Children throwing tantrums in stores! What??
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Also - I must add, as a single mother of a 3 year old with no family nearby, I don't usually have much of a choice but to take my child shopping with me. She usually picks that time to throw fits or misbehave. Usually because it's outside of our house or there is an audience or because she thinks its fun. If I left the store, as most of you have suggested, every time she started to act up, I'd never get anything done and we would starve to death.
They're clever little monkeys they are...they know the times and places where their misbehavior has the most leverage. If they have a fit at home, you can just walk away. In public, they are in control.
I've removed my kids from stores and restaurants for short periods of time for behavior, but I always brought them back in so they did not accomplish their goal of controlling the situation.0 -
Let me say first off I DON'T believe in hitting children. In my opinion spanking does not work and is totally unnecessary.
When my kids acted the fool in a store or other public place, I would walk away. Never out of my line of sight, but they didn't know that. For example, if we were in the grocery store and a tantrum started, I would start walking up or down the aisle. That usually did the trick! they'd stop hollering and scurry after me. The few times that did not work, I picked them up and we left the store.
When kids are throwing tantrums, it's best not to give them attention for it. If I was the dad in your example, there is no way I would have tolerated him screaming for 45 minutes. I would have left the store and taken him home.
For the most part to avoid tantrums with little ones, you need to be preemptive. Make sure they are well-rested, well-fed, and hydrated before you take them out. If you take hungry, tired, thirsty kids out shopping you are guaranteed a cranky time. Also bring a bag of things to occupy them: books, small toys, small snacks, paper, crayons, etc.
^^Perfectly said. The wrong time to take most kids shopping is at night time, but the dad probably didn't know that.
OP, I actually feel bad for you. In today's day and age, your parents that beat you until you bled would be hauled off by CPS and you would end up in foster care. Just sayin'.0 -
:laugh: and then there are those that think "oh crap...did I remember to take my birth control this morning??"Other people's children suck.
There are two kinds of people watching a tantrum. The kind that think, Oh that poor child. The rest are thinking, Oh the poor parents.0 -
My mother never let me throw tantrums in the first place. The second i started, we were out the door. Then I knew from then on that if I wanted to stay somewhere, I would have to behave.
Not to toot my mom's horn, but I was an insanely well behaved child, as well as my sister. She was great in the parenting department
Now when I see kids today, I just think there is such a lack of disrespect shown towards parents, and they get away with it and more! My absolute worst is letting children cry in restaurants, or when you hear some parents telling their child to shut up. A big no-no in my book!
Kids get away with more because parents can't hit their child in public or otherwise. If they swat their kid in public some nosey old person will be up their *kitten* and in their business chastising them for hitting. If they swat their child at home they're smart enough to go run to school and tell the teacher that their parent is beating them and then open a whole other can of worms that the parent doesn't want and YES that DOES happen! Not only that but if a teacher yells at a child they will say "You can't do anything to me! I'll call the police and tell them you hit me!" YES, that DOES happen! My mother worked as a school secretary for years and she was shocked at how much these kids knew about the system and how they would use it to their own advantage.
RRMath would just ask for their educational background.0 -
Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Yeah ... That's why I don't mind when the BF beats me and my daughter has been in and out of one abusive relationship after another.
Yep. You nailed it.
BAER
I said "possibly". It was just a thought. In passing. But in fact, is a proven cycle on both sides of real tramatic abuse. What is "BAER" by the way?0 -
Please do not EVER change your mind about not having children. You have chosen wisely.
Just out of curiousity, why can't the parents just take them out of the general area (stores aren't a big deal, I'm talkign mainly about restaurants) and take care of things outside while the others get to keep enjoying their meal etc.?
Spank or talk or whatever you like, that is fine. That is up to you as a parent. But at least take them out so the rest of us don't have to have our meals ruined...
