This site should not be about weight loss bullies !

HardRockCamaro

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HardRockCamaro

When it's all said and done I'm here to be surrounded with positive people who are here to support each other. Again I am not advocating any diet it was an example and I wont be apologizing to anyone for trying something once. Do I do things differently now yes cause I've learned. But the fact that that's all some of you focused on and not my message about being positive and helping each other is sad. However for those of you who truly took the time to read what I said and see that it was nothing more then me expressing my feelings about an experience I had (which I can do just like you all) , thank you. You have all been on forums and seen people made fun of , mean comments , and a group attacking someone's choice. I just don't like that and if that means I'm unrealistic that a bunch of over weight people can join together to support each other in a positive way then I guess I am. There are people everyday who feel that because their smaller they should tell me how to lose weight , on this site i experience rudness, mean comments, nasty emails with very vulgar language and things I wont even mention. I dont want that. the true spirit of this site is to encourage each other and that's what I'm here to do. Some people may not like the way I "stated " things or the words that I used but I wont apologize just like I wouldn't ask you to. Thank you for all of your post, concerns, lessons, and witty comments. I have learned that surrounding yourself with positive people is about picking those who are worth your time and throwing back the rest. People need different things to prosper and I'll just find people who fit my needs.

Have a great day guys ! God Bless!

Translation = You win, I lose. I'm taking my toys and going home now. Somebody, call my unicorn STAT....where are my rosy shades? That sun is shining so brightly I can barely see for all the shiny, reflective, happy people nearby. *prances off on the path of positivity*

Okay, I'm curious: Does anyone consider the above reply to be unnecessary and snarky in the context in which it was posted, or is this one the "helpful but misunderstood" posts that everyone's talking about? Maybe it's an example of "tough love"? Or is it "good humor"?

(Repeated my reply as forgot to hit quote button!)


Exactly.
How is the posted response simply disagreeing or refusing to back this bad diet?

There is bullying on here and moreso there is a mob mentality.
As soon as a few people, especially very active ones on here, start denying the bullying and justifying it the ones who originally agreed with the OP go quiet so as not to have the crosshairs aimed at them. Just like high school. Not a lot changes in mentality between high school and adulthood for some people, especially bullied and those who love their cliques.

Also with regards to old timers who don't like what they see as silly questions by newbies, well the site doesn't belong to them, they don't make the rules, and they should either be helpful or say nothing.

It's possible to disagree without being condescending, hurtful or spiteful.
And no need to hound someone on their threads or on PMs.

I can be very blunt at times, and that's bad.
It's something I'm working on.
On the plus side it means I'm able to stand up to people no problem.
Some people take things to heart, especially people who may be overweight due to comfort eating and a lack of self confidence.
And a lot of the responses on here are not going to help.


Politely tell people why something they're considering is unhealthy, or not a long te solution.
Hopefully many people will do that. As part of agreeing with the group most will then change their mind and agree to fit in with the group. Remember, they've received the hard sell over the net as to why the unhealthy choice is going to work for them. It will take time to deprogram that.


Comments like:
"How can you think that's good for you what are you stupid?!"

Are not helpful. That's not just disagreeing. If you can't see that you need help.

Anyone who asks to be someone's friend on here just to ***** to them about their diaries needs to get a life.

Use the report button, on threads and PMs.
If enough people keep complaining about the same idiots hopefully the site moderators will do something about them.
And if they get warned and don't change their approach they should be banned.
No matter how long they've been on here.

NavyKnightAh13

Honestly, I stopped giving a crap about what people think a long time ago.

da1128

Sad to say that bullies abound in cyberspace. Hah, check out any eBay chat board, or if you really want an eye opener, check out any crime/trial chat boards. Those folks are just plain vicious!

I've not seen a lot of bullying on MFP. Maybe I'm just not going where the bullies are, and that's fine. I've no intention of seeking them out. I 'have' seen a lot of caring, compassion, good advice, and "Way to Go's!"

I've also seen some food diaries that have made me go "Whoa!" I remember one guy in particular who put away 8 eggs, half a pound of bacon, 4 slices of buttered toast, 2 cups of fried potatoes, and 2 Danish pastries....for breakfast. I was truly amazed and I 'had' to take a look at his profile. Turns out he's a championship weightlifter and a regular marathon man and it's how he makes his living, along with being a personal trainer. And did I mention he is HOT? Oh yeah. I'm sure my head would swivel like Linda Blair's did in "The Exorcist" if I passed him on the street.

