hope. I was spanked. I'm 36 and turned out pretty great. My child is 18 and in college and pretty great. And not violent. Neither am I.
Your argument is ridiculous just based solely on the number of people who have been spanked as children who did NOT grow up to be violent or accepting of violence.
I don't care if you don't spank your children. It's your business. But what I did with my (now adult child who I raised quite successfully) is not yours. The only judging in this thread is those who don't spank against those who do or did. I don't see anyone saying you have to spank. Only people saying it's not OK without any other argument than those children are going to grow up and be abused or commit acts of violence.
The statistics are against you.0 -
It's amazing how much judgement I passed before I had my son.....
Heh, I think we all did.
Having children is definitely a learning experience.
(Some learn more effectively than others, however.)0 -
Only read the first few responses about how you must not have kids. Well, when I didn't have kids yet, that kind of behavior appaled me. And you know what ? It still does!! Unless the children have underlying issues (which some can, you never know), It is pitiful how kids rule over their parents today. I see it ALL the time. It is much easier for the parent to put up with it than to put their stuff up and leave that store. It depends on the age. I have a two year old, and you cannot reason very well with them. By age four, however, it is a totally different story. I have a two year old, a four year old, and a seven year old. They have all acted like that at some point. That doesn't mean there are not consequences. They get a stern warning. Then I tell them if they continue said behavior, what the consequences will be. Guess what? If they keep on, they get the exact consequence I said they would. No begging or pleading or "If you do that one more time", ugh I hate that one. Anyway, sorry for the novel. I have never spanked my children the way you were spanked, but we are very strict with them. Great attitudes and actions are acknowledged, unacceptable ones are disciplined. Is it easy? NO! Extremely hard and tiring. But I know as they get older, it will pay off.:)0
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Kids screaming in restaurants actually kind of bugs me, most people go out to eat to enjoy a nice meal without hearing screaming children, if you can't keep them under control don't go out or get a sitter.
THIS!!!!! I do NOT want to hear YOUR screaming misbehaving child when I am out on a date with my husband. Don't you want to spend time alone with YOUR husband? Get a sitter! Have a date night. Dinner for two is cheaper than dinner for two plus kiddos. And they won't eat all their food anyway and it is wasteful. Please, PLEASE leave your kid with a sitter!
I am fine with kids in restaurants if they are well behaved. But the minute a kid stands up in THEIR booth and leans over the back of the booth and into my personal space and the parent does nothing about it... oh. It's on. I sat in a restaurant a week ago and watched two little girls bounce in their booth and lean over the back into another diner's personal space. The other diner had to get up, ask the parents to please stop their children from leaning over and bouncing around the booth. And the parent did nothing. I felt so horrible for the diner
and the parents comment? "Kids will be kids. If you don't like it, go somewhere else." (I'm an eavesdropper) Absolutely frustrating. 0 -
I am just glad my kids are grown and I don't have to deal with these issues anymore. Too many opinions on how to raise kids but it sounded like the kid was in control, dad wasn't. That being said, with my kids spankings never helped but have them stand in the corner while their favorite tv show is on. That got results, lol
My parents did the corner thing. What they didn't know was that there was a gap in the back of the bookcase so if we were in the corner we could still see the tv. ;-)0 -
This is exactly what is wrong with the world today. Parents are afraid of their kids and therefore the kids run the household. I mean look at the first few idiots in this thread saying that it's normal behavior for a 4 year old and basically that the dad shouldn't have whipped the little sh1t head. I know I didn't act like that with my dad when I was 4 or we would have went to the bathroom and me got my *kitten* busted. My dad only ever had to whip me about 3 times and I knew how act like a human being afterwards instead of an untrained monkey.
This!0 -
I was in Michaels yesterday and this father and son were shopping. I guess his kid (who looked around 3 or 4) wanted something, but dad wouldn't get it for him. This kid started pitching a fit in the store, crying...screaming (the usual tantrum). We got to listen to that for 45 minutes. We also had the joy of being in front of this kid and his dad in line to check out (more high pitched screaming and crying). The dad is trying to console this kid...but it doesn't stop him. When they got outside, the kid lays down on the sidewalk and basically starts thrashing and screaming and crying. Meanwhile, the dad is PLEADING with his 4 yr old to stop. WTH?? Why is a grown man trying to conjole this spoiled little brat? WHY do parents do this?