For me, I could not safely get my kid out of the store, so I had to calm him down in the store. It was cold, so we were both wearing slippery winter coats. Also, he weighs just over 50 lbs, so carrying him while he's flailing about throwing a fit is near impossible. Throw in winter coats and it was downright dangerous. I tried. I walked a few steps carrying him, but he slipped, so I knew I couldn't take him out.0 -
Just saying I wouldn't hit a 20 stone built guy with a belt or even an open hand, why the hell would some coward beat a 4 year old, don't give a flying %"£& if the kid's yours, if you think violence is a reasonable response to conflict with someone who is defenceless then there's seriously something wrong with the world.0
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I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
Spanking is acceptable. It is not the same as beating your kid, it should not be done out of sheer anger, but utilized in a way to get your childs attention. BA in music with 3 declared minors.
Just finished a BA in business. Spanked my kids. It doesn't always work. It needs to be appropriate for the situation. If its not working then it should be discontinued. My kids are much older now so I don't do it as much, but they are also old enough to recognize boundaries now as well.0 -
When our kids used to throw a fit in the store, my husband would take them out to the car. They only did it once or twice. Letting kids know that they can't get away with it stops that crap. My kids figured out really quick that throwing a fit was a way to get punished, not a way to get what you want. Discipline is teaching.0
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I saw this Dad carrying his screaming 3 year old boy through though the grocery store by the back of his coat. I felt bad for him, he looked embarrassed and at a loss for what to do.
What worked for me was telling her we were leaving if she doesn't stop - then actually leaving if she doesn't stop. It sucks when you have a cart full of groceries, but she learned quick that Mommy meant business.0 -
This brought back old memories!
My son did this when he was 4.
His father picked him up and took him to the car, spanked him and
returned.
That was the only time he ever played the "fit" card!
He is now 42.0 -
I am a mom to 4 and I can honestly say my kids never throw tantrums in a store. (at home and in the car is way different) but they know if they do they will get grounded or something taken away from them (wii, tv, etc.) Now my sister's kids on the other hand are all adhd and she has a time in stores but she says she tunes them out until she gets to the car because she would rather do that than have children services come after her for disciplining her kids in front of everyone. Also, I grew up in a household where I was forced to sit on my knees on a pile of rice upon hours (my step dad would do it while my mom was at work she never knew) if we didnt do everything perfectly. He would spank us for nothing. Growing up with that childhood has made me want to discipline my children differently. And I can promise that I will never spank mine until they bleed. Being abusive to a child stcks with them their whole life. Kids will cry, throw fits, and act out, but it is all in how they are raised.0
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I think it's funny when people don't know the difference between a spanking and a beating. I can only surmise that you were beaten and your parents called it spanking.There are far more inventive ways of correcting behaviour. You have to be pretty unoriginal to need to resort to spanking.
You have to be pretty unoriginal to not be able to accept and admit that your way is not the only and absolute right way.
When it comes to beating children, I'll stick with my unoriginal thinking that it's the last (only?) resort of the ... well you get the idea.
You would be wrong.
But if you can't undermine the argument, certainly, try to undermine the person making it instead.
Spanking is a mild form of violence. It's that simple. You are lying to yourself if you believe otherwise.
If you do it, you are sending your child a message that violence is acceptable under some circumstances. But more importantly, you are trying to use what is a pretty inefficient means of correcting behaviour when there are many more effective ways of doing so.
But whatever. Spank your child, and hope for the best.0 -
Only read the first post... but as a parent myself this ticks me off... Kids typically pitch fits, not because they want something they can't have, but because they are tired, hungry, bored, all of the above, or some combination of the above.... I don't know if parent's just lack planning skills or are just too selfish and/or lazy to take their kid home to rest/eat/what have you and come back later... there is no excuse to let a kid scream in the store.0
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I have a college degree, BS in Science (to the person looking for college educated people). I was spanked with belts, hands, and had to cut my own switch so I could be spanked with that. I was spanked for numerous reasons: being bad, talking back, and things that aren't a big deal like not memorizing the preamble to the Constitution fast enough for my dad's liking, or making more than 5 mistakes on my homework. If I cried loudly for something in the store, my mom (I was adopted) would bring me home, stand me in front of her, and make me explain why I was about to get a spanking.