I've seen the low calorie diaries as well. Mine would definitely be in that category. However, I am a retired PA (Physician's Assistant) and although my caloric intake may be low, what I eat is healthy. I am also not above stuffing down a slice or two of pizza on occasion. No sense in deprivation.

I think people need to ask themselves one question when they come across a diary they don't 'approve of,' especially that of a stranger, and that question is "Does this person's diet affect ME personally?" Nope.

If it's someone I know in real life, a relative or a friend, I may point out a potential problem if one exists. After all, I might be living with said person and if they have a crappy attitude because of their 'diet,' than yeah, it affects me personally.

If a stranger on the site is traveling a dangerous path, I would try to kindly suggest (privately) they be careful, but on the other hand, what they do is really none of my business. I would certainly not bully them on a public forum.

fightininggirl

I would love to be friends with all of you. I was bullied a lot here too.

you do know why they bully right?

Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success.

kikokateyy

Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success.

That rubs me the wrong way. Most of those people who 'bully' (I dont think they do btw) Have been quite successful...

Kelly_Runs_NC

Yknow what works for me? Not giving a **** what people say or think about me.

^ This

moustache_flavored_lube

I would love to be friends with all of you. I was bullied a lot here too.

you do know why they bully right?

Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success.

That is just false. I have been accused of bullying simply for derailing threads.

Most of what I have seen called bullying is done by members who have lost a lot of weight, and are quite knowledgeable about fitness / nutrition. When the same myth, unhealthy product, fad diet is discussed multiple times per day the thoughtfulness put into responses is reduced.

Sure someone's success with HGC is going to be questioned. Not because we don't want that person to lose weight, rather because we don't want them to convince others to do harm to their body.


I have seen personal attacks / fights on this sight, and some times members will gang up on the OP. While I don't think this is helpful, or good behavior it still isn't bullying. The OP can simply choose to stop reading the thread and block the members that are causing them issues. Problem solved most of the time they chose to stick around, and engage in the discussion. they lose, and then cry bully.

Walk away, and put in a hard workout to vent your frustrations this way you always win

fit4lifeUcan2

It's true. People can be very nasty when it comes to certain things and one of the biggies is that particular diet. I don't necessarily like the atmosphere either, but some days I just need to have some camaraderie with others doing the diet thing and pop in and read and occasionally reply. I'm so worried about anyone saying something about my food log that I never hit the complete entry button for the day. I can relate.

If one of my friends decided to criticize my food log I'd be fine with telling them off. I'm not afraid.

I just remove them from my FL. I've already removed 2 this past week who criticized me for not eating more breads or pasta. Well did it ever occur to people that maybe some people just don't like pasta or white bread? Personally I am not a fan of either. Don't like what someone eats then don't look at their diary. But no need to be rude about it and criticize others because they don't eat like you do.

thekyleo

The butt hurt is strong with this thread

fit4lifeUcan2

I would love to be friends with all of you. I was bullied a lot here too.

you do know why they bully right?

Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success.

And jealousy. Yes I"ve seen you being bullied on your "SUCCESS" thread post. That was unbelievable and I did defend you several times on there. People posting saying posts like yours made them crazy. Well if it makes you crazy don't read it. Simple as that. No need to be rude about it. It was YOUR success story and not about them and what they thought or what they were doing.

chocl8girl

The butt hurt is strong with this thread

QFT

mnicb

I know what you mean. I was on Calorie Count and I got so tired of people saying I wasn't eating enough. I was eating healthy and I needed to lose a lot of weight. I knew I had to get serious. I lost 100 pounds but I still have another 100 to get off. So I'm starting off fresh with MFP and doing what I know that works. Good luck to us both

Sabine_Stroehm

Does rude = Bullying now??

No. It doesn't.

I would go with rude for many of the comments. Good word choice.

HardRockCamaro

Fair.

But when does rude become a personal attack?

ItsCasey

I read these pathetic threads, wherein people lament being bullied ... on a website of which they freely choose to be a member ... and wherein they willfully document quite personal things about themselves, like their diet and exercise habits ... and I have to ask, why do you think you are entitled to live every day of your life free of people whose thoughts, opinions, and perceptions may be very different from yours? And, given that you choose to open up this part of your life to anyone with Internet access and time to waste, why are you so freaking astonished by the discovery that not everyone agrees with you?