To any of you older people, what would your parents have done? I have one very distinct memory of pitching a fit for some doll. My parents took me out to the car and I got spanked there. Once we got home, I got the leather belt. I remember this spanking the most b/c the welp marks bled.... I'm so tired of this lack of discipline in kids. I have come across some of the rudest little twerps EVER, and am so happy I don't have any of my own. I know for a fact my temper would get the best of me if I had one.
rant over.
Older people? I'm 25 and my kids NEVER EVER act that way in public!! EVER! I give them the look when they even think about having a hissy fit! At home, sure they have fits, but they go to their room and flip out up there.
It's because most parents in today's world are afraid of discipline. They'd rather be friends than parents and it's ****ing disgusting.0 -
Kids acting up is normal. Annoying, but it happens. Sometimes the parents are too blame (usually easily identified by doing their shopping in their pyjamas), but more often than not the kid is just being a kid. I do think it's only fair on other people that you remove the child from wherever they're causing a disruption, though.
I was spanked once, and it was found not to work. So, being that I loved my video games, my parents just hid one of the controllers if I misbehaved. Note; spanked, and not beaten, flogged or whipped. Those things are unacceptable, but if the parent deems it necessary I don't see why spanking is so bad.0 -
ohforchristsake....
don't do anything... people *****
spank the kid... same people want to call CPS.
mind your damn business unless you see abuse and have kids of your own then talk, until then mind your own "plate" the world would be a much better place if people worried about thier own ****.
They're kids...its what they do... see a shiney...want a shiney..0 -
To all of you who think the solution is just to leave the store when your child acts up...
I have to drive 45 minutes to get to most stores. Have y'all seen the price of gas lately? Not only that, but as a working and homeschooling mother with six children, I am VERY limited on the time I can make these out-of-town shopping trips. If y'all think I'm going to turn around and take my child(ren) home just because they are having a rough day and acting their age, only to have to try it all over again later, think again. Sorry if it ruins *your* trip, but you are a grown-up, so you should have the emotional skills to deal with a few minutes of whining. And I'll discipline my child in my own way and in my own time. I've got 19 years of parenting experience, and I'm pretty confident by now that my way works *for us*.0 -
This absolutely works! lolMy daughter threw ONE fit. That's it. One. I don't remember what it was for. But, she threw herself of the floor kicking and screaming. I then threw myself down kicking and screaming. Made a real scene. She was 3. She looked at me like I was nuts...... so did most of the store....... I stood up, looked at her and told her it looked just as stupid when she did it, and if she EVER embarrassed me like that again in public, she would get a spanking. Never did it again.
I used to do it with my daughter. I think it shocked her mostly.0 -
Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Charlie, that's not how it works. Domestic violence is not just physical abuse. It is mental and emotional abuse as well. It is a conditioning that causes the victim to think that it is okay. It's possible that people who are abused as children will grow up to be victims of spousal abuse. But spanking and physical abuse are not the same thing.
I agree with this. But, sometimes, a spanking to escalate to domestic violence. "Sometimes".0 -
I haven't read through all the comments so this may have been touched on. Now a days you can't judge a book by its cover. That child may have been autistic. Being there are different forms his may cause him to behave like he did. I have a good friend whose child is autistic and when he was younger he threw 'tantrums' in public. She eventually would limit his trips out because of the stares and comments she would get. Never judge. you don't know what people are dealing with.0
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It's amazing how much judgement I passed before I had my son.....
So true and it's amazing how much judgement I passed before I gained weight. I always wondered why ppl didn't just go outside and run 10 miles a day and just stop eating so much already. That's because my dainty little body could probably run 10 miles a day back then and probably required much less fuel and had no food addictions. Boy did I learn my lesson.
Kinda got off the topic there but I'm done. ;-)0 -
Not being a parent doesn't mean someone is precluded from having an intelligent, informed opinion and child-rearing. I've never bought the argument that anyone who doesn't have kids "just doesn't know" and couldn't possibly add to the discussion about parenting.
And those of us with kids surely aren't immune from being judgmental about how others parent their kids. Sometimes, as a working parent, all I can grasp is the feeling of superiority knowing I'm doing it better than "that guy over there." It's a weak ploy to comfort my insecurities and failings as a parent.
When I see someone in public doing what I consider a terrible job as a parent, sometimes (on a clear day when I've had enough rest, enough food, and enough coffee), I stop and consider that he or she is doing the best he/she can, and realize that judging someone's character and/or how they parent based on one incident is myopic and serves no purpose other than to selfishly feel superior.
Not often enough, though.
Thank you for the comments in your first paragraph. Non parents rarely get such understanding.0 -
If I or one of my sisters would throw a tantrum, my Mom would just (pretend to) walk away.