I have a child on the way in 20 +/- weeks, and I plan on spanking with my hand as a last resort. I'm sure there will be a public tantrum in my future, but I will ABSOLUTELY not BEG my child to behave.
On the other hand, my brother (same birth mom) threw tantrums. His last one was in the grocery store. My birth mom got down on the floor with him and kicked and screamed with him. When he saw what it looked like, he got up and started behaving.
My nephews threw tantrums in stores and restaurants. My sister-in-law or brother-in-law would take them out to the car. I have no idea what happened in the car, but they were "back to normal" when they returned.0 -
Not being a parent doesn't mean someone is precluded from having an intelligent, informed opinion and child-rearing. I've never bought the argument that anyone who doesn't have kids "just doesn't know" and couldn't possibly add to the discussion about parenting.
And those of us with kids surely aren't immune from being judgmental about how others parent their kids. Sometimes, as a working parent, all I can grasp is the feeling of superiority knowing I'm doing it better than "that guy over there." It's a weak ploy to comfort my insecurities and failings as a parent.
When I see someone in public doing what I consider a terrible job as a parent, sometimes (on a clear day when I've had enough rest, enough food, and enough coffee), I stop and consider that he or she is doing the best he/she can, and realize that judging someone's character and/or how they parent based on one incident is myopic and serves no purpose other than to selfishly feel superior.
Not often enough, though.0 -
I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
Spanking is acceptable. It is not the same as beating your kid, it should not be done out of sheer anger, but utilized in a way to get your childs attention. BA in music with 3 declared minors.
Just finished a BA in business. Spanked my kids. It doesn't always work. It needs to be appropriate for the situation. If its not working then it should be discontinued. My kids are much older now so I don't do it as much, but they are also old enough to recognize boundaries now as well.
WTH are they teaching college these days? Yes, spanking is appropriate in certain situations, especially when children are too young to understand logic and reasoning. (which is generally the stage where they start trying to throw a fit)0 -
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"Big A Eye Roll"Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Yeah ... That's why I don't mind when the BF beats me and my daughter has been in and out of one abusive relationship after another.
Yep. You nailed it.
BAER
I said "possibly". It was just a thought. In passing. But in fact, is a proven cycle on both sides of real tramatic abuse. What is "BAER" by the way?
If simply spanking your children led to a cycle of that kind of abuse, probably 90% of people would be in that kind of a relationship.0 -
Wow, I could only make it to page 2. This thread is full of what has to be apologetic, bleeding heart liberals. No responsibility for actions and taking the kid home and putting them to bed as punishment. Yep that should get him rested up so he has plenty of energy for his next tantrum. The world we are becoming makes me sick. she didn't say to beat the kid but the little *kitten* obviously needed his *kitten* busted if he threw a 45 minute screaming fit in a store. No one wants to go places and have a bunch of brats screaming constantly. And don't give me that 4 year olds don't know better, he is smart enough to throw a tantrum to get what he wants, he is smart enough to know where the *kitten* busting came from. Good god.0
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I understand that it's frustrating when you are around parents with kids throwing tantrums...I myself have thought "ffs, leave the store". Then I've done simple things like babysit my nieces/nephews or godson...and whoa... sometimes...you are just so caught off guard...and just want to get something done and you aren't paying attention to what everyone thinks about you.
I personally would like ot believe I'd just say "Oh hell no" and leave a store if my kid did that...but reality is...that's not always the best solution for some people.0 -
We call those types of kids "Wal-mart kids" because there's always a crying or screaming kid when we go to Wal-mart. I don't have kids, but I do wish parents would discipline their children when they act out. I also wish they would set up ground rules before entering a store. How hard is it to tell the child "We are going into this store for food. I need you to behave yourself and help me while shopping. If you do when we get home you can watch your favorite movie! If you don't you will have to take a time out." You can discipline without spanking a child.