Rudeness is in the eye of the beholder. But if someone comes onto the Internet seeking advice, empathy, commiseration, whatever, then that person does not get to categorize every response they don't like as a personal attack. All of you people talking about being "bullied" sound like children.

HardRockCamaro

why do you think you are entitled to live every day of your life free of people whose thoughts, opinions, and perceptions may be very different from yours?



I doubt anyone does. I think you've grabbed the wrong end of the stick.

Disagreeing with someone != bullying

Repeated personal attacks = bullying

Kellyeee2013

bullying present participle of bul·ly
Verb
Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants

I don't think a stranger on the internet can FORCE you to do anything. Bullying is such an overused term here.

Weird, since "cyber bullying" is actually a real concept and a huge problem.

I agree that cyber bullying is a real problem. Cyber bullying is not saying " I don't think HCG is a good diet for you, since it can ruin your health." If someone made a hate website, sent you nasty messages, called you names, and made your real life miserable, THAT would be cyber bullying. This is a forum, people will disagree and voice their opinions.


Also, has anyone noticed that the people advocating normal, healthy diets have reached their goals, whereas people who advocate HCG, juicing, etc have not? Just something to think about.

I do not even know what HCG is. I do not think that was the point either. People can express their concerns and suggestions in a healthy way. I have seen name calling and belittleing on this site and that is simply unacceptable.

I'm a nut for engaging in this, but I just can't help but point out the part in bold.

This poster doesn't even know what kind of diet the OP is on, but he feels she should be supported in her choice.

HCG is illegal in the U.S. because it's very dangerous. You eat only 500 calories a day and inject yourself with hormones. Since it's banned in the United States she's likely getting prescription medicine from overseas. And not from any reputable company either.

Still support her choice?

THIS is the best possible example to illustrate how "You're doing great! Whatever you choose to do is right for you!" is a bad and downright dangerous stance to take. You're "supporting" people into doing themselves harm.

WTG!

Nope. I never said I support her. I do not think discouraging someone from doing something dangerous is what the original poster had an issue with. So whether HCG is safe or not is not the point here. It is the manner in which people go about addressing it. I don't appreciate you focusing on one line and then making up everything you think it means. If something is dangerous then point out it is dangerous, offer support, offer alternatives, etc. There would be no reason or excuse good enough to belittle, shame, attack, etc. someone else on here. That was my point. Stop being so narrow minded.

Kellyeee2013

Disagreement is not bullying.

That was not the point.

Csoldano

ITA. Seriously. I cannot imagine some of these people acting this way offline. It is bullying behavior pure & simple. Just one small example: a newbie asked a question about calf exercises, and someone posted sarcastically that calves were in the meadow. Of course several regulars had to say how clever that was (it was????). I'm sure the newbie made the unforgiveaqble mistake of using the word "toning" thus opening him or her up to obscene ridicule by the forum regs who claim they are sick to death of answering the same questions although no one's forcing them to do it. They just need to step on someone to feel good about themselves. There are worst example of bullying here, but that one stuck in my mind as it was very similar to a sarcastic response my middle schooler had heard the week before. At middle school.

Oh and then there are the constant posts about women just being jealous of each other. Sexism is alive and well here. Racism would never be tolerated (and it should never be!), but it's OK to rip women apart.

That's not bullying. It's called a joke. It wasn't at the person's expense, it was wordplay.

All you people who mistake humor, or even sarcasm, with the "use of force and coercion to bully and intimidate others" must live in a very pleasant world. Really. When I was getting chairs pulled out from under me, cornered in hallways and berated for sticking my neck out for quieter kids, and consistently called "ugly," "horseface" and given carrots when I walked in a room, I could have gone for a joke that wasn't about *me*, but was about a funny coincidence of words. Goddamn Shakespeare used wordplay similar to the one you commented on; and that's really considered bullying by you?

And the people who "rip" apart women are generally not the same people making the clever wordplay.

Who are these "they" and "them"? It seems like anyone that disagrees with someone, or makes a joke they don't get, or just grinds their gears, becomes part of this inexplicable other of "bullies."

That's. Not. Bullying.

This thread comes up all the time, yes. Does that mean there's a problem? Maybe, but not of "bullying."

I think I love you (not in the e-stalker way...jokingly)