Observations on Body Shaming

katrwal

Patti, this is just a fantastically written post and hits a lot of points from both sides of the argument.

It really is disheartening to see comments using language like "gross" and "disgusting" being tossed around on here. MFP is supposed to be a welcoming place for people with all sorts of fitness and health goals regardless of where they start out or end up (obviously as long as those goals are healthy, i.e. no pro-ana or pro-bulemia). As karincakes said earlier, "let's just all be awesome."

6. Pregosaurusrex really is pregnant. I checked.

Yes, I really am pregnant, and it's a boy.

Rex - congratulations! i always tell people that my boys are evidence that g*d loves me and wants me to be happy... and Patti - agree with the others - although it's a major challenge this time of the year (makes me glad i joined in March last year - i missed the last round of newbie posts) - there are ways to close down a thread without getting personally mean... :flowerforyou:

chocl8girl

Cassierocksalot

I missed the threads yesterday (thank goodness) but this sounds awfully familiar. Is this the same girl who was posting braless, thong photos a couple of weeks ago and telling everyone off for "hating on her big boobs" when they were telling her that what she was posting is against the terms? Claiming that she warned everyone that they were revealing photos by calling it a "NSV" post (obviously having no idea what that means). Then, after her pictures were removed from the post and the topic locked started 2 new threads over the next few hours?

I do not EVER condone telling someone who is working hard to become comfortable in their skin that they are "gross" or "disgusting" but if this is the same person then she is a troll, a trouble starter and an attention wh***. The real question should be why are the mods allowing this to happen?

ScreenGem

You are awesome for this. I was thinking all these things but you phrased these thoughts perfectly!

PinkyKiwii

HOWEVERRRRR...


When you post in the forums you open your topic up for all sorts of opinions and ****.

k8blujay2

However, there are ways to post your opinions with tact and grace.... so the whole reason/excuse of "If you put your picture out there.... " is a cop-out that is used to be catty. And that is more unbecoming than any picture that comes across the threads.

PinkyKiwii

However, there are ways to post your opinions with tact and grace.... so the whole reason/excuse of "If you put your picture out there.... " is a cop-out that is used to be catty. And that is more unbecoming than any picture that comes across the threads.

Opening something to opinions from different people means they wont always be nice & lovely. Its the internet...

firstsip

Body shaming is bad, mmmkay....unless it's a GIF making fun of skinny boys, or maybe built bros who skip leg day. Then, it's OK.

Bahaha, I'll respond here since you pointed to me this thread...

My only comment on that would be, I find that people often critique the "skipping leg day" crew because a large consensus would agree it's not smart to do; overtraining certain body parts over others can result in literally throwing the body off balance, increase in injuries, etc. etc. I don't think it's necessarily a, "You look bad with big arms and skinny legs!" it's more of a, "It's very visible to us that you might not know as much about strength training as you say you do" as, falling back on stereotypes here, "bros" tend to do.

Otherwise, I'm 100% behind the "It's just as body shaming to make fun of skinny."

Good post, and I hope it keeps getting bumped in light of the 2-3 body shaming posts we have a day here...

firstsip

However, there are ways to post your opinions with tact and grace.... so the whole reason/excuse of "If you put your picture out there.... " is a cop-out that is used to be catty. And that is more unbecoming than any picture that comes across the threads.

Opening something to opinions from different people means they wont always be nice & lovely. Its the internet...

Yes, it is the internet. However, there's a difference between, "This is my body and insecurities to show my PERSONAL success" versus "What do you guys think about raspberry ketones?"

I'm very adamant against censorship, but I think personal success stories are probably the only time I'd agree with the go-to MFP response of, "If you don't like it, move on." Success, body type, body composition, etc., are all too subjective for someone to go into a topic and say, "Not for me." Share it on your own wall.

Ramberta

I'm guilty of this one and make no apologies for it. I did it to try to teach people a simple lesson about manners. If you feel that just because it's the internet you have the right to absolutely trash the way someone looks, don't get upset if it's done back to you.