My Ma put the fear of being left at the store in our heads... She told us one time "If you throw a fit, I'll leave you here and you'll have to live with some other mom who is much meaner than I am" So my brother and I walked quietly with her, one hand on the cart at all times. She never had any issues with us. Granted we got spanked at home and grounded and time outs... Kids will act out, throw fits, siblings will fight... It's part of growing up. Part of being a parent is disciplining a child when they misbehave.
If I was that dad I would have laid down the expectations of this shopping trip and if the kid still threw the fit I'd have him have a time out right there in the store. No attention given to the child because when you whisper to the child "Please stop screaming" you are giving in, you are giving him what he wants, attention.
I recommend Super Nanny's timeouts and ways of discipline... I used it once on my 12 year old sister... surprised me that it works!
Your first paragraph is a great idea, i do this everytime. Sometimes it works sometimes it does nothing. I think most of the parents had some sort of plan before their child was born. It doens't always turn out as easy as we think it will be. Sometimes maybe..... because I have 3 kids and none of them are alike as far as behavior goes. I have one that was a bit tricky another one who was a saint and then there's the third, a little diva. lol.0 -
Kids screaming in restaurants actually kind of bugs me, most people go out to eat to enjoy a nice meal without hearing screaming children, if you can't keep them under control don't go out or get a sitter.
THIS!!!!! I do NOT want to hear YOUR screaming misbehaving child when I am out on a date with my husband. Don't you want to spend time alone with YOUR husband? Get a sitter! Have a date night. Dinner for two is cheaper than dinner for two plus kiddos. And they won't eat all their food anyway and it is wasteful. Please, PLEASE leave your kid with a sitter!0 -
It's amazing how much judgement I passed before I had my son.....0
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Well, I am a parent and I can't stand hearing a child throw a tantrum in the store and my daughter knows better.
I have never let my daughter throw a public temper tantrum because I leave. I don't like hearing other children screaming so I certainly don't subject others to my child acting that way.
I have rarely ever spanked my daughter.
Smacked her hand and firmly saying NO for touching something she is not supposed to? Yes
Will I raise my voice - not yelling - and say, "If you think you won't get in trouble just because we're in public, you are sadly mistaken. This is your 1st and last warning."
She has gotten tapped in the mouth for talking back and she knows she'll have a time out
Maybe I've done something right or just gotten lucky, but overall my kid is pretty well behaved and I don't usually have much issue with her0 -
Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Charlie, that's not how it works. Domestic violence is not just physical abuse. It is mental and emotional abuse as well. It is a conditioning that causes the victim to think that it is okay. It's possible that people who are abused as children will grow up to be victims of spousal abuse. But spanking and physical abuse are not the same thing.0 -
I was spanked with belts, hands, and had to cut my own switch so I could be spanked with that.
We had to go get the wooden spoon for our spankings. I only got spanked once or twice. I didn't like getting spanked, so I tried to stay on good behavior. :drinker:0 -
unfourtunatly in a LOT of places now it is against the law to spank your child. Its "child abuse" W go our *kitten* whooped when we did wrong and guess what? We aren't spoiled brats! We also aren't violent people like they claim happens to adults who were spanked as kids. So while I do feel somewhat bad for the dad it sounds like he needed to man up tell the kid to shut up or they are leavnig. I do however applaud him on one thing! I see it all the time and I want to smack the adult upside the head! I see all the time kids begging and throwing fits for a candy bar or what ever. the parents always go no no johnny so johnny has a FIT and just to make him shut up the adult buys the candy and gives it to him. thus he gets exactly what he wants every time because in the end the parent doesn't want to deal with it. This is casing kids to get away with things like murder and the parents going oh but he's a good boy and would never have done that!0
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