Our tantrum would be over instantaneously.
Also, our standard punishment was being locked in the hallway for a couple of hours. Our hallway was literally four walls, two doors, a ceiling and a floor, so you would get bored of it pretty soon and would be on your best behaviour afterwards.0 -
Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Charlie, that's not how it works. Domestic violence is not just physical abuse. It is mental and emotional abuse as well. It is a conditioning that causes the victim to think that it is okay. It's possible that people who are abused as children will grow up to be victims of spousal abuse. But spanking and physical abuse are not the same thing.
I agree with this. But, sometimes, a spanking to escalate to domestic violence. "Sometimes".
A simple spanking done by a caring, loving parent doesn't escalate to domestic violence. You're talking about out and out child abuse. I realize a lot of people don't see a distinction, but there most certainly is one. A huge one.0 -
Hitting is only okay between two consenting adults who have agreed in advance upon a safeword.
well played sir, well played indeed
And don't forget that safeword!!!0 -
WOW, a lot of you people are pretty harsh and nasty about this. I agree that parents letting kids get away with throwing tantrums in public (really at home too) is ridiculous. But all of you people telling the OP to not have kids, or that she'll be "an amazing mother" and being sarcastic, smart a$$es about it is just as bad. This is coming from a single dad of an 8 year old son. There have been a few times where he tried to throw tantrums but it was squashed right then and there. I can probably count on one hand the number of tantrums he's thrown in his entire life. Never spanked or hit him, just never acknowledged the tantrum and it stopped after he got bored with it then I walked to him about it and took things away from him. And guess what? He's not some wierd kid that was negatively impacted because I stopped him from throwing tantrums or acting out.
Your kid can want to throw tantrums all they want but if you let it go on or give it any kind of attention then they will continue to happen. All of the people that say "kids will just do that" and are satisfied with that are part of the issue with this country and world. They are happy letting things go on no matter if it's right, bothers anyone else, or teaches the kid anything worthwile. They let it happen because it is easy for them. By letting the kids get away with it tells them that it is ok to do.
It's just like a kid touching a stove. If they touch it a hundred times and it's cold, then they think it's ok and will continue to do it. If it's hot one time, they learn never to do it again.
People need to be parents and quit saying "that's what they do." I'm 28 and never had my parents spank or belt me or anything like that. Anytime my brother, sister, or I got out of line we heard about it. Guess what?? That stuff stopped pretty quick.
OP, i completely agree with you that it is nuts the dad let the kid's tantrum continue like it did. People need to be parents and quit trying to be their kids' best friend. My parents worked more on being parents than my friend, and I respect them more for that and they are some of my best friends for it.
^^^^^So on point and totally agree with this! My children now 22 and 15 when smaller knew that mum or dad wouldn't have tolearated this beheviour.0 -
I think it's funny when people don't know the difference between a spanking and a beating. I can only surmise that you were beaten and your parents called it spanking.There are far more inventive ways of correcting behaviour. You have to be pretty unoriginal to need to resort to spanking.
You have to be pretty unoriginal to not be able to accept and admit that your way is not the only and absolute right way.
When it comes to beating children, I'll stick with my unoriginal thinking that it's the last (only?) resort of the ... well you get the idea.
You would be wrong.
But if you can't undermine the argument, certainly, try to undermine the person making it instead.
Spanking is a mild form of violence. It's that simple. You are lying to yourself if you believe otherwise.
If you do it, you are sending your child a message that violence is acceptable under some circumstances. But more importantly, you are trying to use what is a pretty inefficient means of correcting behaviour when there are many more effective ways of doing so.
But whatever. Spank your child, and hope for the best.
I don't have to hope. I was spanked. I'm 36 and turned out pretty great. My child is 18 and in college and pretty great. And not violent. Neither am I.
Your argument is ridiculous just based solely on the number of people who have been spanked as children who did NOT grow up to be violent or accepting of violence.
I don't care if you don't spank your children. It's your business. But what I did with my (now adult child who I raised quite successfully) is not yours. The only judging in this thread is those who don't spank against those who do or did. I don't see anyone saying you have to spank. Only people saying it's not OK without any other argument than those children are going to grow up and be abused or commit acts of violence.
The statistics are against you.
I think you are confusing my posts with someone else's. I'm not making the argument you seem to believe that I am. And even if I were, your proof by example is spurious at best.
I'm saying there are more effective means of correcting behaviour, and means which do not convey an acceptance of violence.
And I certainly have a greater respect for those who are able to figure that out.0
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