I don't agree with that approach, though. Calling someone fat because you don't like the comment they made about someone else's body makes you just as bad as them. They won't see it as you teaching them manners. Body shaming is body shaming. Doesn't matter who does it first.

^This. I'm guilty of throwing insults back when they're thrown at me first, but that doesn't make it okay, justified, or deserved. It just means that instead of being the better person, you let your temper get in the way. People love to hide behind the excuse of "oh, it's the internet" as if the people whose text you're reading aren't really real people on the other side of the screen, and that's not fair to anyone. Even someone making vicious posts on here is a person, and while they are violating the TOS by doing that it doesn't give you a free pass at insulting them.

Ramberta

You know I'm no saint, Patti. I don't mind acting like a jerk sometimes if it helps out someone else, or is the right thing to do.

I hate to burst your bubble dude, but being a jerk very rarely truly "helps" someone and is never, ever the "right thing to do". Yes, you may take down a few trolls by being mean to them, but if someone wants to come onto this (or any other) site and start flaming, they'll do it regardless of the responses they get. In fact, some of them ENJOY the responses and use it as fuel. Hence the saying "don't feed the troll". It's true that sometimes, a perfectly nice person will just be having a crappy day and will speak out of turn without really realizing it, and a few sharp words will put them in their place. But if you're really that committed to cleaning the trolls off MFP, learn to kill with kindness.

PinkyKiwii

I'm guilty of this one and make no apologies for it. I did it to try to teach people a simple lesson about manners. If you feel that just because it's the internet you have the right to absolutely trash the way someone looks, don't get upset if it's done back to you.

I don't agree with that approach, though. Calling someone fat because you don't like the comment they made about someone else's body makes you just as bad as them. They won't see it as you teaching them manners. Body shaming is body shaming. Doesn't matter who does it first.

^This. I'm guilty of throwing insults back when they're thrown at me first, but that doesn't make it okay, justified, or deserved. It just means that instead of being the better person, you let your temper get in the way. People love to hide behind the excuse of "oh, it's the internet" as if the people whose text you're reading aren't really real people on the other side of the screen, and that's not fair to anyone. Even someone making vicious posts on here is a person, and while they are violating the TOS by doing that it doesn't give you a free pass at insulting them.

Its not just "the internet"
There are mean scarey people out there ya know

Elzecat

There were a couple of threads yesterday that turned in to body shaming. Interesting things I observed and thoughts I had.

1. If you don't WANT to look like someone in a success thread, you don't have to share that info. When you criticize someone's appearance, you may sound jealous.

2. Not everyone wants to be a hard body, and that's okay.

3. If you are a hard body, don't think that everyone on here has the same goals. Don't assume people are jealous of you just because they don't look like you or because they disagree with you on certain issues.

4. While you're admonishing others about "body shaming", calling them fat and couch potatoes doesn't make you much better.

5. Having fake boobs, colored hair, bleached teeth, tattoos, or fake tans does NOT mean your muscles are all fake or that you "cheated" to look good. (nor does having WLS)

6. Pregosaurusrex really is pregnant. I checked.

Monica_has_a_goal

Only people with sour attitudes make nasty comments... the rest of us laugh, cheer, support and encourage.

( you can't help their attitudes.. you can only help your own )..

Elzecat

I agree with this post whole heartedly. I really just wish body shaming of all forms would stop, but I know that's asking too much.

This.

Cr01502

Well said.

I'm glad the whole thing about Pregosaurusrex got cleared up.

Ramberta

I'm guilty of this one and make no apologies for it. I did it to try to teach people a simple lesson about manners. If you feel that just because it's the internet you have the right to absolutely trash the way someone looks, don't get upset if it's done back to you.

I don't agree with that approach, though. Calling someone fat because you don't like the comment they made about someone else's body makes you just as bad as them. They won't see it as you teaching them manners. Body shaming is body shaming. Doesn't matter who does it first.

^This. I'm guilty of throwing insults back when they're thrown at me first, but that doesn't make it okay, justified, or deserved. It just means that instead of being the better person, you let your temper get in the way. People love to hide behind the excuse of "oh, it's the internet" as if the people whose text you're reading aren't really real people on the other side of the screen, and that's not fair to anyone. Even someone making vicious posts on here is a person, and while they are violating the TOS by doing that it doesn't give you a free pass at insulting them.

Its not just "the internet"
There are mean scarey people out there ya know

Did you actually read my post? My whole point is that most people that we think of that we see on the internet as "scary", "idiots", "*kitten*", or whatever other derogatory term we can think of are usually just people like us, having a bad day or expressing their emotions in an unhealthy way. There are far more people on the internet who are depressed or have severe social anxiety than serial killers and pedophiles. That hardly makes them "scary".

Elzecat

I understand what you're saying, but when somebody throws pictures out there, they should expect comments that run the gamut from good, bad, and indifferent.

Do you do feel the need to give your opinion when not asked in other aspects of your life? Do you go through the classified ads and say, "I see you're selling a Ford Explorer, but I don't like Fords and will only buy a Chevy?"

If someone asks my opinion, I'll give it. If someone asks, "Which of these haircuts would look best on me?" I'll offer suggestions. But I'm not going to go through random pictures and tell people, "You'd look better if you got a new hair style."

Well said.

PomegranatePriestess

I'm very adamant against censorship, but I think personal success stories are probably the only time I'd agree with the go-to MFP response of, "If you don't like it, move on." Success, body type, body composition, etc., are all too subjective for someone to go into a topic and say, "Not for me." Share it on your own wall.

AGREED, 100%.

People put up success pics for different reasons, but most of them have this in common: they want to show others that improvement is possible, and they want to get support and praise for their hard work.

While I am all for debating topics, I don't think people should be allowed to post insults on success story threads. This is one instance where nothing can be gained from hearing negative feedback.

The girl who kept putting up pics that violated the TOS was obnoxious, but so were the comments some people were making. I don't think it's out of line to tell her she's breaking the rules, but you don't have to weigh in with your opinions on how she's too fat to show that much of her body, how "appropriate" her body hair is, what underwear she chooses to wear, etc. etc.

The guy who put up photos of his fiance was obviously very proud of her work (and in some ways his, since he's her trainer). He chose a title for the thread that may have put some people on the defensive, but that's no excuse for people to pick her apart. She is certainly a success and deserves accolades, regardless of if "YOU" want to look like her or not. I don't see people saying "That's good but I don't want to look like you" on a post where someone who is 400 pounds got down to 200 pounds. It simply shouldn't be done, no matter what the improvements are. Either acknowledge them for the success they are or GTFO.

Elzecat

I'm very adamant against censorship, but I think personal success stories are probably the only time I'd agree with the go-to MFP response of, "If you don't like it, move on." Success, body type, body composition, etc., are all too subjective for someone to go into a topic and say, "Not for me." Share it on your own wall.

AGREED, 100%.

People put up success pics for different reasons, but most of them have this in common: they want to show others that improvement is possible, and they want to get support and praise for their hard work.

While I am all for debating topics, I don't think people should be allowed to post insults on success story threads. This is one instance where nothing can be gained from hearing negative feedback.

The girl who kept putting up pics that violated the TOS was obnoxious, but so were the comments some people were making. I don't think it's out of line to tell her she's breaking the rules, but you don't have to weigh in with your opinions on how she's too fat to show that much of her body, how "appropriate" her body hair is, what underwear she chooses to wear, etc. etc.

The guy who put up photos of his fiance was obviously very proud of her work (and in some ways his, since he's her trainer). He chose a title for the thread that may have put some people on the defensive, but that's no excuse for people to pick her apart. She is certainly a success and deserves accolades, regardless of if "YOU" want to look like her or not. I don't see people saying "That's good but I don't want to look like you" on a post where someone who is 400 pounds got down to 200 pounds. It simply shouldn't be done, no matter what the improvements are. Either acknowledge them for the success they are or GTFO.